Holding onto a Grudge - Part 3- Day 233

This a continuation to:

From Evilness to Life - Day 226

The seclusion in Inclusion - Day 227

Seeing the Evil Nature in Dreams - Day 229

Holding onto a Grudge - Day 230

Holding onto a Grudge - Part 2 - Day 231

 

Before you read this blog, I truly suggest to Invest in the Quantum Mind - Self Awareness Interviews as it is a tremendous assistance and support for me in getting to know the origin of myself in how I programmed myself to behave, speak, react, form personalities and so forth. In this, I can slowly but surely, expand my awareness of myself as what I've accepted and allowed myself to be and become through years of Self Programming with Zero self and real Awareness.

 

I Commit myself to Further expanding my Direct seeing of my own mind, from the Conscious to the Sub Conscious to the UnConsious and to the Quantum and the Physical Quantum Mind to understand the Mechanics of the Mind in how I've accepted and allowed myself to program my relationships with myself and with others with No Self Awareness.

 

I Commit myself to Investigate my Current Relationships within my Physical Environment to allocate the 'Preferences' that I've formed within these relationship so that I could see, realize and understand for myself, how I've programmed these preference in relationship with Past Memories Experiences as the Building blocks of how I would automatically experience myself in their presence, what Back chat would I have, How would I react and so forth. Within that, I commit myself to change my Relationship from Mind Experiences to Physical Living Expression of and as myself.

 

I Commit myself to when and as I see myself accessing defence mode in relation to another human being, to investigate and check if there are any memories from the past that I've associated and connected to this being and accordingly, assist and support myself to Forgive myself and delete the memories that I've utilize to Protect myself through holding onto Grudge as I now see, realize and understand that so long as I hold onto grudge, I'm not giving our relationship to transform to a supportive and effective relationship where we expand and grow ourselves within and as the principle of that which is best for all.

 

I commit myself to investigate all the fears that I've programmed myself within and as because I now see, realize and understand that so long as I'm approaching relationship within the starting point of fear, there is no way I could develop and establish a real and physical relationship with any human being as I would not allow myself to trust them and would keep a wall that separate us from really getting to know each other and develop a supportive and effective relationship that would stand for eternity.

 

I commit myself to - when and as I communicate with another human being, to allow myself to truly listen to their words, in letting go the defense mechanisms that I've created within and as myself from the starting point of fear. In this, I commit myself to self honestly getting to know the other human being in their totality as I now see, realize and understand that I have never accepted and allowed myself to see the being as who they are, but always approach the being from my own limitation of my own mind, through my opinions, beliefs, ideas, fears, reactions that I have created within and as myself throughout the years.

Starting Over - A Failure or an Opportunity? - Day 232

So in a way, I'm starting my process again or to be more specific, aligning my starting point in why am I walking this path and who I am within the decision because, as long as 'Self' as a Starting point, within the principle of what is best for all, isn't absolute clear, I would keep bouncing back and forth with no actual and substantial change.

 

I have changed my starting point of walking process many times before. It is more in the context of aligning the starting point when I saw something about myself that I haven't seen before and accordingly, after introspection, I see the adjustments and alignments that must be done within my application.

In the beginning, I used to access self judgement within the back chat - "I have failed", "I fell", "everything that I've walked thus far is a waste" but after awhile, I had realized that it is actually a cool thing because After all, it is a process of change and it is a process of becoming honest with ourselves and as we walk, more dimensions are coming up and within that, we expand our level of awareness and our self honesty and we align ourselves, stand up and continue walking. The only Real fall is when I had accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and chastise myself.

 

This is where I am now - in a point of Re-alignment; meaning - even though I CONvinced myself that I'm walking this process for myself, the 'myself' was still in the context of self interest wherein, I used my Process to define myself as more, within a life purpose that I've created within and as my mind, within an idea that I have to get somewhere, that I must achieve a goal, that what I do must result with an outcome where I could look back in my elderly days and be proud at what I've accomplish in my life.

 

What I had to realize was that 'Myself' is not the 'Myself' in Self Interest that must be the Starting point. 'Myself', is not only me, in an isolated world that exists only within my mind. 'Myself', consists of and Exists as everything that is here within interdependent relationships that encompass everything and everyone and thus, walking this process 'for and as Myself', is not to satisfied 'Myself' as the Mind within the Definitions that I could define myself as but rather, walking it as and for Myself as the Realization that 'Myself' is Equal to and One as everything that is here and as such, I walk this process for and as everything that is here, in Equality, because this is My Self Responsibility simply because I am part of everything that is here. After all - What is best for all is also best for me.

 

So, the points that I would be focusing now is looking and investigating the definition that I've programmed myself within and as in how I have lost myself, as Who I am, as Real Life on Earth in an ocean of Definition, in separation of myself.

It is to walk to a point of Nothingness, that nothing externally or Internally would determine who I am. That nothing would move me, unless I move myself. What would happen after? we shell see, it is not important nor relevant at this stage because if it was known I wouldn't be able to trust it because if it was known, it would imply that it was pre-programmed and that I wasn't the directive principle within the programming.

Holding onto a Grudge - Part 2 - Day 231

This a continuation to:

From Evilness to Life - Day 226

The seclusion in Inclusion - Day 227

Seeing the Evil Nature in Dreams - Day 229

Holding onto a Grudge - Day 230

 

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to Delete the Past Memory Experience, Either a Negative or Positive, as I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that storing Past Memory Experiences is how I enslave myself, further into my mind in how I would from there develop preferences, likes/dislikes and emotions and feelings towards other human beings and within this, how I would chose the people I like/dislike being around instead of, assessing and checking the alignment between us to see if the relationship would produce an outcome that would result in the expansion and growth of each other within the principle of that which is best for all.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT realize that as long as I hold grudge towards another human being, based on a past memory Experience where I felt betrayed or hurt, I do not give the relationship a chance to transform to a supportive relationship where both are standing in alignment, assisting and supporting each other to become a better human beings in this world and through that, empower we are through strengthening ourselves with the assistance and support of each other because, the grudge that I hold onto the other human being is like a wall that I'm placing between us, a wall that cannot be walked through so that we both become One, unless I remove the wall in absolute self trust, through deleting the past memory experiences and within that, accepting and allowing myself to walk with a person, as who the person IS, in that very moment of Breath.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to train and program myself to hold grudge towards the people in my world and my environment as part of my Survival tactics, in case that one day, I could utilize that grudge and transform it to a revenge, to strike first with all the weapons I have stored within and as myself, before they could harm and hurt me. In this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that my approach to any relationship is within FEAR as I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to trust anyone due to past memory experiences where I perceived people to harm and hurt me.

 

Moreover, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that I've approached Relationship from fear, from a very young age and within that, didn't walk the 1+1 equation in understanding that that which I fear, persists and manifest itself over and over again, until I stand up and change.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT realize that when and as I hold grudge towards another human being, I'm not accepting and allowing myself to create a co-existing relationship with them, because I would always be in a state of protection and defense towards a possibility of getting hurt.

 

In this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that so long as I hold onto past memory experiences of all the times I perceived others to disappoint me, harm, compromise, betray or hurt me, I cannot expect having relationship with people from an Equal and ONE physical starting point as I gave value to past memories experiences which through the memories, as fears, I accepted and allowed myself to move and direct myself.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that so long as I'm holding a past memory Event/Experience that I've defined within and as myself as Negative, I'm Not accepting and allowing myself to really get to know another human being as my approach from the get go was of and as fear. In this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I have never in fact, accepted and allowed myself to get to know another human being so long as I hold memories within and as myself through which, I would interpret what I think and perceive they are saying, through associating their words, behaviour and mannerism with past Memories Events/Experiences that I've stored within and as myself.

 

 

Will be continued..

Holding onto a Grudge - Day 230

This a continuation to:

From Evilness to Life - Day 226

The seclusion in Inclusion - Day 227

Seeing the Evil Nature in Dreams - Day 229

 

So, the dream that I shared yesterday opened up a point within the Evil context that one wouldn't usually consider within and as oneself, in one's relationships to other human beings in one's world - How we Keep and Store Past Memory Events where we felt Betrayed and/or hurt by our Friend/Sibling/Parents/Partner/Co-worker, which then, we would utilize the Past Memory Negative Experience, the moment we feel threatened, to justify to ourselves why it is ok to behave and treat the other with Spite and/or Distrust.

 

What we haven't realized is - so long as we accept and allow ourselves to keep and store Past Negative Memories as an Experience, our Relationships with other human being wouldn't stand the test of time. Sure, one can continue to suppress the Negative Experience towards the other being but slowly but surely, the Experience would accumulate till a moment where everything would burst out where one would make the decision - Face the point and sort the relationship out regardless of the outcome or to suppress the point again, make fake peace and continue the relationship as it was, till the next outbreak. 

 

What I've seen within and as myself was that the relationship never get to a point of 'Peace' again because there is a constant movement within and as me, when being around the beings that I've associated them with a Negative Past Experience and within this, I would always expect the worse case scenario of them hurting or betraying me again  and accordingly, would never accept and allow myself to trust them. Interestingly enough, I never looked at the point of self trust within that context and why it is that I would always engage into relationships within the expectation of getting hurt and within that, the fears that I carry from the past that would drive me to participate in the same patterns, manifesting the same consequences, over and over again.

 

As I'm writing, I see that this point is a multi-dimensional point that would require further investigation and introspection. Unfortunately, I won't be able to go into it today, in physical space time consideration within the level of specificity that I would like to walk, . So, I will continue with myself for a moment and will share tomorrow the points that I've seen, realized and understood within and as myself so stay tuned.