Creating and Living in a supportive environment (part 1) - Day 505

Before I came to live on the farm, I had this idea that once I get here, I will immediately create friendship relationship with all the people who live here; soon enough, I realized that with our busy schedules, we don't have much time to socialize and create relationships with one another. Over the years, I was primarily creating relationship with the people I was sharing the same house with and that was it.

Couple of weeks ago, I faced a big part of  my preprogram design and for a moment, it all seemed to be just too much and a thought came up, wishing Bernard was here to support me with his insights and way of looking at things. With me having the tendency to walk my process alone and only sharing myself with the other farm people after I walked the whole design, I isolated myself from everything and everyone so that I can walk the points for/as myself without anyone seeing me in a state that I, in the mind, defined as weak/vulnerable.

At one point, the farm people became aware of the points that I was walking through and one by one, people came to me, spent time with me and stood as incredible support for me. Initially, I felt uncomfortable being completely open with them in sharing everything that I was facing but soon enough I realized that each one of them had a gift for me as they walked similar points during their processes. Interestingly enough, every time the thought of Bernard came up, someone showed up and shared with me how they faced the point in the past and how Bernard supported them to walk through it for themselves.

With me spending more time with other farm members, I realized that relationships are not something that can be given to you, it is something we can create with one another if we allow ourselves to open up and invest time with each other. This was the one thing I didn't take into consideration when I first came here - relationships build over time, it cannot just happened to you.

What also supported me with the process of developing relationships of support with the farm people was Blackie -

He has back leg injury and he couldn't stay at my house any more as the environment of our house is not as supportive as for instance, in the top house. When I looked at talking with them about the possibility of them taking care of Blackie in their house, there was a part of me that expected them to say 'no' because they already have too many dogs and a baby. The part of me who doubted their perceived answer was a memory from my past where I had to leave my dog behind and it was extremely difficult to find people who were willing to take care of the dog, not to mention that Blackie was injured and needed specific support and attention. When I finally took the step to go and talk to them about it, there was not even a split of a moment where they had to think about it - immediately they saw the whole point, why it is needed and how they can manage the support structure for Blackie.

The recent events made me look at the whole point of creating and living in a supportive environment with people who are living by principles where self-interest is second and what is best for the environment is first. I was looking at how can we expand this way of living so that more and more people would be able to create supportive environments for themselves, outside of the farm.

Understand that even for us, it was a process which firstly (and still) we walk with ourselves. When Bernard died, we all came together and made an agreement to stand as a pillar of support for each other. It is one thing to make the decision/agreement and it is a whole other thing to walk the decision/agreement as an expression of ourselves, moment by moment.

We had to create our decision/agreement to live by principles through which we can support one another. That didn't just happened in one day - this was something we had to create with ourselves and each other and it is the same for everyone who wishes to create a supportive environment for themselves, we must create it. Creation is a process that will take time though, the potential exists for everyone.

will continue in the next blog…

The Value of Self-Interest - Day 444

There are these moments, infinitesimal moments, where one can really see one's participation in one's mind and clearly see one's manipulation towards oneself within the justifications and excuses one's tell to oneself. These moments are a potential for self to physically change and align oneself within the principle of Oneness and Equality, within the decision of 'Who I am' in this very moment. Yet, it is also these moments where falling to one's own self-manipulation, one's own Self-Interest decisions is very easy and to practically stand up within oneself and make the decision to physically change, is faced with great resistance.

 

Let me give you an example that I faced this morning -

I normally don't work with the horses on the farm though recently, I assisted the team when extra support was required. This week specifically, there is a short of people working with the horses and I offered to join them with the responsibilities. One of the responsibilities is to wake up in the morning and walk the horses to the neighbor's farm where they have enough grass to eat during the day while the grass in our farm is busy growing. For me, waking up in the morning to walk the horses is a story because in terms of my normal working hours - I go to bed very late at night and the horses walking time is very early in the morning.

 

When Sunette woke me up this morning to walk the horses, I had this cringe inside myself like: "oh no, I didn't sleep much, I want to sleep" but at the same time, I realized that I committed to this point and that I must wake up now. Sunette said that she will check up on me in 5 min and during this 5 min - I walked through the open door of my mind, bringing on all the justifications and excuses that I could find of why it is ok if I wouldn't walk the horses this morning and when she came back 5 min later, I told her that I'm not joining them this morning.

 

So, I went back to sleep BUT, I could clearly see what I was doing inside myself and physically, I didn't feel comfortable as I saw how I was manipulating myself and how the decision that I made to stay in bed is based on my own self interest. At this stage, I was still in bed, struggling with the decision. I then asked myself one simple question - "If the plans were different and I had to wake up for a meeting in town, would I still justify to myself that I hadn't slept enough? The answer was: "Obviously not - I would wake up for these purposes". Then, I asked myself another question: "Is the value that you give to walking the horses is less than the value you give to other plans you would have made?" and the answer was: "Yes". This is where I stood up from within myself and went out of bed as I realized that what I was accepting and allowing myself is purely unacceptable  and so, I join the team and walk the horse to the neighbor's farm.

 

I continued investigating the point within myself, the relationship between Self-Interest and Value and I've realized that in every moment, we assess the value of our decisions. Value of the decisions meaning - There is a difference between making a decision and applying the decision. Making the decision is done by oneself in one's mind while applying the decision is the physical application of what the decision entails where one is actually 'walk the talk' so to speak. Making a decision is the easy part but walking and applying the decision is a different story as one have to physically make the decision again and apply oneself in one's physical reality.

 

What was suddenly obvious is how we assess the value of our decision within the principle of: "What is it for me" and according to the value that we have defined the result to be, we would either act on our decision or change our mind.

So for instance with me - I didn't develop any particular relationship with the horses and thus, in my internal reality, walking the horses did not contain great value and so, in the moment of truth, when I had to remake the decision to wake up and walk them, it was very easy to fall inside myself because the value of the decision was not important to me based on my self-interest inner reality.

 

What I had to align within myself is thus the point of 'Group-Interest' within the principle of what is best for all from the perspective of - I committed myself to the horse team that I will be there in the morning as I've seen that I was able to support in terms of my schedule. The Value of me walking a horse is that it place less pressure for one member of the team where instead of the walking 2 horses, they will walk one horse and within the principle of Prevention is the best cure - it is much safer to be responsible for one horse instead of 2 horses because who knows what can happen during the walk and if one of the horses snap out and become crazy, it is very difficult to control the situation if you have 2 horses in your hands. Thus, if I were to sleep instead of walking the horses, I would place the group in a compromising position unnecessarily. In this, it is no longer: "What in it for me", it is "what is best for the group and for the horses".

 

Obviously, this experience in the morning shows that we have to reassess the value that we give to specific points in our reality and accordingly, move from one's self interest to the best for all interest. Yes, one may have a preferences but one's preferences cannot make the decisions for self, based on one's self-interest design as one must look at all that is here and assess the points in self-honesty within the principle of what is best for all. For example, my preference was to not wake up after 4 hours and walking the horses but what was best for all is for me to walk the horses, do what needs to be done and when I'm back, go back to sleep if physically, my body requires more rest.

For myself, moving through the resistances to wake up in the morning was a struggle, so long as I looked at the point from my own self-interest point of view - there, it was very easy to follow the mind and decide to stay in bed. It was only when I saw the window of opportunity to physically change my living application, when I saw what I was accepting and allowing within myself that the actual physical decision to get out of bed was effortless.

 

Another point to consider here - the fact that I was able to see the point this morning and make the decision to get out of bed, in no way means that I have walked through the point into an absolute change as a physical expression of myself. Lol - this was just the tip of the iceberg and it would take an accumulation of moments until my absolute living application would be according to the principle of what is best for all.

 

How to Cope with the Death of a Pet? - Day 248

So.. Babitjie is no longer here in his Physical Form. We found him yesterday, powerless, helplessness and almost lifeless. The vet identified Kidney Failure and after 24 hours of no change, it was decided to put him down.

 

I'm working with the point of Emotional turmoil in relation to this point because I developed a relationship connection with Babitjie specifically during the last year. I learnt a lot about Cats from observing him, playing with him, being with him. Babitjie inhabited my room a while back and was my roommate if you will. His Expression was very specific and I enjoyed him a lot. He did have a down side when his Evil Nature came up from time to time, bullying other cats, he was like a kid, bullying in the outside but inferior from the inside. Lol, when ever there was a lightning storm he would go and be so close to me, like a baby that scared from laud noises. 

 

Anyway, what I'm looking at is the relationship creation and connection that I have formed with Babitjie, not long after I had to give away my dog, Yalda, when I decided to move to the farm. Giving her away was the difficult decision I have ever faced and it took me a while before I was ready to connect again with another animal because the thought of having to leave behind another animal was unbearable.

 

But Babitjie, didn't consider my mind fuck and simply decided for me :-)  Which was also interesting thing back then because I didn't like cats before I encounter Babitjie which through him, I could changed my entire perspective on cats, their expression and thus, experience enjoyable moments with them.

 

What I can already see is lots of self judgement for even allowing myself to cry and be sad for the lose of Babitjie's expression that I will no longer enjoy simply because his expression is unique to him and he is no longer here. but also, the crying is due to a few mind fucks that I can see through walking the SF process that I started walking before he was put down: (Note: when I wrote "no longer part of my direct environment" what I meant is that either the pet is dead or not part of my life any more like for instance with Yalda that is perfectly healthy and taken cared for doesn't live with me anymore)

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to distract myself with Emotional turmoil when and as a Pet that I developed a relationship connection with is no longer part of my direct and immediate environment and thus, accepted and allowed myself to focus on my negative experience instead of investigating the starting point of my relationship with the pet and within that, what is it that I perceive myself as lacking which the pet gave me and now that point of giving is gone.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and be hard on myself for crying when finding out about a pet, that I developed a relationship connection with, has to be put down due to a severe health condition and within that, what I have not seen, realized and understood was that suppressing what I'm experiencing is not the solution. Instead, to realize that a pet has a specific and unique expression that will no longer express itself in the form that they were and thus, this expression that was part of my day to day Life is no longer exists and missing this expression without attaching emotional energetic charge to it, is valid. What is not valid is to attach the energetic charge to it as if a part of me is now gone because I'm here, same as yesterday, breathing, healthy, directive. 

 

Changing the form Life takes on does not change Life - Life remains the same. So, whether the Life is a sperm or an egg, or whether it is ‘merged’ or ‘fused’ into a new being – that new being is not a ‘new’ Life Form. It’s just Life in a new form, but it’s the same Life. (Economics Journey To Life - Day 156: Honoring the Right to Life in an Equal Money System)

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT realize that LIFE isn't gone when the pet is gone, but the experience I've created within and as myself in relationship with the pet is no longer exists. Within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that when a being dies, it is not life that dies, it is still Life but in a new form.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to investigate the emotions that I experience when a pet that I was connected to is no longer part of my Physical an direct environment and within that, justify to myself that the Experience is Valid because we had a Special relationship connection, we read each other, we were aligned with each other and thus, within that justification, not considering the Common Sense point that - the Relationship is an Experience I've created within and as myself because if that was real, I should have been able to develop the same kind of relationship with any being on earth. This is then thus why, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see in self honesty that the starting point of developing such 'Unique' Relationship with a pet is due to how I am perceiving myself as lacking which is something that the pet can give me. And thus, when the pet is gone, and the condition is now no longer exists wherein, the pet cannot give me what I wanted them to give me, I access Sadness, Fear, and sorrow. In this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that the Emotions that I feel when a pet is no longer here, are emotions that derive from my self interest starting point of worrying that the Experience I Perceived the Pet to give me, will cease to exists.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the Pet, within my own self interest desire to keep them around, to keep the experience I perceive they give me and thus, do what ever it takes to "save" them however within this, I haven't consider the pet, I haven't communicate with them, asking them for their preference in dying or staying in this physical reality, not seeing the consequential outflows of us insisting to keep them alive, and the life that they would have if we would to succeed keeping them for a little bit longer. What we can see here is that our desire and need to keep a being alive is for and as our own self interest starting point with no real consideration for the pets themselves which then, the question we must ask ourselves - do our pets are our slaves? Beings that we are taking care for so that we can have an experience within our relationship with them? or is it a practical common sense wherein - there is an animal here, the animal require support and I am in a position of giving the animal the support the animal required. Within this, I may enjoy the Animal Expression but it doesn't mean that I need to create an energetic experience towards this expression because, who I am, is  not dependent on other beings expression, who I am is not dependent on the presence of other beings in my world. Sure, it's cool to have beings in my environment but whether they are physically here or not is irrelevant because it is only through the mind wherein what is gone is the relationship that I had created with them, in separation of myself to sustain my experience I perceive myself to have when I'm in their presence.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to raise a pet as a slave for me to have an experience in my relationship with them and within that, taking care of them, so that my Experience slave won't leave me and if they do, I would immediate replace them with another Slave that would give me the same experience, not considering to investigate the nature of the experience, why I require to have this experience from the first place and Can I transform to slave/master relationship to Equal and One relationship, not only with the pets but with all living creatures on earth.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to access past memory experiences with the Pet that is no longer here, to give me a positive experience that would justify the Negative Experience that I accessed to within the belief that the pet is no longer 'Here'. In this, I forgive myself that instead of utilizing the past memory experience as a tool to investigate my own acceptance and allowance, the starting point of getting to know how and why I created an entity as a relationship connection between me and the pet, seeing what is it that I perceived myself as lacking which the pet can give me.

 

I will keep on investigating the relationship between Human beings and the Manifested consequences such as Animals health conditions and show why it is that the death of the animals on earth has to do with Human Intervention.

I will also have a look at what it is that I perceive myself as lacking which I require an animal to provide me with and within that, why have I accepted and allowed myself to enslave animals for my own inner happiness in total separation from myself and the animal. In this, I assist and support myself to develop equal and one relationship with animals instead of Slave/Mastery relationship.

And finally but important nevertheless is how I accepted and allowed myself to create relationship connection with one or two animals and I haven't been able to develop relationships with all beings. In this, why it is that I feel sad and emotionally charged when a pet I had a relationship with dies and yet, not considering or regarding all the animals and humans that dies every single moment.