The other side of betrayal - Day 504

Continuing with my previous blog - Betrayal - Loss of the Illusion - Day 503

Disclaimer - what I am about to share in this blog post, does not validate cheating and/or betrayal in anyway whatsoever though it will shed some light on 'why' sometimes these things are happening. Obviously, the whole playout can be prevented if we all become honest with ourselves and stop suppressing our expressions and  within it, be willing to be open with ourselves about that which is going on inside ourselves though this is another point that I will be opening up in my next blog.

There is no doubt that when a betrayal is done unto you, there is a lot of anger and mistrust playing out in the mind. One feels cheated on, insecure within oneself, doubting oneself - all in all, it is an unpleasant experience to be the one who is being betrayed.

The questions that I kept on asking when I felt betrayed was: "how could they do this to me?" - the question contained blame and anger and even though I asked the question, I did not want to look at the answer, I didn't want to take responsibility and understand 'why' this things can happen and within that, why is it that I must not take it personally. I didn't want to see that to a certain degree, I have done the same.

Once upon a time, I had a very very good male friend, we shared a deep connection with one another that I never could describe in words. For many years, I resisted the depth of our connection due to my unresolved relationships issues so I made sure that the boundaries between us are clear - we are just good friends and that was it.

Our friendship connection never compromised or interfered with our relationships with other people though we were substantially closer when both of us were single. This has been going on for years and while 'something more' has always been like a cloud in my mind, I resisted looking deep inside of myself to see what is it that I am really resisting.

To make a long story short as this been going on for years - at one point in time, I was single and he was in a relationship for almost a year. He was caught up in a life situation where he didn't have any communication with anyone and we were all worried for his life. For almost a month, I was in a state of concern, we all knew that there is a chance that he may be dead. Inside of me, I felt that the wall I was busy building all of these years is starting to crack down or in other words, the resistance that I had to see what I actually want from our relationship started to melt down and for the first time I was willing to admit to myself that our relationship is not just friendship relationship - it was far more than that, there was what I defined back than as love which to me, love, was something I always preferred walking away from as that would mean allowing myself to be vulnerable and exposed which was something I feared doing.

After a month, out of the blue, he called me, he was alive - it was one of the most happiest days of my life but one of the most fearful days at the same time, because I had to face what I felt inside of myself. I was the first phone call he had made and a few hours later, he was at my door step, half dead inside but very much alive. Everything disappeared when I saw him - all that existed was us, and the historical connection that we shared with one another. It was an accumulation of many moments where we both knew that we were supposed to be together yet, none of us was willing to look in self-honesty and walk through the individual fears that kept us apart. We looked at each other's eyes and we both knew where we are going from that moment onwards. Honestly, I didn't consider his partner in that moment in time as I mentioned - in that evening, everything disappeared, morality disappeared, my fears were gone, it was a letting go moment.

To start with, us manifesting this moment while he is in a relationship, should not have happened. It could only happened because I was not honest with myself from the get go, from the moment I recognized that I am resisting walking a life path with him as my partner and accordingly pushing through my resistances. So again, I am in no way justifying or excuse myself from my responsibility though, I understand now why is it that sometimes, things like that happen and with that understanding, I am ready now to forgive those who were in my shoes where they find themselves in a difficult situation where a suppressed moment was 'here' to express. So, essentially – the moment him and I were together that evening, while he was in a relationship – was because we suppressed our self honesty over such a long time and then our honesty turned into DESIRE for one another and once the desire took over, pushing us to express our suppressions over so long, we did not consider reality, the implications and consequences of our actions as our desires for one another superseded considering ourselves and our relationship with others. Because looking back now, if I were honest from the beginning, if I did not accept and allow myself to suppress – him and I could have talked things over first, share what we feel / experience, make a decision to be together or not and then only first direct our relationship with others before creating something together. So, this is the point that we need to have a look at; how acting on desires can lead to consequences in relationships and not considering reality.

That also answered my next question - "why didn't they tell me before they started seeing each other?" - "Why was it done behind my back?" - Here again, sometimes things happens in a moment and you don't know where this moment would lead to. When he called me and I realized he was alive, when he showed up at my door step - our self-honesty played out for the first time in years. The only thing he could do was breaking the relationship off the next day when it was clear that he cannot continue walking a path with his partner. Again here, it is not to justify, it is to understand the forces behind people's behavior and to realize, it has nothing to do with the person who was 'cheated on' - it doesn't make them less at all, nothing is wrong with them - the connection is the directive force and interestingly enough, I now understand that one cannot choose connections - it either exists or it is not; if it does exists, and apart of you is aware of it, you must realize that there are going to be consequences for you allowing suppression to exists inside of you. When the connection is that strong, it is going to manifest in some way or another.

In my next blog post, I will be discussion the prevention process - how to support yourself when you see yourself suppressing a connection with another and how to prevent consequences where other people may get hurt when this connection can no longer be suppressed and a desire takes over.

Recreating our Potential - Day 449

This blog is a continuation to:  Trying to be someone we are not  - Day 448

 

Within the Desire to be someone that we are not, where we see someone in our reality/environment and we would want to be that person or have that which we perceive the other person have, we are only looking at the end result, looking at the absolute of what the other had become within and as oneself without considering the path that one had walked till one become  absolute as an expression of oneself.

 

As long as the Desire to become someone 'that we are not' is our driving force, we wouldn't walk the necessary process to recreate ourselves as the potential that we see in ourselves of standing in a position where we could utilize our true potential within the 'best for all' principle, but we would rather take a short cut and mimic the other's expression to try and present ourselves as someone that we are not.

 

This can manifest in so many levels so let's look at examples that would assist and support us to flag these points within ourselves to prevent further and/or future consequences:

 

Physical Fitness -

For instance, a few years ago I decided to start practicing Yoga after years of no physical workout. At that time, my body wasn't flexible, shaped or fit at all. Slowly but surely, with consistent practicing, my body started to align itself more, I was flexible, the muscles where strong and long and I could express myself with my body in ways that I never would imagine that I could. The problem began when I started losing lots of weight and I became thin for the first time in my life - here a desire kicked in and I shifted my starting point from Self Support to Self Sabotage where Yoga was no longer a point of physical support but physical destruction.

 

I didn't walk my process at that time so 'Self Honesty' was not yet part of my day to day living and so - with me shifting my starting point to become thin, I superimposed my "potential" onto the Yoga teacher and I made the decision that I must become my teacher. Obviously, I couldn't mimic the yoga teacher's expression because when it comes to the physical reality, one cannot become flexible and strong over night and one must in fact walk a process of training the body. I realized then that for me to become the yoga teacher, I must practice as much as he currently had, without considering the 30 years he had walked to become what he had physically become.

 

So I strained my body extremely and the consequence wasn't late to manifest - the pressure on my ankle was too sever and I develop inflammation in the ankle that forced me to stop practicing for a months. When I started again, I had to start from the beginning in terms of muscle building, flexibility and strength.

 

The point of this example was to show that initially, my starting point in practicing yoga was to support myself and the body but as soon as the body started to change in a way that I've defined as 'Positive', I started to abuse the point as I wanted to go to the absolute point without considering the path I must walk to slowly work with the body in a constructive way. I then saw the yoga teacher as the potential my body can become without considering the genetics, the physical compositions and the path the teacher had walk - I wanted everything here and now and as a result of my unaware decision, I sabotaged my physical body.

 

Here, the physical was standing as a support for me to realize that I must investigate very specifically the starting point of my actions; ensuring that I am not moving from a desire but rather take everything into consideration and walk a path to establish the potential that I see within myself in a constructive and supportive ways.

However, when we want to be someone that we are not where the physical body doesn't have a direct role, like with the Yoga example, the consequences may manifest only much later in a point where it would be too late to correct ourselves within our living application.

 

In the next blog, we will continue investigating more examples.

The Door is open - will you walk through it? - Day 445

Sometimes in our processes, we face moments where we either fall or we stand; where we either go back to our preprogram life path or we stand by principle; These moments I define as 'Open Door' where one will either walk through the door or close it and never look back.

When these doors open, it is an opportunity for self to test oneself in one's physical reality where one brings into physical manifestation the words that one claims to stand within and as. These 'tests' are fundamental points in one's process where one can assess oneself and one's living application in terms of who one is and what one stands for.

 

Walking through these doors is very easy as the doors take one to one's preprogram life path where one's patterns are playing out automatically and before one notices, one's mind takes over and it's done; the decision to fall was made;

Shutting down the door so absolute is a different story; it is the most 'difficult' decision one could face as the mind would do everything possible to stay 'alive' so to speak and keep one in one's preprogram life path; the physical reality would present itself in a glorified way, where all one desires are playing out in one single moment and saying 'no' or 'stop' to all of these potential desire manifestations takes a lot from self.

 

The fascinating thing is that when these doors open, one can clearly see everything, both the physical reality and the imaginary reality; one can see all the play-outs, outcomes and consequences; Now here, one is working with Energy where the play-outs of one's desire as imagination would carry a positive charge (Positive feelings) which is exactly what one's mind require to sustain itself. At the same time, there is a point of hidden stability, a point of direct seeing, a point of self - there one can find a key to shut down the door. Here, there is no energy, there is a principle as who one is and what one stands for and as.

 

The problem is that energies are what we have become, it is what we used to in a way and when these energies flow around the body, presenting itself in a very delightful way, the belief of wanting to following these energies can cause one to indulge in one's imagination and 'see' the positive play-outs that one is projecting in one's mind - this is where we usually fall and walk through the door, walk into our desires, our preprogram life path.

 

However, we all have access to the core of our beingness on some level; we all can make the decision of who we are and what we stand for in every single moment and what ever we decide, we must accept that it is us who made the decision. When one is close to make the decision to stop, shut the door and stand, one would find all sorts of thoughts/feelings/emotions coming up as one had program oneself to do everything possible to continue one's life path. Here, the secret is within self - to realize that 'It is me who makes the decision now'; 'It is me who has the power to decide'; 'It is me HERE'.

 

Practical support for such moments - Stand within yourself and apply immediate Self Forgiveness and Realign your commitments; You must be absolutely clear within yourself because otherwise, the mind would find a point to take you back because this is how we programmed our mind to act. Again, this won't be easy but it would be worth it because than you know - it was you who made the decision as a directive principle of who you are and what you stand for.

 

 

 

Manipulation - The art of Control (Part 2) - Day 419

A comment I received on my previous blog:

 

I do not see the point of manipulation and control in saying: "Where do you want to park the car? It's just a question to coordinate the intentions of you both.

I see manipulation and control rather in the pushy way of saying: "please park in the under parking because…"

 

Perspective:

 

What I have shared yesterday was the point I've seen within and as myself in that specific moment where I had a specific agenda of where to park and I wasn't direct about it within the way I structured the question. My starting point was not to coordinate the intentions of us both, my starting point was to control the event to suite a desirable outcome that I've have schemed in my mind without sharing my intention with another.

 

The manipulation is from the perspective of - I knew specifically where I wanted to park when I asked her where she planned to park and I didn't want her to give me an answer that won't suite my desirable outcome so I continued with the manipulation by using specific voice tonality when I said that I need to buy a fabric softener because I knew that she will calculate the route and see that the underground parking is the best place to park. In neither of these 2 statements was I direct and said - 'in terms of what we need to do in the mall, it is best to park in the underground parking" but I rather structured my statements/questions in a way that indirectly the outcome would be what I wanted it to be.

 

The point you brought up of  "coordinate the intention of both" is a cool solution of moving from Controlling and event  to mutual agreement, and that is done by being direct with one another from the starting point of really considering each other, considering what each have to say and accordingly, both make a decision that is best for both.

 

So remember, this is an example that I've seen myself participating with and I see it more and more within how I'm communicating with others. I see it in movies, in the media, as well as memories that came up of past relationships and friendships - I was never direct in my communication and I always used manipulation to get what I wanted.

 

For myself, I was taught as child to not be direct in communication with others because seemingly, being direct is rude in our culture. As a derivative, I was basically indirectly  taught to manipulate from the perspective of learning to get what I wanted by not being direct about it.

If one would look in self-honesty and investigate the point, one would find that in many cases where we ask for instance:  "Would you mind…"; "What would you prefer?"; "What do you want?"; "I don't care, what ever you decide" -  in our secret mind we know exactly what we want, we want a specific outcome but we don't want others to think that we have a secret agenda because they might judge us or disagree with us and so we first 'test the water' so to speak, assess the dynamic and then decide how to approach the point to get to our desirable outcome.

It is rarely that we are asking these question from a genuine starting point where we consider the other before we consider ourselves and/or when we genuinely don't have a specific preference our a specific outcome in mind. It is seldom that we don't have a specific agenda that we will either push or let it go, dependent on the other response to our indirect question and the nature of our relationships with another and who we are within that relationship.

 

So yes, I agree - looking at the specific example that I shared - a practical correction would be to speak directly and share my intention to coordinate it with the other intentions and accordingly, both walk the practical application of what is best for both in that specific moment.

Can a Break-up be Controlled?–Day 417

Within this blog series, we are walking through the multiple dimensions of  the word 'Control' in how, without awareness, we direct our lives within the starting point of Control.
In the last blog post, we had a look at how through the fear of consequences as an experience of powerlessness, we try to control the outcome as an energy reaction, instead of applying basic common sense by supporting ourselves and others, so that we can self-honestly walk a correction process within the principle of 'Prevention is the best Cure'.

 

Within this blog, we will look at an example of relationship control, to see, realize and understand that as long as we move ourselves from the starting point of fear where we try to control the undesirable outcome, we are in fact limit and compromise ourselves as a living expression:

 

So imagine that you were in a relationship and your partner left you for another. The physical event is that the break-up is absolute, there is no way to return the wheel so to speak, there is no way you can get together again with your ex-partner, it's done, the relationship is over.

 

Now, this is obviously not the outcome we expected, and the event is not controllable from the perspective of we really cannot do anything to change the outcome. So we react, and become depressed, sad, frustrated or hateful and yet, hold onto hope that maybe, just maybe, the outcome would change lol.

The nature of the 'Hope' within that context would be the energy through which within ourselves, we want to control the outcome (change the outcome) because in our mind, we have created alternate reality with our partner, separate from ourselves and our partner and now the physical reality no longer support our illusionary reality that we so want to control.

Some will try to manipulate to achieve the desirable outcome by convincing themselves that they must get their partner back. Others would jump to the next relationship within the attempt to re-live the alternate reality they have created in their mind by replacing the picture of the ex partner with a new partner.

Some will give up on relationships overall because in their mind - if they can't be with the ex partner, they cannot be with any partner.

 

What none of us normally do is for a moment STOP, investigate and learn something about ourselves; see how can we expand ourselves and learn from the relationship, from ourselves within the relationship; questioning the alternate reality as a relationship we created in our minds; assessing whether the relationship was effective and supportive, what must we correct within ourselves to establish an effective relationship in the future; to investigate the Fears behind our want/need/desire to control the outcome of the relationship; why is it that we are so afraid to be alone; there is so much one can investigate and learn from one's past relationships if one will oneself to actually assist and support oneself.

 

The interesting this is that no one actually realize that with the relationship being done, a new window of opportunity opens where we can practically apply the necessary correction within oneself and thus, be able to establish a relationship that is based on agreement to assist and support oneself and each other to grow, expand and empower one another. So, within our desire to control just one specific outcome, we do not see how we limit and sabotage ourselves in walking just one desire outcome without even seeing that there is much out there that we haven't considered within and as ourselves. 

 

What we must become aware of is that as long as we desire to control the outcome of our next relationship, once we accept that the previous one is done is that we will change and mold ourselves to a personality that fits with a desirable outcome where we could have a sustainable / long term relationship. Here, what one is not seeing, realizing and understanding is that within the desire to control undesired outcomes, for instance, breaking up, one is willing to compromise and limit oneself to such an extent where one would completely change oneself and disregard one's value system, for the sake of having the desirable outcome of a relationship, as an idea that one had created in one's mind.

The fear of breaking up/being alone will be the directive principle of one's relationship and thus, to control the fear, one would "play the game" even if playing the game isn't what is best for oneself or for the other within the relationship.

 

This is an extreme example to show you what are we missing so long as we tie ourselves to only one expected/desirable outcome. Who knows how many opportunities to learn, expand and grow ourselves we disregarded because our desire to control the outcome which created a smoke screen upon the physical reality that blinded us from seeing what was here all along.

 

More in my next blog 

Discovering the Excitement of LIFE (Part 2) - Day 325

 

 

Continuing with my Previous blog where I started walking the Design of Excitement and how it came to be the stepping stone from which we keep ourselves busy in our mind as the External force that would give us the 'Space' to cope with our Physical Reality.

 

We start our Journey into Excitement Creation already as Childs when our Parents takes us for a trip in the weekend which we look forwards to during the week. We are so excited because we know that the day to day living responsibilities are off for just a moment and we could be 'Free' in a way, stay up late, spend the time with our parents that are normally at work and we know that we are going to get treats that are usually forbidden but are allowed on vacations. We are also very much excited to come back from the trip and tell our friends all about it and what special things we did and you know, deep down we also excited about a momentary feeling of being 'more' than those whom parents cannot afford these vacations.

 

I always had something to look forwards to as a child and as a grownup; whether it was a vacation with my family or a one day trip, or graduating and going to the army and then got excited to get my chance to travel around the world after the army and fly a few times with friends to Thailand. I always created something for me to look forwards to and be excited about but now when I look at it - my Expectations and Excitements NEVER met the Physical reality and I always got disappointed from how things played and it was ok as long as  there was always a point to look forwards to.

At some stage, the money ran out and I couldn't funds my fantasies so I had to create fantasies I can accomplish with no money involved (only after taking a big loan to funds my desires which turned out to be one of the biggest mistakes of my life as I'm still stuck with the consequences). The pattern persists - I create a Desire, I become Excited about it, I start being obsessed and possessed about the possibility of having my desire fulfilled and then I face the Fear of Lose that my Prospect original Desire  won't manifest and I start being more obsessed and possessed by it until I rather get to the point of Excitement only to find out that it wasn't what I was expecting it to be and thus, I become totally depressed that I couldn't get what I wanted and my Fear of lose became the Reality.

 

What have I missed throughout this all Process - the Excitement of being alive through/by/with every single breath I take! I mean, how stupid that is? that we never considered the Breath as Life, as the Ultimate point of Excitement as appreciation that Life is Here and I have a chance to Live with/as my Physical Body because I'm BREATHING and the BREATH is that which gives me Life.

 

So then, What Excitement has to do with Consumerism? Everything! Where do we get all of our ideas that we get excited about if not from the Advertisements, Marketing and commercials we see all around, as the Rewards we can gift ourselves for the hard work we do either in School, job or other responsibilities we carry on.

 

Where have we lost the Real Physical Excitement of a simple thing as Breathing by Externalizing Excitement through gadgets, new clothes, vacations, love, wedding, kids, grandkids all of which required Energy to create within and as ourselves to sustain the Excitement that would be either fulfilled or turns into a complete disappointment which from there, we start again and create the new Excitement point to reach to but we Never stop for a moment to actually investigate our Desires and Fears that are the foundation of our addiction for Energy, for Excitement as the Driving force of ourselves within our lives.

 

It doesn't matter in which form or towards what we are excited about - the Pattern/Design is the same and would circulate in the same way for eternity until we stop.

 

"Why to stop?, who will I be without having anything to look forwards to? Wouldn't it be boring? What would motivate me to be better, greater, extraordinary?".

Yes, I understand that this may be your backchat and/or resistance to what I am sharing so let's look at this in the following way:
The things we are excited about are normally related to Money and the fact that not everyone on earth has the access to these things is in itself invalidate the point within the Equality Equation and the Principle of 'Do to another that which you would like to be done to you'. I would rather live in a world where everyone has access to have a vacation if they wanted to, have access to food or a new cloth if required, I would rather live in a world where we realize the Excitement of Life within each and every breath and within that, consider each other's breath and their Equal right to have their breath within a Life that is worth while.

 

But also, the fact that we conditioned ourselves to a Future External Fantasy/Desire, as a point in the Future we can be excited about is a concerning point by itself from the perspective of us requiring something, in separation of ourselves to motivate and move us instead of us moving and directing ourselves in absolute awareness in any given moment.

 

Now, most of us that have experienced the point of our Excitement that tend to fade away when we finally get to the point of achievement which is in most cases, nothing like we imagined it to be; We then go into a slight sadness or even depression until we get ourselves out of it with a new generation of Energy build up for our next future point to look forward to. So here, when we establish gratefulness within each breath we take and discover what does it really mean 'the Excitement of Life', we won't experience these ups and downs and would simply live as what is best in any given moment. Isn't that wonderful? Isn't that by itself the self driven point that would motivate oneself to stand as the expression of Excitement of Breath as Life?

 

 

 

Discovering the Excitement of LIFE (Part 1) - Day 324

Today, I will start walking the Relationship between Excitement and Consumerism and within that, how we have conditioned our lives and that which gives us Life - our real Physical Breath, to an External Forces that would give us the Energy Boosts for just one moment until it fade away and the energy drains out which from there, we would start accumulating and building up the necessary Energy for the next best thing that would give us the Experience we Desire for, without ever realizing that our Desires have been created through the Pictures we see in our environment; through the Stories we hear from our Friends; through the Fantasies and Imagination we participate in our mind; through Comparison and Competitions; 

 

The Design of Excitement came to be a dominant point that through which we live as Energetic Batteries that constantly seeking after the next Gadget, the next Event, the next Experience, the next Love, the next vacation, the next Party - anything that would fulfil us for a moment until we drain out again and would require another shoot of Adrenalin boost to keep us going and moving on in our lives.

 

Let's have a look at the following example (note, the Example is deliberately extreme to emphasize the point and make some fun while we are walking this point however, most of us will Experience the same point with different velocity, pictures and fantasies) 

Ok, so you are watching a Romantic movie that take place in an exotic island  with beautiful beaches, people, music food.. Now, the movie and/or a Picture in the Movie was installed in your mind and it activated a Desire within you to Experience the Magic of this island for yourself. From that moment, you start imagining yourself lying on the soft white send, under the sun, with a cocktail in your hand and a flower necklace on your neck and you see yourself enjoying yourself, listening to the waves of the ocean, closing your eyes and taking a rest and suddenly, "unexpectedly" the most hot guy/girl is approaching you and you two start talking for hours until the sun goes down and then you realized that you didn't eat all day so you go together and eat dinner and you drink some more and... you completely fell in love.

 

So you develop the fantasy to great detail in your mind and decide to start saving the funds to make it happen and you can't stop thinking about the Experience you are about to face. You share it with your friends and you add more details to your fantasy and soon enough, you are on your way to fulfil your Desires. By now, the excitement level are extremely high and you completely possessed by the trip you are about to face and you count the minutes until the plain take off and after a few hours (or days) you reach your destination and situate yourself on the soft white send with the Cocktail and the flower necklace. By now you already realized that it isn't exactly as you imagine it to be but you come to peace with it because your Excitement levels are still so high and you can not wait to see how things plays out.

 

The first day is gone and still.. No prince/princess charming are at sight but you keep on waiting and hoping that something will happened. At some stage you realize you might made a mistake by going all alone but you still hope that things work out. By now, the Excitement is not so high but the Desire is very much existing.  Maybe in the next day, you would give up on your original fantasy and start socialize yourself with others like you that came in the hope to find their love of their life.

 

Eventually the vacation is over and you go back, disappointed, but you won't admit it and you'll tell your friends how amazing it was and what great people you met and how much you cannot wait until the next time you fly there because, between you and I, you don't want to be the only fool - you want others to fall in the same trapped you got yourself in, so that you won't feel like a complete loser. but… what will you do now? You will start generating the next Desired Excitement in your mind although, maybe this time it will be something a bit more moderated then the previous one because let's face it, this journey cost you quite a bit..

 

Here is an example of a Desire you created within and as yourself when and as a picture you saw in a movie activate the Desire and because within your Physical Reality, you were able to go after this Desire, you slowly but surely started to accumulate the necessary Energy as Excitement, as your Living force, as your way to cope with the Ordinary life you normally have. Once you get to your Destination and the Imaginary Reality doesn't meet your Physical reality, the Energy, that which was your Driving force, drops, and it is normally when you would start feeling Depressed and Frustrated. The more your Excitement was charged, the more your Disappointment, Depression and Frustration and thus, the more motivated you are to create another point in the future to look forward to.

 

Ok, for the Positive readers - Let's say though, that your dream girl/guy did show and you did fell in love and you did fulfil your Desires and you are now in the utmost energy pick one can imagine. We all know that the Energy will not last for long and  slowly but surely, it would start fading away. Then what? wouldn't you still be seek after the next energy boost that you could provide for yourself because you have conditioned yourself to always needing something in the future to look for, as an external force that keeps you alive while all along, the very thing that keeps you physically alive is your Breath, which we all take for granted without realizing and understanding that without Breath, we couldn't even imagine our desires or be disappointment when our desires didn't stand in the Physical reality - no matter how the Design of Excitement played out - the only way it could play out is with the Breath that we take in every single moment which we do not value in anyway whatsoever. 

 

Will continue in the next blog with more examples and points to consider in relation to the Creation of Excitement and its relationship to Consumerism.

But, what if there is someone better for me out there? - Day 268

There are beings that find themselves without a partner; this has to do with many variables but there is one dimension I would like to bring up within this blog today wherein, one accept and allow the following thoughts pattern to exists within and as oneself:

 

 "But what if there is someone better for me out there? If I commit to a partner but then I'll find another being that is better for me,, what will I do then? And besides, how can I know for sure that this partner is the best one for me? Should I take the risk? Am I compromising here? I better not get into this relationship just in case another beings comes, I will leave the door open for just in case something MORE, Greater may come."

 

Behind the Thoughts Pattern -

 

1. The Desire for Perfect Relationship - the Desire to have a relationship as perfect as it is presented on the Media for instance and the inherited design of the Desire for More is a huge factor in one's decision making regarding one's partner. In this, nothing can satisfied self because the Desire for More and the value that one had attached to 'Perfect relationships' will always stipulate and activate this thoughts pattern that would influence one's decisions and Choices regarding partners and relationships.

Perfect relationship as the value one had assign to the ideal perfect relationship is how one had taught and program oneself throughout one's life with the influence of one's environment and most importantly, the Media. Meaning, throughout time, one would create a belief system around the ideal perfect relationships as an idea that one had associated with a Positive Energetic Charge and thus, as long as one won't 'Feel' that which self had planned to 'Feel' when encountering the 'Perfect Partner' for a 'Perfect Relationship' one would not commit to one partner and would always be on the journey that may lead to the 'Feeling' one believe one should Experience when all the Characteristics and Values one had defined 'perfect relationship' would met.

Here also is where Porn comes in meaning - one create an idea of 'Perfect Sex Partner' according to what one sees on Porn and within that, one knows, in self honesty, that what one sees on Porn is far fetch from Reality and therefor, one wouldn't be able to have that 'Perfect Sex Partner' as how one would like having. Thus, the Hope that maybe, somehow, one could find the perfect sex partner would also be the reason for why one wouldn’t commit to a relationship that may lead to unfulfilled sex Life according to one's perceptions, ideas and beliefs.

 

2. Fear of Making a mistake - Here, one isn't necessarily working with the decision of going into a relationship with a specific partner per say from the perspective that the Fear of making a mistakes would probably manifest in many other aspects of one's life where one would live a life of indecisiveness and would only come to a decision once one is 100% sure that this is the way to go. Whether one is indecisive in nature or not, one must realize that what ever decision we currently making, our decisions are limited to what we perceive possible through and as our minds:

 

“And Many will first make the Mistake of Believing that they’re capable of Assessing Information with their Preprogrammed Knowledge and will Refuse to go through the Obvious Commonsense necessity of First Purifying EVERYTHING they consist of – Every Word, Every Part, Every Memory so that it can be Aligned to What is Best for All Life.” Bernard Poolman

 

From the Fear of making mistakes with regards to choosing the partner and later finding out that there might be someone better for self, one would then try and justify the fear through consciously creating other fears such as for instance, 'Fear of Commitment' and 'Fear of Living a life of Regret'. These fears are actually a reaction to one's fear of making a mistakes and instead of going into the deep, core, source and origin of this Fear and sort self out, one would create justifications and excuses as a Reaction instead of walking the Correction Process and moving to Prevention as a Principle one lives by.

 

What is interesting in this Thoughts pattern is that it form part of the Chameleon character (Which I suggest clicking the hyperlink to read Earth's Journey to Life Blog). Here, the Chameleon would change one's preference according to how the world view a perfect relationship as. For instance, decays ago, you wouldn't normally see a tall woman with a short man however a new trend started when Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise where together. Another example would be skin colours - decays ago, White was Superior to Brown and having coloured partners where something everyone would gossip about. Nowadays when Brown is Equal to White or even in some countries Superior to White, coloured partners is quite Normal.

Another example could be when one partner is a successful business man/woman that is being invited to Elitist Social Gathering. For such occasions, if the partner would not have a partner that is normally accepted in such events (best outfit, hair style, mannerism, social behaviour skills, etc.), one would be a gossiping target and due to the 'shame' that involved, one would make the Decision regarding a partner beforehand.

Thus, the Chameleon Character within the above thoughts pattern would always want to adapt oneself to the current trend and to not be "stuck" with a partner that do not stand in alignment to the current world trend within the context of the perfect partner. And since the trends are changes from time to time, one would prefer leaving a door open to align oneself to how the world would see oneself in relationship to one's prospect partner.

 

For myself, I remember at age 16, having this thoughts pattern coming up after a few months of extensive relationship with a partner. I looked at my future and I was sure that there must be something more, that there must be a better partner and the moment these thoughts slowly but surely accumulated into a point of no return, I ended the relationship and started the journey of seeking for more, seeking for the better man while all along, it seems now that with all the relationships that I had, the first guy, my first boyfriend was far more than any other guy I was with. But you can read all about it on my previous blogs. (use the search button). What I'm seeing now was how through the desire for more, I sabotaged and compromised a partnership that could have developed to a supportive and effective agreement though, it is unlikely that I would have find Desteni if I would to remain in the partnership from age 16 lol. The point is - one cannot trust oneself and one's decision once this thoughts pattern comes up in one's mind. what one can trust is that one is deceiving oneself to not face the actuality of one's fear of making a mistake and within that to support and assist oneself to assess the potential of walking with another within the principle of that which is best for all which means that within a partnership, both stand as a pillar of support for themselves and each other to expand, grow, develop and empower themselves to be and become and obviously stand as an effective human beings in this world.

 

The Corrective application within the context of such thoughts pattern is to have a look at one's decisions and choices and to learn how to assess the potential that would result with an outcome that is best for all. Here, I also suggest reading through the Blog Series: Birthing ourselves as life, as a partnership (Day 143 onwards).

The practical correction would be:

go through the Obvious Commonsense necessity of First Purifying EVERYTHING they consist of – Every Word, Every Part, Every Memory so that it can be Aligned to What is Best for All Life.” Bernard Poolman

The Drama Queen Painfully calling for Attention - Day 259

What I haven't understood when and as I accessed to the Drama Queen Character is the relationship between the mind and the Physical and within that, the consequences it consists of.

It is interesting that the consequences are always being justified and/or Denied so that we can continue exactly as we always been without ever looking into and as ourselves to find out the core/source/origin of our behaviour, mannerism and attitudes towards ourselves and others.

 

So what is the nature of the Drama Queen? The first point that came up when I started to investigate character was the Desire for attention. It is when one experience oneself as insecure, inadequate and inferior within and as oneself through which one would try and balance oneself through deliberately create scenes, experiences and events that would draw the attention one required to receive from others.

Within and underneath this desire, exists a Fear. (I will get to the Fear Dimension in a moment).

 

For myself, the Drama Queen Personality/Character started in a very young age through creating Physical Painful experiences. What is fascinating is that when I look back at my life - the real Physical pain and consequences were very much in a silent experiences meaning - I would not go to the extreme of screaming and crying because in doing so, the pain increase. So for instance, when I was about 6 years old, I fell down the stairs in a friend's building house. It was a direct fall of one store height which I rolled all the way down. The Consequences of such event were severe. The doctors said to my parents that I lost my sight in my left eye and the chances that I will ever see again are very low. Fortunately, that wasn't so and my sight return to full function. The point is - the experience within myself was of silent. One of the neighbours who heard the fall came out to see what was going on but that was as far as my memory goes. The next thing was my mother taking me to the hospital.

 

Then, in another incident, already in high school - we were taken to a water park and my entire class went to the tubing slider together - we held hands, all connected to each other and I was the last one on the chain of people. Due to the force that was in play, when I got to the first slide curve, still holding hands with the person in front of me, I was pulled down and my body was thrown from head down till my head knocked the floor; I got a concussion and 2 spots on my spine were out. However, also within this, the experience was of silent within me. No screaming, no yelling out laud for attention. Can't remember the next scene in details. All I remember was 6 months of physiotherapy recovery after that event.

 

But now, when I go back to the memory I shared yesterday, about the 3 stairs that I fell from in the school yard - man, I made a huge scene. I remember it almost to the specific details because I knew that I was making a scene and by the time that I realized what I was doing, my Ego couldn't let me just go away with it - so I continued, trying to make it real so that I won't be judged as someone that yells 'wolf' while there is no wolf around.

 

Thus, what is interesting here is to see how I would create scenes for me to be the main star, through utilizing 'human compassion' when they see someone gets hurt. I guess it is also a cultural thing - in Israel, people are very compassionate when they see someone get hurts in front of their eyes. However for instance, when I was in Prague, I saw someone falls down on the street and I was the only one who approached him.

 

But the specific point that I'm looking at here is how I would deliberately create pain or injury for myself to get attention and within that, the extent that I would take my body through, just for the sake of the attention I may receive. I mean - this is cruel self abuse even though it had never manifested to the extreme of real physical damage. Who knows what I would have done to myself if I haven't faced this point now? This is why it is crucial to move from a reaction to correction so that I won't have to face this point physically but rather, prevent the consequences because there is no real reason to manifest such things in one's life.

 

Will walk the Self Forgiveness and Self Commitments in tomorrow's blog so stay tuned.

 

From Evilness to Life - Day 226

There are moments in time where one sees what one is doing to another, what it is that one is deliberately accepting and allowing within and as oneself, one see’s how one's words and actions has an affect on others in harmful and destructive ways and yet, one would continue one's participation in one's design/program/pattern/character/personality and would never take responsibility for such moments in making sure that one would not accept and allow oneself to ever again harm oneself and other human beings in this world.

 

This is why I am now writing this blog as I've seen in myself the Evilness that exists within myself, that I've accepted and allowed to accumulate Evilness  over the years, without giving myself any constructive and supportive direction and as such, my actions, my words and my resonance outflows, may harm and cause damage to others as the only things that I would consider in such moments are ME and my Experiences and I would not consider the other beings at all. Till here no further.

 

This blog will be an overview of the points that I've seen within and as myself thus far and from here, I would go into more details and specifics in assisting and supporting myself in walking the path of standing Equal to and One as other human beings and within that, stand as a support rather than a machine that suck the life out from other beings to sustain my Ego/Personalities as how I've defined myself as 'who I am' in separation of myself, others and this world as a whole.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to desire to be so much more than another human being that within that, I would accept and allow myself to walk over their toes and smash them so completely, in making them so small within and as my mind so that I could remain in control over them which would give me the Experience that I'm More. Within that, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to question myself as to why and how I have accepted and allowed the pattern/design as desire to be more, to exists within and as me and within that, haven't assisted and supported myself in stopping this pattern/design as the desire to be more and accordingly standing in alignment to the other being, in an assisting and supportive relationship instead of diminished and compromised relationship that would not benefit anything or anyone.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to try and attempt to make people so small in comparison to me, in my own mind, internally and externally and thus utilized all my "powers" as manipulation and defence tactics in doing all that I can so that they won't grow and expand themselves within who they are so that I won't have to stand in Equality with them but always remain more than them, in my own eyes but then, not seeing, realizing and understanding that I'm not only compromising them, but also compromising myself in  deliberately not assisting and supporting myself and others, equally as one to grow, expand and empower ourselves in becoming effective, trustworthy and respectful human beings in this world.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to deliberately create and manifest relationships in my life with beings that I "see" and perceive as less than me so that I could always stand in a superior position, in control over them. Within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself when the Relationship Dynamic changes and the being is actually moving and changing themselves in assisting and supporting themselves to grow, expand and empower themselves within who they are, to react within and as myself because how I have defined myself as more and superior according to them, has now collapsed and I can no longer sustain the superior personality that I've created within and as myself. Within this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to assist and support myself in standing in absolute self trust as who I am, without needing/desiring/wanting to be More than who I am and specifically, in comparison to others.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see how Evil one can be and become, in how one would speak, move, behave to other human beings in one's world within and as oneself when and as one accept and allow oneself to deliberately manipulate oneself and one's relationships with other human beings, within the starting point of keeping the Relationship Dynamics as it always was in satisfying one's desire to define oneself according to a specific attribute or component that one perceive oneself as lacking within and as oneself through the other being.

 

I commit myself to STOP the Evilness that I've accepted and allowed within and as myself and within that, be aware of such moments where I would change my personality in the attempt to diminish others on my behalf, to sustain my own self created definition that I've defined myself as within my relationships with others.

 

I commit myself to assist and support myself in walking the process from Evilness to life that is best for all and within that, to investigate all the points within and as myself that I've accepted and allowed the Evil nature to override the principle of what is best for all life.

 

I commit myself to Re-Establish my relationships with other people in my world and direct myself within the relationships according to that which is best for all as a principle wherein, we transform the relationships to constructive and supportive where both would assist and support ourselves to grow, empower and expand ourselves as living beings instead of limit, compromise and diminish ourselves within who we are in our relationships to ourselves and each other.

 

I commit myself to investigate why and how I've created relationships that I could experience myself as superior and within that, its relationship to the polarized experience within and as myself, as inferior that I've attempted to suppress through creating relationship that would defined me externally, otherwise.

‘Leaving’ the Dream - Day 208

This is a continuation to:

The Elite's delusion of stress - Part 1 - Day 45

The Elite's Delusion of Stress - Part 2 - Day 46

The Decision of TIME - Day 67

And:

Copy Paste Character - the Way for Success? - Day 183

Copy Paste Character - The Education System - Day 184

Is it possible to Cheat yourself? Day 185

It is time to STOP Existing as a Human Machine - Day 186

The End of Times - Day 187

Facing the Evil within - the KEY to LIFE - Day 188

Fear of Disappointing others - Day 189

The Psychology of TIME - Day 190

I Regret, therefor, I'm a Good Person. NOT!!! - Day 191

The REAL Fear - Day 192

The things we Won't tell ANYONE - Day 193

Missing out on the Good Life - Day 194

Let's have some Fun - Day 195

Stupidity Loop - Jumping from the Bad to the Good to the Bad - Day 196

The Smoke Screen of Ignorance - Day 197


For the purpose of context, suggest reading these posts above prior to reading the post below, if you haven’t already. Here I will be walking the 'I don't have TIME' Character -Imagination Dimension - Practical support with Self Forgiveness and Self Commitments.

 

 

Imagination Dimension:

• I fantasize of taking a vacation, lying down on the beach, with nothing else to do but enjoy the sun, swimming in the ocean, going to a restaurant, having a fruit shake - in India or Thailand lol.
• I imagine other people having fun just now, while I'm stuck on the computer, doing my routine work.
• I imagine the life of those who have money and can do what ever they want with their life - having a spa day, going out, enjoying themselves as I used to do myself a few years back.
• I imagine people coming back from work, after a long day, and sitting on the coach with their partner, hanging out, watching a movie, laying back, with nothing really to do.

 

-------

 

• I imagine the life of those who have money and can do what ever they want with their life - having a spa day, going out, enjoying themselves as I used to do myself a few years back.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have an experience towards my direct environment and within that, have associated/defined the Experience within a negative charge through comparing my environment to an environment that I've created in my mind, as an imagination within and as my mind, which I've associated and define within a positive charge. In this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that Experience can only exists within and as Energy that I gave value to, either positive or Negative, while, not considering that when and as I accept and allow an experience to exists within me, I'm accepting and allowing myself to miss a breath, to miss a window of opportunity to assist and support myself to stand within and as my human physical body, Here and have the work done. In this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that by the very acceptance and allowance of imagination within and as my mind, when and as there is a task or work that needs to be done, I'm actually preparing the way before me, to create the manifested consequences of not having enough time to finish the task/work because I've wasted the physical time in imagining things in my mind which then, physically I cannot have the work done because I'm preoccupied with something else as for instance, participating in imagination with myself, in my mind. 

 

I commit myself to assist and support myself in establishing self-movement as the directive principle in every moment of every breath and within that, assist and support myself to stop my participation in imagination as an experience I desire to have, as an experience that I've defined and associated within and as a positive energetic charge because I now see, realize and understand that when accepting and allowing myself to participate in imagination, I accept and allow myself to miss a window of opportunity for me to actually transform and change my living application to a physical, breath by breath living application wherein I'm effectively doing that which need to be done as I see, realize and understand my responsibility in having the thing done. Thus, when and as I see myself going into my mind, to the imagination domain, I stop, I breath and I remind myself that accepting and allow myself to miss a breath is simply not acceptable as I see why and how I've accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the physical through the acceptance and allowances of imagination participation and through directly seeing what I've missed in separation of myself (which is - missing myself Here), I bring myself back here, to and as the physical, breathing, clearing myself from any energy charge that may exists within and as me and moving myself, as the directive principle in walking that which required to be walked as what is best for all.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT realize that imagining the Life that I cannot have is simply impractical but instead, I can walk towards a life that is best for all where all our want/need/desire can be fulfilled equally if obviously, these desire/wants/needs do not harm and abuse anything or anyone else. Within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that to establish a world where everyone can fulfil their desires/wants/needs when and as these desires/wants/needs do not harm anything and anyone, I must give up my desires/wants/needs for this ONE life time as that is the time that I have in making sure and in walking the physical space/time path that would bring about an actual correction/change within and as this world because, unless everyone equally can fulfil their desires, the desire in itself is not valid as it is based on the principle of self interest instead of the principle of that which is best for all within and as: Give as you would like to receive, Do unto another as you would like to be done unto you

And Investigate ALL things and keep that which is good for All.

 

I commit myself to give up this Life from the perspective of giving up my self interest desires because I see, realize and understand that unless my desires are equally accessible for all, the desire in itself isn't valid. Within this, I commit myself to stop the imagination of the Life that I can not have but instead, make sure that everyone equally will get to a point of living the life that everyone should have - a life that is best for all where everyone could express and fulfil themselves as long as we do not harm anything or anyone else.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to deliberately forget the inner experiences that I had when living the life of the 'haves' where I had the funds and means to spend my money in luxuries and indulgent and in the outside, put a smile and present myself as happy and free while in the inside, I felt misery and sadness which would not go away despite of the positive things that I've done externally.

In that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to deliberately store the external experience that I've defined as positive and to store the inner experience that I had defined as negative as a program that would create my experiences for me, externally and internally, without seeing, realizing and understanding that both experiences are of the same coin and none can exists without the other side of the polarity exits. Thus, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the purpose of the experiences, as energies is to keep me enslave to my own mind as my mind can only exists through energy which within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to take myself further away from myself and this physical reality in every moment that I accept and allow these past experiences to exists within and as me, as stored memories that had accumulated to a program (a character) that activates when and as I'm perceiving and defining my experience within my environment as a negative.

 

I commit myself to assist and support myself to stop giving power to my mind to exists through my participation within and as energy that keeps the mind 'alive' and in control over my entire existence. Within that, when and as I find myself busy with an assignment/task/work which I define as negative experience through comparing the experience to a positive experience that I desire to have, I stop, I breathe, and I remind myself why I am here and who I am here because unless I establish an equal and one relationship/agreement with myself, in walking breath by breath according to that which is best for all, I'm preparing the way before me to fall into the energy traps that I've created for myself as my mind, to keep me 'alive' as energy, not realizing that that Life isn't Energy, Life isn't an experience; Life is something I must realize as who I am, when and as I am Life which for that, I must walk the physical space/time path, in assisting and supporting me to step out of my mind and step into Life.