Creating and Living in a supportive environment (part 2) - Day 506

Continuing from where I left off in my previous blog: Creating and Living in a supportive environment (part 1) - Day 505

"Creation is a process that will take time though, the potential exists for everyone. " in this blog, I will open up the point of this 'potential' and how can we stand by this potential when it comes to creating and living in a supportive environment.

To be able to create and live in a supportive environment, we first have to clearly define what supportive environment is or to be more specific, we need to define the word 'Support'. When I work with words, I like exploring the sound of the word and see what lie behind it. Here for instance, with the word 'Support', I found something very interesting:

Support = Sup(p)-Or-T. Have a look:
Sup: To provide
Or: Or (choice)
T: Choice, Junction
-----

Support = a decision that one is making in any given moment with regards to whether or not one would Provide/Give something to oneself or another. Now that the definition to the word Support is clear, the question is - how the word 'Support' is applied as an expression of ourselves within the principle of 'what is best for all'? Meaning, how the decision that we make in any given moment as an expression of ourselves  is practically applied within the context of deciding the direction that we would give to ourselves when it comes to providing/giving support to ourselves or another.

Here, 2 more principles must be considered:
1. Give as you would like to receive
2. Do onto another that which you would do onto you.

Obviously, when we look at these principle, what is important to understand and apply is the very basic living principle - Self Honesty. To understand the difference between Honesty and Self-Honesty please read the blog - The Correction Process and The Desteni Message (Part 8) - Day 205

So how Giving/Sharing/providing Support to another, combined with Self Honesty and the principle of Give as you would like to receive, do onto another that which you would do onto you come together as a living application/expression of oneself in one's creation of supportive environment?

It is to firstly realize that for me to grow and expand myself in this reality, I cannot accept and allow myself to be directed by my own mind but rather be stable and in each breath and look directly and the physical reality and direct myself accordingly. Obviously, this is a process that is to be lived and a lot of self support and support of another is needed for me/us to live this to our potential. This was a decision that I have made in how I want to create myself for/as myself - and for more context, please read - The Desteni of Living - My Declaration of Principle - Day 474

With this starting point and the potential that exists within ourselves (Realizing and living my utmost potential (Part 1) - Day 475) to change and become a living expression of Self-Honesty, Give as you would like to receive and do onto another that which you would do onto you, I see how these principles stand as an absolute necessity if we really want to create a change in this world in developing environments that are based on integrity, respect and harmony. Within this, the responsibility is firstly on ourselves, to support ourselves to become the potential that we can become through which we can then expand ourselves and assist and support our environment to become the potential that exist in any single one of us.

True, creating these types of supportive environment is easier if you already an environment with people who share your vision but even if you don't, the potential still exists because it exists in you and what you will create with yourself and support others to create for themselves. How?

If you live in an environment with people who are yet to be aware of their minds and our collective responsibility of creating a change in this world that is worth while, all you have to do is to firstly support yourself to change through which slowly but surely you will be standing as an example for your environment. From here, you will start seeing and assessing the nature of the support you will share with others in your environment until eventually they will stand as their own support which later they could potentially expand and stand as your pillar of support as well. What I mean by support here - the same support I would accept myself to give to myself, I will share with others in my environment. Therefore, I will very slowly, and with a lot of patience, start bringing these people into my reality in for example, when I see them participate in their mind and I walked a similar point, I will share with them my own process - what I realized for myself in relation to the point that they are facing, how I supported myself to change this point within myself and so forth.

Why it is so important to be patient when you develop and create a supportive environment for yourself?
When I first started my process, I kind of isolated myself from everyone in my environment - I believed they cannot understand me, that we cannot have a common ground to walk from and essentially, I destroyed every single relationship that I had at that time. Years later, when I realized that it was never about them; that supportive relationships cannot just manifest and if anything; that it was always about me and what I will accept and allow and what I will not, I started building, developing and creating new relationships with my old environment to a point of us being able to communicate effectively, support one another and be there for one another. This is something that is still in progress and will take a lot of time - it is a process of creation and creation takes time to be developed and how we make the best out of it is dependent solely on us - in what we accept and allow for ourselves, our environment and this world.

If you haven't already, I suggest reading through my blog series - The Desteni Message as that would give you a better context as to what I was looking at when writing this blog.

Creating and Living in a supportive environment (part 1) - Day 505

Before I came to live on the farm, I had this idea that once I get here, I will immediately create friendship relationship with all the people who live here; soon enough, I realized that with our busy schedules, we don't have much time to socialize and create relationships with one another. Over the years, I was primarily creating relationship with the people I was sharing the same house with and that was it.

Couple of weeks ago, I faced a big part of  my preprogram design and for a moment, it all seemed to be just too much and a thought came up, wishing Bernard was here to support me with his insights and way of looking at things. With me having the tendency to walk my process alone and only sharing myself with the other farm people after I walked the whole design, I isolated myself from everything and everyone so that I can walk the points for/as myself without anyone seeing me in a state that I, in the mind, defined as weak/vulnerable.

At one point, the farm people became aware of the points that I was walking through and one by one, people came to me, spent time with me and stood as incredible support for me. Initially, I felt uncomfortable being completely open with them in sharing everything that I was facing but soon enough I realized that each one of them had a gift for me as they walked similar points during their processes. Interestingly enough, every time the thought of Bernard came up, someone showed up and shared with me how they faced the point in the past and how Bernard supported them to walk through it for themselves.

With me spending more time with other farm members, I realized that relationships are not something that can be given to you, it is something we can create with one another if we allow ourselves to open up and invest time with each other. This was the one thing I didn't take into consideration when I first came here - relationships build over time, it cannot just happened to you.

What also supported me with the process of developing relationships of support with the farm people was Blackie -

He has back leg injury and he couldn't stay at my house any more as the environment of our house is not as supportive as for instance, in the top house. When I looked at talking with them about the possibility of them taking care of Blackie in their house, there was a part of me that expected them to say 'no' because they already have too many dogs and a baby. The part of me who doubted their perceived answer was a memory from my past where I had to leave my dog behind and it was extremely difficult to find people who were willing to take care of the dog, not to mention that Blackie was injured and needed specific support and attention. When I finally took the step to go and talk to them about it, there was not even a split of a moment where they had to think about it - immediately they saw the whole point, why it is needed and how they can manage the support structure for Blackie.

The recent events made me look at the whole point of creating and living in a supportive environment with people who are living by principles where self-interest is second and what is best for the environment is first. I was looking at how can we expand this way of living so that more and more people would be able to create supportive environments for themselves, outside of the farm.

Understand that even for us, it was a process which firstly (and still) we walk with ourselves. When Bernard died, we all came together and made an agreement to stand as a pillar of support for each other. It is one thing to make the decision/agreement and it is a whole other thing to walk the decision/agreement as an expression of ourselves, moment by moment.

We had to create our decision/agreement to live by principles through which we can support one another. That didn't just happened in one day - this was something we had to create with ourselves and each other and it is the same for everyone who wishes to create a supportive environment for themselves, we must create it. Creation is a process that will take time though, the potential exists for everyone.

will continue in the next blog…

Learning to Accept myself - Practical Application (Part 1) Day 411

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to value what others think about me or more specifically, what I believed that others thinks of me and through this perceived value, I would then judge myself positively or negatively and created an idea of myself, in my own mind as to either being accepted or unaccepted by others through which I either accepted or unaccepted myself.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to take one moment of when another was reacting to me, and in that moment, take the other personally and so placed an imaginary shield within myself, believing that this person was no longer accepting me and thus, I must walk away from this relationship. In that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that reacting and taking things personally, walking away from a relationship/friendship also means that not only I compromise myself in giving power to the thoughts in my mind to define who I am and to then thus, abdicating my responsibility in walking away from the relationship/friendship without introspection/investigation and so, creating the same pattern again in the next relationship/friendship that I start immediately developing.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that as long as I am reacting to another and taking them personally, I cannot practically support them in seeing their self-responsibility within their reactions and thus contributing to the predisposition of our dysfunctional relationship.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create a pattern within and as myself wherein the moment I react to another within the context of taking their words personally to then leave, either physically or mentally instead of taking a breath, looking at all things, all relationships, dimensions, play outs, etc. and from that moment of clarity, to then direct myself effectively, stand in self responsibility and if necessary, communicate the point with the other within the starting point of mutual assistance and support.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to place self value, self worth, self acceptance through other people's eye views without realizing that what I perceived to be the way others are valuing or accepting me is through my own mind, as how I saw myself and through this separation, not realizing that I was my own worst enemy and that I was always the one who in fact sabotaged and compromised myself.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to see a conflict as the end of a relationship/friendship and so, when and as a conflict was created, I believed the end is close and so, not realizing that through that belief, I have actually created the end of the relationship/friendship slowly but surely made this belief real within and as myself as justification for myself to either run away from the relationship/friendship or unconsciously behave in a way that would literally end the relationship/friendship.

I commit myself to when and as a conflict with another comes up, to then stop any and all participation in reactions within and as myself, breathe, investigate, stand in absolute self responsibility in self honesty and direct myself effectively.

I commit myself to when and as another is making a statement about me, to stop any and all reactions that come up from within me, ask the person to clarify the statement and investigate in self honesty who I am within that statement, what is the context of which the statement was said and thus, I commit myself to make assumptions in my own mind as to what the person meant but to instead, be direct, clarify the point and if there is a problem to then find and walk solution that is best.

I realize that within self acceptance - no matter what another is saying to or towards me, nothing within me moves as I take in the information, assess, investigate and check the information, who I am in relation to the information and accordingly, trust myself to direct myself to the utmost potential in any moment of breath. I commit myself to stop sabotaging myself through and within taking another personally and thus, I commit myself to transform these reactions into solutions through effective communication.

Just another Drama Queen - Day 258

 

 

So a point opened up yesterday - I was off, down, without any specific reason, nothing really happened but the general Experience was of a mini Depression. For a moment, I allowed it, I justify it, tried to avoid it, saying to myself that I'm tired because it is extremely hot. The fact that my body is well adjust to heat and that the heat in South Africa is 'nothing' in comparison to Israel wasn't relevant in my eye's view.

I had pain in my upper leg which again, I justified it as a physical point that manifested due to me pushing myself in aerobic exercises. And again, the excuse was that "I need to take a day off from practicing, my body is showing me that I need to rest. it must have been because I pushed to hard in the last exercise session"'.

 

But, I am 'Lucky' to live in a supportive environment that would expose me to my own dishonesties and would 'force' me to a level of self honesty to see the real core/source point that I'm facing which I haven't sorted out as an indication of a physical consequences that manifested in my upper leg. So, Esteni came to see me and while we were discussing the system that were busy showing itself on my upper leg, I was looking at the core/origin/source point that I've accepted and allowed within myself. I saw a few dimensions that I haven't considered before within my application but the main point I would like to speak about today is my Need to Create a Drama when everything is OK.

 

It's like - Everything was fine, things works and I am becoming more effective within my time management which gave me a few hours during the day without any particular responsibility I had walk BUT, without having to work, my mind went into a shock and immediately I created a fake Drama for me to participate with. Which is fascinating because the few hours that suddenly cleared up on my Schedule, which was a shock to my systems,  wasn't something I prepared myself for; it was something out of my ordinary routine and so - instead of moving and directing myself, I allowed myself to follow my mind into fear of - "is this what I'm going to do for the rest of my life? Is it possible that I will have moments without having anything particular to do? Are you sure there isn't something I must do now? How can it be that I have a free moment for myself? Maybe I forgot something? There must be something that I've missed.. And so - from not having any particular task to do, and seeing everyone around me busy, I went into the Fear of my Future - to now think about: "what am I going to do with my life? Will I have a partner in my life? Who is a good candidate for a relationship? Can it be Here or would I have to leave the farm to find a partner in Israel? But maybe I should go to Prague? Or the US? or Canada or Mexico"? Man - my mind went into so many directions - everything but to simply be here, appreciate the moment of nothingness, breathe and be OK with myself without having to do anything..

 

So in essence - this train of thoughts was a distraction, was how I've programmed myself to react when I have a moment for myself and how I would occupied myself in my mind to avoid a moment of intimacy with myself by simply be 'here'. When I snapped out of this mind fuck and re-aligned my starting point through removing all the mind distraction I found an interesting design - the Drama Queen Character.

 

A few years back, I when I was just starting my 'real' independent life, I worked in a company where one of my Co-Workers ALWAYS had a Drama in her life. In comparison to her, my life was a complete boring story. My house was a few blocks from work and we spent lots of time in my house after work. Each day, she would tell me another Dramatic story from the Previous day. I was Jealous because I was bored and I also wanted to have stories to share. You know the saying: be careful what you wish for? Lol  I manifested the Drama that I wished to have but only if I knew that Drama, isn't pleasant in most cases.

 

But when I go back to my memories, the Drama Queen character was always active to a certain degree. I remember one day, grade 5, I fell down to the ground from a small platform. I mean, really small - it was only 3 stairs away from the ground. The platform was in the path between my class room and the teacher lounge.

When I fell down, I started screaming so laud so that all the teacher could hear me, and all the kids would feel sorry for me. Basically, I wanted the attention.

 

So, within my next blogs to come, I'll open up this point in more details to stop the sabotage cycle that I accepted and allowed through the creation of the Drama Queen Character and within that, assist and support myself in becoming Ok and intimate with myself. Now within that context, intimacy isn't from a sexual perspective, it is a relationship with myself of appreciation, care and respect. 

 

 

The Secret War between Women - Mother Daughter relationship - Part 3 - Day 55

This is a continuation to:

The Secret War between Women - Overview - Day 52

The Secret war between Women - the Childhood years - Part 1 - Day 53

The Secret War between Women starts at home - Part 2 - Day 54

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the influential consequences of the dynamics between the Mother/Daughter relationship and the secret war between Women, where the first War would be between the Mother and the child for example would manifest when and as the child 'perceives' the authority of the mother to be too rigid/not understanding/unsupportive and would then thus, develop back chat towards the mother which eventually externalized and become a habit in one's life towards other female that represent the mother figure in one's life.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as a mother in this world to use my authority upon my child without walking with them the time line so that they could see the common sense equality equations for themselves and I have failed to realized that when I'm playing the authority game with them, it is inevitable they will create a resistance towards me and would then thus,  develop their rebellion war against me as a response to my authority game - the beginning of the Secret War between Women.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, as a mother in this world, to for example, superimpose my fears onto my daughter and would forbid her to participate in social gathering which I've defined as inappropriate or dangerous without taking a moment to look in a practical common sense way whether my fears has any ground in the physical reality due to me that have inherited my fears from my parents which then influenced me within how I would direct points in my world instead of supporting myself to first turn the point back to myself, allocate my starting point and support myself to see the points directly through practical Self Forgiveness and corrective application.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as a mother in this world to NOT realize, that by not communicating with my daughter through explaining in common sense why I believe that my daughter should not walk a specific path and thus forbid her from walking it by using my mother authority, my daughter will resist my authority and create a backchat/thoughts/internal conversations/reactions towards me which would perpetuate the secret war between women already at home.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to superimpose my failure within my Life onto my child , fearing that they will also fail, wherein I will teach her how to not make the same mistakes as I did and thus push her to excel in all areas of LIFE to have the best from all - Man, Career, children, clothes, friendships etc. and within that, I have failed to realize that my desires are not my child's desires and by me forcing her to walk a specific path which is not her own, she will create and manifest resistance towards my up bringing of her exactly as I have done towards my mother and within that, continue the cycle of War between women - mother/daughter generation after generation.

I commit myself to show the relationship between the superimposed authority of the mother upon her daughter and the secret war between women and within that, I commit myself to support mothers to learn how to upbringing their children in the utmost effective way by first sorting themselves to be able to stand as an example for their children, be able to understand themselves as their children and to walk in equality with them in absolute support for them to become effective human beings in this world.

I commit myself to show and explain in details the consequences of the existential inherited fears from generation after generation from the beginning of time and present, stand as a support for those who dare investigating themselves and physically/practically change according to principles of that which is best for all.

I commit myself to present technics and methods to support the parents with the upbringing of their children and to stop, for once and for all the abusive superimpose  authority upon children  and instead, establish a supportive relationship with them that will be based on self respect, trust and honesty.

The Elite's Delusion of Stress - Part 2 - Day 46

This is a continuation of 'The Elite's delusion of stress - Part 1 - Day 45' blog that I wrote yesterday.

In my previous blog, I was looking at my own point of becoming possessed with Stress and how I was the one who created the pattern as well as how I deceived myself within the belief that it takes a process to stop a pattern instead of realizing that the only valid process is a breath by breath process of stopping patterns one by one,  breath by breath.

Within this blog, I will look at the World system in relation to stress and show the relationship between stress and Money. I will refer to 2 types of stress. Mental Stress and Physical Stress.

Mental Stress -  An accumulation of energy within the thoughts/experience such as: "I don't have time", "I must get this on time", "if I won't be good at my job, I'll get fired", "OMG, my partner is going to end the relationship".

Physical Stress as a manifested consequence of a Mental Stress - In many cases of Mental stress, the accumulation of energy manifested stress on the human physical body which can cause discomfort, headache, heart failure and so one - this type of physical stress is the manifested consequences of a Mental stress.

Physical Stress - When the Human Physical Body doesn't get the requirement for an effective functioning, the body goes to stress and slowly but surely the body systems are weakening until eventually the systems can't function and thus being dies. That kind of physical stress is being experienced by 3.3 Bilion people in this world. 3.3 billion people who do not have food, water and physical support nutrition. 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to delude myself within the belief that I'm stressed and I haven't consider that the stress is energy experience that I've accumulated through the participation with the thought/experience of not having enough time/being pressured at work/I'm getting old/various other types of thoughts/experiences and within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to refused to see that a physical stress that is actual and real is being experienced day in and day out by the majority of this world whom are starving which than cause stress on the human physical body.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to delude myself within the belief that I'm stressed and I haven't consider that the stress is energy experience that I've accumulated through the participation with the thought/experience of not having enough time/being pressured at work/I'm getting old/various other types of thoughts/experiences and within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to refused to see that a physical stress that is actual and real is being experienced day in and day out by the majority of this world whom are starving which then cause stress on the human physical body.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to live in a world where mental stress is defined within the psychologists as normal behaviour and thus, when a Physical Stress as a manifested consequence of a Mental Stress emerge, is it managed within the starting point of treating the symptoms instead of the looking at the cause of the stress which is in most cases due to our dysfunctional world system.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that while we focus on managing the stress symptoms of Mental stress as well as Physical Stress as a manifested consequence of a Mental Stress, we have completely disregarded the Physical stress that 3.3 billion people in this world experiencing due to lack of nutrition, water and health care because all we cared about is our own survival in the world system and we have never stopped for a moment to look at the core/origin/source of the problem and addressed it with a practical solution such as Equal Money System

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed the discipline of phycology to define Mental Stress as a normal thing, within the justification and excuses that Stress is a factor that motivate humans to move themselves within the world system  and we haven't realized or considered Who one IS when stress is the directive principle and why is it that Self isn't the directive principle? why have we taken for granted that stress is normal? Is it possible to live without Stress? If not stress, what will motivate us to move ourselves? What is the cause of stress and can the cause be removed/changed? Is Stress is a disease that caused by the world money system? What is able to be done so that no one will ever experience stress again?

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to emphasize that the cause of the mental stress is due to one's external environment in separation of self and thus then, justified and blame one's environment instead of seeing and looking at the obvious - mental stress in most cases is in direct relationship with Money and thus, what is required to be done is to first change the world system to an Equal Life System where the fear of survival is no more and secondly, focus on re-education of the individuals from the perspective of teaching/showing/sharing tools to assist and support oneself to take responsibility for one's participation in one's mind/energy and thus, stop the energy generation and physically LIVE in every moment, breath by breath.

I forgive myself that I've haven't accepted and allowed myself to see that the cause of most of the Mental stress cased is in direct relationship with the Money System and instead of addressing the cause and changing the world system to a system that support all lives, We have addressed the affect of the world system through managing the stress that beings are experiencing.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the relationship between Money and Stress because if I would, I would do what ever is necessary to be done to sort out the cause of Mental stress as well as Physical Stress through changing the current money system to a system that support life.

I commit myself to push, direct and establish an Equal Money System in this world wherein one of the immediate affects will be the elimination of Stress - Mentally and Physically.

I commit myself to expose and show the discipline of the physiologists whom are busy with finding a quick fix to mental problems instead of addressing the real and actual cause of the problems which is in most cases in direct relationship with the current money system.

I commit myself to present a solution to a world where stress experience is no more within the establishment of an Equal Money System.

I commit myself to show that mental stress isn't normal and it is an experience that self is absolutely responsible for, through separating self from one external environment and I commit myself to show and explain in details how to assist and support oneself with deleting the energy accumulation of mental stress and support self to stand as the directive principle of oneself and one's world.

I commit myself to show and explain why stress isn't supportive and why it can't be utilize as a motivator for one's movement because the only thing that is valid is a breath by breath living application where self is the directive principle and not the external factors that moves/influences/control/enslaved oneself to one's own mind.

I commit myself to expose in detail the relationship between stress (Mental and Physical) and Money and to prove that the current Money system is the cause of most Stress cases and thus, within changing the cause of stress - changing the world system to a system that support lives, stress will not play a major rule in our lives.

I commit myself to be part of the development of a re-education programs to assist and support the humans to see and realize how, why and where we create mental stress and thus, present tools for a practical self change where stress is not a part of one's daily living application and one will become the directive principle of one's life without the influence and the control of the mind.

Friendship Relationship - Day 29

Art by Andrew Gable

System definition - (dictionary.com)

1.a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2.a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony.
3.a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?
4.a member of the same nation, party, etc.

Friendship with the current system is defined by two or more beings that share the same self interest beliefs, mannerism, opinions and so on. The support structure is to remain enslaved to one's self interest and is in no way a support for oneself and each other to face one's accepted and allowed personality and practically change.

My allocation point with relation to the word Friend is ‘Free-End’ which will be debunked through the Self Forgiveness statements.

So what is Friendship within the principle of Oneness and Equality?
2 or more beings that assist and support each other within one's process of stepping out of one's mind as well as walking one and equal with everyone and everything.

Self Forgiveness -

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself from a childhood experience of friendship to define friendship as a suffocated relationship between human being where my beingness is being suppressed and shivered into separated parts of myself and where my freedom doesn't play a part.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to refuse to see that I define 'My freedom' according to a self interest starting point where I'm only taking myself into consideration and my own fulfilment of my desires and not even considering everything and everyone in existence and within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be preoccupied with my own search of a perceived freedom instead of walking towards a solution that is be best for all lives which than, we can all physically live the living expression of the word freedom where we freed ourselves from our own limitation of the mind and establish a world that is physically best for all.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define myself within friendship as a being with no self freedom, due to childhood experience within friendship relationship and thus, instead of sorting out myself and getting to know Who I am with no attachment to Whom I am with and allow myself to establish a supportive friendship relationships, I've hold onto the memory experienced and developed a protection mechanism so that I won't experience the same suffocated experience that I've experienced within a childhood friendship and instead, went after friendship relationship where I'm the dominant and the controller one so that no one could ever again take my freedom away or went after friendship relationships that are not based on intimacy so that I could get out of the relationship with ease whenever I wanted to and also, when I found myself in intimate friendship relationship, I've done my best to get out of the relationship without even being aware of my doing.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to when I found myself in intimate friendship relationship to sabotage the relationship until it eventually ended and I forgive myself that I haven't taken a moment to see my responsibility within it and investigate the pattern that played out because I preoccupied myself in my mind, justifying and making excuses of why it was about the other being and why I had to act/behave as I did as self righteous and thus, denying from myself the opportunity to correct my living application that is based on fear and transform/change myself to a living physical human being that is Actually LIVING in the physical reality instead of being occupied in my mind 24/7.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear friendships when I'm not the dominant and the controller part in it because than, I would place myself in a vulnerable position according to my experience with a close friendship relationship in my childhood and within that, I forgive myself that what I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see is my attempt to correct my friendship childhood experience from the other side of the polarity instead of aligning myself and establish relationships from the starting point of walking equal and one with myself and the being I'm in a friendship relationship with.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have failed to see my participation as well as my allowance within the friendship relationship connection that I've had in my childhood years and instead of taking responsibility for not directing myself effectively back than within my acceptance diminishment and submission, I've blamed and felt hatred towards the being that I was in friendship relationship with in my childhood years.

Art by Andrew Gable

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the hatred towards the being that I were in friendship relationship in my childhood years is in fact towards myself for how I've accepted and allowed myself to be abused by another human being and within that - abusing myself and I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that the emotions/feelings towards another human being are emotions/feelings that I experience towards myself however only project it towards another as well as realizing that there is a point that I've separated myself from and haven't taken the responsibility to sort myself out and align myself to myself.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to blame others for not seeing that I'm sabotaging and abusing myself within my friendship relationship in my childhood years from the starting point of expecting them to save me from the relationship and within that I've accepted and allowed myself to be dependent on others to fix my own problems instead of seeing and realizing that I must stand up and correct my living application and no one can do it for me we all as I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to expect others to save me from that friendship relationship without allowing myself to share and open the point with them and thus, suppressing and hiding the truth from them because within me I knew that what ever advise they will share with me, I will have to be the one who stand up and correct myself and I didn't want to do so and have decided to take the suppressing approach and find alternative and manipulative solutions of how to end the friendship without me having to stand up and face myself within standing up.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to relive the childhood friendship relationship through other friendship connections that I have had throughout my life but I've failed to see that I'm approaching friendship relationship from the starting point of fear and thus, bouncing between one side of the polarity to the other instead of stopping for a moment to reassess who I am within friendship relationships as well as investigate what and how I've accepted and allowed myself to become within friendship relationship connection and accordingly correct and change myself within the principle of what is best for all as the living application of - do onto another that which you'd like to be done onto you.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be vulnerable and intimate within friendship relationships because it would than mean that I'm placing myself in a position where I can be manipulated and controlled through the information that I'm sharing and yet, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have failed to see that vulnerability and intimacy cannot be used to manipulate and control unless I allow it as well as I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to give myself the chance to walk equal and one with another human being based on a childhood friendship memory experience and within that, haven't allowed myself to assist and support myself through establishing a supportive relationship with another while walking with another human being in a close and intimate friendship relationship while unconditionally enjoy myself and the other being.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to freak out when and as there was a being that wanted to have a close and intimate friendship relationship with me because I didn't want to take the responsibility that comes with the establishment of such friendship relationship because I've defined that responsibility from the starting point of burden according to the memory experience of my childhood friendship relationship and thus, have misinterpreted responsibility with the suffocation experience which consumed me and haven't allowed myself to walk a physical correction through the establishment of equal and one walking with another human being within a friendship relationship connection .

I forgive myself that I've attached/defined/connected/associated burden with self responsibility because I've defined myself according to What I do and Whom I am with without realizing that none of that is Who I Am as a living expression . I realize that self responsibility is a practical living expression where I allow myself to express who I am within and according to principle that are best for all lives and thus, when and as I see myself accessing the experience of burden, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back to my physical human body because I realize that within the experience of burden, I've missed a breath and fell into the design of defining myself according to what I do and whom I am with and thus, I go back to allocate my starting point and directing myself through self forgiveness and practical living correction.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as unworthy and thus, when opportunity to establish a supportive friendship relationship with another human being came up, I backed out because I couldn't equalize myself with the being and always saw myself as less than which created a friction within me when the being tried to develop a close relationship with me and I interpreted that relationship creation as a fake relationship creation as if the being is trying to do me a favour by being in a friendship relationship with me because I couldn't even conceive that the other being doesn’t see me as less than and thus would like to develop and establish a supportive friendship relationship with me.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to become so fearful from intimate friendship relationships and within NOT standing up from within myself and sorting myself out, I've walked a looooooooooong time loop just to get to the point of eventually facing myself. I commit myself to direct myself to take the responsibility within each and every single and minuet point that exists within me and isn't aligned in equality and oneness because I see and realize that it is a waste of time to be preoccupied with things that I was able to take on and sort out instead of utilizing my physical time effectively and actually do something that is substantial for a solution that is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to yearn for a close friendship relationship connection but at the same time feared having one and thus, when and as I saw a potential to establish a friendship relationship that is not obligated in essence, I jumped right into it and changed my entire personality just to fit for a moment and experience the feeling of togetherness even if it meant that I had to compromise myself because I it would be as far as I will allow myself to get without getting the same childhood experience of suffocation, being controlled and abused.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to live the living expression of the word 'Friend' as 'Free-End' due to my childhood friendship relationship and thus, since than, even allowed myself to redefine the living expression of the word 'Friend' and Live the correction wherein 'Friendship' IS: 2 or more beings that assist and support each other within one's process of stepping out of one's mind as well as walking one and equal with everyone and everything.

I commit myself to Live the physical practical living expression of the word 'Friendship' within the starting point of establishing a supportive friendship relationships with beings and walking equal and one with and as them within our processes of stepping out of the mind and accessing ourselves as a physical living expression.

I commit myself to change myself and allow myself to be vulnerable with another human being because I realize that no one can abuse, control and manipulate me unless I allow it and thus, I commit myself to take NO shit from myself and the beings that I'm walking friendship relationships with and to stand in absolute self trust and direct myself and the friendship relationship effectively.

I commit myself to assist and support the children to come with developing and establishing a support structure within their friendship relationships and within that, becoming effective human beings within and without.

I commit myself to go through all my friendship relationships that I've had/hade to see the patterns that played/playing out as personalities that I've allowed myself to have/had and walk the correction within myself to not accept and allow myself to continue time looping and within that, sabotaging myself and my friendship relationships that I've have.

I commit myself to stop the back chat towards the beings that I've friendship relationships with because I realize that if I allow back chat towards another human being, there is a point within me that require direction and correction because the back chat reveals a point that I've not sorted out and/or aligned myself yet which is not acceptable.

I commit myself to stop my backchat in totality because every moment that I allow myself to participate with back chat, it is a moment where I've missed a breath and allowed separation to exists within me and this existence as a whole.

I commit myself to take responsibility within my friendship relationships and to be the directive principle according to that which is best for all

How to Choose a Partner – Day 21

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to when considering a prospective partner to participate with the back chat: “I hope my family will accept him” to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that the thought: “I hope my family will accept him” influenced my decisions as well as I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to base my decisions on the fear that my family won’t approve my partner without getting to know the person and see if there is a potential for a supportive and effective relationship/agreement.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself within that relationships that I’ve had because I made a decision of being with a partner based on whether or not my family will approve him instead of getting to know the person and making the decision based on common sense principle that I’ve set up for myself in relation to what agreement/relationship do I want for myself from the starting point of what is best for ME within the process that I’ve walking.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to when seeing a prospective partner, judge him according to his physical body appearance instead basing the decision according to guidelines that I’ve set up for myself in relation to the agreement/relationship that I would like to walk with another human being.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to connect the prospective body appearance to the back chat – “ I hope my family will approve him” in separation of me and accordingly, make a decision to walk or not to walk an agreement/relationship with the prospective partner despite of the fact that I didn’t even take the time to get to know the being and see for myself if there is a potential to establish an effective and supportive agreement/relationship with the being.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to get to know beings that do not stand according to the relationship profile that I’ve created in my mind and within that, I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that I’m limiting myself to such an extent through giving value to how the prospective partner would look like instead of taking the time to get to know the being and see whether there is a potential for us to align ourselves to and as one’s process.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have a judgement day picture in my mind wherein I bring the partner home for dinner and according to that, assessing whether or not this person has a potential to be with me and within that, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to hold on to a judgement day picture in my mind where my partner meet my family and through that assumption/judgement, I’m making a limited decision with regards to the being in relation to whether or not we could walk an agreement/relationship together.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by my own judgement of the prospective partner through projecting it onto my family because I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to respect myself enough to actually get to know the person and make a decision from .

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use the beings that won’t fit to the family picture profile that I have in my mind only for sex and I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to take a moment and get to know them because from the get go, I didn’t think there is a chance for the relationship/agreement according to the family profile picture that I’ve hold in my mind

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to walk into an agreement/relationship for ME but instead, tried to restore my relationship with my family through a partner that will fit into the family profile picture and with doing so, I’ve accepted and allowed myself to sabotage, compromise and abuse myself through making decisions that has nothing to do with WHO the person is and Who I am within the agreement/relationship.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see how I’ve sabotaged and abused myself within my relationship with males because I haven’t taken a moment to get to know them and see whether or not there is a potential for us to align ourselves to each other within our processes because my starting point was to have a partner that will fit with the family profile picture and thus, when someone fit the family profile picture, I’ve blinded my eyes and I didn’t see the obvious signs when the partner was not align with me and the process that I’m busy walking.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to establish relationship with males that I knew that the relationship won’t last and within that, felt superior within myself through the experience of spiting and rebelling to what i perceived to be expected of me without realizing that the only person whom I spiting against is myself through the accepted and allowed relationships in my life that are in no way a form of support.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to go deliberately into relationships that won’t last because I wanted to spite and rebel my upbringing without considering that the only person whom I spite and dishonour is myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that I’m spiting myself when I’m making a decision to spite my family and within that, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to make a decision based on spitefulness in relation to my prospective partner instead of walking a decision that is based on common sense principles that I’ve set up for myself in relation to how I would like to walk an agreement with another from the starting point of support to myself and my process that I’m busy walking.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to walk into relationship/agreement with partners who have money because when I did go out with rich guys, I felt inferior, unworthy and not in their league and I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life within that experience. Within that, I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to be open about my experience in relation to money to be able to face and correct the experience and thus then, come to an agreement with my partner in relation to money and instead, I ran away from myself and my partner before I even got to know him and see whether or not we can establish and develop an effective and supporting agreement/relationship.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the relationship between money and relationships  wherein, when my partner has more money than me, I believe I cannot control him and thus, will always be in a position of inferior, attempting to please and validate myself to him, to sustain our relationship and within that, I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to even consider establishing an agreement that is based on 2 equals walking their process where no one is controlling anyone but vice versa, assist and support each other to face and correct our self interest existence that we have become as well as expanding ourselves within the process of stepping out of the mind and stepping into ourselves as the physical equality and oneness reality.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to NOT go into a relationship/agreement with partners who have money because I felt ashamed that I can’t afford that which they can and I didn’t want to be feel inferior within the relationship. Within that, I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to be open and communicate the money point with my partners and thus, get to an agreement of how we will walk our relationship/agreement in relation to money.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear getting hurt again due to a failed relationship and thus, I’ve made a decision to never engage to an agreement/relationship where I could get hurt and thus, I made sure to not place myself in a vulnerable position and only went for superficial relationship as well as to unavailable partners, not even considering how I’m abusing and sabotaging myself within it and also, not considering taking a moment and sort myself out, to be able to walk an effective relationship/agreement with myself and with others.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that getting hurt due to a failed relationship was my own self creation which I’ve accepted and allowed because I didn’t have the tools to assist and support me with practical common sense application and thus, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to live in a world where the most important education isn’t in place and beings are being occupied in their mind with self pity, self sorrow and so on, and within that, abdicated the responsibility to assist and support themselves to step out of their mind, establish themselves in the physical equality and oneness reality and thus, creating a world that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to make decision of not getting in the position of being vulnerable and intimate with any partner so that I won’t have to go through the hell that I’ve experienced after a failed relationship and thus, accepted and allowed myself to sabotage, compromise and abuse myself within the belief that I can use sex to overcome the self sorrow, depression and self pity, despite of the fact that it didn’t assist and support me in anyway but only increased the emptiness that I’ve experienced within myself, because I did not had the tools to assist and support myself with stepping out of the emotional body that I’ve allowed myself to exists as and within that, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed a world where beings are subjected to their self creation mind design in total separation of themselves because we haven’t establish an effective education system that will allow everyone to face their acceptance and allowances which from there, we can take the responsibility to assist and support ourselves and other and together, establish a world that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use and abuse males for sex because of a self belief that I could feel good and better about myself and hide and suppress the depression that I’ve experience after a failed relationship and within that, I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to utilize sex as a physical self support and instead, tried and attempted to “fix” myself through having sex with males that I don’t have intimate relationship/agreement with despite the fact that I was never “fixed” and thus, accepted and allowed myself the cycle of abuse of myself and others without any practical corrective application.

I commit myself to stop making decisions according to a family profile picture that I’ve created in my mind and to assist and support me with creating a practical guideline for a decision making with regards to a prospective partner so that when and as I see anyone that is not standing according to the guideline that I’ve set up for myself, I will not manipulate myself an fall into the pattern of making decisions that are not based on self support but rather self sabotage abuse and compromise.

 I commit myself to walk and LIVE my own life within the starting point of self support principle of what is best for all.

I commit myself to embrace and respect myself and within that, establish an effective agreement with myself to NOT fall into the trap of self manipulation patterns of abuse and sabotage and in that, stand up, as who I am within everything that I do, and thus, not accepting anything that is less than me as well as from my prospective partner.

I commit myself to walk an agreement with a partner that respect himself enough to assist and support himself to step out of his mind in alignment with the process that I’m busy walking and thus, I will cross reference and investigate his application before making the decision to walk an agreement with him, to make sure that the decision is based on a real and trust worthy self support application.

I commit myself to get to know the prospective partner before making any decision of walking an agreement with him, to see if there is an actual potential that we can be aligned within ourselves and our processes.

I commit myself to Stop using sex to manipulate myself and others and to only utilize sex as a self physical support when and as I’m walking an agreement with another where intimacy and comfortably with each other is established.

Religion of Self – Dependency – Day 9

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to leave a back door for mistakes through always having someone to blame for my responsibilities, instead of walking a time line, walking in clarity and effectively planning that which I’m participating with and get to the utmost potential in everything that I do.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to – Instead of walking my responsibilities during my day, in self trust and directing myself effectively, I seek for someone to direct and approve my doing so that if I fuck up, I could blame this person for it.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to take full responsibility for my responsibilities within the need for someone to approve that which I do.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the nature of my dependency towards others within looking/seeking for someone to stand as a pillar to approve and validate my doing and within that, haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be and become the directive principle of myself and my world, within self-trust in every moment of every breath.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that my entire existence was dependent upon others to validate, direct and approve me and in that, I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for my life because I gave my power away to those whom I blindly follow and trust them to direct me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be directed, controlled and enslaved to the world system wherein, I give my power away to other beings to make decisions for me without realizing and seeing that by giving my power away, I’m compromising myself and my world as the silent acceptance of this world to continue functions as it is because apparently, I’m not worthy to speak and stand up because I require someone else to insert words into me so that I know that what I’ve said or done was pre-approved and validated.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exists as a shadow in this world through not taking the responsibility and actually directing myself but instead, blindly followed by the example of those who came before me despite of the physical evidence that their example wasn’t and isn’t an example that is worthwhile due to the consequences of this current world system that is based on abuse, suffering, crime, wars and survival and in no way best for all.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to train and program myself to always seek for approval for my doings and in that, abdicated the responsibility to be and become a human beings that is standing in stability, directing oneself and one’s world without being influenced, controlled and enslaved to a system that is founded on self interest and the survival of the fittest.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that I’m trusting other beings to direct me and in that, making the statement that I’m not worthy for my own self trust.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that my entire existence is depending on others to direct and validate me and within that, I’ve not seen how the world system functions exactly the same where only a select few direct and validate those who blindly accepted themselves as inferior and unworthy.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to give value to those who have come before me because apparently, they know better and I must follow them, despite the physical daily prove that they have no clue within how to direct themselves and our world because if they would have known, this world was already a world that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to validate and worthy myself through the approval of others and when I didn’t get the approval, I doubted and question myself from the starting point of inferiority.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that for a substantial change in this world, I cannot trust anyone but myself and thus, I will myself to be and become the directive principle of myself and my world so that in every moment of every breath, I will act and do only that which is best for all.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize the meaning of ‘cross referencing’ and thus, I used it to indirectly seeking for approval, trying and attempting to present that I’m clear and directive but the fact of the matter was that I’ve manipulated others so that I could be validated and approved and thus, if anything went wrong, I could justify it through saying that it was cross reference and blame others for the fuck up instead of taking responsibility from the get go and utilizing cross referencing form equality and oneness starting point instead of fear and inferiority.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that if I require someone to tell me what I should say or do, I cannot  trust myself to direct this world to a world that is best for all and thus, I’ve abdicated my responsibility as a human being, to face myself, correct the relationship that I’ve formed with my mind and change myself so that I would be able to stand up within myself and this world and do whatever it takes to make sure that this world is a world that is best for all.

I commit myself to get myself sorted out in all aspects as I see and realize the extent of that which I’ve accepted and allowed myself to live and exists as, with the direct consequences of allowing a world that is best for only a few while others are seeking for the approval of their very existence through money.

I commit myself to be and become the directive principle of myself and my world within self trust and so, Will not accept and allow myself to be influenced, controlled and enslaved by anything and anyone and thus, I commit myself to understand how and why I have blindly diminished myself to such an extent that my entire existence is dependent on others.

I commit myself to – when and as I see a movement within me of wanting to say/ask something so that I could validate myself through the answer, I stop, I breathe, I bring myself back here, I stand within and as me in self trust within the realization that if I would to fuck up, I will learn from it, face, correct and change.

I commit myself to direct myself in every moment according to a basic principle of what is best for all lives and in that, I do not require anyone to tell me what is best for all lives because with common sense and self honesty, the answer is very clear.

 

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