The Truth about Blind trust - Day 529

In a previous blog, 'Should I trust another?  Day 480', I discussed the difference between 'trust and self-trust:

"...Someone said to me something in those lines:

'You cannot trust anyone but yourself - it is not about whether or not you can trust another - it is about trusting yourself that what you are seeing in your reality is actually what is and accordingly, trusting yourself that according to what you are seeing, you will direction/support yourself and others based on what is best in any given moment'…"

"… So you see, it all has to do with one's responsibility of trusting oneself and it is not about trusting or distrusting another. It is to trust yourself when making any decision; it is to trust yourself that you will stand in absolute stability no matter how the outcome would be because you trusted yourself that you considered and investigated all things before you made a decision; and it is to trust yourself to when/as you see another's application as untrustworthy, you first assess/investigate/check that you are clear within yourself without any slight reaction to another and thereafter, if you are in a position of sharing support with them, do so in self-trust"

So for context - please read 'Should I trust another' blog to understand the difference between Trust and Self Trust. In this blog post, I would like to focus more on the point of 'Blind Trust'.

We all blindly trust our parents as babies. I mean, we don't have much choice do we? We arrive to this world our parents are the ones who take care of us, give us love, attention, warmth and care. Why won't we trust them? So we blindly trust that they know what and how to raise us and we obey their rules without any exception.

Then, we are introduced with our next caretaker - can be the nanny or the nursery/kindergarten teacher - and again we blindly trust that they know what is best for us because that's just how it is.

And we go to school, blindly trust the education system that has its best intentions for us, that it exists to empower us and educate us to be the best that we can be.

I often tell people that being a parent is the most difficult job/career in this world and yet, there is not any 'parenting school' or 'parenting university' where you can perfect your parenting skills. With any other profession, you must have a proper license or a diploma to be able to get a job. Yet, no one actually teach and train parents to be parents and there is again, this blind expectations, that the parent would know what to do with their kids. Yet, we all know it is not the case. Most of us feel overwhelmed and inadequate when our babies come to the world. Most of us feel powerless to direct situations with our children because we just don't know how and there is no one around to consult with.

Then with the education system, it is no longer a secret that the education system does not have any good and pure intentions to teach and train the students to reach their utmost potential. For more context, please watch: The Ultimate History Lesson by John Taylor Gatto. Yet, we all so blindly trust the education system to be for our children the ultimate education provider that we cannot even conceptualize that it is not so.

As we grow older, we blindly trust the world system and our government to consider our needs and well being so we put our vote down and we blindly trust the government to have our best interest in mind yet, we all know it is not so. We all know that the people are the last to be considered but it would first be money, self-interest and maintenance of power that will be considered.

So here are just a few examples of why blind trust is dangerous yet, very common thing to do in the world of today.

In blogs to come we will have a look at how to change blind trust to self-trust and how to always work with the principle: "investigate all thing and keep that which is good" as the first step in discerning information or people to a level of trusting ourselves to make the decisions within the starting point of 'that which is best for all life'

Thank you.

How fear can control your life (Part two) - Day 483

This is a continuation from my previous blog where I left of with:

 

"Though, as I said before, another layer opened up this time where I was able to see the real reason of why I broke up with him and how through this decision, I compromised myself and my relationships with men ever since.

This I will continue sharing in my next blog post. "

 

What actually happened was that we started talking about sleeping over at each other's houses but that was something that my parents didn't approve while his parents didn't have issues with the point. One weekend, my parents were away and I planned to use that window to sleep over at his place - everything was prepared and we were about to go back to his place after a dinner party we were invited to but at the last moment, I couldn't pull it through. Meaning, I couldn't do it knowing that I am lying to my parents. Obviously, I felt embarrassed about the whole thing because I didn't want anyone to know why I changed my mind - it made me feel weak inside myself. In that very moment of feeling embarrassed and weak, I had a sharp pain in my stomach which I then consciously amplified so that at least I won't have to lie to my boyfriend that I prefer sleeping in my cousin's house in case the pain get worse and I will need her support. In essence, sleeping at my cousin's house was the 'story' that I told my parents so with manifesting the 'story' in the physical reality, I could calm myself down as I no longer participated in a lie but actually did what I told my parents I would do.

 

Understand also that neither of us at that stage had sex before and it was something that started to be 'here' from the perspective of where we were going with our relationship. Even though we didn't plan of having sex that night, on many levels I was ready to express myself  with him and I was uncertain where the night would lead to if I would to sleep over at his house.

I was in a huge conflict about it because on the one hand, I wanted to express myself with him but on the other hand, my parents' disapproval clouded my mind - I couldn't stop seeing my parents' face if they would to know that I am even considering having sex for the first time, nevertheless, if I would lie about it.

 

When I imagined having sex for the first time, I wanted it to be special, with a guy that loved me and that I could trust; with someone that is interested in me, in who I am, rather than just interested in having sex and/or in my body. Theoretically, having sex for the first time with my partner should have been the 'right' thing to do as this partner stood as everything I ever wanted from a partner. But as long as my parents would not have approved the fact that I am sexually active, I couldn't do it and for my parents to be ok with that, it meant that I had to face them and that was something that I was not yet ready to do - the fear about even speaking with them about sex was overwhelming.

 

I wasn't ready to face the consequences of becoming sexually active in my parents' eyes - just the thought about how they would see and define me was not something I could 'live' with nonetheless how they would see and define my partner - whether they will be willing to accept him in our house, whether they would be disappointed at me or him, whether I will still be the favorite child - these were just the tip of the iceberg when it came to my inner thoughts about this whole point.

 

I didn't know how to handle these thoughts and I felt that I had no one to talk to about this - none of my friends faced this point before and my relationship with my siblings wasn't intimate enough for me to ask for their advice. Obviously I did not communicate this point with my partner because I didn't want him to know that my parents have so much control over me in my own mind; so, I did what I knew to do best - when there was a problem in my life, I would just ignore it and walk away instead of facing the problem and finding solutions that would support me and people in my environment. So... I broke up with him as that was the only solution that I could think of to quiet my mind and maintain my relationship with my parents intact.

 

It took everything that I've got to block my feelings towards him and apparently, I mastered the point so effectively that after a few days, I didn’t feel a thing, my heart was cold so to speak, I was "over" the whole thing, as if he was a complete stranger. So much so that even with him 'fighting' for the relationship and doing everything that he could possibly do to 'win' me back, I was too far gone in my mind, not willing to accept and see everything he had said.

 

Understand that all of these thoughts and fears where not in my conscious mind - I was not even willing to admit it to myself. This is why I fabricated alternate reality for myself where I justified the break up with saying to myself that the relationship is too boring and that I need more excitement in my life. I suppressed everything to fast and so deep that I actually believed myself that exciting relationship was what I needed lol so,  I went off, opting for exciting relationship and for years, in many ways, I led myself to destructive consequences that could have been prevented if only I allowed myself to face my fears and communicate the points openly with my parents.

 

Will continue in my next blog.

 

How fear can control your life (Part one) - Day 482

Within my Woman's Journey to Life blog, I have been walking extensively  the point of relationship to assist and support myself and other women in the world to get to the nitty gritty of ourselves when it comes to relationship with a male so that we are able to create and develop effective relationships with ourselves and as such, with another;

 

In this blog series though, I will show how one point of fear, fear of parents in relation to one's sexuality, created consequences in my life and how in looking back, these consequences could have been prevented if I was more aware of my mind and my thinking processes. Thus, if you are a teenager or a parent to a teenager, you will be able to walk with me, into my introspection process and hopefully support yourself and/or your child by understanding the teenager's thought processes, if sexuality isn't a topic that is openly discussed at home.

 

With me, I didn't feel that I have anyone to talk when I was a teenager and many teenagers today can relate to this experience of not being able to share themselves unconditionally with their parents/friends/partners. Unfortunately, many of the teenagers that feel that way, tend to become secretive in doing things behind the parents' back, hoping that what the parents don't know won't hurt them; only that in many cases, the teenagers are the ones who get hurt, by making reckless decisions that are based on unconscious fears.

 

What I found in my process of introspection of my own mind, was that the mind is layered with memories and information and sometimes, when I 'think' that I got to the source in relation to one specific pattern that played out in my life, a new layer opens up, uncovering another piece of information in my journey of getting to know myself as the mind.

 

A few days ago, I was asked a simple question: "How did I feel about relationships in the past?" interestingly enough, I "thought" that I knew the answer because I've walked that path before when I investigated who I was in my past relationships. At the same time, there was a point of resistance towards the question because I couldn't allocate the point of 'feeling about' past relationship; what does it mean 'feel about' something?!

 

When I started writing the point for myself, I walked again my first relationship but this time, more focusing on my hidden back chat, the thoughts/feeling/emotions that I couldn't even admit to myself. As I mentioned in one of my blogs, my first partner was like 'prince charming' whereas I could experience myself in a way that I always imagined relationships to feel like - he loved me like no one else did before, he was expressive, romantic, caring, intimate. He was one of this unique guys that would write songs for me, sing them to me, write me love letters and so forth - it was really a relationship that every girl would want for herself and yet, out of the blow, I broke up with him.

 

For years I tried to justify for myself why I broke up with him, making myself believe that I wanted something more, I wanted maturity in the sense of taking our relationship to the next step of getting married and moving out of our parents' house but because we were only 16 years old, this future was far away in time and I couldn't wait till that future manifest. I made myself believe that I broke up with him so that I could find another man whom with I am able to manifest this future sooner because I didn't like the way I experienced myself at home and I hoped that once I move out, I could expression all these expression that I suppressed at home.

 

Though, as I said before, another layer opened up this time where I was able to see the real reason of why I broke up with him and how by doing so, I compromised myself and created consequences for years to come.

 

This I will continue sharing in my next blog post.

 

----

 

Are work - Nomi Chi

 

 

 

Does the Education system Prepare the Children to Face the World - Day 337

Continuing with the Question Who is Responsible for our Children's Education?

If you haven't already, I suggest reading through the previous blogs:

 

Who is Responsible for our Children's Education? - Day 332

Is the Zoo an Educational Experience for Children - Day 333

The Santa Claus Conspiracy - Can a Child Trust their Parents? - Day 334

Rejection as Parental Control? - Day 335

Rejections as Parental Authority - Day 336

 

 

In high school, I repeatedly heard that I must get good grades to be able to enter the university which from a certain perspective was redundant because I didn't care at that stage about the university - I wanted to go to the army, meet new people and afterwards, explore the world. The university was too far fetch for me to even connect the importance of high grades and University qualification. I remember specific back chat, every time I didn't excel a specific exam: "Well, you can always re take the exam after high school, don't bather yourself with it now". When I now look at this back chat, I could only afford having this back chat because I knew that my parents would pay anything related to my education and if it means that I will have to take an exam later on in my life, they would pay for it. within that, I didn't even take into consideration their financial stability and what they would have to scarify for me to have the best education possible.

 

From being the best, to giving up and avoiding potential rejections:

Here you must understanding the following time line -

I was the best in my class up until high school. I never had to study hard to get good grades, everything was easy for me and it was rare that I had to really sit down and study. However, being one of the best student came to my disadvantage when I went into high school since I was placed in a class of people like me, people that excelled in their previous years and now, being the top of the class was something extremely hard to manifest. All the pupils were very much oriented towards studying and I still wanted to have fun and spend time with my friends which became much difficult with the level of education taught in my class.

I just met my first boyfriend and I wanted to spend time with him without having to worry about studying. He was in a regular school in a regular class and therefor, didn't have to study hard in comparison to what was required of me. Also, in the summer before I started high school, I met lots of new friends that I really liked and I wanted to be with them and with my boyfriend and just have fun. Studying was not a priority I would have freely chosen at this stage.

 

This is where I lost all my ambition to succeed in life because I realized that to be successful, I would have to scarify a part of me that I didn't want to let go. That I would have to focus on being better, being more and so do so, I would have to compete - all of which I didn't want. I enjoyed it much better when I got good grades with the minimum effort. This is why, when I looked at my future back then, I saw nothing; this is when I made sure that what ever I would apply for, would be something that can be easily achieved, that I won't have to fight with anyone and that I won't have to spend extra time in perfecting my skills.

The principle, teachers and my parents, after 2 years eventually gave in to my protests and allowed me to give up on the hard subjects that were not obligatory subjects in terms of being able to graduate and accordingly, I did the minimum effort and I passed the exams with good grades because I only walked the exams that were obligatory. These exams are written for the average student which allowed me to excel them without any special effort and pressure.

 

So - would you say that the education system prepared me to face rejections? My own self rejections? Obviously not - It prepared me to make sure I would never again face rejections through utilizing the Money, connections and means my family had. The schooling system allowed me to give up on myself, compromise and limit myself to the extant of absolutely believing that I'm not good enough, not worthy enough, that I have no real chance in the system. Guess what I did after the army and my journeys across the globe - I took again the easy way out - I went into a private collage, knowing my parents would pay for it even if it cost 3 times more than a public university and again, the moment I faced a little bit of a struggle, I decide to leave;

Luckily, there was a student that was 20 years older than me that had decided to make a career change and become a lawyer; he convinced me to stay and walk with him and he promised me that he will show me the way and assist me with getting by without dedicating these entire years to constant studying. And so he did. And I could continue partying and working all night as a bartender, making lots of money to be able to travel again around the world in every chance I had.

 

After I graduated, when I started my 'adulthood' life, I went to work in telemarketing. The job was not demanding and I didn't have to push through any barriers accept for that I couldn't keep my bartender job and so, money became a problem. But then, another friend of mine, that saw the potential I have if I set my mind into something, offered me a job interview in the company he was working in. he vouch for me and after 5 min, I got the job. This job, was very much demanding and I had to learn a lot and stay focused all the time. I had to not only work during the day, but I had to work also during the nights. This is why, I wasn't so good at this job because I couldn't follow this method and I started to resent the system as a whole. After a year, I decided to quit and move into the spirituality direction. from there, I didn't have any demanding job for a few years; none of the jobs I did were challenging, jobs that I could expand myself and get promoted. I was very laid back and hoping that everything would eventually work out. I was in a process of crashing myself down and become nothing in this world while depending on my parents for a monthly budget to pay my rent.

 

So, from being the top in my class, to the average student, to giving up, I lost myself and saw myself as worthless. Nothing worked out for me. This is when I found Desteni.

 

At some stage I realize that if I ever want to be something, I must let the financial support I was given from my family go and do what ever is necessary to be done to get myself on my feet again and I started from scratch - I became a waitress again. However, here, I was already walking my process and had the tools to see the sabotaging process I was busy walking and how to assist and support myself to correct and change myself.

 

I was determine to stay out of the system and make it my own way and I took the initiative to quit my job and start my own business. That obviously, didn't work because I didn't have the initial funds required to have my own business. This is when I called the head of the telemarketing company I worked in a few years back and set a meeting with him to see what are my options now. Little did I know that he quit his job and open a new firm where I could really expand myself in. That the job he had for me was the first time I could finally recognize that I have what it takes to be something in this world. The job allowed me utilize my natural skills and perfect them. while he was my boss in the marketing company, he saw my natural skills that I wasn't aware of it yet and this is why, over the years, he used to call me and meet me for a coffee while trying to convince me to work for him. he observed all the changes that I've been through and by the time I was 'ready' to work for him, he knew what it would take to keep me in the company. So he gave me everything I needed - being my own boss, not being obligated to the office hours, doing my Desteni stuff and even better, he allowed me to prioritizing Desteni over this job because he knew that if I won't be able to do my Desteni stuff, I won't keep the job. And It worked well - it was a win-win situation for the both of us. I made the company successful in a year and I did it on my own terms.

 

So - things eventually worked out for me once I started taking responsibility for myself and stand accountable for who I am. If it wasn't for Desteni, there is little to no chance that I would have ever stood up again. 10 or more years of struggle because I wasn't willing to face rejections, to face perfections, to face responsibility and accountability. 10 or more years of absolute failure that could have been prevented if only I would learn the skills required to stand up in this world, while being in the Schooling education system.

How many of us had to walk through this cycle and learn in the hard way what does it mean to make it in this world and what one require to do to be able to make it? how many of us didn't have the financial nest to protect them and thus, found themselves in the streets or even worse? How many of us feels like a complete failure and useless and compromised our life to only get by?

 

Our Schooling system do not prepare the children to perfect their natural abilities and enhance who they are to be able to contribute to the world within their capacity and ability. The Schooling System in no way teach the children the basic life skill required to grow and expand who they are and what they can become. The Schooling System has one interest in mind - to keep the Beast sleeping to never question the effectiveness or ineffectiveness of the world system. This is why so little of us would actually stand up to correct and change the system. 

 

"Mass education was designed to turn independent farmers into docile, passive tools of production. That was its primary purpose. And don't think people didn't know it. They knew it and they fought against it. There was a lot of resistance to mass education for exactly that reason. It was also understood by the elites. Emerson once said something about how we're educating them to keep them from our throats. If you don't educate them, what we call "education," they're going to take control -- "they" being what Alexander Hamilton called the "great beast," namely the people. The anti-democratic thrust of opinion in what are called democratic societies is really ferocious. And for good reason. Because the freer the society gets, the more dangerous the great beast becomes and the more you have to be careful to cage it somehow."

Source: Noam Chomsky, David Barsamian (1996) Class Warfare: Interviews with David Barsamian. Monroe, ME: Common Courage Press

 

So the solution?

We cannot change what was done but we can start our own process of becoming a stable, effective, responsible and accountable human being in this world. We must trace back the origin of every decision we have ever make and see how we could change/correct the decision to stand in alignment to what is best for all life. We must stand as the directive principle, to lead the way for a greater change; a change of this world system within all it's dimension from Education, to Health care, to Housing and so on. This can be done with the Equal Money System.

So, a suggestion - walk your own self change first and support yourself with the free online course to gain the basic foundation from which you will be able to assist and support yourself in your process of self change. When you are ready to become the Key to change this reality - investigate the Equal Money System to see the possibilities of what can be practically be done to make sure that all lives are honourable, protected and respected. See the possibilities of how the Education system can be changed and transformed to a system that actually support the awakening of the beast within us to become responsible and accountable human being that are able to practically and effectively stand up and contribute for the better living of us all.

The Shyness Character - Self Commitments Statements - Day 106

This is a continuation to:

Suppressed Expression Character - Day 101

Suppressed Self Expression - The beginning of the End - Day 102

Singing Expression Character - Day 103

The Shyness Character - Day 104

The Shyness Character - Self Forgiveness as the parent - Day 105

As well as:

This is a continuation to the Blog post:

The Self Diminishment Character - Day 94

They are Better than me, I'm so fucked up - Day 95

Taking responsibility for my creation - Day 96

I commit myself to SHOW that it is possible to understand and see how our children creates their characters that will become an automated expression of themselves as they grow older through firstly get to know ourselves as our characters that we have created for ourselves, walk through the character with the assistance and support that was shared in Earth's Journey to Life blog: Day 51: Moving through my characters and once we have seen how we have created our characters, we could stand as a support for our children and walk them through their own self change to rebirth themselves as LIFE as who they are.

I commit myself to SHOW that the Shyness Character is a defence mechanism for one to not face one's reality wherein one would utilize the past memory experience of feeling safe and guarded by the parents when one was clinging to one's parent's legs and thus, we associated the experience of safety and guarded with Shyness and accordingly, accessing ourselves as the mind, when we feel threatened by our environment.

I commit myself to SHOW that it is our responsibility as parents and future parents to stand in absolute stability, self honesty and self trust in every moment of every breath so that our application, of who we are as LIFE that is best for all, will set the example for those who would come after us; to give them a chance to be and become an effective human being in this world; give them a chance to express themselves as who they are without multiple characters that would dictate them who and what they should be to survive in this world.

I commit myself to SHOW how we imprint memories and integrate them into our flesh and accordingly, we live as a memory, not fully aware of ourselves and existence as a while and thus, so long as we live and exists within and as a memory, we are not LIFE in fact, we are not our directive principle as LIFE that is best for all and thus, I commit myself to assist and support myself to delete the multiple characters that I've created through memories integration, and to stand as a support for others, through my writings, so that eventually, we could all step out of our characters, and stand up as LIFE, create our LIFE within and as principle that is best for all.

I commit MYSELF to stop following the Shyness Character that I have created and become and accordingly, when and as I see myself accessing the Character, I slow myself down, Breathe, move through the backchats, emotions and feelings, move through the physical resistance and give myself the permission to simply be HERE, express myself as who I am and to no longer accept and allow myself to diminish myself through utilizing the Shyness Character that would bind me to a stupidity loop of self limitation, self sabotage and self compromization.

I commit MYSELF to STOP and STOP and STOP comparing myself to everything that exists because I now see, realize and understand that unless I compare, my character won't have energy to exists. I see, realize and understand now how I've trapped myself into and as multiple characters through comparing and competing with others as I've not gave myself to permission to TRUST who I am in every moment of every breath; I've NOT gave myself the permission to expand, grow and empower myself from the example of others because I was busy comparing myself to them.

I commit myself to INVESTIGATE and IDENTIFY the Inferiority Character that I've become through a process of writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Commitment Statements.

I commit myself to PUSH myself from my mind and into the physical and to REBIRTH myself as the Physical, as who I am, as LIFE that is here in every breath.

I commit myself to INVESTIGATE and IDENTIFY the Blaming Character that I've created and become through a process of writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Commitment Statements.

I commit myself to a Process of Discovering myself as EXPRESSION of Life as who I am through Identifying the multiple characters that I've created to trap myself inside my mind, inside my human physical body through investing the time in myself, by committing myself to writing, until I'm clear of characters/personalities, until I'm HERE, as Life that is best for all.

The Shyness Character - Self Forgiveness - Day 105

This is a continuation to:

 

Suppressed Expression Character - Day 101

Suppressed Self Expression - The beginning of the End - Day 102

Singing Expression Character - Day 103

The Shyness Character - Day 104

 

As well as:

 

This is a continuation to the Blog post:

The Self Diminishment Character - Day 94

They are Better than me, I'm so fucked up - Day 95

Taking responsibility for my creation - Day 96

 

*note - the following Self Forgiveness's was part of a process that I've walked within this blog. please read through till the end to see what I've realized about the following statements and how I've corrected myself in self honesty.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as a parent in this world to glorify, satisfied, validated, accepted, enjoyed my child's expression of shyness between the age of 1-4 because I felt that my child feel safe and protected in my harms and that feeling made me feel like a good and caring parent and I haven't realized that because of my self interest desire for an experience of glorification, satisfaction, validation, acceptance and enjoyment, I've abdicated my responsibility as a parent in this world, to support my child to be and become and effective human being in this world and instead, I've assisted and supported my child to develop and evolve into and as a shyness character that the child will utilize the character as the child grows older, to hide from the physical reality by going into one's safe spot in and as one's mind through the association of being protected within the parents' harms without being able to see, realize and understand the difference between the physical reality and the illusionary reality.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as a parent in this world, to define my child's expression as Shyness because I had no clue of how to see the expression for what it is, to see that my child is making the steps to develop oneself into and as characters and so, through telling my child: "oh, you are so cute when you're shy; oh, are you shy? ; don't be shy " I have in that moment, assisted and supported my child to infuse oneself into and as one's flesh as memory that would later on, will become a separated entity, as a character which would automated my child expression until my child is no longer a living physical being but rather an organic robot that calculate and measure instantly, each and every step the child takes through the memories that one has stored in the first 7 years of one's life.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how the creation of characters works and functions and thus, I've interpreted my child's expression according to my own memory data base and have defined my child as such and I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself as a parent in this world, to take a moment and investigate that which I've defined myself as, defined my child as, to assist and support us both in getting to know who we really are as life and instead, I preoccupied myself in my mind, believing that I'm living a normal life while the fact of the matter is that I've become automated machine that is based on multiple types of characters, I've made sure that my child will become automated machine that is based on multiple characters so that I would never have to face who I have become because my child will be the exact copy of myself and would not challenge me nor my reality.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as a parent in this world to NOT realizing how I'm passing my own characters that I've created for myself, in separation of myself, to my child and within that, I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the consequences of NOT taking the responsibility to sort myself out so that my child won't have to go through the emerging to the mind and back to the physical and can be supported from day 1 of his life to manifest oneself as LIFE that is best for all through my example, with my guidance assistance and support.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to SEE that me being SHY is just another character that I've created for/as myself already from a very young age, to protect myself from my external environment, because I hold on to a memory and stored it inside myself: a memory of clinging to my parents legs, as they held me and caressed my hair when and as someone that I wasn’t familiar with came into my environment and because I've associated being protected by my parents with being shy, I've shaped and mould myself into and as the SHYness character, to protect me when I face a new environment and when ever I feel inferior towards another.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to hold onto a picture in my mind of a little boy that is hiding behind the cupboard door, in the dark, with eyes wide open as he is observing everything and everyone who are standing in the light but his body expression symbolizing a fear of stepping out of the hiding place and participate with the physical reality and I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to connect, associate and define this picture with the expression of shyness, in separation of me.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create a picture in my mind a child that is clinging on one's parents legs, with the head facing to the opposite direction of the beings that are trying to communicate with the child and I have defined, associated and connected this picture with Shyness expression.

 

I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I've created the pictures of the shyness character in my mind so that I can trap myself into and as the shyness character so that I could observe Life and not participate with and as Life, as equal to and one as Who I am. I now see, realize and understand that I have created this picture to be able to protect myself from my environment, so that I can feel safe within and as my mind, in separation of/from the physical reality. I Now realize that so long as this picture is in my mind, I'm not giving myself the permission to physically live as who I am in every moment because when and as I face new being, a new environment, I access this picture, I access this character, I access the memories that are associated/connected with the picture/character, and I'm not in fact, physically here, fully participating in every breath with and as the physical reality.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the Shyness Character can ONLY exists when and as I'm busy comparing myself to my environment while seeing me as less than and inferior to others because when and as I'm standing in absolute self Trust, Stability in self honesty, who I am cannot change according to external stipulations; Who I am is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow and is not define by anything or anyone.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to come to terms with who I am as I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to establish and develop SELF TRUST within and as myself and accordingly, face in absolute stability that which may come in my internal and external reality but instead, I've created the Shyness character, to protect myself from the physical reality, to be able to scroll back to my mind, to the safety zone and manifest myself as inferior in the hope that no one will take advantage of my presentation of inferior and would then thus, won't harm, mock, judge me.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to interpret my behaviour when and as I meet new people or when and as I experience inferiority towards other people, to access the Shyness character and I haven't realized that I've created the Shyness Character to assist and support me to remain in the inferior character wherein, when I present myself as Shy, I'm in essence, trying to protect myself from the person who I define as superior. (and here comes another character to look at, investigate and identify… will get to that)

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how I've hide and ran away from facing that which I've become through the Shyness Character wherein, when and as I experience anxiety around people, instead of investigating the nature of the anxiety, seeing what memories I've attached/connected to the experience of anxiety, releasing the energy movement from my solar plexus of and as anxiety, I've wear the Shyness Character to make sure, I would never change myself and become the living expression of who I am, as Life that is here.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to express myself as who I am, as a physical living expression of myself because I've compared my skills to those of others and made the decisions that my expression of who I am is not worthy enough, not good enough and so, to assist and support me with suppressing myself, my beingness, I'm created the Shyness character because I've seen that it is working for others from the perspective that those who decided to not express themselves in every moment of every breath, has defined themselves out loud as SHY and thus, the society gave them a slack and didn't push them to express themselves unconditionally and 1+1=2 - if I am to become shy, no one will push me, support me to stand as the utmost potential of who I am, no one will support me to become the physical living expression. In this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to push and support myself to become who I am as a physical living expression and within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want/need/others to push/support me to become the physical living expression as who I am, instead of giving myself the permission to PUSH myself out of my mind, where I trapped myself, and literally re-birth myself as a physical living expression.

 

And as I realized that I started this blog with blame towards those who have come before me, as if they are the one who decided for me to become the expression of shyness as character, I now correct myself, as I see, realize and understood within my last SF statement, that it was literally always me and it will literally be me, who gives myself the permission to change, to rebirth myself as the physical living expression of who I am.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself within my self forgiveness statements through blaming others for my own creation of myself as characters. I now see, realize and understand that it is USELESS to find fault and blaming others for my fuckupness because I am the one who decide in every moment, whether I'll keep living as a memory of what I have become, or whether I'll take my responsibility to push myself into LIFE as the physical.

The Shyness Character - Day 104

This is a continuation to:

Suppressed Expression Character - Day 101

Suppressed Self Expression - The beginning of the End - Day 102

Singing Expression Character - Day 103

As well as:

This is a continuation to the Blog post:

The Self Diminishment Character - Day 94

They are Better than me, I'm so fucked up - Day 95

Taking responsibility for my creation - Day 96

I started to walk the Self Forgiveness on the Suppressed expression within singing Character and as I was finishing the first Self Forgiveness Statement, I've realized that I've created another dimension, another character that I must first identify to be able to walk as specific as possible. And thus, I will be walking the identification of the Shyness Character as a derivative of the Diminishment Character that I've walked a few days ago. For Reference, this is the statement that I've started of with where I found the Shyness Character:

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to become the Living Memory of the suppressed expression character within my singing expression and I haven't realized it is just another derivative of the Self Diminishment Character where I would first Create an idea about myself as a picture in my mind and then, I would compare myself to others who are able to apply a specific skill that I perceive myself to be lacking of/not good enough and accordingly, I would judge myself for not being as good as they are, not seeing, realizing and understanding the processed they have walked to establish and develop their skills as an example for me to walk the same process as they have walked and in this, I forgive myself that I have not seen, realized and understood how I have trapped myself within the diminishment character as suppressed expression character through creating the Shyness Character that would ensure I would not express myself as who I am in every given moment.

Identifying the Shyness Character:

1. Picture of the Character:

The Shyness Character looks like a little boy that is hiding behind the cupboard door, in the dark. His eyes are wide open as he is observing everything and everyone who are standing in the light but his body expression symbolizing a fear of stepping out of the hiding place and participate with the physical reality.

Another picture of the Character might be a child that is clinging on one's parents legs, with the head facing to the opposite direction of the beings that are trying to communicate with the child.

2. Back Chat:

• Who are those people?
• OMG, what will they say about me?
• I've got to make a good first impression
• Shit, how does my hair looks like?
• I should have wear the other shirt

• What if they judge the way I express myself?

• What if they won't like me?
• I worry that..

3. Reactions

• Shyness
• Embarrassment
• Judgement
• Fear
• Comparison
• Anxiety
• inferiority

4. Body changes

• Voice changes to high tones
• Smiling
• Looking down
• Playing with my hair
• Shoulder tight up
• Palm is in a fist position with the thumb inside it.

In essence, the Shyness character doesn't stand as individual character of its own but it is a derivative to one of the main characters that self has created, such as the diminishment character or the protector character. The Shyness character was created to protect self from what ever may come, as a door for self to escape the physical reality through inverting self into oneself, into one's illusionary reality, inside one's cocoon so to speak.

It is  fascinating  how the Shyness Character is  busy developing from a very young age and what is more fascinating is that parents see it and instead of stopping the child from creating the Shyness character, they assist the child with defining the character by giving it a name: "Oh, don't be Shy, it is your aunt"; "Oh, you are shy, so cute.."; and so, when the child is clinging onto the parents' legs, the parents encourage the child to continue developing the Shyness Character by accepting and allowing the child's manifestation of oneself. Why?? for what?? For the parents' self interest. The Back Chat that emerged within and as the moment when the child is clinging to one's parent's leg, the parent would experience satisfaction: "My child loves me, he feels safe and cared for with me", not seeing, realizing and understanding the extent of separation the parent's infuse within their child in that very moment through their acceptance and allowance of child accessing one's mind, as the expression of Shyness which will be and become an entity in one's life - the Shyness Character.

The Child, who is busy developing the Shyness Character to protect oneself from one's environment is doing so due to lack of one's parenting skill to assist and support the child with integrating into and as the physical in oneness and equality. Soon, the child will start developing back chats as per the example of the parents and would define the Shyness Character as oneself.

So the Shyness character, when and as it is fully developed and integrated into one's flesh, is exists as a protection mechanism from one's environment, due to extensive judgement of one's self in comparison to one's environment. It is when Self isn't standing in absolute Self Trust that self is the directive principle in every moment of every breath. It is when self is conditioned to the validation and acceptance of others and thus, self cannot stand alone, as who self is, here, but is constantly looking for stipulations and acknowledgements from one's environment.

Commonsensically , the feedback that the child receive from the parents when the child is clinging to the parents' legs, within and as the Shyness expression is: "You are safe and protected my child". So how will the child protect oneself later on in the child's life? Through becoming the Shyness Character to protect and guard oneself from the Environment.

When seeing, realizing and understanding that Self doesn't need anything and anyone to protect oneself from one's environment, as self is standing within and as self trust, in every moment of every breath, self can finally say goodbye to the Shyness Character through moving through the Character, deleting the pictures, memories and back chats and disengage the Character from and as the human physical body. But first, let's walk the Self Forgiveness process to make sure that self is clear, seeing the entire network manifestation of the character and from there - remove the character from self, as self.

Be the Change you want to see in this World - Overview - Day 71

This is a continuation to the blog -

Process of self perfection - overview - Day 70

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to practically stand as an example in this world within and as the principle of "Be the Change you want to see in this World" and I have refused to see, realize and understand that if I claim that I've changed without proving it within my breath by breath practical living application and cross reference the change within the physical reality, I haven't changed in fact but rather created an entity/personality as my EGO within the attempt to be defined as authority in this world, to claim for Power and control to sustain myself as Energy without having to stand within and as myself as Equal to and One as all that is here and to practically give up my self interest desires and direct myself and thus this world towards a place that is best for all LIFE as a living decision that I stand as and by.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand why and how the Spiritual Masters in this world are not, in any way whatsoever stand as an example for the change they claim they want to see in this world because if they would, they would have stand as a solution that is measurable, practical and physical and wouldn't accept and allow faith and hope to be their directive principle;

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe the politician that claim they want to see a change in this world, just before the elections and I haven't realized that for a change to manifest in this world, we MUST change the current world system to a system of Equality that consider all beings in this world.

Within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see how we have blindly followed the statement "be the change you want to be in this world" coming from the politicians as we've placed faith and hope in others to bring about the change without us having to actually change; and thus, we gave our power away by trapping ourselves within the words the politicians speaks, without even knowing that those words are specific and were directed by the public relations specialist who have research and investigated how to brainwash the mass without the mass realizing it. For context - watch - 'Peace, Propaganda and the Promise Land' as well as 'Spywar', Century of the Self' and the 'Trap'.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that the parents in this world wants the best for their children despite of them not willing to change themselves according to that which is best for all as a directive clear decision that they stand by for eternity.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as a parent in this world to state that I want the best for my children and yet, not willing to practically become the change that I want to see in this world and thereby, assist and support myself to change, take responsibility for myself as the entirety of this world and within that, making sure that this world will become a place that is best for all children in this world, Equal and One.

I commit myself to stand as the example and change that I want to see in this world and to actually bringing that seeing into a practical and physical manifestation by assisting and supporting myself to change in fact, prove the change to myself, and to walk within a clear and absolute decision to change this world within doing what is necessary to be done within this ONE life time and to leave behind me a world that I would like my children to grow up in.

I commit myself to show, expose and explain in details within extensive writing, how faith and hope are in no way a practical change that will bring about a world that is best for all, a world that I would like to see myself and the generation to comes existing in.

I commit myself to show how the so called enlighten spiritual Masters do not stand as an example neither for their followers or any other being for that matter and in fact, they stand for and as the Elite in this world, they stand for the continuation of abuse and suffering in this world, they stand for the accepted evilness in this world.

I commit myself to expose to the world how we have accepted and allowed ourselves to give our power away to be controlled, influenced and in essence enslaved to the Elite in this world who uses Public Relations specialist who have studied the Human Behaviour and have thus manipulated the behaviour of the mass for the interest of the Elite in this world instead of utilizing their research to assist with the empowerment, growth and expansion of human beings.

I commit myself to expose the self interest preprogram design of parents who claim they want the best for their children and yet, not willing to stand as the example and change of the current world system by implanting a system that is best for the entire children of this world. Within that, I commit myself to assist and support parents to realize their responsibility for all children of this world and thus, assist them within their process of self perfection;