Realizing and living my utmost potential (Part 1) - Day 475

As part of the declaration of the principle I commit myself to live by, I will walk a blog series where I would take each principle and share an example of how I am assisting and supporting myself to realize and / or change myself in standing as the living principles as a living expression of myself:

The first living principle is: Realizing and living my utmost potential

Within this , the fundamental point that I had to realize is that each and everyone of us HAS a potential - a potential that we can develop and perfect within ourselves; a potential that we can become as a living expression of ourselves if we allow ourselves to realize and accept our true and unique pre-existed potential.

It took me a life time to realize that I have a potential and only afterwards I could assist and support myself (as I still am) to live as my utmost potential. Understand that without realizing that we each have a potential, we cannot live our utmost potential and therefore, the reason why the first principle is written with first the word 'Realizing' and then the word 'Living' is very specific - it is because one must first realize that one already have a potential and thereafter, one is able to live one's potential as a living principle, a living expression of oneself.

So I will first share with you an example of where in my life I 'lost' my potential or to be more specific, where in my life I gave up on myself and in that, gave up on the possibility to live as my utmost potential - from there, I will show how I have assisted and supported myself (and still do) to change the construct that I have created inside myself and to therefore, live to my utmost potential as a living principle, a living expression.

There is ONE profound memory that activated my path of self destruction where I no longer felt worthy in my eyes' view and thus thought and believed that I could not have extraordinary life; that I will not be anything that is worthwhile and from that moment onwards, I submitted to the survival mode, doing the bare minimum so I won't be disappointed from myself and/or disappoint others.

Throughout my first 9 school years, I was one of the kids who always been at the top of the class. I didn't have to study hard or make any special effort, everything was easy for me; overall, I enjoyed studying, I enjoyed school and I had no particular issues with homework. When I started high school, the school decided to place me in the best class with other top students from other schools without asking me nor my parents what I think about the allocation and/or whether I have any objection to the move. This is where the problem started because all of a sudden, with no mental preparation, I was the all of a sudden failing - I was no longer at the top of the class, I was very much at the bottom - I struggled with homework; I struggled following the pace of the teacher; I didn't get good marks and I couldn't cope with the new situation. Obviously, there was no one to explain me why am I experiencing myself as a failure and so, I took it personally and believed that I was not so smart as how I believed myself to be.

By the time I reached the 11th grade, I already lost myself and as a consequential outflow of not being able to cope with the failure, I gave up on myself and felt that I was disappointing my parents, my teachers; I felt that I was the black sheep of the family; that I have no potential for successful future. Obviously, this was never shared with anyone and there was so much that my parents could support me with when they noticed that I started changing from happy human being to a sad and depressed human being though, the change was slight as I became really good at suppressing and hiding that which I felt inside.

The experience in high school created long term consequences in my life - I did NOT want to place myself in a school environment and experience that which I have experienced in high school. However, not going to university was not even an option within my family cultural design and therefore, I had to push myself and do the university pre-qualification exams - for that, I studied 3 months in a private institute - it was horrible because I came with a starting point of being a failure, especially because I took these test a few years before and did terribly bad. With that starting point in mind, I was only able to get an average mark. The mark basically shut the door for lots of possibilities that I could have had if I didn't pave my way to failure through believing that I was a failure; and with not wanting to feel pressured again with studies, I pushed away my dreams of becoming a big shoot in the world system as I believed I don't have what it takes to make it anyway.

Eventually, with great pressure from my family, I went to study in a private university where the entry mark do not really play a part but the amount of money one pay per year. At the beginning of the first semester, I wanted to give up and quit because I felt pressured and feared failing the exams; there was an older man who studied with me and he told me that all I need to do is pass the test and enjoy the students life - that he will take my hand and guide me through the next 4 years and show me how to pass the exams with not so much effort. He explained to me that having a degree will open doors for me and not so much the marks that I will get. Fortunately, university was much easier than I expected once the pressure to succeed was off. However, deep inside, I still felt like a failure.

It was only a decay later that I could see my potential - will continue with the story in my next blog post.

 

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By: Pablo Picasso

How to use Comparison in a constructive way - Day 379

About a year ago, I wrote the blog Inadequacy, failure and self judgement - part 1 - Day 30 where I dealt with comparing myself to someone who I perceived to be more effective than me, better than me and through comparing myself to this person, I defined myself as inadequate and a failure as a point of extreme self judgement and sabotage. These are some of the commitment I have written down in that specific blog:

 

"I commit myself to stop comparing my process to other being processes as I realize that I'm walking my own process that has nothing to do with other people.

 

I commit myself to stop defining myself according to other people."

 

In the past month, I started walking a new journey that requires my full attention, focus and responsibility and within that, I had to realign my time, adjust myself to different working hours and to still manage to walk through my previous responsibilities. Obviously, I got all the support I required to walk this point as effective as possible and the only point that I wasn't consistent as much as I would like to was my daily writing. I found myself struggling with this point because practically and physically, I could have spend another hour to do my writings but instead, I justified for myself that it has been a long day and I should go to rest now. And you know, there were days that I only slept 3 hours so here, I'm perfectly ok with not having my writing done as I must also take care of my physical human body and get it to rest but there were also other days where I could write but instead, I justified for myself that it has been a long day and it's cool to instead watch one episode of a TV series for instance. Here is where I found myself in an inner conflict where my desire to take a moment to watch something override common sense and my own commitment of walking in every moment according to what is best for all and within that, having my writing done is a point I define as best for all as it is the ultimate self support I am able to gift to myself and through which, I expand my moment to moment stability so that I can stand as a pillar of support for others.

 

So, last night, it was one of these days where I wanted to justify for myself why it is ok that I won't follow my own commitment of daily writing but instead, take the time for entertainment. But in self honesty, I couldn't pull it through by accepting my own justifications and limitation and thus, I decided to look at the person I compared myself to a year ago from the perspective of seeing the example this person is standing as, what can I learn from this person and how can I practically support myself in walking the time line that made this person effective within themselves. As I looked at the point, I realized it is all about a decision one is making within oneself and within that, the decision to walk one's own self commitment, self will and dedication in any given moment. From here, all I had to do was to  breath in, breath out, make a stance within myself and walk my commitment of daily writing. So yes, if it means that I won't get to entertain myself for a while to ensure that my commitment to myself is met then so be it because at the end of the day, I have to live with myself and personally, I prefer living by knowing that I've done everything possible to make a change within myself and this world and I mean, we have only one life to do so, so why not make the best (for all) out of it?

 

This is a simply example of how to transform destructive competition and comparison between oneself and another into a point of constructive application. When one compare oneself to another, all it means that another is standing as an example of what one perceives oneself as lacking and so, with a decision and practical application, one is able to utilize the example of another and walk the necessary steps to become the point one would previously saw oneself as lacking, inadequate and/or a failure and to accordingly, expand, empower and grow oneself into a being that is trustworthy through a practical and physical application.

 

 

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Starting Over - A Failure or an Opportunity? - Day 232

So in a way, I'm starting my process again or to be more specific, aligning my starting point in why am I walking this path and who I am within the decision because, as long as 'Self' as a Starting point, within the principle of what is best for all, isn't absolute clear, I would keep bouncing back and forth with no actual and substantial change.

 

I have changed my starting point of walking process many times before. It is more in the context of aligning the starting point when I saw something about myself that I haven't seen before and accordingly, after introspection, I see the adjustments and alignments that must be done within my application.

In the beginning, I used to access self judgement within the back chat - "I have failed", "I fell", "everything that I've walked thus far is a waste" but after awhile, I had realized that it is actually a cool thing because After all, it is a process of change and it is a process of becoming honest with ourselves and as we walk, more dimensions are coming up and within that, we expand our level of awareness and our self honesty and we align ourselves, stand up and continue walking. The only Real fall is when I had accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and chastise myself.

 

This is where I am now - in a point of Re-alignment; meaning - even though I CONvinced myself that I'm walking this process for myself, the 'myself' was still in the context of self interest wherein, I used my Process to define myself as more, within a life purpose that I've created within and as my mind, within an idea that I have to get somewhere, that I must achieve a goal, that what I do must result with an outcome where I could look back in my elderly days and be proud at what I've accomplish in my life.

 

What I had to realize was that 'Myself' is not the 'Myself' in Self Interest that must be the Starting point. 'Myself', is not only me, in an isolated world that exists only within my mind. 'Myself', consists of and Exists as everything that is here within interdependent relationships that encompass everything and everyone and thus, walking this process 'for and as Myself', is not to satisfied 'Myself' as the Mind within the Definitions that I could define myself as but rather, walking it as and for Myself as the Realization that 'Myself' is Equal to and One as everything that is here and as such, I walk this process for and as everything that is here, in Equality, because this is My Self Responsibility simply because I am part of everything that is here. After all - What is best for all is also best for me.

 

So, the points that I would be focusing now is looking and investigating the definition that I've programmed myself within and as in how I have lost myself, as Who I am, as Real Life on Earth in an ocean of Definition, in separation of myself.

It is to walk to a point of Nothingness, that nothing externally or Internally would determine who I am. That nothing would move me, unless I move myself. What would happen after? we shell see, it is not important nor relevant at this stage because if it was known I wouldn't be able to trust it because if it was known, it would imply that it was pre-programmed and that I wasn't the directive principle within the programming.

Fear of Disappointing others - Day 189

This is a continuation to:

 

The Elite's delusion of stress - Part 1 - Day 45

The Elite's Delusion of Stress - Part 2 - Day 46

The Decision of TIME - Day 67

And:

Copy Paste Character - the Way for Success? - Day 183

Copy Paste Character - The Education System - Day 184

Is it possible to Cheat yourself? Day 185

It is time to STOP Existing as a Human Machine - Day 186

The End of Times - Day 187

Facing the Evil within - the KEY to LIFE - Day 188

 

For the purpose of context, suggest reading these posts above prior to reading the post below, if you haven’t already. Here I will be walking the 'I don't have TIME' Character - Fear Dimension - Practical support with Self Forgiveness and Self Commitments.

 

The List below consists of the Fears which are the foundation of the 'I don't have Time' Character.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fear Dimension:

* Fear that I'll disappoint other people if I won't take more tasks on myself

* Fear that I would be defined as unworthy because I'm not using my time to it's utmost potential.

* Fear that I won't get things done and would regret it when consequences would emerged so basically, fear of the consequences.

* Fear that I would be seen as not good enough, replaceable, inadequate

* Fear of being exposed as self dishonest because I know, that if I put my self interest desires aside, I'm able to walk my tasks in absolute perfection.

* Fear of Missing out the Positive as Entertainment

 

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* Fear that I'll disappoint other people if I won't take more tasks on myself

 

Self Forgiveness:

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to base my starting point of everything that I do on external elements, in separation of myself, and within that, making the decision of what I would do according to what is best for my self interest within the want/need/desire to be validated and appreciated by others; instead of establishing Equal and One starting point, of and as SELF wherein, I directly see what needs to be done within the principle of that which is best for all and in that, I assess whether I have the required skills to walk the task to its utmost potential that would result in the best outcome, otherwise, if I see it practical, I would perfect my skills to be able to walk the tasks in its full potential to result in the best for all outcome.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to SEE, realize and understand that I've programmed myself to respect, worthy and value myself ONLY through the eyes of others within what I do and so, I've developed a personality of someone that is taking responsibilities and walking multiple tasks at once, to increase the chances that others would appreciate and validate me for being responsible and effective person. In that I Forgive myself that I have  NOT accepted, allowed and gave myself the permission to Stand, as Who I AM, Here, as Life and within that, walking the tasks/assignments that needs to be done as who I am as a physical living being but rather attempted to define myself according to what I do, through the eyes of others.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to - from a very young age, in my childhood years, to always seek and look for tasks that I can do in order to get a positive feedback from others, as a reward for my good behaviour and so, as I set forth the polarity of Good/Positive vs. Bad/Negative Feedback that I would then utilize to motivate me as the force of my existence. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to what I do, through the Positive/Negative External Feedback and would then thus, make decisions that are based on my perception of how other people would see me if I would to walk a specific task, driving myself trough and as a fear of disappointing them which would result with a negative feedback which I would utilize to define me as faulty, bad, wrong, untrustworthy and so on.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to investigate the nature of the fear that I've accepted and allowed within and as myself and instead, simply taken it for granted as if, being motivated by a prospect feedback is a normal thing to do. Within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to move and direct myself though fears, instead of allocating my own starting point, be and become the directive principle of myself and my world.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that in essence, the fear of disappointing other people, is not about other people per se, meaning - other people only reflect to me what I have accepted and allowed within myself and thus, when turning the point back to self, what is clear is that I've created expectation of being validated and appreciated by others through the things that I do within the idea that the more I do, the more I'll be valued, validated and appreciated by others. Thus, When and as I'm not getting the expected feedback, I'll experience disappointment as I associated not getting any feedback as a Negative feedback. To balance the Negative experience within me, I would load on myself more work within the hope that maybe this time, I'll get the Positive expected feedback and would thus than, could experience myself as validated, appreciated and respected.

 

So - here I revealed to myself ONE Consequences dimension of having overload tasks within my day. I've noted down and would expand on it, when and as I get to the Consequences Dimension.

 

Self Commitments:

 

I commit myself to delete and remove the Fear of disappointing others which is in essence, the Fear of not getting a positive Feedback from others and in that, not being able to experience self appreciation, validation and worth. I now see, realize and understand that the Experience of self Appreciation, Validation and Worth was based on Energy and is does not Real as I required external element to define me as such and without those elements, I couldn't value, worthy and appreciate myself as who I am. Thus, I commit myself to assist and support myself in getting Here, as Who I am, as Self Appreciation, Self Validation and Self Worth, Breath By Breath as I walk through the layers of the mind and getting back to myself as a Physical Life Force. In that, I commit myself to  always making sure, always checking and assessing Who I am as self appreciation, self validation and self worth to in that, not delude myself and create a personality of self  appreciation, self validation and self worth that is not physically measured in who I am within what I do.

 

I commit myself to Delete, Disconnect and Remove the Memory experience of being validated, appreciated and worthy in my childhood years when I did a task and received a positive feedback from my environment because I now see, realize and understand how I've programmed myself to always seek for this positive feedback as an experience of myself as worthy, validated and appreciated by others so that I could define myself as such. In that, I see, realize and understand how I have separated myself from who I am through defining myself according to a polarized feedback that I'm receiving from my external environment and how through this feedback, created personalities as energy experience that I then utilized as a motivator/catalyst in every thing that I do.

 

I commit myself to STOP creating ideas about myself within what I do and to in that, assist and support myself in getting to know WHO I AM, Here, as a Physical being walking this earth without Energy defining who I am as what I do.

 

I commit myself to assist and supporting others in Showing and Explaining the Design of fearing disappointing other beings as a replica of how self had created expectation within and as the mind in which Self would move, direct and motivate self according to the projected expectation of the polarized feedback self would receive from the external environment and how, through accepting and allowing the Design of Fear as one's directive Principle, self cannot and wouldn't be as effective as self can be as who self is within what self do.

Charity Exposed - Day 73

For Context -

Please listen to the interview:

Life Review - An Elite Philanthropist

And read:

Day 68: Why Does Our Future Even Require Funding - Activist Journey to Life

Day 39: Is Charity Greed? - Creation Journey to Life

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have refused to see that Charity isn't the solution that will bring about a world that is best for all because for Charity to exists, poverty must exists, diseases must exists, disabled people must exists etc. within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the polarity that is playing out within the Charity concepts wherein for Charity to exists - Poverty and Wealth must exists as a polarity design that perpetuate the inequality of this world.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to question the Charity funds process wherein the resources, food, labour that goes into it, the fuel, airplane, medical practitioners - all of that comes from many other sectors in the world system that the Elite families own and thus, the fact of the matter is that when the Elite families are giving money to charity, they are double and triple their profit in the process because within that, money is being circulated within the world money system without any actual regard or care of the people that are starving because in essence, the more people have nothing, the more the elite have for themselves.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that when the charity ourses are being distributed from different sectors around the globe, the Money system is making money of the existence of charity because all that was gathered for charity is mostly own be specific elite families funds, which is connected to various corporation, industries, companies, countries etc which in essence, the Charity industry, is another way for the elite family to make more money.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that Charity is part of the Money System and is dependent on the world system of poverty and wealth which within that, an actual solution to the global situation of poverty, starvation and famine is in no concern of the world system because if it was, we would change the entire world system into a manifestation that will make sure that all the resources will distributed equally and will reach all parts of the world and yet, the current concern of the world/Money system is to make more and more money.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have failed to see that Charity isn't and won't change the world for the better because it can only touch beings life for a moment and then it's gone; If charity was really beneficial in this world, it would have already made a change. Within that, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to acknowledge that charity is just another part of the world money system and its existence is dependent on poverty, famine and war as the foundation of the world economic system and thus, in essence, Charity is another profit opportunity for the Elite families of this world to make more money.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that my expectation that charity and fund raising can actually make a change in this world is naïve and irresponsible because within that, I haven't consider the actual, practical and physical requirement of the resources, to assist and support the third world countries to stand up on their feet and within that, I have not consider what it actually take to walk with a country and reconstruct/rebuild the country until it's done and the dependency is no longer determine whether or not one will live or die.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to SEE, REALIZE and Finally UNDERSTAND that the earth's resources should have never been allowed to be privatized and own by only a few and that within a system of Equality, all the resources are equally distributed as a basic human living right.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that charity is used by the dishonest EGO to feel better about the many daily dishonesties that are required from each human to function and be part of a failed system. Bernard Poolman

I commit myself to bring an end to poverty and to stop the dependent relationship between Money and the earth resources within the establishment of Equality system that will equally distributed all resources to all parts of the world.

I commit myself to expose the Charity Process and to prove that the starting point of charity is in no way to actually support all Equally but to in fact, double and triple the profit of those who owns the world system's industries, banks, corporations etc.

I commit myself to end Charities as it is clearly demonstrated to have no beneficial effect within the world system and within that, I stand for a world that is best for all and thus, commit myself to an active part of the establishment of Equal Money System that will bring LIFE that are worthy Equally to All.

I commit myself to show and expose the relationship between the existence of Charity and Poverty and to show - that when Charity exists, Poverty exists. When Equality exists, charity will no longer exists.

I commit myself to show that those who funds and maintain the entire charity industries, could have used their power and resources to bring about a world that is in fact best for all which than within that, the fact that they didn't, question their integrity and good will.

Inadequacy, failure and self judgement - part 1 - Day 30

Art by Andrew Gable

Ok, so there where 4 points that I wanted to look at and walk the self forgiveness today and I couldn't see clearly neither of them. I started writing about one point and I stopped. Than I tried to write about another point but I saw that I'm forcing myself into realization that is based on knowledge and information and not truly seeing the point for myself which was also a point of self judgement because I did write, I did applied myself but I followed my mind telling me that I'm not good enough and my realizations are not real. So I decided to follow my mind and stop the writing. However, than overwhelmingness emerge and I access emotions of self judgment, inadequacy and failure for not being able to walk through points because according to the idea that I've created in my mind, I should be more than capable to walk through any point that I would like to take on but what I've missed was that I am able to walk through the point, if I give myself the permission to see through the points instead of following my mind that tells me that I can't.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to access emotion of inadequacy and failure through comparing myself to an idea of what I should be and whom should I be when writing my Self Forgiveness because the idea of me didn't meet with the physical reality.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to miss a breath through allowing myself to judge myself as inadequate and failure and within that perpetuate the power that I allowed my mind to direct, control and enslave me instead of not accepting and allowing myself to follow my mind telling me that I'm a failure and become the directive principle within self trust.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be hard on myself instead of embracing me and giving me the time and space within self patience to walk my process of getting myself back here by stepping out of my mind.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to an idea of me that I've created through comparison to other being in my world who I see as more effective than me instead of realizing that I'm walking my own process that has nothing to do with anyone else and comparing myself to others won't make the process any more easier and thus, it's unpractical and irrelevant and in fact, a form of self abuse and I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to utilize self judgement as evaluation for myself so instead of supporting myself I've diminished myself.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to access overwhelming when a few points to investigate and walk through are here and instead of walking one point at a time with self trust and self commitment, I gave in to my mind that told me that I'm a failure for not being able to walk through the points effectively.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to approach the points within the starting point of fixing the problem and thus, tried to superimpose the correction without practically walking each point at a time line and within that, became stiff and hard on myself instead of STOPPING and see what is the real point that is playing out and simply be gentle with myself and walk through it one step at a time, one breath at a time.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed an idea of me to be my directive principle and thus, I haven't realize that I'm trying to define myself according to how I present myself instead of practically assist and support myself with walking in humbleness and gentleness in every moment of every breath.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to think that if I write about a point then I'm done and when time pass by and I realized that the point is still here as another layer/dimension that I've not seen before, than I'm a failure and inadequate because I fall on the same pattern instead of simply take the point deeper in my application and allow myself to see that which I've missed before and simply walk the practical living application in breath

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become angry and frustrated when not seeing a point in its totality but I've failed to see that I didn't absolutely allow myself to see the point and gave myself the permission to see the point and within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself within the belief that I'm not seeing the point even if I want to see the point because within wanting to see the point, there is a energetic desire and it is not absolute permission to actually see the point and I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that wanting to see the point isn't to give myself the permission and the allowance to see the point because within want, there is a hidden agenda of wanting to define myself as more than.

I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to see that I'm comparing my process to other people processes within the starting point of wanting to be the "best in class" - to be the person that everyone are looking up to  and within that, sabotaged and compromised myself through having the starting point being based on others instead of having the starting point based on me, based on assisting and supporting me.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to trust BREATH and through that trust make a commitment and a decision to remain in breath but instead, gave myself excuses and justification for why I have to walk a process to get myself to breath even though the obvious is here - I'm breathing HERE and I trust my breathing here and all I've got to do is breathe!

Art by Andrew Gable

So, I commit myself TO be gentle with myself, be humble with myself and respect and worthy myself in every moment of every breath and within that, not accepting and allowing myself to suck into emotions and feelings and thus, I commit myself to BREATHE and to realize that if I miss a breath, I stand up and return to breath.

I commit myself to walk points according to a timeline and not allowing myself to access overwhelmingness because it is a self manipulation in a form of excuses and justification for why I cannot simply breathe and bring myself back to myself.

I commit myself to stop all judgement because I realize it is not serving me or anyone else. I commit myself to instead evaluate myself in every moment and question myself, my acceptance and allowances and direct each and every moment in absolute self trust as Breath, point by point by point.

I commit myself to stop comparing my process to other being processes as I realize that I'm walking my own process that has nothing to do with other people. I realize that walking process isn't a competition and that the final step will be when everyone have walked their processes.

I commit myself to stop competition, comparison and jealousy and walk myself in breath.

I commit myself to stop defining myself according to other people.

I commit myself to myself.