How to use Comparison in a constructive way - Day 379

About a year ago, I wrote the blog Inadequacy, failure and self judgement - part 1 - Day 30 where I dealt with comparing myself to someone who I perceived to be more effective than me, better than me and through comparing myself to this person, I defined myself as inadequate and a failure as a point of extreme self judgement and sabotage. These are some of the commitment I have written down in that specific blog:

 

"I commit myself to stop comparing my process to other being processes as I realize that I'm walking my own process that has nothing to do with other people.

 

I commit myself to stop defining myself according to other people."

 

In the past month, I started walking a new journey that requires my full attention, focus and responsibility and within that, I had to realign my time, adjust myself to different working hours and to still manage to walk through my previous responsibilities. Obviously, I got all the support I required to walk this point as effective as possible and the only point that I wasn't consistent as much as I would like to was my daily writing. I found myself struggling with this point because practically and physically, I could have spend another hour to do my writings but instead, I justified for myself that it has been a long day and I should go to rest now. And you know, there were days that I only slept 3 hours so here, I'm perfectly ok with not having my writing done as I must also take care of my physical human body and get it to rest but there were also other days where I could write but instead, I justified for myself that it has been a long day and it's cool to instead watch one episode of a TV series for instance. Here is where I found myself in an inner conflict where my desire to take a moment to watch something override common sense and my own commitment of walking in every moment according to what is best for all and within that, having my writing done is a point I define as best for all as it is the ultimate self support I am able to gift to myself and through which, I expand my moment to moment stability so that I can stand as a pillar of support for others.

 

So, last night, it was one of these days where I wanted to justify for myself why it is ok that I won't follow my own commitment of daily writing but instead, take the time for entertainment. But in self honesty, I couldn't pull it through by accepting my own justifications and limitation and thus, I decided to look at the person I compared myself to a year ago from the perspective of seeing the example this person is standing as, what can I learn from this person and how can I practically support myself in walking the time line that made this person effective within themselves. As I looked at the point, I realized it is all about a decision one is making within oneself and within that, the decision to walk one's own self commitment, self will and dedication in any given moment. From here, all I had to do was to  breath in, breath out, make a stance within myself and walk my commitment of daily writing. So yes, if it means that I won't get to entertain myself for a while to ensure that my commitment to myself is met then so be it because at the end of the day, I have to live with myself and personally, I prefer living by knowing that I've done everything possible to make a change within myself and this world and I mean, we have only one life to do so, so why not make the best (for all) out of it?

 

This is a simply example of how to transform destructive competition and comparison between oneself and another into a point of constructive application. When one compare oneself to another, all it means that another is standing as an example of what one perceives oneself as lacking and so, with a decision and practical application, one is able to utilize the example of another and walk the necessary steps to become the point one would previously saw oneself as lacking, inadequate and/or a failure and to accordingly, expand, empower and grow oneself into a being that is trustworthy through a practical and physical application.

 

 

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Starting Over - A Failure or an Opportunity? - Day 232

So in a way, I'm starting my process again or to be more specific, aligning my starting point in why am I walking this path and who I am within the decision because, as long as 'Self' as a Starting point, within the principle of what is best for all, isn't absolute clear, I would keep bouncing back and forth with no actual and substantial change.

 

I have changed my starting point of walking process many times before. It is more in the context of aligning the starting point when I saw something about myself that I haven't seen before and accordingly, after introspection, I see the adjustments and alignments that must be done within my application.

In the beginning, I used to access self judgement within the back chat - "I have failed", "I fell", "everything that I've walked thus far is a waste" but after awhile, I had realized that it is actually a cool thing because After all, it is a process of change and it is a process of becoming honest with ourselves and as we walk, more dimensions are coming up and within that, we expand our level of awareness and our self honesty and we align ourselves, stand up and continue walking. The only Real fall is when I had accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and chastise myself.

 

This is where I am now - in a point of Re-alignment; meaning - even though I CONvinced myself that I'm walking this process for myself, the 'myself' was still in the context of self interest wherein, I used my Process to define myself as more, within a life purpose that I've created within and as my mind, within an idea that I have to get somewhere, that I must achieve a goal, that what I do must result with an outcome where I could look back in my elderly days and be proud at what I've accomplish in my life.

 

What I had to realize was that 'Myself' is not the 'Myself' in Self Interest that must be the Starting point. 'Myself', is not only me, in an isolated world that exists only within my mind. 'Myself', consists of and Exists as everything that is here within interdependent relationships that encompass everything and everyone and thus, walking this process 'for and as Myself', is not to satisfied 'Myself' as the Mind within the Definitions that I could define myself as but rather, walking it as and for Myself as the Realization that 'Myself' is Equal to and One as everything that is here and as such, I walk this process for and as everything that is here, in Equality, because this is My Self Responsibility simply because I am part of everything that is here. After all - What is best for all is also best for me.

 

So, the points that I would be focusing now is looking and investigating the definition that I've programmed myself within and as in how I have lost myself, as Who I am, as Real Life on Earth in an ocean of Definition, in separation of myself.

It is to walk to a point of Nothingness, that nothing externally or Internally would determine who I am. That nothing would move me, unless I move myself. What would happen after? we shell see, it is not important nor relevant at this stage because if it was known I wouldn't be able to trust it because if it was known, it would imply that it was pre-programmed and that I wasn't the directive principle within the programming.

Who is the Judge? - Day 224

You know when we walk down the street and we see people staring at us as we go by and all of a sudden we will start feeling insecure within and as ourselves and would start having this roller-coaster of thoughts regarding this point like: why are they staring at me? Is it something that I am wearing? Is it how I'm dressed? Is there something wrong with my hair? Do I look fat today? Fuck, why they are judging me?

 

Then we would start playing with our hair, and our clothes, checking that everything is in place and be very much conscious about our movements, the way we walk, how the hair looks like, how our clothes look like.

 

Or you know, when we write a blog post and we do not get any comment on our blog or no one is sharing our blog on face book, we would then start thinking: Maybe I'm not good enough? Maybe my writings wasn't good enough? Why does nobody like reading my blogs? I hope they don't think that I'm unworthy and thus won't ever read my blog? maybe I should write something else to make people want to read my blog? How could I present myself perfectly through my writings so that others could validate me? Is there a way I could change my words to be more presentable?

 

Or let's say that we are in a social gathering and everyone there are telling jokes and stories and then I find something within and as myself to share with others but when I speak it, it doesn't sound as interesting or funny like I assumed it would. Everyone is now quiet and not really getting what I was saying and then I'm like: Shit, they would now think that I'm boring, or weird, they wouldn't want to spend time with me anymore, how can I make sure that next time that I speak, they would like me or think that I'm a funny person and thus would want to spend more time in my presence?

 

Ok, so I can continue all day in giving examples of moments where we perceive our social external environment to judge us as off, boring, weird, unworthy, not good enough, disliked; but I think you got the point. :-)

 

Now, is it really that others judge us or is it more us judging ourselves through making an assumption that others are judging us; and also, even if they do judge us, is it only them who judge us or is there a part of us that judges ourselves which manifest our reactions of feeling inadequate?

 

Within the first example, in walking down the street and believing that people are staring at me, and thus, immediately going into reaction as if I did something wrong or that I look bad and within that, start plotting the scene for how I would change the way I look/walk to present myself as perfect so that others won't negatively judge me or won't have a reason to negatively judge me - The funny thing is that, sometimes, when I think that people are staring at me, and if these train of thoughts start coming up within me, I wouldn't even consider to check if there is something behind me that people are actually looking at. Like: Is there anything that is attracting their attention that I've not seen myself because I've immediately accessed the reaction within myself where I would react to the perception that they are judging me and I wouldn't see anything beyond the veil of my own fear of being judged. Lol

 

But anyway - the point is this - when we slow ourselves down, we would see in self honesty that regardless of what others think about us (judging or not judging), the fact that we are reacting indicate that there is a hidden self judgment point within and as ourselves that we haven't sorted out yet.

 

Also, another point to look at is - if we fear that other people would judge our appearance when walking down the street for instance, in self honesty we would react because we know within and as ourselves that we are doing the exact same thing - we are judging other people's appearance as well.

 

There was an old YouTube video that I liked, which describe this point very nicely; it was something like -

 

We are walking down the street and see a guy that is dressed with weird clothes, like, he is wearing a clown hat, and cowboy shirt and Pyjama pants and he is smiling and singing to himself. This entire scene makes us stop for a moment because we are not used to this type of expression and within us, we would then start thinking: "what is wrong with his man? Is he not aware of what he is wearing? Doesn’t he care about what people would think about him? didn't he look in the mirror before he left the house? I mean seriously, what is wrong with this guy?"

 

What we haven't considered in such moments are ourselves, and our own self judgement towards ourselves in relation to our expression. We are so blind to the society codes of dressing for instance that we would never allow ourselves to dress in a certain way that would not suit our environment. Within this, we haven't considered that this guy, that we have just judged, may be stable within himself, that this is how he had decided to express himself because he doesn't care about other peoples’ judgements, as he is certain about who he is in every single moment. I mean, why wouldn't we allow ourselves to express ourselves as who we are without being conditioned by Morality or Society codes? Why do we place so much value on how others would see us? because we KNOW, within and as ourselves that we are the Evil ones, we know that we are the ones that would judge other people if they aren’t standing in alignment to the Morality/Society codes and within that, we wouldn't dare placing ourselves in a position that might cause a friction and conflict in other people's mind as them judging us as our expression.

 

With the writing blogs example - one must remember that our writings is FOR OURSELVES and as ourselves. Our writing is to assist and support us in getting to know ourselves, what we have accepted and allowed, our responsibility within and as that which we have deliberately accepted and allowed in self interest and accordingly assist and support ourselves in aligning us back to ourselves within and as the principle of what is best for all. Our writing is not a contest that we must win, it is not to be validated and worshiped by others, it is for ourselves within seeing, realizing and understanding the importance of writings and how through writing, we are able to practically assist and support ourselves in seeing and changing ourselves for real.

 

Thus, when we start thinking about other people, and how they would see/judge our writings and accordingly, change and alter the way we express ourselves - we are not really writing, we are not really doing it for ourselves but to impress others for various reasons such as: feeling as part of the group, being validated within the group, expecting to be seen as more by others and so on. Within that, instead of facing the point that we are the ones that judge ourselves, investigate the nature of the judgement, why did we accept and allow ourselves to judge our writings for instance, we would either stop writing or we would write from a separated starting point that do not take into consideration ourselves and the process that we walk in assisting and supporting ourselves and as ourselves.

 

Also, if we fear that others are judging our writings, it indicate and imply that we are judging other people writing and as such, fear that others would do to us what we do to others.

 

So - here are some points to look at and considered within and as ourselves regarding judgement, self judgement and fear of being judged.

Judgement as self Perfection - Day 218

 

 

This is a continuation to:

 

The Elite's delusion of stress - Part 1 - Day 45 The Elite's Delusion of Stress - Part 2 - Day 46 The Decision of TIME - Day 67 The Decision of TIME - Day 67 Copy Paste Character - The Education System - Day 184 Is it possible to Cheat yourself? Day 185 It is time to STOP Existing as a Human Machine - Day 186 The End of Times - Day 187 Facing the Evil within - the KEY to LIFE - Day 188 Fear of Disappointing others - Day 189 The Psychology of TIME - Day 190 I Regret, therefor, I'm a Good Person. NOT!!! - Day 191 The REAL Fear - Day 192 The things we Won't tell ANYONE - Day 193

Missing out on the Good Life - Day 194 Let's have some Fun - Day 195 Stupidity Loop - Jumping from the Bad to the Good to the Bad - Day 196 The Smoke Screen of Ignorance - Day 197 Leaving in a Dream - Day 208 Having the Life Style you always dreamt to have - Day 209 IT is MY time Now - don't say a word - Day 210 Let's go on Vacation - Day 211 Comparison is a Bitch - Day 212 Damn, I will never have everything done - Day 213 Standing as an Example - Self Interest or Self Realization? - Day 214 From the Bossy to the Loser - Day 215 Jealousy and Frustration - I want the Life they Have - Day 216 The Poison within Irritation and Anger - Day 217

 

For the purpose of context, suggest reading these posts above prior to reading the post below, if you haven’t already. Here I will be walking the 'I don't have TIME' Character - Reaction Dimension - Practical support with Self Forgiveness and Self Commitments.

 

Reactions Dimension:

* Jealousy

* Frustration

* Irritation

* Anger

* Judgment and Self Judgment

* Impatient

* Self Pity

* Depression

* Anxiety

* Stress

----

 

Judgement and Self Judgement:

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge people as More or Less than me according to where I'm at within the "I don't have time' character time line meaning - I would either judge them as less than me when I compare them to what I believe they should be doing with their time within their effectiveness and their potential to become as effective that they can be, or I would rather judge them as More than me, to justify why I have to perfect myself and push myself even more, to stop complaining and simply do the work in separation of me. (For more context, please read - From the Bossy to the Loser - Day 215)

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for either being More or Less than other people, in comparison to an ideal that I've created within and as my mind, not taking into consideration each individual and our processes and thus, instead of equally assisting and supporting myself and the others, I would diminish myself and the others in my mind, to either balance the positive or the Negative experience that exists within and as me.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge my application and my effectiveness in moments where everything seems to be overwhelming and I access the ' I don't have time' character, and within this judgement, would start to spite myself in looking at all the moments that I fell and missed a breath instead of understanding that I can instead learn from the point, align myself to perfect my application/effectiveness and that judging my past doing is useless, pointless, meaningless and counterproductive.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that Judging and Chastising myself because I have seen that I could have applied myself more effectively, and in that, wouldn't have gone to the point of overload in overwhelmingness is a form of self dishonesty because within self Honesty, I could learn, assess and empower myself in seeing how I can correct my application to stand in alignment with my utmost potential and from that moment onwards, to simply walk the corrective application till the application is simply an expression of who I am in oneness and equality.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how I've utilized the judgement of others for my own self interest / self definition wherein When and as I 'feel' that my standing within myself is compromised, I would try to justify to myself the 'Ok'ness in compromising myself through comparing myself to others that I perceive to be less stable within and as themselves.

 

I commit myself to assist and support me in moments where I see that judgement kicks in, either towards myself or towards others and to transform those moments to gifts in assisting and supporting me to see how and why I've separated myself and from there, walk the correction process and change.

 

I Commit myself to SHOW that any form of judgment is Self Dishonesty as one could have assess, investigate and introspect self to see how one can learn and perfect oneself as one's application but instead, through judgement, one gave in to one's mind with no actual and real self support.

 

I Commit myself to NOT accept and allow myself to judge myself or others and instead, investigate what I haven't seen for myself, as myself and in myself that I could learn from, correct and change.