Investigating Sexual Expression - Self Forgiveness Part 1 - Day 113

This is a continuation to:

Sexual Expression – Overview  Day 112

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as a child of this world, to feel and experience shame when and as the words: "Vagina, Penis, fuck, sex" where spoken as an automated reaction within and as myself and within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, from a very young age, to react in shame and un-comfortability, when and as I heard the words: "Vagina, Penis, fuck, sex" because I've attached, defined and connected those words within a negative energetic charge and within it, have attached, defined and connected those words to the emotions of shame and un-comfortability.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to connect, attach and define the words "Vagina, Penis, fuck, sex" with sexual connotation and association as 'wrong' and/or 'bad', as if the words in itself are dirty/impure. Within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to investigate my own reactions to specific words and simply accepted the words to exists within and as an energetic charge that I've imprinted from my parents as I saw their reactions towards those words and accordingly, adopted the reactions as my own.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that the 'sexual' organs of the human physical body are not to be touched, not to be discussed, not to be equal and one with. In this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create the belief that the sexual organs are not to be touched, discussed and stand equal and one with and have thus, accepted and allowed my own separation from and as myself.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to investigate the touch and explore me as my human physical body through the belief that I must not "go there", it is forbidden and wrong and within that acceptance and allowances of the social codes and norms of my environment, I've accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my human physical body without seeing, realizing and understanding the consequences that I would face in my adult years in relation to Sexuality.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge sexuality from a very young age as wrong, forbidden and dirty due to our collective belief and idea that there is a time and place to practice sexuality and before you get to a certain age/place, you may not speak, think, explore sexuality.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my early age relationship with a male because according to my belief, I shouldn't have a sexual relationship until I reach a certain age and accordingly, I've decided to suppress my sexuality and didn't allow myself to explore who I am as a sexual human being, with myself or with my partner because I gave all my power away to the voices in my heads/policemen in my head that told me that it's not the time, I'm not allowed to do that, my parents will be disappointed of me and when the policeman in my head was unbearable, I've decided to end the relationship so that I won't be in a tempting position of actually exploring my sexuality.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT see the relationship between my mind and my sexuality wherein I've only defined sexuality through the mind, disregarding the physical aspect of Sexuality.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to explore my sexuality within and as myself because the idea of touching myself came with the experience of shame, dirtiness, filthiness, disgust and immoral and because I haven't understood the Equality and Oneness with and as my human physical body, I've judged myself as all those mind component and accordingly, have decided to suppress the physical reaction that emerged within and as myself because if I allow myself to act on the physical requirement for sex or masturbation, I will be defined as dirty, filthy, disgust and immoral.