Melancholia after Break Up Continued - Day 174

This is a continuation to:

Part 1 - My First Love.

Part 2 - What is Love to me?

What is Spiritual Love to me? - Part 3 - Day 158

No Sex - No Relationship - Day 167

Men only think about Sex? - Day 168

Values System Within my Mind – Day 169

The Love Experience - Day 170

Wanting to be Saved by Prince Charming - Day 171

Why Females attracted to Males that are unavailable for a relationship - Day 172

Melancholia after a Break Up - Day 173

 

I Commit myself to Remind myself that going on and on in my mind, looping around memories, trying to figuring out what I've done wrong and how I can correct myself is impractical and thus, when and as I see myself accessing my mind, perpetuating the Sadness that I've accepted and allowed within and as myself to immediately STOP, BEATHE and Literally bring myself back here, to and as my human physical body and utilize the 4 Count breath if necessary till the Energy dissipate and I'm clear and stable within and as myself. Within this, I commit myself to assist and support myself in seeing the nature of the Melancholia, My Starting point and the Hidden Desire that activated the point through writing, SF and Practical Corrective Actions.

 

I Commit myself to Remind myself that accessing Melancholic mode and within that, accepting and allowing Melancholia to become my entire existence is unacceptable as I see, realize and understand that through allowing myself to become Melancholic, I accept and allow myself to give up on myself through separating myself to such an extent of believing myself to be so Sad and that this sadness is real, not seeing, realizing and understanding that for my mind, this Sadness is a good thing as the mind consume the energy that is busy manifesting when accepting and allowing sadness to exists within and as me. Thus, When and as I see myself accessing Melancholic depression, I stop, I breathe, I'm HERE. I remind myself that what I've accepted and allowed within and as myself is just Energy and that WHO I AM is not Energy. Therefor, I stand up, Shake the Energy off of me, Letting it go and aligning myself with and as my human physical body, in one Breath.

 

I Commit myself to NEVER AGAIN justify and reasoning why it is OK for me to take a moment and break down, why it is OK for me to access Melancholia and Why it is fine to feel those Negative Emotions inside of me. I see, realize and understand that I am always the ONE who Decide and it would be only me who Decide to either accept and allow Melancholia or stand up, Breath and let the Energy go within seeing that accepting and allowing the energy possession to control me and my entire human body is in no way supporting myself nor my body.

 

I Commit myself to Never again abuse and sabotage myself to satisfied my Preprogramed desires as I now see, realize and understand that placing Value in these Desires is Directly and Indirectly stating that I have No respect for myself and when I don't have respect for myself, I do not have respect for LIFE.

 

I Commit myself to Show how Melancholia is a Mind Controlled State where a being is abdicating one's responsibility towards oneself and one's world and that within that, one ALWAYS have the power to Decide what one will accept and allow and what one won't.

 

I Commit myself to SHOW the relationship between Melancholia after a break up and the Media as Magazines, Fairy Tale movies, Books and Story and how through the Media, humanity had become control to their own Minds to the extent of abusing themselves and their human physical body within the Belief that it is human Nature to experience Melancholia after a break up because that is what promoted in the Media.

Melancholia after a Break Up - Day 173

This is a continuation to:

Part 1 - My First Love.

Part 2 - What is Love to me?

What is Spiritual Love to me? - Part 3 - Day 158

No Sex - No Relationship - Day 167

Men only think about Sex? - Day 168

Values System Within my Mind – Day 169

The Love Experience - Day 170

Wanting to be Saved by Prince Charming - Day 171

Why Females attracted to Males that are unavailable for a relationship - Day 172

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to break down after a break up from my partner for an extensive period of time where all I could think about was what have I done wrong and how was it possible that we broke up because everything was so perfect and in that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to spend hours in my mind, going back and forth throughout all the memories that I had with him, in the attempt to figure out how can I correct it and make him to change his mind.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to access Melancholic experience after the break up to the extent of not going out of bed for almost 4 days and in that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself during the time in bed, to think again and again and again, in my mind, about our last moment together of him leaving the house and not looking back while I'm lying on the floor as if the end of the world had arrived and in this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself through rapidity going over this moment in my mind, to perpetuate my emotions and re-live the experience, not seeing, realizing and understanding that despite of what had happened, I'm still here, I remain and to continue participating in the mind is not practical assistance and support that I'm able to gift to myself, to come down to this physical reality, take a breath and simply be here - continue walking, breath by breath, step by step.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to feel like my entire human physical body is tearing apart after the break up, as if someone took my stomach and turn is back and forth, up and down and pushing it in and out. In this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to instead of questioning and investigating the nature of my experience and why and how I'm deliberately creating this experience, I've accepted and allowed the experience as if it was me, as if it was real and in that justify why I'm allowed to be in agony because after all - I was just been dump by the love of my life.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for having the experience of melancholia for so long because others had told me that: "Yes, it takes time but not that much time, Maya, it's time to stop this" and within that, instead of assisting and supporting myself to step out of the experience that I've created within and as my mind and believed so much that it was all real, I've closed myself at home, allowing sadness to take total control over me and slowly but surely let my friendship relationships slip away because my friends couldn't support my existence in melancholia which I so deeply had decided to remain within and as.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to deliberately hang out with guys that if my Ex would have seen me with, he would have become Jealous and so, I made sure to spend time with celebs within the hope that I would be captured in the newspaper with them. In this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to hang out with guys from the starting point of making my Ex jealous, and in no way had any respect to myself nor my body within my mission to do what ever it takes to win my man back.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to plan each and every move that I've made within the starting point of whether or not it will take me one step further to get back with my partner and so, for example when I had birthday, I made sure to invite as many people as possible, and as many attractive guys as possible so that when my ex will surprise me and come to my party, he would see me with these attractive guys and become jealous, realize he had made a mistake and come back to me. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to - when realizing he will not come to the party and see the scene that I've prepared to such great details for him, to drink my sorrow up with Alcohol and spend the night with a guy that had no respect for me, just that I won't be alone, facing my agony and misery that I've created within and as myself.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to - when going out with friends, to go out to places with the highest chances that if my ex would be in town, it would be the place I would party in so that we could meet each other again and as he would see me, he would immediately realize that he had done a mistake by breaking up with me. In this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to actually enjoy myself, be here, with my friends when we went out to party as I was consistently, looking for my Ex, hoping faith will bring us back together and when the moment didn't arrive, to drink myself up, so that I could feel unlimited to spend the night with another guy so that for a moment, I could feel desired and yearned for, only that, I never did - the melancholia was always there - with or without Alcohol and sex.

 

To be Continued...

Intimacy in Words - Part 2 - Day 153

 

This is a continuation to:

Developing Intimate sexual communication with Self - Day 151

Intimacy in Words - Part 1 - Day 152

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT realize that within an effective agreement/relationship with a partner, communication between the partners must be constructive, supportive and effective and that if one accept and allow any back chat and reactions towards their partner, the entire relationship/agreement is being compromised, abused and sabotaged.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to only communicate with my partner regarding sex when it makes me look better, cooler and exotic and doing that from the starting point of the desire to be more desirable and attractive to him so that he would not consider leaving me for another woman and in this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to consider that if I require to seduce my partner by using specific words in a specific tonality, the foundation of  our relationship/agreement is cracked and must be revised within the starting point of whether or not there is a possibility to develop and establish an effective relationship/agreement that is based on a support structure that would result in with our self empowerment and growth to stand, be and become the utmost effective human beings in this world that would walk in every moment of breath within and as the principle of that which is best for all.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to develop and establish an effective and intimate communication with my partner because I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I've been trying to hide and run away from facing myself in any given moment by walking into a relationship/agreement that wouldn't support me in any way, to expose and reveal myself as what I've become which through seeing myself as who I am now, I could take self responsibility into changing and transforming myself into an effective human being in this world with the assistance and support of myself in particular and my partner as an additional support.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to blame my partner and react in anger when and as he had done something that I didn't liked/approved and in that, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to realize that unless my partner and I would write an agreement of what we would accept and allow within ourselves, each other and this world as  whole, we would react, spite, and resent each other as our communication from the get go wasn't effective, supported and agreed upon, when and as our expectation from each other wouldn't meet and/or stand in alignment to the physical reality.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed having expectation from my partner and when those expectation didn't meet the physical reality as my partner didn't stand according to my expectations, I've reacted in anger, frustration and resentment without seeing, realizing and understanding that there is no way my partner can stand according to my expectations if we haven't communicated about it and looked at the starting point to see if the point is practical and supportive for both of us and through that, coming together within an agreement whether or not we would walk this point or simply let it go as that is what's best for all.

 

 

 

 

Blinded by Love - Day 47

This is a continuation of my previous blog: How to Choose a Partner – Day 21

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to seek for the experience of LOVE where my entire human physical body feels light, when everything seems to be alright and having a smile on my face without any particular reason and I haven't seen that those experience/moments are a imprints that I've downloaded into myself through watching Romantic movies and that those moments/experiences are momentary and as such, cannot be a real physical expression because if it was real, it would have been me who direct the smile, the light feeling body and it wasn't an energetic experience that was based on external forces magically just happened.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to prompt my children with Love stories and Movies and I haven't realized the implication of my doing - programming to become an individual self interests beings that move and direct oneself according to the child desires to fulfil one purpose of surviving instead of educating my child with a practical commons sense of what does it means to practically LOVE within the principle of Love thy neighbor as thyself wherein the physical living application of Love can be measured within the establishment world that is best for all LIVES.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have refused to see that LOVE is a delusional mind fuck that one is participating with because when one experience LOVE, one is closed down to one's own mind where for a moment, everything seems to be OK and fine regardless of this world not being OK and fine and thus, we spend our lives, seeking for the experience of LOVE in self interest, for a moment of bliss and while doing that, separating ourselves form the real LIFE that is here, a LIFE that is not worth living for the majority of this world and instead of walking the living expression of LOVE in making sure that all could have a dignified LIFE, we have been preoccupying ourselves with the energetic feeling of Love that is in no way a living application of LOVE that is best for all

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be blind by LOVE and thus, missed and ignored the obvious points that require corrections within the relationships/agreements that I've walked and within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to make the decision of walking an agreement/relationship with a partner based on feelings and emotions while disregarding the functionality of walking an agreement with another in terms of our processes, sexual alignment , our financial stability and thus, take all the variables and make an informative decision that is based on practicality instead of emotions/feelings so that we could walk together, in alignment in this ONE life.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to - when being in a relationship/agreement, to fall into the trap of LOVE as an energetic experience and thus, seclude myself from the LIFE that is here, right in front of me; LIFE that required direction and major change so that all could have a LIFE that is worth LIVING and I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the deception in LOVE as a design to make people stuck in their own bubble of self interest while disregarding LIFE and the change that is required to be walked in terms of the LIVING application of LOVE that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see how one is attempting to control the experience of LOVE through compromising and limiting oneself and this world through blinding and closing one's eyes so that the experience of LOVE could remain for just one more moment regardless the huge RED FLAGS that are lighting all over, screaming for correction and change in oneself, in the relationship/agreement and in this world.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to learn form my past mistakes and correct my application with regards to choosing a partner and thus, time after time after time, I find myself looping the same points and becoming angry at myself for falling into the same trap because I gave value to the LOVE experience and I didn't allow myself to let it go even though I've already seen that the experience isn't real and can only last for so long before it disappear and one remain with a fucked up reality, remain with picking up the pieces and stand up again, only to return to the same point that one faced in the beginning with no actual and real self change.

I commit myself to expose and show that the current Media is prompting Love from the starting point of keeping the individuals secluded in their mind so that they won't be able to even consider walking the physical application of 'love thy neighbor as thyself' and stand up for LIFE that is best for all because they are too occupied in their self interest little bubble of their mind while those who control the media can keep making profit on the backs of their brainwashed consumers.

I commit myself to show and reveal what does it mean to actually LOVE as an application of the principle of what is best for all rather than how love is currently walked as an individual pursuit of happiness in total separation from oneself and one's world.

I commit myself to stop making decisions based on emotions and feelings such as LOVE and instead, make informative decisions that are based on practical common sense and consideration of myself, others and essentially everything and everyone.

I'm letting go of the desire to experience LOVE as an energetic momentary experience because I realized that the design of LOVE as we walk today is a delusional mind fuck that keeps us preoccupied in our mind, in a zombified state of selfish beings that consider only of themselves and disregards the entirety of this world.

Please watch my Vlog - 2012 - LOVE Month -Is Love and Light the Solution?

How to Choose a Partner – Day 21

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to when considering a prospective partner to participate with the back chat: “I hope my family will accept him” to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that the thought: “I hope my family will accept him” influenced my decisions as well as I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to base my decisions on the fear that my family won’t approve my partner without getting to know the person and see if there is a potential for a supportive and effective relationship/agreement.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself within that relationships that I’ve had because I made a decision of being with a partner based on whether or not my family will approve him instead of getting to know the person and making the decision based on common sense principle that I’ve set up for myself in relation to what agreement/relationship do I want for myself from the starting point of what is best for ME within the process that I’ve walking.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to when seeing a prospective partner, judge him according to his physical body appearance instead basing the decision according to guidelines that I’ve set up for myself in relation to the agreement/relationship that I would like to walk with another human being.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to connect the prospective body appearance to the back chat – “ I hope my family will approve him” in separation of me and accordingly, make a decision to walk or not to walk an agreement/relationship with the prospective partner despite of the fact that I didn’t even take the time to get to know the being and see for myself if there is a potential to establish an effective and supportive agreement/relationship with the being.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to get to know beings that do not stand according to the relationship profile that I’ve created in my mind and within that, I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that I’m limiting myself to such an extent through giving value to how the prospective partner would look like instead of taking the time to get to know the being and see whether there is a potential for us to align ourselves to and as one’s process.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have a judgement day picture in my mind wherein I bring the partner home for dinner and according to that, assessing whether or not this person has a potential to be with me and within that, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to hold on to a judgement day picture in my mind where my partner meet my family and through that assumption/judgement, I’m making a limited decision with regards to the being in relation to whether or not we could walk an agreement/relationship together.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by my own judgement of the prospective partner through projecting it onto my family because I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to respect myself enough to actually get to know the person and make a decision from .

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use the beings that won’t fit to the family picture profile that I have in my mind only for sex and I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to take a moment and get to know them because from the get go, I didn’t think there is a chance for the relationship/agreement according to the family profile picture that I’ve hold in my mind

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to walk into an agreement/relationship for ME but instead, tried to restore my relationship with my family through a partner that will fit into the family profile picture and with doing so, I’ve accepted and allowed myself to sabotage, compromise and abuse myself through making decisions that has nothing to do with WHO the person is and Who I am within the agreement/relationship.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see how I’ve sabotaged and abused myself within my relationship with males because I haven’t taken a moment to get to know them and see whether or not there is a potential for us to align ourselves to each other within our processes because my starting point was to have a partner that will fit with the family profile picture and thus, when someone fit the family profile picture, I’ve blinded my eyes and I didn’t see the obvious signs when the partner was not align with me and the process that I’m busy walking.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to establish relationship with males that I knew that the relationship won’t last and within that, felt superior within myself through the experience of spiting and rebelling to what i perceived to be expected of me without realizing that the only person whom I spiting against is myself through the accepted and allowed relationships in my life that are in no way a form of support.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to go deliberately into relationships that won’t last because I wanted to spite and rebel my upbringing without considering that the only person whom I spite and dishonour is myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that I’m spiting myself when I’m making a decision to spite my family and within that, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to make a decision based on spitefulness in relation to my prospective partner instead of walking a decision that is based on common sense principles that I’ve set up for myself in relation to how I would like to walk an agreement with another from the starting point of support to myself and my process that I’m busy walking.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to walk into relationship/agreement with partners who have money because when I did go out with rich guys, I felt inferior, unworthy and not in their league and I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life within that experience. Within that, I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to be open about my experience in relation to money to be able to face and correct the experience and thus then, come to an agreement with my partner in relation to money and instead, I ran away from myself and my partner before I even got to know him and see whether or not we can establish and develop an effective and supporting agreement/relationship.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the relationship between money and relationships  wherein, when my partner has more money than me, I believe I cannot control him and thus, will always be in a position of inferior, attempting to please and validate myself to him, to sustain our relationship and within that, I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to even consider establishing an agreement that is based on 2 equals walking their process where no one is controlling anyone but vice versa, assist and support each other to face and correct our self interest existence that we have become as well as expanding ourselves within the process of stepping out of the mind and stepping into ourselves as the physical equality and oneness reality.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to NOT go into a relationship/agreement with partners who have money because I felt ashamed that I can’t afford that which they can and I didn’t want to be feel inferior within the relationship. Within that, I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to be open and communicate the money point with my partners and thus, get to an agreement of how we will walk our relationship/agreement in relation to money.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear getting hurt again due to a failed relationship and thus, I’ve made a decision to never engage to an agreement/relationship where I could get hurt and thus, I made sure to not place myself in a vulnerable position and only went for superficial relationship as well as to unavailable partners, not even considering how I’m abusing and sabotaging myself within it and also, not considering taking a moment and sort myself out, to be able to walk an effective relationship/agreement with myself and with others.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that getting hurt due to a failed relationship was my own self creation which I’ve accepted and allowed because I didn’t have the tools to assist and support me with practical common sense application and thus, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to live in a world where the most important education isn’t in place and beings are being occupied in their mind with self pity, self sorrow and so on, and within that, abdicated the responsibility to assist and support themselves to step out of their mind, establish themselves in the physical equality and oneness reality and thus, creating a world that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to make decision of not getting in the position of being vulnerable and intimate with any partner so that I won’t have to go through the hell that I’ve experienced after a failed relationship and thus, accepted and allowed myself to sabotage, compromise and abuse myself within the belief that I can use sex to overcome the self sorrow, depression and self pity, despite of the fact that it didn’t assist and support me in anyway but only increased the emptiness that I’ve experienced within myself, because I did not had the tools to assist and support myself with stepping out of the emotional body that I’ve allowed myself to exists as and within that, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed a world where beings are subjected to their self creation mind design in total separation of themselves because we haven’t establish an effective education system that will allow everyone to face their acceptance and allowances which from there, we can take the responsibility to assist and support ourselves and other and together, establish a world that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use and abuse males for sex because of a self belief that I could feel good and better about myself and hide and suppress the depression that I’ve experience after a failed relationship and within that, I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to utilize sex as a physical self support and instead, tried and attempted to “fix” myself through having sex with males that I don’t have intimate relationship/agreement with despite the fact that I was never “fixed” and thus, accepted and allowed myself the cycle of abuse of myself and others without any practical corrective application.

I commit myself to stop making decisions according to a family profile picture that I’ve created in my mind and to assist and support me with creating a practical guideline for a decision making with regards to a prospective partner so that when and as I see anyone that is not standing according to the guideline that I’ve set up for myself, I will not manipulate myself an fall into the pattern of making decisions that are not based on self support but rather self sabotage abuse and compromise.

 I commit myself to walk and LIVE my own life within the starting point of self support principle of what is best for all.

I commit myself to embrace and respect myself and within that, establish an effective agreement with myself to NOT fall into the trap of self manipulation patterns of abuse and sabotage and in that, stand up, as who I am within everything that I do, and thus, not accepting anything that is less than me as well as from my prospective partner.

I commit myself to walk an agreement with a partner that respect himself enough to assist and support himself to step out of his mind in alignment with the process that I’m busy walking and thus, I will cross reference and investigate his application before making the decision to walk an agreement with him, to make sure that the decision is based on a real and trust worthy self support application.

I commit myself to get to know the prospective partner before making any decision of walking an agreement with him, to see if there is an actual potential that we can be aligned within ourselves and our processes.

I commit myself to Stop using sex to manipulate myself and others and to only utilize sex as a self physical support when and as I’m walking an agreement with another where intimacy and comfortably with each other is established.

Being Touched by my Partner in Public.

Day 2

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to connect being touched with love, through defining touch with the experience of love Instead of seeing what touch IS as the physical expression of touch, in separation of me.

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see that touch is simply a physical touch and has nothing to do with any type of emotions or feeling that was generated/activated in my mind in the moment of being touched by my partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from touch through giving it specific properties according to the who/what is touching me and who/what I’m touching.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed interpretation of where I am within my relationship/agreement according to how my partner is touching me in public instead of seeing Who I am within the moment of touch – Here or in my mind? and thus, when and as I see myself going into my mind in a moment of touch, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here. If I see that in that moment, I’m not able to direct and move myself out of the mind, I take a step back, breathe, direct the point immediately within me, to not accept and allow any moment of separation to exist within and as me through abdicating the responsibility of remaining Here, in the physical reality.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from a physical touch through defining touch as sexual and intimate when and as I’m being touched by my partner in public.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed touch to define me and tell me where I am in relation to my relationship with my partner instead of standing, moving and directing myself and my relationship with my partner so that we could both walk our process effectively within a support structure that we’ve established for ourselves.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed the experience of being touched by my partner in public to be an experience of being validated by another. Within that, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed the need to be validated by another instead of standing in self trust in every moment as the directive principle of myself and my world.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed the desire to be touched by my partner in public to define my relationship with my partner instead of sticking to practical common sense agreement where both partner agreed on the specificity of how to assist and support each other in the process of stepping out of the mind into the physical reality.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed the desire to be touched by my partner in public to have control over me to such an extent where – if my partner touches me in public, I feel safe within our relationship and if my partner doesn’t touch me, I feel insecure and participate in doubt stream of thoughts in my mind.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define my relationship with my partner according to whether or not I am being touched in public by my partner wherein if my partner touches me in public, I define our relationship as stable and if he doesn’t, I define our relationship as doomed to fall.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to desire being touched by my partner in public so that my partner will be marked as unavailable to all the women that see him touching me and within that, in the moment of being touched, instead of focusing on the physical touch through and as the breath, I’ve accepted and allowed a moment of superiority/proudness to control enslave and direct me so that I won’t see the Why and How I’ve designed myself as a personality that require touch for self definition, self worth and self trust and for not seeing my accepted and allowed existence of me as inferiority.
I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the core/source point of the desire to be touched by my partner in public through my participation in thoughts/emotions/feeling in moments of being touched. I realize that the core/source point of the desire to be touched is due to the fear of ending up alone as well as fear of lose.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself through the fear of ending up being alone, create a personality relationship with my mind in relation to being touched by my partner in public and within that, I’ve abdicated the responsibility of assisting and supporting myself to bring myself back here, to and as the physical reality.
I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the relationship between the desire of being touched by my partner in public and the fear of ending up alone as well as fear of lose.
I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the fear of ending up alone as well as fear of lose in relation to being touched by my partner in public because when and as I was touched by my partner in public, I felt good and positive energy and when I wasn’t touched by my partner in public, I felt bad and negative energy and thus, by accepting and allowing myself to exists as energy, either negative or positive, I’ve not allowed myself to see the core/source point of the desire to be touched by my partner in public so that I won’t have to face the fear and see the fear for what it is.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed frustration to emerge when the desire to be touched activated and yet, my partner have not touched me in public however, instead of investigating the acceptance of frustration to emerge from within me and what I’m actually showing to myself as what I perceive myself to be lacking of, I’ve accepted my partner for who and what he is as the mind because I feared that if I communicate about it, he will leave me and I will end up alone. Within that, I’ve not only sabotaged and compromised myself through not taking the responsibility of facing myself, I’ve sabotage and compromise my partner if there was a point within him in relation to touch which he hasn’t faced yet and I haven’t done anything to point it out.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed the desire to be touched by my partner in public to sabotage with how I’m directing myself and my world because even though there were obvious signs that my partners weren’t align with me and my process, I’ve allowed the touch and the desire to be touched to blind me and take me down the road of a relationship that is in no way supports me nor my partner.
When and as my partner touch me in public, I focus on the physical touch. If I see myself going into my mind as energy, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back to my human physical body.
When and as I see myself accessing frustration that my partner doesn’t touch me in public, I immediately stop and bring the point back to self. I breathe in, I breathe out and I’m letting the frustration go because I realize that becoming frustrated indicate that I’ve separated myself from myself by perceiving myself to be lacking of that which I did get from my partner to fulfill my desire to be touched so that I won’t have to face the fear of ending up alone.