Sudden and Unexpected Physical Shame - Day 313

..."You will do Self Forgiveness and Write Every day, but without SHAME - you will Not Change, and it will All be in VAIN. Even PAIN will not Change Humanity. It will Only Be SHAME. SHAME will be the First REAL Physical Feeling, and Once You Change – You Rebirth as Life, you will Learn to FEEL for Real and be Really Alive.

Those that are of the Illusion as CONsciousness, can Feel No Shame! The Only Shame they Know is the Shame the System use to Keep one Enslaved. Real Shame is a Physical Realisation that Will Remain WITH You, As You, ‘TILL YOU CHANGE!"... (Day 311: The Secret to Self-Realisation)

 

If you haven't already, I suggest reading through this blog above as it IS the key for Real Self Realization.

 

I have faced a few time this year a Physical, unexpected and sudden shame that I couldn't pinpoint or Define as Shame because the 'shame' as I was taught to feel/experience wasn't similar to the Physical Experience that all of a sudden encompassed me. Thus, I would like to share my Relationship with Physical Shame since I see it is a crucial point in one's process of self realization.

 

So, after I read the blog, I was looking at my process of self realization - I saw that I could count the moments of Physical Shame in only one hand which that in itself should emerged shame however, it didn't, I felt nothing in regard. I didn't feel shame for not walking through shame and even when I realized that I should have got myself to a consistent real physical feeling of shame and yet I haven't, I didn't feel shame. I was aware that I didn't feel ashamed/shamed about not feeling shame that I only felt shamed for a few times and when I looked within and as myself, I still didn't feel shame, I felt nothing.

 

The bottom line is that Shame as a Physical Shame isn't something that I can force myself to Feel, it's either Here in absolute self Honesty or it's of the Mind and any attempt to try and make myself feel Shame will be coming from the starting point of a Desire to be More.

 

I will share here my relationship with Physical Shame so that one will see, realize and understand and thus, stop the expectation that self change is manifested automatically the moment that Physical Shame is here because I am the living proof that it is not. I can allocate 3 instances where Physical Shame had emerged and yet, I could only see a change that is worthwhile in the last event as the shame that I faced that day was so overwhelming that I had to make a decision in that moment, within and as myself:

 

The first 2 times where I felt Physical Shame, wherein, a point of transcendence that I could have walked into perfection was here and yet, I didn't jump on this window of opportunity and walk myself into and as a physical change but instead, I got myself into another time loop that I'm still facing until the window is open again and it would be up to me again to decide whether I step up and transcend these 2 specific point.

 

So here, it is to emphasize that Shame isn't something to take for granted once one is experiencing or facing a physical shame because if one isn't absolute self honest and thus, will oneself to take self responsibility and  change as a decision one make within and as oneself, one would close this window of opportunity as one gave up one's power to the fears of change that one had created for and as oneself, in self interest.

 

However, a few weeks ago, I watched a documentary called: Why Poverty - Welcome to the World and a sudden and unexpected Experience overwhelmed me to the extent of me being SO angry, disappointed, overwhelmed and I cried and I couldn't believe how it is possible that I was physically in the places where this documentary took place and I haven't seen what I am seeing at this very moment? How it is possible that I was so blind and completely abdicated my responsibility as a human being in this world? How is it possible that only now, in my 30ties, I finally started becoming aware of the real problems that exists in this world. But I also realized at that very moment the extent of the problem and what will it take for humanity to stand up and change - it will take the impossible and it is up to us to make it possible - it won't be easy though; This undefined experience that I faced, I can now define it as Physical Shame. Here, I had a window of opportunity to either fall or stand up. I decided to stand up and made a clear decision of what will I do with my life. I could have easily fall because I truly understood the extensiveness of the problem and the very small chance that we could actually change our human nature enough to have a majority of votes to walk by/through/as the Equal Money System as a solution. I realized that I would have to give up my life and that I may not succeed to bring enough common sense and awareness to Humanity so that we could together manifest and implement a solution in this world. I realized that I may Die, devoting my life for a change that is impossible and that if we as a group of humanity Fail to establish such change, I would end up with nothing but my Breath.

But interestingly enough, this time, I used the Physical Shame as a point of self motivation tool to Continue investigating and study what is really going on in this world which from there, I could expand, develop and improve my Common Sense, Writing and Communication Skills and thus, would be able to stand in absolute stability and clarity in the face of any Abuser or Hater of Life and direct the points effectively.

 

So a point of assistance and support - One cannot force the experience of Shame because forcing it means, as I've mentioned before, that it is not real, that our starting point is of self deception/manipulation within the Desire to be More than who one is. When and as one face a point of Physical Shame, I suggest to take a breath, see what is directly here and the window of opportunity for a real self change is now here for one to walk through. If the Experience is so overwhelming, I suggest sharing yourself on the Desteni Forum for further assistance and support.

 

Now, I have to walk my talk and to prove to myself that the Decision that I made a few weeks ago stand the test of time because it is very easy to create a personality and/or Entity of/as self interest within the Desire to be More which then thus, all one does is prolonging our processes as a whole.

 

Further Interviews to listen to:

Decision Making 101 (Part 1) - Reptilians - Part 156

Decision Making 101 (Part 2) - Reptilians - Part 157

Starting Over - A Failure or an Opportunity? - Day 232

So in a way, I'm starting my process again or to be more specific, aligning my starting point in why am I walking this path and who I am within the decision because, as long as 'Self' as a Starting point, within the principle of what is best for all, isn't absolute clear, I would keep bouncing back and forth with no actual and substantial change.

 

I have changed my starting point of walking process many times before. It is more in the context of aligning the starting point when I saw something about myself that I haven't seen before and accordingly, after introspection, I see the adjustments and alignments that must be done within my application.

In the beginning, I used to access self judgement within the back chat - "I have failed", "I fell", "everything that I've walked thus far is a waste" but after awhile, I had realized that it is actually a cool thing because After all, it is a process of change and it is a process of becoming honest with ourselves and as we walk, more dimensions are coming up and within that, we expand our level of awareness and our self honesty and we align ourselves, stand up and continue walking. The only Real fall is when I had accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and chastise myself.

 

This is where I am now - in a point of Re-alignment; meaning - even though I CONvinced myself that I'm walking this process for myself, the 'myself' was still in the context of self interest wherein, I used my Process to define myself as more, within a life purpose that I've created within and as my mind, within an idea that I have to get somewhere, that I must achieve a goal, that what I do must result with an outcome where I could look back in my elderly days and be proud at what I've accomplish in my life.

 

What I had to realize was that 'Myself' is not the 'Myself' in Self Interest that must be the Starting point. 'Myself', is not only me, in an isolated world that exists only within my mind. 'Myself', consists of and Exists as everything that is here within interdependent relationships that encompass everything and everyone and thus, walking this process 'for and as Myself', is not to satisfied 'Myself' as the Mind within the Definitions that I could define myself as but rather, walking it as and for Myself as the Realization that 'Myself' is Equal to and One as everything that is here and as such, I walk this process for and as everything that is here, in Equality, because this is My Self Responsibility simply because I am part of everything that is here. After all - What is best for all is also best for me.

 

So, the points that I would be focusing now is looking and investigating the definition that I've programmed myself within and as in how I have lost myself, as Who I am, as Real Life on Earth in an ocean of Definition, in separation of myself.

It is to walk to a point of Nothingness, that nothing externally or Internally would determine who I am. That nothing would move me, unless I move myself. What would happen after? we shell see, it is not important nor relevant at this stage because if it was known I wouldn't be able to trust it because if it was known, it would imply that it was pre-programmed and that I wasn't the directive principle within the programming.

Multiple Partners? Shame on you - Part 6 - Day 147

 

 

This is a continuation to:

Multiple Partners? Shame on you - Part 1 - Day 142

Multiple Partners? Shame on you - Part 2 - Day 143

Multiple Partners? Shame on you - Part 3 - Day 144

Multiple Partners? Shame on you - Part 4 - Day 145

Multiple Partners? Shame on you - Part 5 - Day 146

 

I commit myself to SHOW that the decisions children and adults are making are always based on FEAR and to assist and support oneself in seeing, understanding and realizing the source of their fears in relation to each and every single decision one is about to make, so that the decision would be in fact based on What is best for oneself through the principle that what is best for self in self honesty is what's best for all.

 

I commit myself to SHOW that Despite of parents' intent to raise their kids to reach their utmost potential as a human being, unless the parent first clear one's starting point and standing in absolute self honesty, the parent would impose their fears onto their children which would result in ineffective decision making done by the child.

 

I commit myself to SHOW that when the parent speak to their children in fear, the sound in their words of fear would imprint into the child without any actual education process regarding of how to develop and establish an effective trust within oneself, in every moment of every breath and so, making decisions based on principle of what's best for all instead of making decisions that would result in one's self harm, abuse, sabotage and compromise.

 

I commit myself to SHOW to when the parents' control and limit their child's expression without walking with them the common sense educational process, the child would develop suppressed spite towards the parent and would make decisions that would be based on revenge of the parent with no consideration of the consequential outflows of their doing that may result in self abuse/compromise/harm/sabotage.

 

I commit myself to SUPPORT the youth with the understanding, seeing and realizing of who they are as a physical human being through sharing my own self investigation regarding my youth years and the decisions I've made that result in ineffective outflows and consequences that if I had the tools to assist and support myself back than, I would have had the chance to make decisions that would support me, my human physical body and this world as a whole and so, as I'm walking my correction in my journey to life writing, I'll stand as an example, as an educator, as a support for the youth and their parents in presenting the tools, the considerations and the support that we all required to be and become to manifest a world that is best for all, as who we are, as Life that is best for all.

Multiple Partners? Shame on you - Part 5 - Day 146

 

This is a continuation to:

Multiple Partners? Shame on you - Part 1 - Day 142

Multiple Partners? Shame on you - Part 2 - Day 143

Multiple Partners? Shame on you - Part 3 - Day 144

Multiple Partners? Shame on you - Part 4 - Day 145

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT see, realize and understand how and why I've been accepting and allowing self sabotage/compromise/abuse through a decision I've made in the moment of interaction with my new group of friends where we were discussing about Sex and within that, I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to investigate why and how I've made that decision and whether this decision would support me in any way whatsoever.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to prefer fitting in a specific group and within that, have accepted and allowed myself to compromise, abuse and sabotage me as my human physical body because I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to respect myself enough to stand in absolute self trust, the same as yesterday today and tomorrow, but instead, I've made the decision to do what ever it takes for me to feel belong and accepted by group of beings.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that having Sex would result with being accepted by a group of friends that would see me as Equals when I'm acting/behaving like one of them. within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to investigate the nature of those relationship with those women and whether or not, my relationship with them would be a supportive relationship that would result with me discovering and becoming the utmost potential I can be as a human being.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to give Value to my stance in a specific group of friends and within that, have accepted and allowed myself to compromise/sabotage/abuse myself as my human physical body with the choices I made in order to fit in and be accepted by others. Within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to value and accept me, as who I am, in any given moment and thus, had required to be accepted by others to define me as worthy of being in their presence.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the relationship between my experience before I discovered the 'big city' and the decisions that I've made after I moved to the 'big city' and thus, I've NOT seen that my choices/decisions that I've made were because I've defined the place that I came from and the life that I had as boring and accordingly, wanted to do all the things I believed I missed out thus far due to the limitation I had felt in my home environment in terms of what is allowed and what isn't allowed and thus, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself in that moment of discussing with the new friends about Sex, to define my previous girl friends as boring and nerds which I didn't want to be associate with and essentially, wanted to join the new group of girls that would make me feel alive, not considering the things I would have to do in order to fit in and the consequences of my decisions.

Investigating Sexual Expression - Self Commitments - Part 1 - Day 114

This is a continuation to:

Sexual Expression – Overview  Day 112

Investigating Sexual Expression - Self Forgiveness Part 1 - Day 113

 

 

I commit myself to - when and as I hear words that activated a reaction as energy movement within and as myself, to investigate the word, to redefine the word and purify myself as the living word wherein, when hearing a word, I  won't activate memories, associations, definitions, beliefs within and as myself which I will automatically give attention to and accordingly, give myself up, become non existent as I gave permission to my mind to be the directive principle instead of me, purifying myself to accordingly direct myself in every given moment, breath by breath.

 

I commit myself to SHOW how through the reactions of our parents to specific words, we decide who we are as we've copied and duplicated our parents reactions, because apparently, they know it all, they know what is best for us, despite of the fact that has been proven in many psychology studied that parents has no clue about the influence and consequences they cause to their children.

 

I Commit myself to become intimate with myself as my human physical body in a journey of exploring myself and the investigation of the definition that I've gave to specific organs of my human physical body to assist and support myself with being comfortable with myself. I see now, that I'm lucky to have a human physical body to cross reference my application and it is my responsibility as such, to stand equal and one as my human physical body as the entirety of the body, all the organs, cells, veins etc. and accordingly, to utilise my body as a support of my process of stepping out of my mind instead of continue abusing my body through my acceptance and allowances of participation in my mind.

 

I Commit myself to assist and support Parents in qualifying them with supportive and effective parenting skills, as I walk my own process from the moment of emerging to this earth, in a time line till now, through my process of sharing my self-investigation process of who I am, through sharing my process of how I practically assisting and supporting myself to unchain myself from my social beliefs and norms that I've integrated into myself as my mind and accordingly, reprogram myself from fuckupness to perfection as I walk my process of self responsibility, in self forgiveness and practical corrective application in self honesty.

 

I commit myself to correct my past sexual relationships within and as myself through a process of self forgiveness in self honesty, to stop the self sabotage/abuse patterns that I've accepted and allowed myself to become through suppressing sexuality and making it more than what it is as a physical communication with myself and my partner.

 

I Commit myself to educate myself with regards of the relationship between the mind and the physical, to be able to understand myself and what I have become and accordingly, stop judging that which I do not understand and rather, change myself according to principles of Oneness and Equality.

 

I commit myself to SHOW that we are busy judging that which we do not understand because we didn't have an example, as effective parents with parenting skills to walk with us as equals and explain to us, from the get go, the relationship between the mind and the physical.

And I commit myself to support those who will walk the development and establishment of parenting skills programs, to bring about, a balance and effective parents who would become the example of the generation to come so that we could once and for all, stop the fuckupness we call earth and humans and create a world of humans beings that walk, move and direct themselves according to that which is best for all. 

Investigating Sexual Expression - Self Forgiveness Part 1 - Day 113

This is a continuation to:

Sexual Expression – Overview  Day 112

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as a child of this world, to feel and experience shame when and as the words: "Vagina, Penis, fuck, sex" where spoken as an automated reaction within and as myself and within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, from a very young age, to react in shame and un-comfortability, when and as I heard the words: "Vagina, Penis, fuck, sex" because I've attached, defined and connected those words within a negative energetic charge and within it, have attached, defined and connected those words to the emotions of shame and un-comfortability.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to connect, attach and define the words "Vagina, Penis, fuck, sex" with sexual connotation and association as 'wrong' and/or 'bad', as if the words in itself are dirty/impure. Within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to investigate my own reactions to specific words and simply accepted the words to exists within and as an energetic charge that I've imprinted from my parents as I saw their reactions towards those words and accordingly, adopted the reactions as my own.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that the 'sexual' organs of the human physical body are not to be touched, not to be discussed, not to be equal and one with. In this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create the belief that the sexual organs are not to be touched, discussed and stand equal and one with and have thus, accepted and allowed my own separation from and as myself.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to investigate the touch and explore me as my human physical body through the belief that I must not "go there", it is forbidden and wrong and within that acceptance and allowances of the social codes and norms of my environment, I've accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my human physical body without seeing, realizing and understanding the consequences that I would face in my adult years in relation to Sexuality.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge sexuality from a very young age as wrong, forbidden and dirty due to our collective belief and idea that there is a time and place to practice sexuality and before you get to a certain age/place, you may not speak, think, explore sexuality.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my early age relationship with a male because according to my belief, I shouldn't have a sexual relationship until I reach a certain age and accordingly, I've decided to suppress my sexuality and didn't allow myself to explore who I am as a sexual human being, with myself or with my partner because I gave all my power away to the voices in my heads/policemen in my head that told me that it's not the time, I'm not allowed to do that, my parents will be disappointed of me and when the policeman in my head was unbearable, I've decided to end the relationship so that I won't be in a tempting position of actually exploring my sexuality.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT see the relationship between my mind and my sexuality wherein I've only defined sexuality through the mind, disregarding the physical aspect of Sexuality.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to explore my sexuality within and as myself because the idea of touching myself came with the experience of shame, dirtiness, filthiness, disgust and immoral and because I haven't understood the Equality and Oneness with and as my human physical body, I've judged myself as all those mind component and accordingly, have decided to suppress the physical reaction that emerged within and as myself because if I allow myself to act on the physical requirement for sex or masturbation, I will be defined as dirty, filthy, disgust and immoral.

My Relationship with Sex - Day 13+14

 Here i will be sharing a process that i've been walking in the last 2 days.

I've Not posted yesterday because the points were not completely clear and i decided to give myself another day for self introspection.

During the night, i had 2 dreams which assisted and supported me with further opening the points. The Dreams implied walking a process of investigating all my relationships one by one from the first to the last to assist and support me with realizing the entire system design of sex and my relationship with sexuality, sex, relationship and money.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a sexual human being and utilize that knowledge of me to manipulate and lure men even though I know that I will not be with them even for one night because I’ve accepted and allowed myself to try and attempt to fulfil my desires without any self respect as well as not considering the consequences of my actions and the influences that it has on another human being life.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to communicate and be direct with the male and instead, I’ve hoped and desired that the male will fall into my manipulation tactics and it will activate his desire to be with me. Within that, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear to openly communicate the desire for sex with the male because I feared that if I would, I will have to face a rejection and it is safer to remain in my mind domain rather than facing rejection according to my mind’s view.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to develop and establishing intimacy with another male because I feared that if I communicate and direct the point, I will be exposed and vulnerable and I haven’t consider that if I want to create intimacy with a male, I will have to become intimate by let go of my defense mechanism as my ego.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see how I’m utilizing my sexuality to manipulate and lure men, just to get their attention, even though I had no plans to be in an agreement/relationship with them as well as having sex with them. I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to seek for males validation of me so that I could experience self worth instead of realizing that self worth is not defined by other human being and it is Me as Self Worth whom I require to establish through dedicating myself within my process of stepping out of my mind as the entire religion of self that I’ve lived and accepted myself as and change myself to actually LIVING in equality and oneness as the physical.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to beangry at the decisions that I’ve made in my past in relation to men and thus, instead of taking a moment and investigate my starting point in making the decisions and to see what is the pattern that played out, I’ve instead occupied myself in my mind through anger and regret and guilt.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a sexual human being and walked this knowledge of myself throughout my day, without even being aware to the extent of my participation with sexual thoughts, without being aware of how my body moves in a sexual ways as well as not being aware of the sexual signals that I’m sending.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself due the decisions that I’ve made in my past in relation to males and yet, I’ve repeated and made the same type of decisions over and over again, without taking a moment and stop, to question myself and investigate the patter that was playing out.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to disrespect myself within the decisions that I’ve made in relation to males because I did not take a moment to investigate what I really want for ME!!!!, what will be the utmost support for myself and what is the quality of the relationship/agreement that I’m interested to participate in.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to project my anger towards males which I’ve previously made the decision to be in agreement/relationship with and instead of sorting myself out and align myself to myself, I became nasty and impatient towards them because than, they would become nasty towards me and I could justify the anger that I experienced towards them which within that, I’ve never turned the anger back to myself and kept on time looping the same pattern again and again and again.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to make decisions to be with males based on a jealousy that I’m experiencing towards another female because I believed that if I’ll be in relationship/agreement with a specific being, I will win the secret competition between us and I can than define myself as more than/worthy, without even realizing the consequences of such decisions making and the outflows that it has later in my life and in the lives of others.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the pattern that is playing out with regards to the point of beingjealous at another female in my life in relation to the decisions that I’m making with regards to which male should I be in a relationship/agreement and or having sex with –

I see myself as inferior to the Female (which create jealousy). I perceive her to be superior and worthy. I assume that she can make a good decision with regards to males. I decide that I want the man that she is interested in because he must be worth something. I lure and manipulate the man into having sex/being in a relationship/agreement with me. If I get what I want, I feel worthy. If I don’t get what I want, I feel depressed, unworthy and frustrated.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to set up standard for myself in relation to the relationship/agreement that I would like to have from the starting point of support and because I have not done so, I’ve compromised and sabotage myself within walking with males that I haven’t aligned myself with just for the sake of having sex and the hope to fulfil my desires.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that my starting point within my desire for relationship/agreement was to have sex and had nothing to do with actual assistance and support for myself in walking my process of stepping out my mind and stepping into the physical reality because if my starting point was self assistance and support, I wouldn’t go into agreement/relationship before establishing the grounds for an effective and supporting relationship/agreement.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to accept myself as worthy as well as not believing that I am worthy enough for another human being and thus, I compromised myself and my human physical body and went into relationship/agreement that was doomed to fail before it even started since I have not yet established an effective and supportive agreement with myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define myself as unworthy and allowed the experience of inadequacy and unworthiness to be my directive principle within the decision making of being within an agreement with another human being.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of my sexuality because I believed that if I would, I won’t be able to control and manipulate beings to get what I want and within that, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to create an idea and belief that I’m able to control another human being through the activation of my sexuality.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed the fear of letting go of my sexuality personality design because I believed that if I would, I will compromise my financial stability because the only way I know to make money is trough manipulating and activating my sexuality personality design.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed the fear of letting go of my sexuality personality design to be my directive principle because I feared that If I lose my sexuality, I will become hopeless and useless instead of trusting myself to direct myself within the principle of What is Best for all and within that, I do not require any form of personality but can simply remain here in breath and direct myself and my world in common sense.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define people in this world as hopeless because I didn’t see any form of sexuality coming out from them and thus, I feared that if I would let go of my sexuality persona, I will become hopeless.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that sexuality is a self created personality that I’ve created for myself to be able to deceptively control, manipulate and get what I want, for my own self interest and I haven’t consider what is actual sex, as a physicalexpression, as a support for the human physical body within an effective and supportive agreement.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to let go of the personality design of and as sexuality through the belief of gaining some form of control however, what I’ve NOT seen or realized is that this control that I’m trying to hold dear is a deceptive CONtrol as the CON within the rule I’m choosing to play.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that I’m not defined by my sexuality because being defined as only one point such as sexuality, is a very limited version of me and in no way can be a living definition to Life.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to experience shameness for what and who I have become but instead of utilizing shame as a point of change within seeing and realizing my responsibility with my own creation of and as myself, I’ve judged and diminish myself further by being possessed with self embarrassment, shame and regret and in that, missed a moment of transformation to physically and practically change myself because I haven’t realize that If I’m the creator who created my past, I’m the creator who is able and capable to create a self change through rewriting my programming as the living words and transform myself to a physical equality and oneness being which will stand for eternity

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that Shame is the key for self change because only through realizing what I have become and taking for responsibility, I will be able to change myself according to principle of what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define relationship with sex instead of a foundation of agreed principle that will assist and support my partner and myself to become an effective human being who will not take shit from ourselves and each other and will stand as an example for what is possible to be done when one is taking the responsibility to face and investigate oneself within the starting point of self honest will to actual change and transform oneself from a mind energetic version to a physical living.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed the perception that sexuality gives me control because I’ve based my entire existence as being dependent on others to define and validate me and thus, to gain the validation and acceptance of me, I’ve created the personality design of sexuality because I’ve seen how easy it is to be validated through utilizing sexuality and within that, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to put my trust in others instead of creating, establishing and living self trust and self respect through walking SELF agreement.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed self respect through creating and programming the personality design of and as sexuality to fulfil my desires of sex and money.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have my first sex with a partner because I thought that the only way to make the relationship work and become stable is if I would have sex with my partner within the idea that if I wouldn’t, he will break up from me. Within that, I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to openly communicate the point with my partner and instead, making decisions based on assumptions.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to impulsively make a decision to have sex for the first time with my partner because of a previous moment where I’ve been told by others that he is not good for me and within that, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed the nature of rebellion to enslave and control me into making decisions that are not in any way of a support for myself or my human physical body, just to prove that I’m not in fact influence by what other people are telling me even though the fact of the matter is that my actions implies otherwise – I was reacting to the statement that the guy wasn’t good enough for me, instead of taking a moment and breathe, let go of other people opinions/beliefs and make decisions that are based on practical common sense. And also, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty for having sex with my partner when I was told that he is not good for me and thus, to not have to face the person who told me that this guy isn’t good for me and having to tell them that I did have sex with him, I decided to sabotage myself and my relationship with my partner by breaking up with him the next day.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed guilt to shape and direct my life because I wasn’t willing to consider the principles that I was brought up as because I believed those who raised me despite the fact that if they knew how to raise me effectively, they would have stood up and change this world to a world that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to experience regret for how I lived my life without realizing that what was done is done but I can still change my past through making sure that I will not repeat the same mistakes again.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think and wonder how my life would have been if I wouldn’t break up with my first sex partner without considering that wondering in itself is a form/type of assumption and thus, completely irrelevant. Within that, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to occupy myself within my mind through wondering how my life would have been like if I wouldn’t make a decision to break up with my partner and in doing so, I’ve abdicated the responsibility to investigate what is really the point that I’m trying to avoid and not face which is the fear of letting go my definition and desire for a normal life because I wasn’t willing to give up my life as what I’ve defined in separation to be life, out of my self interest and in total disregard of all Lives that are equally valuable as mine.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to blame and point figures towards the way and principles that I was brought up as instead of seeing the family and world system as it is, seeing the deception that we have become as human being in total separation from ourselves and each other and standing up, to not accept and allow the deception to be our directive principle and thus, create and establish a world that is best for all in all ways possible and prepare the way before our children to come to live and be raised as human beings that are in fact Life.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from how I was brought up as instead of standing equal to and one as my entire religion of self and from there – stand up from within it and change myself according to and as principles that are best for all.

I commit myself to myself; I commit myself to walk through all the relationship that I’ve had throughout my life to make sure I will not miss any point. I commit myself to not assume that I changed but to actually prove to myself the change through the test of time.

I commit myself to get to know myself as well as what and how I would like to walk an agreement with another as equal to and one as me.

I commit myself to stop the cycle of abuse and self sabotage by not respective and seeing myself as unworthy. I commit myself to walk through the entire sex system design and to never give up until I’m absolutely sure that I’ve walked all the dimension/layers so that I will not be influenced and control by my own creation of and as my mind.

I commit myself to be intimate with my prospective partner and to not utilize sexuality as manipulation to get what I want. I commit myself to openly communicate and share myself through the principle of give that which you would like to receive and stand as an example of direct and open communication.

I commit myself to sort out myself in relation to sexuality and sex so that I could start LIVING instead of being directed by my desires.

I commit myself to redefine a ‘Normal’ Life for myself and to change my programming to a LIFE that is based on the principle of what is best for ALL.

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Day 13: Failed Relationships