And again… - Day 276

Today I've noticed an interesting Design that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate with. In the last few days, I was resonantly possessed. I didn't slow myself down enough to specify the possession in assisting and supporting myself to step out of it and thus, it had slowly but surely accumulated till there was no more excuses and justification to not sort this out.

 

It all started last week when we had a power cut for 3 days and I couldn't participate with my regular daily responsibilities which caused a lag throughout this week, after the power came back. I'm still pushing to catch up on all the points but I haven't got to everything because my normal routine is quite hectic in itself and to add to this 3 days of no work is almost impossible but absolutely doable.

 

Yesterday, around the evening, the possession started kicking in  but I was so busy that I couldn't find a moment to investigate it properly. I had an idea of what it is all about but I haven't made the directive decision to in fact step out of it but instead, decided to suppress it for a moment without considering the consequences that would manifest with such deliberate suppression.

 

I woke up today in tremendous irritation to the extent of reacting to whom ever was in my direct view. It didn't take long to see that the possession is now very much defined and has to do with self validation.

In my mind, I started to Compare myself to others, trying to justify why I should feel sorry for myself and how unfair it is that I don't have a moment for myself for more than a week. I blamed myself for the decisions that I made throughout the week and the Extra Responsibilities that I took on. When I realized that I'm busy comparing, I directed myself to STOP but, it came up again. And so I stopped again, and it came up again. It was round about 3-4 hours until I could STOP in a moment of absolute decision to stop. 

 

I reminded myself that I've seen this character before, that I've walked the entire personality system in specificity and thus, it was time to apply the Practical corrective application and to literally Stop. But it didn't stop because I've missed a point/layer within this personality which is Competition for Self Validation.

 

Have a look at how manipulative is this design -

When I compared myself to others, I was actually competing with Others in my mind in looking at who is better than me, who is lesser than me; Who is Superior to me and who is Inferior to me; in that, I could place me on a polarity scale and stand in a position of being MORE than and accordingly, secretly accept myself as worthy. It was such a secret that I it didn't even make me feel better lol - I was still irritated, angry and frustrated.

(The story of how I practically assisted and supported myself to step out of the repetitive thought pattern will be shared in blogs to come as I see now that there is more to investigate and I require deep self introspection, which I will first walk for myself, in making sure that the pattern is in fact deleted and I haven't created another entity for myself.

 

What I am able share today is some rhetorical questions that I asked myself through which I could see the stupidity that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate with.

So I asked myself: how is it possible that you have placed yourself as more than in your own mind and yet, it didn't change the internal experience? What worth does superiority has if inside, I feel like shit, irritated, angry and frustrated? What does it shows about WHO I AM if and when I accept and allow myself to only validate me through competing and comparing myself to others? What does the back chat expose about my starting point of what I do as Who I am?

 

The reason why I used the word 'Rhetorical' is because the answers to these questions are very clear to me. The Real Questions that I'm yet to answer to myself in self honesty are WHY and HOW it is that I didn't stand as the directive principle, as a decision, as breath and STOP the participation in the thought pattern the first moment I saw myself accessing this time loop?

 

I'm aware and understand that there are Mind Systems that works in the background and support the possession that I was in. fine. I cannot use it as an excuse though and I will not justify myself through the systems because who if not me were the one who accepted and allowed such systems in the first place?

 

So, this blog is not the end of the story but the tip of the iceberg. It is up to me now to make sure I walk through this point because I really had enough from me repeating the same patterns that do not support myself and others in any way whatsoever.

So stay tuned as I commit myself to further expand on this point, first with myself and when I have absolute clarity, I'll share.

 

--

Note, the Mind system that I was referring to can be studied by listening to:  Quantum Mind - Self Awareness - Part 43 that was done yesterday, along with Quantum Systemization Repetitive Thought-Pattern Control System - Part 13

 

    

            

There are so many factors in ONE Equation - Understanding Economy - Day 273

So within this blog, I will share how I've diverted/shifted my responsibility and the responsibility of humanity as a whole onto  'Them' without realizing that 'Them' is you and I, as I've explained in my previous blog. So again, One must understand that the starting point of my blogs is not to find faults in others or to blame the system. My starting point is to educate myself regarding the Dimensions that are involved within our Economic Structure which from there, I stand in absolute clarity, stability and consistency for a solution that would result with the best for all outcome.

 

A year or more ago, it was shared on the Israeli News that the Electrical Company, which is acting as a Monopoly in Israel, has the technology to provide to every household in Israel Internet access through the Electricity Gridlines.  That means that the Internet in Israel can be accessible for ALL with no or very little additional costs to the Electricity bills.

 

At the moment, the Cable and Phone companies provides Internet services within extreme competition that they barely survive (which is another blog topic by itself). When the news came out regarding the Internet access through the Electricity  gridlines, the Cable and Phone companies profess that the Internet cannot be monopoly and if that will be allowed, they will be out of business.

 

"Innocent me", with no real awareness and broad reasoning thinking - was very upset from the Government decision to not allow the monopoly on utilizing the electrical gridlines for Internet access for all because from where I was standing, what I saw was  only those who could have had Internet access very easily but wouldn't have it because of power, control and regulation.

 

HOWEVER, what I haven't taken into consideration is the following:

Imagine that the decision was to make the internet as Monopoly run by the Electricity Company which will allow the entire Israeli people to have access to the Internet through their Electricity lines. The Previous internet Services Companies will either go bankrupt or would close the Internet Departments if it is one of these companies that has additional services they can provide like for instance, cell phones or TV cables.

Now comes the step that I missed within my mission to blame the Government's decision which is the JOBS that people would lose from such decision.

Meaning, if previously, you had 5-6 companies that provided internet, now you have only one Company. You'll get 5-6 Company that would have to let go of employees because they would no longer have any work for them. 

So, we have on one side of the scale, many people with internet access but on the other side of the scale, we have many people that would lose their job and would not be able to provide for themselves and their families. From that perspective, I agree with the Government that didn't allow such a move because one can live without Internet but one cannot Live without Money within this current Money system because Money is the factor that would determine if you live or die and so, within this money system, money is the God. So.. Maybe we should blame money? lol no. But we will get to it.

 

So, in terms of the protests, occupied wall streets, OWS and so on, the solution that the people are asking isn't really doable and may cause more harm than good because there isn't a encompassing seeing of all the relationship that effect and involved with every decision that we make which would in most cases if not all, would place a large group of people in a more compromised situation that they were before.

 

Understand, the problem isn't so black and white as would like it to be. It is very much complexes an unknown to most humans. We tend to look at things from our own eyes view that is taint with Self Interest without ever looking at ALL the Relationship/factors that are involved.

Like for instance with myself, the reason I was upset about the decision to not allow the Internet access through allowing Monopoly of the internet, that would allow everyone access to the internet and thus to a world of unlimited information was because, as I saw it, having internet access for all would raise the chances for people to find out about the Equal Money System Movement and we could walk faster towards a world of Harmony and dignified life for all however, within this self interest, I've neglected to look at the greater picture and within that, the immediate affect that such decision would create and would have resulted with many beings without a job. What I haven't taken into consideration is the current functioning of the world system and within that, haven't consider how to work with what is here and transform/correct it to an equation that would result with the best for all outcome.

 

I suggest reading more about the Encompassing solution we present, I suggest reading through the Economist's Journey to Life as they expose the problem and present a solution, on a daily basis.

     

Unconditional Giving and Receiving or a Control System? - Day 269

 

 

I'm seeing lately more and more that I've created issues around the Principle of Give as you'd like to Receive which made me look more carefully and deeply into my starting point in relation to living principle of 'Give as you'd like to Receive'. Interestingly enough, the reactions that I experience are more in the context of the Receiver than the Giver however, what is more interesting is that the issues around the Receiver were actually derived from the issues around the Giver.

 

What I've noticed was that when I Receive, I experience discomfort in my body, like anxiety almost. It's like, the moment I receive, I immediately go into the thought domain where I would see all the potentials and possibilities for me to Give back as if now, I must Give something back and unless I Give, I can't fully stand stable, Here, enjoy the moment, breathe - because I must give back.

 

For instance - if let's say, someone is offering to give me a massage because I had back pain or because they discovered a new pressure point in their back and now they want to show me the point while massaging, I go into anxiety. It is very slight anxiety but very much constant. If for instance, someone offers me a coffee or something to eat, I would immediately start calculating whether I should accept it because maybe it means that the next time I make myself a cup of coffee or something to eat, I should ask anyone around me if they would like so too. Or if someone buys me a gift, or a small thing that they know I would be pleased with, the anxiety kicks in again. I would then start calculating how much money I have to be able to gift them something back. And in sex as well, I never really allowed myself to Enjoy being 'treated' because I believed I would have to give back and then, I would give back according to the amount of time that I received. Quite fucked up story.

 

When looking at this point as a design, or the origin of the Design, as everything - all start at home where parents give their children gifts and expect in return the child to either be a good child, to do what was asked them to do, to be who they are expected to be which within that, the Child, as the Receiver feel obligated to Give something back to the parents. Often, the child doesn't really want to do or become what the parent wants them to do, be and become, but they do want to receive the gifts/rewards despite them knowing the Consequences it involves. Slowly but surely the demand from the parents makes the child feel slight anxiety and discomfort that would fade away and suppressed. And so, the Parents would control the child through a rewards system in a disguised of Unconditional Giving and if at any point the child rebel, the parents would always remind the child about the rewards the child had received and all the things the parents did for the child throughout time as a manipulation tactic to bring the Rebellion child back in track.

 

(Will continue in my next blog)

The Secret Agent is being Targeted - Day 264

 

 

This is a continuation to the Previous blogs:

The Secret Agent in the Mind - Day 261

The Rewards and Justifications of the Secret Agent Character (Part 1) - Day 262

The Rewards and Justifications of the Secret Agent Character (Part 2) - Day 263

 

Note - for the purposes of having a context to the following, I suggest to first read the previous blogs before continuing.

 

I'll start with a story that assisted me to understand the 'Targeting system' in a simple and Commonsensically way:

When I studied Law, I was interested in practicing the Criminal Law and before I made the decision whether or not I should go for it, I arranged a meeting with my Criminal Law Professor. Previous to the meeting, I was quite sure that the Professor will be the next stop before I'll commit myself to this life path. Little did I know that the meeting will be the stepping stone for my decision to not only go not peruse the Criminal law life path but to not become a lawyer at all because as far as I was concerned, being a lawyer wasn't something I really wanted to be but if I would have become a lawyer, I would only go for Criminal Law practice.

 

The Professor gave me some insights to consider, based on his past experiences and as I saw it, the points he pointed out were valid and made sense from the perspective of why it was best for me to not become a Criminal Lawyer. But within the context of this blog, one of the relevant point he said to me was something like:

"Let's say you start working with a client when he is quite young. Slowly but surely, the client would expose you to the truth of what they had actually done but since you are their lawyer, your job is to protect them. Now, let's say that this client is becoming part of Mafia. What would you do then? One option is to keep protecting the client and try sleeping at night which will be quite difficult because you know what you are allowing in this world. The other option is to say: "No more". Do you really think they will let you go so easily, when you know so much about them? when you are now a threat to them? when you showed your disloyalty to them? most likely that if you chose the second option, you'll be removed, disappear, dead. If you would have a family at this stage, your entire family would be in risk because the client would do what ever needs to be done to make you shut up and they will leave nothing for chance."

 

So, within that context, the Criminal Lawyer of a Mafia Client is acting as the Secret Agent. Although, not necessarily with the same benefits, rewards and experiences like the Government/Agency's Secret Agent.

The point is - when and as the Secret Agent would show signs of threat to the Government/Agency/Client wherein, the Government/Agency/Client would lose Everything they have worked for if the Secret Agent open their mouth, the Agent would be targeted as a threat and would most likely to be removed by unexpected 'Accident'.

Now, if you do your research, you would see that many world leaders where assassin or died in 'Unexpected accident' when they stood as a threat to the system of Control and Greed. Yes, many would say that I'm now participating with Conspiracy Theories but the truth of the matter is - Those that claim that without studying and investigating the History from all dimensions are in essence directed by FEAR as a justification that would allow them to remain ignorant because after all - Ignorant is bliss (when one has Money to afford the Bliss). 

If you Dare and allow yourself to practically connect the dots throughout history, you'd see for yourself the unspoken truth that effected your life, directly or indirectly and the Lives of all of us. You would see that this world would have already been a world that is best for all, if these world leaders would have the opportunity to establish and implement the policies they would have established, if they wouldn't have died from unexpected accidents.

 

The Secret Agent that dares to Question the System is immediately targeted. How does that correlate to the Secret Agent in the mind? This will be explained in my next blog.

The Secret Agent in the Mind - Day 261

I was looking today at the Secret Agent character as this character reveal itself in the Dream I had last night and as I was looking at the Character and who I am as the character, I've seen the following:

 

The Secret Agent is one who is Reacting to what one sees in one's Environment/world that one had defined as unacceptable and within that reaction, one will go against the System, within the justification that one is fulfilling one's purpose, one is doing what needs to be done, that which no one else will dare doing and thus, one is special, Divine and Heroic.

 

However, what one had not realized is that in essence, Reacting to a problem does not solve the problem but only perpetuate the gap, the separation, the inner and outer conflict instead of walking according to the Prevention Principle, standing from and as the system through which a change would be both internally and externally possible. The test of time shows and proven that Secret services and Secret Agents never in fact supported practically in bringing about a substantial change with an outcome that is best for all. Secret Services is ONLY done within the Principle of Self Interest, to benefit oneself or a handful amount of people while the Majority is being ignored, abused and compromised.

 

When I turn this back to myself, I see that I've programed and created myself as a Secret Agent within my own mind, always moved and directed myself according to my Secret agendas in self interest to fulfil my desires wants and needs. And even then, the test of time showed and proved that nothing of that which I wanted was actually manifested the way I wanted it to be which then one must ask the question - where I was 'wrong' within my application because obviously, the way I walked my life wasn't working. however instead of investigating my starting points and what was really that I wanted and desired, I kept on looping the same patterns over and over again while the only thing that was changing was the characters that acted in the Scenes that I created within and as my mind.

 

What was not addressed, investigated and questioned was: "What do I want"?

What I see, realize and understand thus far is - that which I perceived that I want, was conditioned and controlled by my pre-program design that I've created within and as myself throughout my life which was a direct influence by my Culture, Environment, Family, friends, Media, etc.

When existing according to one's preprogram design, we are actually trying to create ourselves a future that was already written by us in a very limited version of what the future can be because our frame of reference is our mind. we would try and live out our wants, needs and desires based on our self interest patterns and within that, won't allow ourselves to expand and empower ourselves in being able to assess in absolute and unconditional self honesty what is really best for all in every given moment and Live ONLY that which is best for all; and therefor, letting go of the desire of something that I want without even understanding what I want is quite a mind fuck.

 

So for instance, giving up the desire for relationship, doesn't mean that I won't have a relationship if an opportunity to a relationship would present itself and in self honesty I  would see that walking into such relationship would result in the best for all outcome. Because, when looking into my secret mind, the desire for a relationship for instance is very much existent and it influences every decision I make. I would plan my future not within the context of what and where and obviously within that who I am, stand in my utmost potential to bring about that which is really important - a change within and without but I would rather accept and allow myself to plan and brew events that may lead to the self interest desired outcome and within it all, wouldn't not really consider the beings that would be influenced by my inner plans I so desirably scheming to manifest. I would even justify the repetition of the same Life path in the decision that I make within the statement: "But this time it is different, I have changed, they have changed, I will not make the same mistakes, I must give it ago" and yet, the same repeat itself, time after time again while the only thing that is changing is the picture that I store in my mind. but till here no further.

 

And then comes the Trust - which is a big issue as Trust as how I understood trust thus far, was always within the context of trusting the system, trusting my intuition, the mind, the thoughts, feelings and emotions but that isn't a real Self trust - it is a trust that is based on separation, on deception and on what I want to trust instead of what is in fact physically real, substantial and best for all which in most or even all cases, won't stand in alignment to my self interest desires, wants and needs. So here is also to investigate how to redefine self interest to stand in alignment to what is best for all which within that context, the word that must be looked and investigated is the word 'Self' within the principle of oneness and equality that consists of and exists as EVERYTHING. In that context, Self is not only me, as my mind, as how I see myself through the mind  expression. 'Self' is Everything that exists and thus, includes me as well. This is why everything start with SELF change because unless I, self, change, there is no way the SELF that exists as Everything that is here would change. Which thus put the term: 'self interest' in a new light - instead of walking according to the interest of one's individuality in separation from everything and everyone, one walk according to the interest of Self that consists of and exists as everything that is here which then the interest serve and stand in alignment to the principle of 'best for all'

 

Will continue with my introspection within tomorrow's blog.

For now, I suggest reading Marlen's blog: Can Self Interest be Common Sense?

The Drama Queen calling for attention - From Reaction to Correction - Day 260

This is a continuation to:

Just another Drama Queen - Day 258

The Drama Queen Painfully calling for Attention - Day 259

 

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to harm, sabotage and compromise my human physical body deliberately to draw attention to myself. In this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to use and abuse my human physical body to draw attention to myself.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand my starting point within the Desire to draw attention to myself and within that, haven't investigated the insecurity and inferiority that I had experienced within and as myself  which had led to the harm, abuse, sabotage of myself and my human physical body. In this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed a world where children do not have respect for themselves and their human physical body to the extent of which they would harm, sabotage abuse and compromise themselves as the human physical body, to draw attention to themselves as this is how they know how to cope with their friction and conflict between the inner and external reality; in this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed a world where children do not learn basic Life skills in how to assist and support themselves to instead of Reacting within and as themselves, to work with the principle of Prevention and accordingly, prevent harmful experiences, without having to go through experiences that could have been prevented if children were taught to be effective and self responsible human beings in this world.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to investigate the Desire to draw attention to myself in every way possible and within that, investigate the trigger point, the thoughts, the images, the pictures, the imaginations that in alignment, activated my want need and desire to draw attention to myself in a specific moment in time as the outflow of these accepted and allowed participation in my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, already as a child, when seeing what I'm accepting and allowing myself to participate with when I accessed the Drama Queen character in the school play yard, to continue participating within it because I Believed that I couldn't stop now, as everyone will see me and judge me as a Drama Queen which would harm my Status as how I perceived my status to be. In this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed a world where children are raised to compete and fight for their social status and within that, would allow themselves to harm, abuse, compromise and sabotage themselves to maintain the Perceived Status they believe they must sustain in every way possible.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to see myself as inferior and unworthy in comparison to the other kids and to compensate for the experience, I believed that if something will happened to me, everyone will step in and I'll be the centre of attraction. In this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to test my popularity within my mind through going into my imagination domain, and play a scene of me laying in the Hospital, in a coma, and people are coming to see me and be with me or just being extremely sick, spending months in the hospital while people are daily coming to see me and hang out with me.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to my peers in relation to how popular they are and how much attention they receive from their friends and family and within that, I believed that only way to get the same amount of attention would be if something terrible will happened to me. In this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be frustrated that everything is ordinary and normal in my life and accordingly, directed myself into creating deliberate Drama to make my life 'Interesting' according to my eye's view. Within this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that the only reason I would deliberately create Drama in my life is through the belief that I've created within and as myself that Drama=Attention.

 

I commit myself to SHOW and Expose the Educational system that promote Peer Group Pressure that would lead to children harming, sabotaging, abusing and compromising themselves and their physical body for the sake of Social Status and Attention.

 

I commit myself to further investigate all the Dimensions with regards to the Desire for Attention to assist and support myself in being aware of myself in every given moment and within that, to not accept and allow myself to deliberately create unnecessarily harm to myself and my physical body.

 

I commit myself to further investigate my childhood years as I see, realize and understand that my childhood years are the building blocks of the multiple character that I've created within and as myself which led into a complete separated entities that I exists as, in a complete automation and thus, separation from myself and this world.

 

Here is a comment that I received on my previous blog:

X has left a new comment on your post "The Drama Queen Painfully calling for Attention - ...":

 

"I would deliberately create pain or injury for myself to get attention and within that, the extent that I would take my body through, just for the sake of the attention I may receive. I mean - this is cruel self abuse"

THANK YOU MAYA.

I relate to this point.

I have arrived to the point of cutting myself, punching my eye and hitting my head in a moment where I needed attention, I was enraged , desperate and hateful.

 

I commit myself to share and through this support others that had face and are facing the same points within and as themselves as I see, realize and understand that we are all the same and through me sharing my own process, other gets the opportunity to see themselves within my blogs and accordingly, take the responsibility to assist and support themselves within the decisions they make of what they would accept and allow within themselves and what they would not.

The Drama Queen Painfully calling for Attention - Day 259

What I haven't understood when and as I accessed to the Drama Queen Character is the relationship between the mind and the Physical and within that, the consequences it consists of.

It is interesting that the consequences are always being justified and/or Denied so that we can continue exactly as we always been without ever looking into and as ourselves to find out the core/source/origin of our behaviour, mannerism and attitudes towards ourselves and others.

 

So what is the nature of the Drama Queen? The first point that came up when I started to investigate character was the Desire for attention. It is when one experience oneself as insecure, inadequate and inferior within and as oneself through which one would try and balance oneself through deliberately create scenes, experiences and events that would draw the attention one required to receive from others.

Within and underneath this desire, exists a Fear. (I will get to the Fear Dimension in a moment).

 

For myself, the Drama Queen Personality/Character started in a very young age through creating Physical Painful experiences. What is fascinating is that when I look back at my life - the real Physical pain and consequences were very much in a silent experiences meaning - I would not go to the extreme of screaming and crying because in doing so, the pain increase. So for instance, when I was about 6 years old, I fell down the stairs in a friend's building house. It was a direct fall of one store height which I rolled all the way down. The Consequences of such event were severe. The doctors said to my parents that I lost my sight in my left eye and the chances that I will ever see again are very low. Fortunately, that wasn't so and my sight return to full function. The point is - the experience within myself was of silent. One of the neighbours who heard the fall came out to see what was going on but that was as far as my memory goes. The next thing was my mother taking me to the hospital.

 

Then, in another incident, already in high school - we were taken to a water park and my entire class went to the tubing slider together - we held hands, all connected to each other and I was the last one on the chain of people. Due to the force that was in play, when I got to the first slide curve, still holding hands with the person in front of me, I was pulled down and my body was thrown from head down till my head knocked the floor; I got a concussion and 2 spots on my spine were out. However, also within this, the experience was of silent within me. No screaming, no yelling out laud for attention. Can't remember the next scene in details. All I remember was 6 months of physiotherapy recovery after that event.

 

But now, when I go back to the memory I shared yesterday, about the 3 stairs that I fell from in the school yard - man, I made a huge scene. I remember it almost to the specific details because I knew that I was making a scene and by the time that I realized what I was doing, my Ego couldn't let me just go away with it - so I continued, trying to make it real so that I won't be judged as someone that yells 'wolf' while there is no wolf around.

 

Thus, what is interesting here is to see how I would create scenes for me to be the main star, through utilizing 'human compassion' when they see someone gets hurt. I guess it is also a cultural thing - in Israel, people are very compassionate when they see someone get hurts in front of their eyes. However for instance, when I was in Prague, I saw someone falls down on the street and I was the only one who approached him.

 

But the specific point that I'm looking at here is how I would deliberately create pain or injury for myself to get attention and within that, the extent that I would take my body through, just for the sake of the attention I may receive. I mean - this is cruel self abuse even though it had never manifested to the extreme of real physical damage. Who knows what I would have done to myself if I haven't faced this point now? This is why it is crucial to move from a reaction to correction so that I won't have to face this point physically but rather, prevent the consequences because there is no real reason to manifest such things in one's life.

 

Will walk the Self Forgiveness and Self Commitments in tomorrow's blog so stay tuned.

 

Just another Drama Queen - Day 258

 

 

So a point opened up yesterday - I was off, down, without any specific reason, nothing really happened but the general Experience was of a mini Depression. For a moment, I allowed it, I justify it, tried to avoid it, saying to myself that I'm tired because it is extremely hot. The fact that my body is well adjust to heat and that the heat in South Africa is 'nothing' in comparison to Israel wasn't relevant in my eye's view.

I had pain in my upper leg which again, I justified it as a physical point that manifested due to me pushing myself in aerobic exercises. And again, the excuse was that "I need to take a day off from practicing, my body is showing me that I need to rest. it must have been because I pushed to hard in the last exercise session"'.

 

But, I am 'Lucky' to live in a supportive environment that would expose me to my own dishonesties and would 'force' me to a level of self honesty to see the real core/source point that I'm facing which I haven't sorted out as an indication of a physical consequences that manifested in my upper leg. So, Esteni came to see me and while we were discussing the system that were busy showing itself on my upper leg, I was looking at the core/origin/source point that I've accepted and allowed within myself. I saw a few dimensions that I haven't considered before within my application but the main point I would like to speak about today is my Need to Create a Drama when everything is OK.

 

It's like - Everything was fine, things works and I am becoming more effective within my time management which gave me a few hours during the day without any particular responsibility I had walk BUT, without having to work, my mind went into a shock and immediately I created a fake Drama for me to participate with. Which is fascinating because the few hours that suddenly cleared up on my Schedule, which was a shock to my systems,  wasn't something I prepared myself for; it was something out of my ordinary routine and so - instead of moving and directing myself, I allowed myself to follow my mind into fear of - "is this what I'm going to do for the rest of my life? Is it possible that I will have moments without having anything particular to do? Are you sure there isn't something I must do now? How can it be that I have a free moment for myself? Maybe I forgot something? There must be something that I've missed.. And so - from not having any particular task to do, and seeing everyone around me busy, I went into the Fear of my Future - to now think about: "what am I going to do with my life? Will I have a partner in my life? Who is a good candidate for a relationship? Can it be Here or would I have to leave the farm to find a partner in Israel? But maybe I should go to Prague? Or the US? or Canada or Mexico"? Man - my mind went into so many directions - everything but to simply be here, appreciate the moment of nothingness, breathe and be OK with myself without having to do anything..

 

So in essence - this train of thoughts was a distraction, was how I've programmed myself to react when I have a moment for myself and how I would occupied myself in my mind to avoid a moment of intimacy with myself by simply be 'here'. When I snapped out of this mind fuck and re-aligned my starting point through removing all the mind distraction I found an interesting design - the Drama Queen Character.

 

A few years back, I when I was just starting my 'real' independent life, I worked in a company where one of my Co-Workers ALWAYS had a Drama in her life. In comparison to her, my life was a complete boring story. My house was a few blocks from work and we spent lots of time in my house after work. Each day, she would tell me another Dramatic story from the Previous day. I was Jealous because I was bored and I also wanted to have stories to share. You know the saying: be careful what you wish for? Lol  I manifested the Drama that I wished to have but only if I knew that Drama, isn't pleasant in most cases.

 

But when I go back to my memories, the Drama Queen character was always active to a certain degree. I remember one day, grade 5, I fell down to the ground from a small platform. I mean, really small - it was only 3 stairs away from the ground. The platform was in the path between my class room and the teacher lounge.

When I fell down, I started screaming so laud so that all the teacher could hear me, and all the kids would feel sorry for me. Basically, I wanted the attention.

 

So, within my next blogs to come, I'll open up this point in more details to stop the sabotage cycle that I accepted and allowed through the creation of the Drama Queen Character and within that, assist and support myself in becoming Ok and intimate with myself. Now within that context, intimacy isn't from a sexual perspective, it is a relationship with myself of appreciation, care and respect. 

 

 

Coincidences or a Mind Fuck? Day 257

You know when you think about someone from your past and than, a few days after you hear about them, or they contact you? or when you think about something and the moment after someone comes and shared with you about what they were thinking and then you like - 'oh, wow, I just thought about the same thing'.

Or when you felt that something specific is about to happen and when it does, you like - 'OMG, I knew It'.

 

Have you noticed how much time and thoughts one invest when such moments occur? How one analyse it and talk about and go off into one's mind and look at it, create assumptions, ideas, interpretations?

And if that occur a few times and let's say that for instance, one and another always think about the same things, 'feel' each other and then create this special bond, connection between each other and one would speak about it, and share about it with others and feel so special.

 

But also, one would wonder in one's mind whether or not such things have a meaning, purposes; One would wonder whether it has to do with one's developed awareness or sensitivity to things; One would wonder about it A LOT in one's mind and would occupied oneself in a few occasions during one's day.

 

What I've noticed for myself the other day when I thought about something I would like doing and in the next moment, a friend came to me and suggested we will do the same thing I was just thinking about. We were making fun of it, saying that it must had happened because we are now aligned after the 21th December thing but in a way, it wasn't funny because we missed the point of self introspection and self responsibility within the principle of investigate all things and keep that which is good; I simply let it go.

 

But later on, I did find myself looking at this point while I was cleaning the floors; I was thinking about the tendency that I have lately to be more aligned with other people in terms of thoughts.

HOWEVER - I immediately could see, realize and understand how easy it is to fuck with myself because have a look - I was cleaning the floor, and instead of actually Breathe through this entire process and stand as the directive principle in every movement I make, I went of to my mind, wondered about this "ability" to be aligned with other people mind. I mean, come 'on - seriously, was I that stupid believing myself that I was aligned with other people minds while I am in my mind, not standing here, firm, stable, breathing, directing each and every moment?!

 

The Point that I would like to bring to this blog to expand our awareness to how easy it is for us to slip into our minds, where we wonder about things, think about stuff and within that completely miss a breath, miss a moment of opportunity to really be 'Here', one and equal to each and every movement we make.

It is so easy to occupy ourselves in our mind, imagining things, playing scenes, having internal conversations with ourselves and others in our minds. In that, we miss the actual Questions we must ask ourselves -

 

So for instance, with this coincident/alignment with other's mind - what we should ask ourselves is: How this application can assist and support me? How being aligned with another minds can result with an outcome that would be best for all? Why is it that I'm aligned with one's or two people minds and I'm not able to be aligned with everything that exists? Who am I within this? Was I or am I the directive principle within it? have I decided that I want to wonder off in my mind or I simply followed that which came up? why did it came up? where did it come from? From where my thoughts are coming from and why? Why have I felt so special with the bond/connection I developed with another to the extent of which we think about the same stuff?

 

What we must realize is - anything that comes up in our mind while we weren't the directive principle is an indication of us missing a breath, us missing ourselves, us following our pre-program designs and go to places that would give us an experience we would like to experience in separation of ourselves and each other.

Following our minds, wondering, imagining and occupying ourselves for hours, indicate our weakness of standing as the self power we can become if/when we decides to. So the real question we must ask ourselves is: Why are we still accepting and allowing this? Why are we so desperately insisting on keeping our mind's existent? Why are we allowing ourselves to continue existing as program instead of living as Physical human beings? And why is it so difficult to STOP? Is it really difficult or a justification we use?

 

I mean, there are many questions we must ask ourselves even though the answers wouldn't be answers that we would like to hear. Despite of this, we must ask the questions and commit to the practical application of the answers. Why? Because it had come too far - this world is a reflection of what we allow existing within ourselves - we must change and become the living example of that which is best for all because really, there is not excuse or justification that would be acceptable for why we shouldn't change and correct what we have done. Make sense?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pets as a reflection of Self Intimacy - Day 252

This is a continuation to my Previous blog: My Dog as my Comfort Zone - Day 251 which was also a direct continuation to the Series:  'How to Cope with the Death of a Pet'.

 

I would also suggest to listen to the Interviews: Pets and Owners Relationship Review to have a better understanding of the relationship connection between Human Beings and Dogs.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to Express myself and allow myself to approach new human beings without fear of rejections and judgement and I could only do it when there is an animal presence to support me to feel comfortable and safe within and as myself.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I've projected my Strength and my expression onto my Dog, as if she was the reason why I was able to express myself and approach human being and getting to know them and within this, haven't realized that my dog was standing as a reflection of me, of who and what I am and she was simply showing me the component that I have within and as me which I am able to stand as who I am, regardless of her presence.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to utilize my dog as a source of power and confident to approach human being and getting to know them and I haven't allowed myself to explore who I am within approaching human beings and develop effective communication with them with or without her presence.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to use my dog to avoid certain people within the excuse that my dog needs me because I felt uncomfortable to be directive in my expression and communication and simply walk away when I saw that the human beings are abusive in nature and there is no way I can assist and support them from where they are within their processes. Within this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize how I have limited and compromised myself when I was not directive within and as myself as I allowed the morality codes to decide for me how I behave and act instead of seeing self honestly, in the moment, what would be the best approach to direct each and every point and go for it within absolute self trust, without having to use excuses and justification to present myself as nice to others, to not hurt their feelings. In this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see how I have manipulated myself to believe that I don't want to hurt people feelings instead of seeing the core of the fear which is the fear of being judged, mocked and defined as unpleasant. In this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed the fear of conflict and friction with other human beings to be my directive principle instead of walking according to a principle that would bring about the best for all outcome in every moment of breath, regardless the others onions, judgement, definition of me.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear that people would judge my expression and define me as aggressive when and as I am being directive within my communication and thus, I utilized my dog as an excuse to avoid conversation with people that activated specific emotions and feelings within and as myself instead of first, turn the point back to myself and investigate what was the nature/source/core of such feelings and emotions and sort myself out so that I could direct the moment effectively regardless their judgement and definitions towards me. 

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear being and becoming intimate with other human beings and therefor, when and as moments of intimacy emerged where I could transcend the fears and become vulnerable in in allowing others to get know me and vice versa, I immediately went towards my dog, diverting my attention towards her and expressed intimacy with her and kept distance from the beings that I could have been intimate in communication with.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear Intimacy with human beings and therefor, developed intimacy with Animals because they cannot hurt me, manipulate me and leave me when things get a little bit uncomfortable and tough. In this, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself to NOT attach any emotional value to Intimacy and simply stand as an expression of intimacy within and as me and thus, I avoided Intimacy with human beings and projected it onto animals so that I won't have to face my issues and could remain in fear, very much suppressed without ever sorting myself out.

 

I commit myself to investigate my Fears of Intimacy and to assist and support me in becoming an expression of intimacy within and as myself. In this, I Commit myself to discover my own relationship with intimacy and to sort out what ever issues I may find within and as myself.

 

I commit myself to allow myself to get to know people for who they are for real, to approach human beings with no previous judgement, opinions and ideas about them and within that, allow them to also get to know me which through that relationship, I commit myself to expand, grow and empower myself with the assistance and support of others as a reflection and mirroring of me.

 

I commit myself to allow myself to stand vulnerable with other human beings and to let go of all the protection mechanisms that I've created within and as my mind as I now see, realize and understand that what I was missing was Self Trust in moving and directing myself, in any given moment and therefor, utilize Mind Personalities to define and tell me who I am in any given moment.

 

I commit myself to assist and support myself to develop absolute self trust within and as myself and in this, to develop absolute self intimacy with myself because I realized that unless I sort out my own self intimacy issues, I won't be able to develop intimacy in self honesty with others and if I won't be able to develop intimacy with others, I won't be able to develop intimacy with all livings beings in existential level, in equality and oneness.