Multiple Partners? Shame on you - Part 6 - Day 147

 

 

This is a continuation to:

Multiple Partners? Shame on you - Part 1 - Day 142

Multiple Partners? Shame on you - Part 2 - Day 143

Multiple Partners? Shame on you - Part 3 - Day 144

Multiple Partners? Shame on you - Part 4 - Day 145

Multiple Partners? Shame on you - Part 5 - Day 146

 

I commit myself to SHOW that the decisions children and adults are making are always based on FEAR and to assist and support oneself in seeing, understanding and realizing the source of their fears in relation to each and every single decision one is about to make, so that the decision would be in fact based on What is best for oneself through the principle that what is best for self in self honesty is what's best for all.

 

I commit myself to SHOW that Despite of parents' intent to raise their kids to reach their utmost potential as a human being, unless the parent first clear one's starting point and standing in absolute self honesty, the parent would impose their fears onto their children which would result in ineffective decision making done by the child.

 

I commit myself to SHOW that when the parent speak to their children in fear, the sound in their words of fear would imprint into the child without any actual education process regarding of how to develop and establish an effective trust within oneself, in every moment of every breath and so, making decisions based on principle of what's best for all instead of making decisions that would result in one's self harm, abuse, sabotage and compromise.

 

I commit myself to SHOW to when the parents' control and limit their child's expression without walking with them the common sense educational process, the child would develop suppressed spite towards the parent and would make decisions that would be based on revenge of the parent with no consideration of the consequential outflows of their doing that may result in self abuse/compromise/harm/sabotage.

 

I commit myself to SUPPORT the youth with the understanding, seeing and realizing of who they are as a physical human being through sharing my own self investigation regarding my youth years and the decisions I've made that result in ineffective outflows and consequences that if I had the tools to assist and support myself back than, I would have had the chance to make decisions that would support me, my human physical body and this world as a whole and so, as I'm walking my correction in my journey to life writing, I'll stand as an example, as an educator, as a support for the youth and their parents in presenting the tools, the considerations and the support that we all required to be and become to manifest a world that is best for all, as who we are, as Life that is best for all.

Multiple Partners? Shame on you - Part 4 - Day 145

This is a continuation to:

Multiple Partners? Shame on you - Part 1 - Day 142

Multiple Partners? Shame on you - Part 2 - Day 143

Multiple Partners? Shame on you - Part 3 - Day 144

 

Yesterday, I was touching briefly about the social influences that I've experienced within and as myself in relation to having multiple partners. Within this blog, I will go into more depth with regards to this point as I see that it had crucial effects on my decision making.

 

I remember at the age of 24, I was working in a fancy restaurant and all my co-workers were young, fine, cool, hot girls. It's like, when coming to the restaurant, you are coming to a fashion show. Literally. Off topic - there was an hair dresser that used to do for us hair style every night before work, our clothes where made by a designer.. Crazy shit man.

 

So anyway, for me it was a new experience; I came from a suburb city, my life were quite boring before I started working there, I didn't go to parties, I didn't care about clothes, I didn't care about being cool because as far as I've seen myself in the suburb, I was cool in my own way. I didn't feel like I'm missing out something because I didn't know what was out there - Parties, Drugs, alcohol, guys.. So for me, it was all new and I didn't know how to swallow everything when I encounter the Big City Life. I wanted everything - I wanted to party, drugs, alcohol, guys.. But inside me, I knew it wasn't me and for me to get those stuff, I must act like one of them, I must make new friends, I must fit it. it is not so easy to fit in when I've valued myself as unworthy, fat, not good enough in comparison to what I've seen in the "big city". (lol, if you'd know where I'm coming from, you'll laugh about what I define as a big city and what I define as a suburb). In the Suburb, you don't have to be all of those things to fit it.. So it was quite a ride by itself.

 

Ok so.. One day, all the girls were talking about sex, how much sex they do, with whom they are doing it, how good it is, how their hair style in their vagina is shaped. And I.. Didn't know what they were talking about, it was a shock to me. One of them told me - "the reason why you are not having sex is because you are not prepared for sex.. You haven't shaped your vagina hair".

 

And so, I became possessed about how I should look like down there, what man likes, what do I need to do to "prepare" myself for sex. Not even a moment, looking at the physical aspect within it all. Not ever considering who, why and what I am as sex. All I cared about was fitting in with my new environment and within it, do what ever it takes to be defined and seen as cool.

 

Within my next blog, I will be continuing with the self forgiveness process with regards to my ranting and raving here and once I'm done covering this point, unless I'd see another dimension with regards to multiple partners, I will start walking the process of change through practical corrective application.

 

Multiple Partners? Shame on you - Part 3 - Day 144

This is a continuation to:

Multiple Partners? Shame on you - Part 1 - Day 142

Multiple Partners? Shame on you - Part 2 - Day 143

 

A few days ago, I was listening to one of Anu's latest interviews: Reptilians - Justifying Control on the Premise of Unity - part 88 where he explained his motivation or trigger point of spiting the elders who he perceived to limit and control him when they didn't see eye to eye the future of existence. What I've realized in that moment is the relationship between parents and children and why is it that children will deliberately try to break their limitations by doing that which will contradict their upbringing and within that, a sense of spite would emerge within and as them.

 

And as I'm walking through the multiple partners in relation to sexual suppression dimension, a memory came up of my mother telling me: "When a girl is sleeping around, she is a slut, when a boy sleep around, he is a stud". In that moment, I made a decision which I wasn't aware yet at that time - I will prove her wrong.

 

I didn't accept the old fashion judgement of men are allowed to have sexual fun while the females are not allowed. It didn't make sense to me because for a men to have multiple partners, he must have a multiple partner lol. And so, it doesn't make sense that all his female's partner are a slut. I saw this statement by my mother to be faulty and old fashion. I saw it as something I shouldn't listen to and that I must have multiple sexual experiences to feel alive.

 

Obviously, I didn't see that my mother wants to protect me; I didn't see the common sense in what she was trying to tell me with regards to having multiple sexual partners vs. having a supportive agreement with One partner.

I guess, if she would have explained to me the time line, the reason, the common sense in having One partner where I can develop myself with, grow and empower myself, I might have listen to her back then as I would have been able seeing common sense for myself. What I did see was my mother's fear of what society would say about me, if I were to be one of those females who would have multiple sexual partners.

 

However, I didn't listen to her, and I developed another entity within our relationship - one entity that my mother would be proud of, as the perfect daughter, and one who is secretly doing what I shouldn't have been doing according to my upbringing.

 

What is clear to me today is that parents have no clue of how to raise their kids in common sense and as they try to control the children and raise them according to the parents' eyes view, they are in essence creating the exact opposite - rebellion kids that would do exactly what the parents don't want them to do. The kids would feel restrain, powerless and limited by their parents and would act it spite, to prove the parents wrong, to break off the limits that one is experiencing.

 

So the questions are - it is really wrong to have multiple partners? Is it because parents fear their neighbours to judge their children? How is it that beings are not educated to have a partner in agreement? Why is the media impulsing and stipulating the youth to have as many sexual experiences as possible? WHY and HOW we have accepted and allowed such secrecy around sex and sexuality and it is not part of the child's education process?

Multiple Partners? Shame on you - Part 2 - Day 143

This is a continuation to:

Multiple Partners? Shame on you - Part 1 - Day 142

 

Some time during my childhood years, I heard someone judging one's parents for being only with each other since they were kids. This being said that he can't imagine having one partner throughout one's life time and said they have no idea what they have missed and whether or not their partner is a good sex partner because they do not have any reference point. Obviously, I was a child and didn't know what this being was saying.. But now, when walking my Journey into discovering my sexual suppressions and sexual patterns, I see, realize and understand that that very statement this being has made, imprinted into my flesh and from that moment onwards I've made the decision that I will never merry with my first sex partner and I will have multiple sexual experiences so that I know what sex is and what specifically a good sex is.

 

It is interesting how we fuck ourselves with making decisions that are based in fear, making decision without even being aware of our decisions being made; interesting the influences we are exposed to without having any tools to filter in common sense where the other beings as potential influences are in their own process.

 

So, I see now another dimension for why I've decided to break up from my first boyfriend before even having sex with him and it was because I knew, he cannot be the ONE. How can he be if I'm going to break up with him anyway because I wouldn't allow myself to be with the first guy I slept with.

 

And so, I've started my sexual journey - making sure my partners won't be the ONEs so that I can have sexual EXPERIENCES lol.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to make the decision to never be and marry the first guy I was having sex with because I believed I would miss out sexual experiences without even being aware of what is it that I'm missing out. Within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to FEAR missing out if I marry the first partner I had because I wouldn't have any reference points with regards to sex and thus, I would end up regretting, having boring sex life and be frustrated when I realized I made a mistake that cannot be taken back.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to imprint someone's statements as one's opinions with regards to having one partner of multiple partners and accordingly, making the decision of having multiple partners so that I would make sure that before I settle in, I'll have many sexual experiences and I would be certain that my partner can satisfied me for as long as I live. I see, realize and understand how and why I've made the decision of having multiple sex partner throughout my life and how through one single statement another being has made, I have accepted and allowed myself to based life decisions with regards to sex, sexuality and my choices in partners.

 

In this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define, connect, associate the idea of having one partner throughout one's life as having a boring, unsatisfied and frustrating relationship and in this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge people who had only had one partner in their life as boring which through this, I've made the decision to have as many sexual partner as possible before getting married so that I can be certain that I've experienced enough, I'm a cool person and no one would see me as boring human being.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how and why I have become my own enemy as I've disrespected myself to the extent of making decisions that do not support me and my human physical body but rather, support an idea that I've heard as a child that would stand within and as my decision that I've made as a child to not marry the first guy I was sleeping with.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself a world where the media stimulate and encourage beings to have multiple sexual experiences with various partners and within that, define those beings as cool while the others are boring and dorks. And in this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to live in a world where children are being supported in realizing why and how an agreement is the platform to experience and explore oneself as Sex, in self intimacy with oneself and one's partner.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to feel that I must prove myself to my friends and show them how cool I am when sleeping around and having meaningless sex with partner that do not respect me in a direct relationship to how I didn't respect myself and within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to need being validated by friends as cool through having sex with cool guys and I haven't realized how and why I've abused and sabotage myself within my own desire of wanting to feel belong.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to assess my relationships through whether or not I had enough sexual experiences instead of assessing my relationships with males according to whether the relationship is supporting us both, in developing intimate and physical communication, exploring physical sexuality and coming together in agreement of individual and mutual assistance and support within our processes.

 

 

 

 

Multiple Partners? Shame on you - Part 1 - Day 142

Continuing to explore, investigate and see who, why and what I am as sex. For quite some time, I've been resisting walking my Agreement course due to "knowing" I would have to forgive myself for that which I've accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed on my past choices and partners. BUT - as I was walking my last few blogs, I've realized that the only one who judge me is myself because I haven't unconditionally forgiven myself. I used to take my past personally and feel regret and shame for the choices I've made. Now, I realize that what ever I've decide previously was only came from the patterns/characters/personalities that I've created throughout my life, in separation and deliberately blindness. So, why should I judge something I can change? I should I judge something I wasn't even aware I was responsible for? Why should I judge my own creation if I can recreate it? and so.. This topic had come - "Multiple Partners - Shame on you".

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for what I've chosen in my past and in that, perpetuating how powerless I am in standing and taking responsibility to stop recreating myself as an automated organic robot.

 

I now see, realize and understand that judging myself for the choices I've made is pointless and useless and I rather apply myself within the principle of what is best for all within the starting point of making the choices that would result with the best and utmost outcome for all.

 

I commit myself to when and as I see myself judging myself for the choices I've made in my past with regards to my partners, I stop, I breathe and I align myself to myself as my physical human body. I realize that continuing judging myself wouldn't change the fact that it was always me who made the decisions and it would always be me who makes decision in every moment of every breath and thus, I assist and support myself with aligning myself to what I've accepted and allowed within and as myself and accordingly, stand as the directive principle and change myself breath by breath, step by step, within and as that which is best for all.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to react to my past as the choices I've made with regards to sex, sexuality and partners when and as I investigate the patterns/characters that I've accepted and allowed within and as myself. In this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to embrace myself for taking the responsibility in assisting and supporting myself to change and in this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to take that which I've become personally instead of realizing that I've created myself as a victim to my own programming but in every moment, there is a window of opportunity as breath, to stand up, change and stop recreating the consequences that I've continuously created throughout my life and in this, I am the one who decide.

 

I see, realize and understand that reacting to who I was in my past is pointless and useless because my past doesn't define me but Who I am within the decisions that I make breath by breath are the ones I would utilize to measure my self honesty in terms of my change and accordingly, in self honesty assess what points I require to go deeper when and as I see a thought/reaction that comes up in relation to my past within my relationship to sex, sexuality and my ex partners.

 

I commit myself to STOP reacting and taking myself personally as I see, realize and understand the programming that was involved and how I'm directly responsible for everything I've chosen throughout my life and thus, I commit myself to transform my reactions towards my past to moments of opportunities where I'm able to assist and support myself in seeing the pattern that played out, my responsibility within it and through a process of physical self forgiveness application, I assist and support myself in self honesty to release the energetic expression that I've become and stand as a physical expression as who I am in every moment of breath.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define myself as dirty for the choices I've made in my past with regards to sex, sexuality and partners and instead of realizing what led me to the choices I've made through walking the time line from the trigger point to the activation point through the end line and see the pattern that played out, I've disrespected myself by judging myself, believing that I'll become clean if I suppress my past and won't have sex for a while.

 

I see, realize and understand now that avoiding myself through suppression and denying myself physical sex is not a solution and as long as I won't sort myself out through a process of forgiveness in self honesty, I would always judge myself even if it's burry deep inside myself.

 

I commit myself to dig myself back to earth, to the physical reality, to myself, as I've accepted and allowed myself to suppress that which I've become through believing that if I won't think about it, I'll be ok. I now see, realize and understand that as long as I would accept and allow the past old programs that I've created and installed within and as my flesh to run in the back ground of my automated organic robotic life, I would repeat the same patterns again and again and again and thus, I commit myself to stop, take responsibility, apply myself, change myself and LIVE!

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to look back at my life in shame for the choices I've made in relation to sex, sexuality and partners and I haven't realized that I can utilize the shame to support myself instead of diminishing myself through going back in time within writing the time lines and correct that which I see to be required for correction so that I could re-create myself as a physical living human being that walk in every moment of breath as that which is best for all if I allow myself to forgive myself and transform myself from energy vampire to physical best for all living application, breath by breath.

 

I see, realize and understand how and why I've used Shame to destroy myself, to diminish and disrespect myself and within that, haven't given myself a chance to correct Who I am within the choices I've made and thus, I see, realize and understand that I've abused and sabotaged myself through the experience of shame because I've not transform the shame into gift of self introspection from the starting point of assisting and supporting myself to change who and what I've become but rather used the experience of shame to enslave myself into self unworthiness that led to years of not being able to sustain a relationship because I haven't respected and trusted myself enough to be of worth to anything or anyone.

 

I commit myself to unconditionally forgive myself for my past actions, behaviour, patterns and to STOP the cycle of abuse and sabotage within and as myself by giving value to my past as that which defines me.

I realise that I've not defined by my past unless I decides to because I'm only the one who decide.

I realize that I've a window of opportunity to assist and support myself with stopping the cycle of self abuse and transform into and as a physical living human being that walk in every breath according to that which is best for all.