Practical Direction - Why and How - Day 473

In the course of the blog series that I am busy walking in relation to the word 'Direction' as a living expression of myself, I will be sharing within this blog post a practical solution that I have applied for myself and how this has assisted me to move from a fear of creating a friction to supportive relationship development.

 

The other day I was talking on the phone with a friend of mine and she told me about a decision that she had made as a 'By the way' thing and I didn't really understand why the decision was made. All I could see at that moment was a 'problem' within the decision and the consequences that such decision will have on my life. When we finished our short discussion over the phone, I felt a movement inside myself, I saw that I was reacting to the decision and backchat came up within the attempt to justify why the decision is wrong and so forth.

 

As I saw the backchat and the reaction starting to crawl inside my mind and body, I reminded myself that the only reason why I am reacting is because I haven't directed the point inside myself whereas for instance, I didn't ask all the questions that I required to ask, to be able to have clarity on the decision or to be more specific, I didn't discuss with my friend about her point of view of making the decision in seeing what were the points that my friend had considered when making the decision. Without gathering all the information with regards to the decision that was made, reacting in judgment/blame is not valid and if anything, it would have compromise my relationship with my friend as I would have accumulated backchat to justify my reactions and would have used it against my friend in the future, in instances where I would feel that I am being attacked on a decision that I would have made.

 

I mean, this had happened in the past where I would react to someone words/deeds and accumulate these reactions without giving myself a direction and thereafter, I would use the blame/reaction that I accumulated as a weapon against them to "prove my point" later in the future. These actually shows why one would believe they must accumulate reactions towards others as a protection mechanism for when they would be able to use it as a weapon against those whom one reacted to in the past - all of which to not take responsibility from the very beginning and simply direct the point so that there is clarity and understanding within one's relationships to another. I mean, doesn't it make more sense to communicate and clarify points instead of accumulate weapon against each other?

 

So, when I noticed the first thought that came up and the energy movement that accompanied the thought where the energy started to crawl inside my body, I stood up from within myself and didn't accept my self to continue participating in the habit. The habit is so interconnected with my 'beingness' so everything happened really fast and I knew that if I won't direct it immediately, I will compromise my relationship with my friend and therefore, I didn't allowed myself to suppress and use this moment as a weapon against my friend in the future and therefore, I decide to communicate the point with my friend and clarify for myself the starting point of the decision, asking her what were the points that she was looking at when she made the decision and we continue to clarify and communicate all the points until I was absolute clear within myself and we were again in alignment with each other.

 

It is interesting because in my mind, I had this fear that my friend will be impatient with me asking so many questions but the opposite had happened - she answered all the questions in detailed and appreciated the communication as it assists and supports us both in enhancing our communication level and therefore, strengthening our relationship with each other. 

For myself, it was another step in my process of direction where I moved to communication instead of suppression; as this showed me how easier life is when one is able to communicate with another instead of building up energy inside oneself that is compromising and destructive habit in one's life and one's relationships with others.

 

 

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Art work: Dottie Gleason

The Effect of ONE single thought - Day 470

It is interesting how sometimes we have a thought as a reaction within ourselves but we got so used to these type of  thought as a part of who we are and so, when the thoughts comes up inside ourselves, we do not question the thoughts as we believe these thoughts are valid and thus, no flag point are coming up for us to unconditionally investigate the nature of these thoughts, the source of these thoughts, where did it come from, why did it come up, what activated it, what behavior pattern the thoughts are based, who we are in relation to these thoughts and so on and so forth.

 

So for example with myself, I remember waking up one day, grabbing my cell phone to check my e-mails and a thought came up: "But why no one directed the point already" as a reaction within myself however, I did not identify the reaction within that thought at all, it was sooo normal, there was no obvious energy movement inside - like another normal day started type of thing.

 

As I moved with the day, I decided to direct the point myself because I am walking the 'direction' process now whereas, if I see that something needs to be directed, I stand up within the realization that it is my responsibility, as the one who saw the problem,  to move myself to direct the solution.
 

All this time, I did NOT see that there is a reaction within myself, it was very very subtle which is interesting because usually, when I am reacting, the emotional body is activating very quickly but in this case, there was no emotion that I could see/feel inside myself at all.  I mean really, this point was so specific - what happened that day - I projected my thought/reaction from the moment I woke up onto someone else without consciously being aware of it - the entire day I was under the "impression" that another have had a slight reaction within themselves and I kept on asking them what the story was all about lol. I kept on asking the person if there is anything that they slightly reacted to today because from my perspective, I was "certain" that I "saw" in this person a slight reaction in how their expression changed during the day. Lol it is fascinating - I couldn't pinpoint the type of reaction that I have "noticed" in them but I was absolutely certain that they are acting strange as if they are slightly reacting to something or someone.

 

This person kept on saying that they looked at what I was saying but they didn't find any reaction inside themselves so I  let it go for a moment because I didn't see it as a big point to pursue. Later on, I saw the person in my environment, and I again "noticed" a slight reaction within the person so I kept on pushing the point with this person.

 

By evening time, I had a look at my day so far because it didn't make sense to me as to why I am seeing a reaction in another while they are in self honesty did not react inside themselves. So I had to first turn the point back to myself and check whether I'm actually projecting my 'slight reaction' onto another without seeing that all along, I was the one who was slightly reacting.

 

When I turned the point back to myself, I looked at the entire day until I got to the first thought I had when I woke up - the thought that was based on a reaction of "But why no one directed the point already". It was so interesting because this 'slight reaction' as a thought - I completely missed;  as you could read in my previous blogs, the pattern that I played throughout my entire life was to shift my responsibility towards others to direct points for me a I defined myself as incapable/weak to direct some points myself.

 

The pattern of shifting responsibility to another contained thoughts like: "why this was not directed? Why does this person not directing the point already" as how I shifted my responsibility and justified it in my mind, not seeing, realizing and understanding that in fact, me having the thoughts: "why this was not directed? Why does this person not directing the point already" was actually me asking myself why did I not direct the point"?  "Why did I haven't yet taken my responsibility to direct a point?.

 

So, because of reactions are/were  an integral/interconnected part of who I have defined myself as, I didn't see the thought as a reaction at all and I didn't see how I was in a state of reaction throughout the day. From my perspective, I believed that I toke responsibility for the point when I directed the solution so inside my mind, I couldn't use the thought: "Why it was not done/directed already" because as far as I was concerned, I was directing the point earlier that day. But - the reaction that I activated in the morning, with one single thought, continued very so slightly the entire day.

 

This in itself led me to the question - did I even direct the point effectively if I was coming from a starting point of reaction, even if it was just a slight reaction?

Getting to know the mind is a fascinating process - how quickly in our mind we react - showing the interconnectedness of the Mind Systems and the level of specificity we must get with ourselves to ensure we have not miss even one breath and actually directed ourselves and our environment to the best outcome.

 

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Art work: Dottie Gleason

Who is to Blame - Day 469

An interesting point opened up today in relation to my process 'Direction' as a living word. For context, I suggest to also read through the blog series -  'Direction' as a Living Word - Day 467' .

 

So, I have aligned myself in relation to my living application and Direction BUT only within ONE dimension where I have taken my responsibility to stand as a point of direction. What I haven't aligned was the living application as an absolute expression of myself, in relation to all and every points that I am able to stand as the directive principle.

 

For example, what I have done in relation to specific point was to place in my mind, a point of direction, as if it was 'belongs' to someone else to direct or more specifically, as if the responsibility to decide on the course of direction is for that one person only. Within that though, I have reacted to what I perceived to be their decision of direction as the direction that was seemingly decided, effected my "quality of life" on some levels. And because it effected my quality of life, I was reacting within and as myself and within the reaction, went and ask the other person to change their decision and direct the point differently. but because I saw the decision to be theirs and theirs alone, I felt that I am powerless within the decision and believed that I have to compromise and just let it be, even if it is effecting me.

 

Though, I didn't let go of the reaction, as I felt powerless within the decision that was made and therefore, every day, it became more intense in terms of the things that I had to do which I believed that are effecting my quality of life. The fascinating thing within that point is that, If I stand back for a moment to look at what really changed in my "quality of life", nothing really changed - for the most part, I had a chance to learn something about myself in realizing what it really means to stand with another unconditionally.

 

Tonight  it got to a point where I literally had enough, though, as a reaction within myself - which thereafter, the point could opened up -

In my mind, I did give the point the direction within my 'accepted boundaries' where I believed that the decision is not my own to take, and so, everyday for the past week, I asked the other person to look again at their decision. Every time, I got the same answer and that perpetuated the reaction within myself. The thing is - this was not a direction as a living application. Going and asking someone else to look at their decision within a reaction, doesn't mean 'direction' - if anything, it is an  abdication of responsibility. Because within asking another to look at their decision and every day telling them the same things is not the same thing as COMMUNICATING with another, without any reaction, and truly discuss the decision as in genuinely asking them to share with me what was the point they were looking at within the decision that they have made and therefore, with having all the information in place, seeing if the decision is valid and/or require alignment/adjustment which I am then able to stand as a point of support.

 

In essence what I have done was self-deception whereas, "I'm the good one"/"They are the bad ones" as they did a decision that I am not satisfied with. BUT - did I tell them that I was not satisfied within a clear starting point? No. Did I ask them to share with me what was involved with the decision to see if there is anything I haven't considered before? No; 

 

The Blame came out today on the other person whereas I used the reaction that I accumulated inside myself in blaming them bluntly that they have made the wrong decision. When I was asked a simple question: "Why haven't you directed the point" I said: "Well, but I did, but THEY didn't listen to me". But wait a second - I didn't really direct the point as I showed above. So what is it that I actually did? Justifying in my mind why I was directing the point as part of my commitment to live 'direction' while at the same time, blaming the other for not directing the point as I would have directed the point, without even communicate it with them - this is an application of 'abdicating responsibility' and 'manipulation'

 

This play-out of events,  takes me back to how the mind is mutating preprogrammed patterns within the process of change wherein, when I made a decision to change a point within myself, I later found that I repeated the same pattern in a mutated version.

 

Obviously, an alignment/correction must be made, self forgiveness is applied and forgiveness from the other is required.

How to now correct my living application - firstly, looking at how my reality played out recently, more points in relation to 'direction' are showing themselves. Thus, placing a red flag for each and every reaction that I have and accordingly ask myself, who I am in relation to 'Direction' and the 'Reaction' that is playing out? Is there any point within the reaction that is coming from the desire of placing the responsibility and thereafter blame on another instead of standing as a point of direction.

 

Secondly, to make a list of all the points that I'm holding others responsible inside my mind and see where have I abdicated responsibility in relation to the point and from there, make the necessary alignment within myself.

 

So stay tuned.

 

 

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Art Work: Dottie Gleason

From Limitation to Direction - Day 465

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be dependent on another to direct points 'for' me instead of expanding myself by seeing, observing and learning how to effectively direct points. In this, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to realize that by creating a dependency on another to direct points 'for' me, I am limiting myself in the belief that I'm unable to effectively direct points myself.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate in Anger towards another when they are not 'here' to direct points 'for' me and within that anger, leaving the point that require direction undirected, not realizing that if I was the one who saw that a specific point require direction, I am also the one who is able to find a solution and direct.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT seen, realize and understood how I have sabotaged my process of standing as a point of direction as an expression of myself as I've projected  anger towards another not directing a point which I see require direction and within that also limited my process of expansion as I've not stood up from within myself and trained myself to effectively direct a point that comes to my face to its utmost potential.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not Trust myself for being able to effectively direct specific points and thus, believed that I'm dependent on another to direct specific points 'for' me and within the distrust of myself, I haven't allowed myself to expand myself, to expand the way I look at things, expand the way I observe people, situations and events and accordingly, develop a direct seeing of what is here as solutions and how to effectively direct that which is here as an expression of myself.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to within the belief of not being able to direct a specific situation with another human being, to in fact physically live this belief of myself as my living application which within that, I would accept and allow myself to build up and accumulate energy as emotions such as frustration, resentment, anger and judgment towards another without realizing that I must first direct these points within myself to ensure that when I look again at the points, I see what is really physically presented here and accordingly, effectively direct the points if/when the point still require direction.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that the moments that I find myself incapable of directing a point are moments where I am busy reacting within myself and so, the solution would be to first clear and stabilize myself so that I can then move to seeing solutions that I am able to apply/direct.

 

I commit myself to when and as I see a point that require direction, to first turn the point back to myself and direct within myself any and all sort of reactions I have towards the point. Then, when I self-honestly see that I'm stable and clear, I direct myself to find solutions within and as myself. I realize  that solutions are presenting itself when/as I'm clear within myself and so, I commit myself to trust that I will see a solution so long as I am not reacting and standing in clarity and stability within myself.

 

I commit myself to NOT accept and allow myself to limit myself within the belief that I'm not able to effectively direct a point because I realize that within the belief of not being able to direct specific point, I'm giving my power to my mind where I would start accumulating and build up all sort of energetic reactions, which creates a smoke screen from which I'm literally unable to see what is really here, what requires direction and what would be the approach/solutions that would be best to apply.
 

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to depend on another to direct points 'for' me but to instead slowly but surely develop direct seeing skills through which I would allow myself to direct points within myself and my environment as an expression of who I am within the principle of 'what is best for all'. I realized that creating dependency towards another to direct points 'for' me is a limitation of myself as I haven't given me the opportunity to face the point myself, investigate who I am in relation to the point ,what can I learn from it so that I could also stand as a point of direction when/if the moments comes up again.

Religion of Self – Dependency – Day 9

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to leave a back door for mistakes through always having someone to blame for my responsibilities, instead of walking a time line, walking in clarity and effectively planning that which I’m participating with and get to the utmost potential in everything that I do.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to – Instead of walking my responsibilities during my day, in self trust and directing myself effectively, I seek for someone to direct and approve my doing so that if I fuck up, I could blame this person for it.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to take full responsibility for my responsibilities within the need for someone to approve that which I do.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the nature of my dependency towards others within looking/seeking for someone to stand as a pillar to approve and validate my doing and within that, haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be and become the directive principle of myself and my world, within self-trust in every moment of every breath.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that my entire existence was dependent upon others to validate, direct and approve me and in that, I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for my life because I gave my power away to those whom I blindly follow and trust them to direct me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be directed, controlled and enslaved to the world system wherein, I give my power away to other beings to make decisions for me without realizing and seeing that by giving my power away, I’m compromising myself and my world as the silent acceptance of this world to continue functions as it is because apparently, I’m not worthy to speak and stand up because I require someone else to insert words into me so that I know that what I’ve said or done was pre-approved and validated.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exists as a shadow in this world through not taking the responsibility and actually directing myself but instead, blindly followed by the example of those who came before me despite of the physical evidence that their example wasn’t and isn’t an example that is worthwhile due to the consequences of this current world system that is based on abuse, suffering, crime, wars and survival and in no way best for all.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to train and program myself to always seek for approval for my doings and in that, abdicated the responsibility to be and become a human beings that is standing in stability, directing oneself and one’s world without being influenced, controlled and enslaved to a system that is founded on self interest and the survival of the fittest.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that I’m trusting other beings to direct me and in that, making the statement that I’m not worthy for my own self trust.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that my entire existence is depending on others to direct and validate me and within that, I’ve not seen how the world system functions exactly the same where only a select few direct and validate those who blindly accepted themselves as inferior and unworthy.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to give value to those who have come before me because apparently, they know better and I must follow them, despite the physical daily prove that they have no clue within how to direct themselves and our world because if they would have known, this world was already a world that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to validate and worthy myself through the approval of others and when I didn’t get the approval, I doubted and question myself from the starting point of inferiority.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that for a substantial change in this world, I cannot trust anyone but myself and thus, I will myself to be and become the directive principle of myself and my world so that in every moment of every breath, I will act and do only that which is best for all.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize the meaning of ‘cross referencing’ and thus, I used it to indirectly seeking for approval, trying and attempting to present that I’m clear and directive but the fact of the matter was that I’ve manipulated others so that I could be validated and approved and thus, if anything went wrong, I could justify it through saying that it was cross reference and blame others for the fuck up instead of taking responsibility from the get go and utilizing cross referencing form equality and oneness starting point instead of fear and inferiority.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that if I require someone to tell me what I should say or do, I cannot  trust myself to direct this world to a world that is best for all and thus, I’ve abdicated my responsibility as a human being, to face myself, correct the relationship that I’ve formed with my mind and change myself so that I would be able to stand up within myself and this world and do whatever it takes to make sure that this world is a world that is best for all.

I commit myself to get myself sorted out in all aspects as I see and realize the extent of that which I’ve accepted and allowed myself to live and exists as, with the direct consequences of allowing a world that is best for only a few while others are seeking for the approval of their very existence through money.

I commit myself to be and become the directive principle of myself and my world within self trust and so, Will not accept and allow myself to be influenced, controlled and enslaved by anything and anyone and thus, I commit myself to understand how and why I have blindly diminished myself to such an extent that my entire existence is dependent on others.

I commit myself to – when and as I see a movement within me of wanting to say/ask something so that I could validate myself through the answer, I stop, I breathe, I bring myself back here, I stand within and as me in self trust within the realization that if I would to fuck up, I will learn from it, face, correct and change.

I commit myself to direct myself in every moment according to a basic principle of what is best for all lives and in that, I do not require anyone to tell me what is best for all lives because with common sense and self honesty, the answer is very clear.

 

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