Do I have the right to Judge myself? Living in an experience of being controlled - Day 533

For context, please read:

Do you have the right to judge another - Day 531

Do I have the right to Judge myself? Potential consequences #1 - Day 532

In the previous blog, we looked at a potential consequences when we accept and allow self-judgement to exists inside of ourselves. We discussed a potential consequences of sabotaging/compromising and even ending your relationships with others.

I ended off with the statement:

"Will continue in my next blog with more potential outcomes when accepting and allowing self-judgement to be hidden but very much existed inside of ourselves. We will also look how to change this type of behaviour/pattern to be able to practically develop long lasting relationships of worth with others."

In this blog, we'll have a look at second potential consequence when we accept and allow our participation with self-judgement: Potential consequence #2: Living in an experience of being controlled.

Have you ever felt that you need to do things in secret or that you need to isolate yourself from everything and everyone so that you can do things without anyone knowing; have you ever felt that you need to diminish your expression around specific people? Have you ever experienced yourself avoiding certain people because you were concerned they will ask you a question you didn't want to answer?

If any of these questions were answered 'yes' than most likely that you are dealing with self-judgement yet projected through the eyes of others. You tell yourself that other people are to be blamed for why you need to live in secret, why you need to isolate or hide yourself or why you need to diminish certain expressions around them. As time goes by, you probably start feeling or experience yourself as if you are being controlled in your own environment, feeling you need your space, avoiding certain people and essentially, start blaming them for that, telling yourself a story of how much they are controlling you or your life. Obviously, this is not an absolute point but those of you who do accept and allow self-judgement to be their directive principle know what I am talking about. Don’t you?

What I have found in my own process of introspection is that when it came to my experience of feeling controlled by my family, friends or other people in my environment, it had nothing to do with them and everything to do with me. For example, I judged a specific expression as invalid to be expressed or believed it was not allowed to be expressed or had fears I would be judged if I had expressed it. So, I didn't allow myself to express myself within that specific expression which gave me the experience of being controlled, not seeing it was my own decision to diminish my expressions, not others.

The consequences of not being honest with yourself and allow yourself to judge your own expression and decisions is that this will create an experience of being controlled by others and you will make it so real in your mind that you'll try and go things in secrets, just not to face your own self-honesty. The consequences of that is that you'll have a relationship with people that is not based on integrity but rather on deception and we all know where that is going to lead you and your relationships..

Will continue in the next blog with more consequences when it comes to self-judgement.

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Artwork: Pamela Dzaet Hill, painter, USA

Is it too late? Day 527

Sometimes in my life, I find myself in a point of self-blame, regrets and self-judgements for the mistakes that I've done. By mistakes I mean - saying or doing things I should not have said/do, that caused a friction and sabotaged a particular relationship. Or things I haven't said or done, that I should have said or do to potentially prevent negative consequences from manifesting.

But what is the point of going into self-blame, regrets and self-judgements if we do not learn or make any effort to truly change? I've been looking at this question lately and here is what I have found:

We normally reflect back on our lives when negative consequences are showing themselves in our reality - this is where the self-blame, regrets and self-judgements experience start, along with the energy that it carry around the whole body.

It feels 'Icky' and uncomfortable and this can go on and on, so long as we still accepting the self-blame, regrets and self-judgements as valid and allowing the experience to continue inside of ourselves, without giving ourselves supportive direction. With accepting and allowing the energetic experience, we are essentially punishing ourselves for the mistakes that we have made and at the same time, we do not learn from our mistakes. Thus, we are continuing this vicious cycle that we never step out from.

The Irony is that in self-honesty, regret makes us feel good about ourselves - it gives us the idea that we are taking responsibility for the mistakes. It is like almost a belief that because we are able to feel regret, we must be good because  bad people wouldn't give a damn and never take responsibility. Though, by accepting and allowing regret, we don't take self-responsibility for the mistakes like for instance:
1. Mapping out the event

2. Investigating the time lines

3. Slowing down to see the reactions that we accepted and allowed inside of ourselves

4. Practically learning to be able to correct our application when the next window of opportunity arrive.

Another point to looks at in self-honesty - when we judge and blame ourselves, we unconsciously believe that we are good people. We stand as our own judge, we put ourselves in trial, we are judged by the judge who is ourselves and we get punished. Once the punishment has been served, we could then be at peace with ourselves - we are forgiven by god in a way. Only the good people are forgiven by god.

Alright so by now it is becoming clear that feeling regret and blaming/judging ourselves is useless and counterproductive. Feeling regret, judging and blaming ourselves, doesn't bring us closer to the real root cause of the problem that we are facing. For the most part, as I just explained, it only makes us feel better about ourselves and that's as far as it actually goes. I mean, if it would take us to a point of correction, if it would motivate us to make real time change then sure, it can be valid. But as long we continue the vicious cycle of making mistake -> regret/blame/judgment -> feeling good about ourselves -> making another mistake, it will reach a point of being 'too late'.

So now what?

When or as you realize you made a mistake, or when the consequences have manifested, and the regret/blame/judgement start to come up and take over your mind -> STOP for a moment, TAKE a breath and FORGIVE yourself. Forgiveness would be the KEY, the foundation from which you are able to move yourself towards the a solution, towards a change. What do I mean by that? Well, why won't you find out for yourself? Here is a link to a self-development FREE course where you are able to learn about self-forgiveness and how to effectively apply forgiveness in your reality - DIP Lite.

Meanwhile, you can also leave a message at the comment section to continue this discussion.

Should I trust another? Day 480

I used to believe that people are either trustworthy or they are not; I used to believe that I can either trust another person or I cannot. I used to defined people as trustworthy or not based on their physical living application; I used to react to people who 'brake' the trust I had in them; I used to react to people whom I defined as untrustworthy when their physical application once again 'proved' to me that they are not trustworthy. At the same time, I had really hard time trusting myself because in self-honesty, if I am reacting to another's application, there is a point inside of me that I haven't yet sorted out and so, if I was reacting, how could I trust that which I was 'seeing' in others through which I defined and labeled them as untrustworthy?

 

 

 

Someone said to me something in those lines:

'You cannot trust anyone but yourself - it is not about whether or not you can trust another - it is about trusting yourself that what you are seeing in your reality is actually what is and accordingly, trusting yourself that according to what you are seeing, you will direction/support yourself and others based on what is best in any given moment'.

 

It is interesting because I obviously heard this before but until today, I didn't integrate these words as a living application of myself. So I started questioning myself - why haven't I already lived self trust as a living expression of myself? Why didn't I want to turn trust or distrust in others to self trust?

 

Well I found 2 dimensions within my past decision to not trust myself as well as why I always preferred to  either trust or distrust another though, if I narrow down these two dimensions, it is actually rooted in the fact that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to unconditionally take responsibility for my own experiences and living application.

 

The one dimension has to do with abdicating self responsibility in the sense of - when one is placing trust or distrust in another instead of within oneself, one is preparing the way before self to blame another in the future if the physical consequences are not in alignment to the expected result. For example, if one trust someone to give them the 'right' advise and one acted upon their advise and the physical play out didn't meet one's expectations, one is going to blame the person who gave the advise and would justify for oneself - "well, it isn't my fault, I trusted the person to give me the right advise, they told me to do that, I should not trust them ever again".

Here, there is blame towards the person who gave the advise and abdication of self responsibility of one's initial decision whereas, instead of trusting oneself that one assessed/checked/investigated all the information and seen all possible outcomes before acting on a specific decision, one is basing one's decision on someone's words, hoping that the results would be satisfactory and when it is not, one has someone else to blame.

 

The other dimension that I was looking at is specifically when one isn't trusting another's application and thus, when the other proved again that there living application cannot be trusted, one is reacting to another. Here, the context of Self responsibility is dual. Meaning, firstly,  one must turn any and all reactions back to oneself within the understanding that whenever one reacts, one cannot see the physical reality directly but rather seeing skewed reality through the 'eyes' of my mind. Secondly, if another had proven that their living application is not trustworthy and one is able to see clearly the patterns that leads to untrustworthiness application of another, one's responsibility is to stand as a pillar of support instead of judging another and blaming another for not being trustworthy. Meaning, when another proved again that they are not trustworthy, one must stand in absolute clarity and work with the physical outcome/information to support the other to see the point/pattern for themselves and within that, giving them the opportunity to change.

 

So you see, it all has to do with one's responsibility of trusting oneself and it is not about trusting or distrusting another. It is to trust yourself when making any decision; it is to trust yourself that you will stand in absolute stability no matter how the outcome would be because you trusted yourself that you considered and investigated all things before you made a decision; and it is to trust yourself to when/as you see another's application as untrustworthy, you first assess/investigate/check that you are clear within yourself without any slight reaction to another and thereafter, if you are in a position of sharing support with them, do so in self-trust.

Art work - Faiza Maghni

Who is to Blame - Day 469

An interesting point opened up today in relation to my process 'Direction' as a living word. For context, I suggest to also read through the blog series -  'Direction' as a Living Word - Day 467' .

 

So, I have aligned myself in relation to my living application and Direction BUT only within ONE dimension where I have taken my responsibility to stand as a point of direction. What I haven't aligned was the living application as an absolute expression of myself, in relation to all and every points that I am able to stand as the directive principle.

 

For example, what I have done in relation to specific point was to place in my mind, a point of direction, as if it was 'belongs' to someone else to direct or more specifically, as if the responsibility to decide on the course of direction is for that one person only. Within that though, I have reacted to what I perceived to be their decision of direction as the direction that was seemingly decided, effected my "quality of life" on some levels. And because it effected my quality of life, I was reacting within and as myself and within the reaction, went and ask the other person to change their decision and direct the point differently. but because I saw the decision to be theirs and theirs alone, I felt that I am powerless within the decision and believed that I have to compromise and just let it be, even if it is effecting me.

 

Though, I didn't let go of the reaction, as I felt powerless within the decision that was made and therefore, every day, it became more intense in terms of the things that I had to do which I believed that are effecting my quality of life. The fascinating thing within that point is that, If I stand back for a moment to look at what really changed in my "quality of life", nothing really changed - for the most part, I had a chance to learn something about myself in realizing what it really means to stand with another unconditionally.

 

Tonight  it got to a point where I literally had enough, though, as a reaction within myself - which thereafter, the point could opened up -

In my mind, I did give the point the direction within my 'accepted boundaries' where I believed that the decision is not my own to take, and so, everyday for the past week, I asked the other person to look again at their decision. Every time, I got the same answer and that perpetuated the reaction within myself. The thing is - this was not a direction as a living application. Going and asking someone else to look at their decision within a reaction, doesn't mean 'direction' - if anything, it is an  abdication of responsibility. Because within asking another to look at their decision and every day telling them the same things is not the same thing as COMMUNICATING with another, without any reaction, and truly discuss the decision as in genuinely asking them to share with me what was the point they were looking at within the decision that they have made and therefore, with having all the information in place, seeing if the decision is valid and/or require alignment/adjustment which I am then able to stand as a point of support.

 

In essence what I have done was self-deception whereas, "I'm the good one"/"They are the bad ones" as they did a decision that I am not satisfied with. BUT - did I tell them that I was not satisfied within a clear starting point? No. Did I ask them to share with me what was involved with the decision to see if there is anything I haven't considered before? No; 

 

The Blame came out today on the other person whereas I used the reaction that I accumulated inside myself in blaming them bluntly that they have made the wrong decision. When I was asked a simple question: "Why haven't you directed the point" I said: "Well, but I did, but THEY didn't listen to me". But wait a second - I didn't really direct the point as I showed above. So what is it that I actually did? Justifying in my mind why I was directing the point as part of my commitment to live 'direction' while at the same time, blaming the other for not directing the point as I would have directed the point, without even communicate it with them - this is an application of 'abdicating responsibility' and 'manipulation'

 

This play-out of events,  takes me back to how the mind is mutating preprogrammed patterns within the process of change wherein, when I made a decision to change a point within myself, I later found that I repeated the same pattern in a mutated version.

 

Obviously, an alignment/correction must be made, self forgiveness is applied and forgiveness from the other is required.

How to now correct my living application - firstly, looking at how my reality played out recently, more points in relation to 'direction' are showing themselves. Thus, placing a red flag for each and every reaction that I have and accordingly ask myself, who I am in relation to 'Direction' and the 'Reaction' that is playing out? Is there any point within the reaction that is coming from the desire of placing the responsibility and thereafter blame on another instead of standing as a point of direction.

 

Secondly, to make a list of all the points that I'm holding others responsible inside my mind and see where have I abdicated responsibility in relation to the point and from there, make the necessary alignment within myself.

 

So stay tuned.

 

 

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Art Work: Dottie Gleason

Controlling the moment through with unresolved point from the past - Day 420

Have you ever experienced a friction with a close friend or a family member wherein, you tried to get your way, they didn't agree with you and so, with your attempt to control the moment, you started bringing moments from the past, moments that are taint with blame and anger towards the friend/family member,  so that they would now feel guilty and so, agree with you?

 

Yes, this happened to all of us isn't it?

 

What we are actually doing is using Manipulation to Control the desirable outcome by generating guilt within the other so that they would change their mind and agree with what we are proposing. The thing is that for us, it all looks valid, it all make sense from the perspective of we were right in the past and we are right now though what is not see, realize and understood is the energy reactions from which we bring the past here, from the starting point of making the other feel guilty so that we can get what we want.

 

So, here is another example of how we direct a moment within the starting point of control, using all sort of energy tactics to get the desirable outcome without stopping for a moment and looking at all the dimensions, relationships are involved in this moment of time. We are so consumed by what we want that we are not able to effectively direct ourselves and/or our relationships with others .

 

Now, within the example above where we bring past moments here, in the attempt of getting things our way - what this implies is that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to accumulate resentment, blame, anger and so forth without effectively direct these points within ourselves and/or our physical reality. It is like, when things happened, we abdicate our responsibility to effectively solve problems and when a similar moments arrives, we use the past moment for our "advantage" so to speak without realizing that we got ourselves into a time loop wherein, we didn't solve the problem in the past, the problem occur again and now, within a reaction, we are trying to plaster our way out without again, taking responsibility to direct ourselves and/or our environment.

 

Keeping moments in our minds, without directing points that needs to be directed is not cool as we are accepting and allowing mediocrity to be part of our lives, let problems re-manifest, because for some reason, we were not able to stand and direct the moment. The resentment, anger or anything else that comes up - it is not towards the other, it is towards ourselves for missing in the past a window of opportunity to take responsibility and direct ourselves and/or our physical reality. 

 

So, when a point comes up in your environment where you see that you are able to effectively propose a solution and/or take responsibility for the point - do so; otherwise, let it unconditionally go so that in the future, you won't use that moment to control a new moment to achieve your desirable result. This practically means, moving from reactions to solutions wherein we assist and support ourselves to live moment by moment as a living principle. If you see that you bring a moment from the past to make a point - it is a red flag for yourself - it is a window of seeing what you have missed in the past, how you can correct the point and within that also, accept the consequences you have brought upon yourself by not directing yourself effectively in the past. This means, that you are no longer trying to control the consequences but instead from this point onward, investigating how you can prevent the point from reoccurring, take responsibility and direct yourself/environment by and through living principles of that which is best for all.

Reactions as a window of Opportunity for self Intimacy - Day 310

I realized today a fascinating thing about reactions as Judgement and Blame - what we judge about the other was always there meaning - their behaviour never changed or their thought patterns are always the same but only when we perceive that their behaviour or thought pattern may Harm us in any way whatsoever we then react to it Judgement, Blame, Resentment and so on.

 

Like for example, let's say that you work in a 2 floor office where your colleagues and you are divided to 2 floors. You are all in a way responsible for certain projects but each has their own responsibility. As long as you don't see what they do, there won't be any thoughts/backchats running around in your mind however, the moment you become aware of their doing, and you perceive that what they do would harm you in a way, you'll then develop backchats about them and judge/blame them within and as your mind.

 

So even though these people behaved/acted the same previous to your awareness of that, you only started to judge and blame them when you became aware of it and only because you perceived that their behaviour is unacceptable and may cause harm to you or others which compromised your self interest, you reacted.

 

In this scenario, the Reaction is what actually Compromised not only you but also your peers because if you noticed a point that require correction but instead of effectively directing it and come to a point of correction, you reacted to it and the problem persists.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge another when I Perceive through my own Physical eyes that they are doing something that is not acceptable according to the set of Norms that I've Encrypted within and as myself, set of norms that I've installed and lived as, in separation from myself without any consideration or regards to the validity of these Norms that I've accepted and allowed blindly as myself.

 

Within this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that what I judge is that which I 'Feel' that would threaten my Self Interest, because otherwise, if I would have seen a point that is not best for all, I would have been directing it within self trust and stability but the fact that I've reacted in judgement and/or Blame indicate a point within and as myself that I overlooked and haven't sort out yet.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the pattern or the point that I judged in another, was something that didn't quantimaly manifested but was always there only now, I became 'aware' of it because it interfere with my self interest which then thus, activated a personality system within and as myself through which I accepted and allowed myself to react instead of Direct and Correct.

 

In this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that reacting to such point/pattern instead of directing them indicate that I've accepted and allowed my own process of compromised application as well as the Process of another because I haven't realize that as long as I accept and allow myself to react instead of clearing myself from these Energies,  stand in stability and clarity and assist and support the other to see one's participation of that which is not standing in alignment to what is best for all, I've accepted and allowed myself to compromise not only myself within my initial reaction but also the other as I've not stood as an example and as a pillar of support.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to question why is it that I only react to what I'm aware of while the point was always there regardless my awareness of its existence and within that, how is it that I've accepted and allowed myself to react to knowledge and information in terms of, reacting to what I became aware of instead of standing in stability in ever moment of breath? In this, how is it that I've accepted and allowed myself to change my entire behaviour through reactions to new pieces of Information that I've either heard/read/seen and thus, why it is that something outside of myself moves me and my entire expression?

 

I commit myself to further investigate the point of reactions as a design as I now see, realize and understand that there much more to it than what meets the eyes.

 

I commit myself to when and as I see myself reacting, to flag the point and use this window of opportunity to get to know myself more, to be able to transcend such points wherein nothing separated from me would move and change me but rather I stand as the directive principle in every moment of each breath.

 

I commit myself to investigate why it is that I've accepted and allowed myself to react to knowledge and information in terms of, reacting to what I became aware of instead of standing in stability in ever moment of breath? In this, how is it that I've accepted and allowed myself to change my entire behaviour through reactions to new pieces of Information that I've either heard/read/seen and thus, why it is that something outside of myself moves me and my entire expression?

Don't you Dare Manipulating me - Day 245

 

In my Previous blog, I started walking the point of Reacting to others and taking it personally when and as one is blaming me for their Negative experience.

 

As I wrote the Self Forgiveness statements, I've notice the multidimensionality of the Reaction point in how the reaction is varied according to a specific memory that I've stored within and as myself, throughout my life.

Thus, I will be walking and investigating how, why, when, where I react and to what, so that I can identify the points of reaction and within that, transform my application from Reaction to Prevention.

 

Within today blog, I will be investigating my reactions when and as I perceive another to manipulate me, directly or indirectly and within that, assist and support myself in standing stable when and as such instances occur because I realized that accepting and allowing myself to react to others is to accept and allow myself to disempower, diminish and compromise myself which is obviously not acceptable. But also, there is always 2 sides to the same coin and thus, another point to consider and investigate is when and as I'm the manipulator side. that will be walked in the next blog.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to react in anger within and as myself, when I perceive another to manipulate me and within that, I haven't accepted and allowed myself to turn the point back to myself to see, that the reaction of Anger, has nothing to do with the other manipulating me or not, it has to do with me accepting and allowing myself to miss a breath, to allow myself to be manipulated and in that disempowering myself to the extent of which I would compromise not only myself but the other as well as I'm not standing as a pillar of support, in directing the moment within Common Sense Practical Consideration but I direct the moment within a dismissive, inferior position which I would then thus try to avoid by accessing a defense mode, attempting to diminish the other so that I won't experience my own victimization that I've accepted and allowed within and as myself.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to React in Anger when and as I perceived another to manipulate me because by the time that I realize that I allowed myself to be influenced by another's manipulation, I blamed the other for manipulating me and accordingly, get angry at them, not seeing the actuality of how I projected the anger towards them as if they forced me to be manipulated, not seeing, realizing and understanding that it was me who decide to allow myself to be manipulated and the anger that I experience is actually towards myself for accepting and allowing myself to miss a breath and allow manipulation to influence my stance within and as myself. 

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to blame another for manipulating me instead of realizing that the source of this Blame is in fact anger towards myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall into their manipulation however, what I haven't realized that so long as I accept and allow myself to blame other for my experiences and/or, for what I have accepted and allowed within and as myself, I'm abdicating my responsibility to turn the point back to myself, seeing my responsibility within it and how I can prevent such instances and stand in stability and self trust and thus, direct the situation to the best for all outcome.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself while and during my reaction when I perceive that another is manipulating me or the situation that involves me from the perspective of my self interest design that I created within and as myself to then, instead of STOP my reaction within and as myself, allocating my starting point and realign my starting point through and as the Principle of what is best for all and within that developing a common sense approach in how to direct such points that would result with the outcome that is best for all, I have accepted and allowed myself to try and attempt to take my power back from self interest starting point through diminishing the other, and prove them wrong and in that, keep my self interest intact, not seeing, realizing and understanding that in doing so, I compromise myself and the other through NOT standing as the directive principle but rather, allowing my emotions to take control and direct the situation for me.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to react to another's manipulation of a situation because I fear that they will 'win' their argument and it will affect me in some way or another however, I haven't realized that when I accept and allow myself to react to another attempt to manipulate a situation, I disempower myself from the ability to direct the situation effectively, in supporting the other to see their participation in manipulation so that we could re-align our starting point in making an agreement of how we would resolve the situation and thus transform the friction and conflict as reactions to a solution that will stand in alignment to the principle of what is best for all.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge and define another as manipulator because they have been manipulating me in the past and accordingly, haven't allowed myself to trust them as I accepted and allowed myself to hold onto grudge of the past event. In this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed my approach towards these beings to be from the get go, a defense mechanism approach and  thus, I would be alert and attentive and look for the spots of manipulation emerging so that I won't fall again and become manipulated. In this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to turn the point back to myself in seeing, realizing and understanding that it was always me that had decided whether or not I allow myself to be manipulated and if anything, because I've accepted and allowed their manipulation in the past, I didn't stand as a support in showing them that they have accepted and allowed manipulation to exists within and as them. In this, Instead of developing self trust within and as myself, to effectively direct situation when another is manipulating and thus, support them to see what they have accepted and allowed within them, I created another program within and as myself to detect such manipulation and to automatically React in Anger, short temper and spite and accordingly, start to defend myself when it is occur. In this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to prepare myself to situation where I feel that another is manipulating me, through a program that I created within and as myself as Reaction where I would access a defense mode and attempt to prove the other wrong because I seemingly right instead of taking a breath, stop the reactions and direct the situation in common sense so that we can resolve the point to manifest the best for all outcome.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to FEAR that another will manipulate me and their manipulation will affect me, as my self interest, in some way or another, and thus, I developed a defense mechanism as a reaction where I  will automatically access to, not seeing, realizing and understanding that while and during accepted and allowed reaction, I completely disempowered myself to practically direct a situation to produce the best for all outcome. In this, I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to trust myself to stand stable and clear when and as someone try and attempt to manipulate me or a situation that involves me, and within that self stability, to direct myself and the other according to a principle that would produce an outcome that is best for all.

 

I commit myself to further expand, open up and investigate reactions as I see, realize and understand that when accepting and allowing reactions to exists within and as me, I completely disempower myself and compromise myself, others and this world as a whole so long as I don't stand in self stability, breathing and direct the moment to the best for all outcome.

 

I commit myself to when and as I perceive another to manipulate me, to then stop, breathe and realign my starting point and in that, to make sure that I'm free from reaction and able to direct the moment to the best for all outcome as a principle.

 

I commit myself to when and as I see myself accessing anger towards another when I perceive them to manipulate me, to then stop, breathe, turn the point back to myself, let go of the energy possession of and as anger and remind myself that the anger is directed and towards myself for allowing myself to miss a breath and speak from a self interest reaction. I thus, make sure that I'm clear and only then speak.

 

I commit myself to assist and support myself in standing firm, stable and clear within and as myself, when and as I communicate with another, in any given moment.

 

 

Don't you Dare Blaming me - Day 244

 

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to react and access defense mode when and as someone is directly or indirectly blaming me for their Negative Experience and within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to Realize that when allow myself to React and take their Blame Personally, I accept and allow myself to embody energetic system into and as me, that I feed with my attention I give it through my emotions and feelings, which is really, a (re)act of insanity wherein, one is accepting and allowed oneself to embed energy systems that wasn't previously existent within and as oneself but now, making the system one's own, which now, one has a bigger problem as one has to go back, investigate one's acceptance and allowance and correct oneself.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to program myself to (Re)act when someone is directly or indirectly blaming me for their negative experience that they have associated with me and within that, haven't investigated why and how I have programmed myself, when did I first stored and installed this program and what is the Self Interest starting point of this Programming because obviously, if I accepted this programming as myself, there was something i believed I would benefit from.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that if I react to another blaming me for their own Negative Experience, I do not stand as a pillar of support, both for myself and another because when I am in a reaction within a defense mode, trying to justify myself or fight for my righteous believes about myself and at the same time, the other will fight for their right to make their point while neither of us is actually inverting the points of reactions back to ourselves in seeing, realizing and understanding why and how we have accepted and allowed the reaction to exists within and as ourselves and accordingly, stand as the directive principle and make the decision to not accept and allow ourselves to participate in such reactions as we see, realize and understand that accepting and allowing these reactions to continue, we accept and allow ourselves to disempower and diminish ourselves which within that, become lesser version of ourselves than who we really are as an expression of ourselves.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to program myself to react and take things personally when another is blaming me or having some sort of attitude towards my presence which within that, what I haven't considered and/or realized for myself is that when and as I take the other personally, I validate their experience by making it my own, and in that moment of acceptance and allowance, I disempower myself through not standing in stability and clarity, as Breath, within and as myself, and thus, cannot support myself or the other as I'm already in a mind fuck of my own.

 

I thus Commit myself to assist and support myself in investigating in depth the design of Reaction that I've created within and as myself and within that, investigate the multidimensionality of the design so that I could for once and for all, stop all reactions within and as myself, to assist and support myself to be and become an effective human beings in this world where I stand in any given moment as a pillar of support for myself and others.

 

I Commit myself to investigate the Reaction Games that I had accepted and allowed within and as myself to participate within the relationships that I have with other human beings in this world as I see now that when and as I accept and allow myself to react and take things personally, I accept and allow my own disempowerment, diminishment and thus, compromise of myself and others.

 

I Commit myself to Flag the points of Reaction when it occur and to remind myself that accepting and allowing myself to communicate while and within a reaction is useless and counterproductive and in no way a form of support for myself nor others.

The Importance of Physical Communication - Day 148

How much time are we spending talking with other beings in our environment, in our mind, without actually communicating with them?

How many times are we assume we know what the other being is going through, what the other being would answer if we ask the being a question?

How many times we become totally frustrated and angry at another being because we assume the being did something without taking us into consideration?

How many times we perform an entire conversation with another being in our mind, playing out all the possibilities within ourselves with the being, inside our mind, so when we actually communicate with the being, we forget to walk a time line with the being because as far as we concern, the conversation was already done (in our mind) and the being is full aware of our string of thoughts.

It is clear to me now, how and why I fucked so many relationships in my life by not communicating with the being, accumulate resentment towards the being through my assumption that I know what the being has done, through the assumption that the being didn't take me into consideration and thus, the being is not supporting me in anyway whatsoever.

For example: a week ago, I was talking with a friend and I made them aware of the situation that I'm in. I didn't tell them: "Hey, would you like to come and see me, I would like to be in your company right now, enjoy ourselves together". I was expecting the other being to see that I would like to meet them without me having to directly communicate it with the being.

The day after, this being called me and told me about their day before, who they met, how was the experience and so on. Within me, I started to be angry and frustrated because I assumed that where this being were was some place close to where I've been and the being should have come to see me. I was angry at this being for giving more value to what they have decided to be and whom they have decided to be with, and not for a moment considered where I am within my process and accordingly, came to see me.

When I saw the anger, resentment and frustration coming up, I stopped, turned the point back to myself and saw what I was accepting and allowing. What I've seen was that I was the one who didn't communicate the point of wanting to hang out together with the other being, I didn't let them be aware of where I am within my process and what would assist and support me in that moment. And so, I let it go.

On our next discussion, this point came up when the being shared another story about their experience the day I expected them to see me and yet, they had other plans which they had attendant to. This time, I was here, breathing, hearing what the being is sharing with me. I then told this being the process I've walked through regarding this point of me being frustrated about them and how I assisted and supported myself to turn the point back to myself and see what I've accepted and allowed myself to participate with and the important of physical communication rather than Mind communication.

The funny thing was that I was not aware of a little single point - the place they were attending to was not even close to where I was as my initially trigger point of: I can't believe they have been so close to where I live and didn't come and see me. It was only me, making the assumption that I know where the being was and from that initial assumption, I created a scenario in my mind of not being considerate.

The point is - we cannot expect others to know what we are going through without communicating about it. we cannot expect others to do something for us if we didn't directly asked them to; obviously, the next dimension one must look at regarding expectation is that nothing should move within and as oneself if the other being would not comply to that which we ask them to. What ever their answer may be, we stand, clear, stable. If any movement, backchat, reaction comes up - it is not about anyone but self and self must take the responsibility to turn the point back to self and investigate how and why self has separated self from self through accessing one's mind.

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When someone is blaming me - Day 66

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to emotionally reacted when and as I perceived that someone is blaming me or pointing fingers towards me, and immediately I accessed a defense mode where my entire body is constructed and stressed, my voice tonality became lower and the sentences that I spoke became short and ineffectively communicated.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have refused to see my backchat when and as I perceive another's ways of communicating a point to be in the nature of Blame, wherein I would start defending myself in my mind, try to solve the point with my mind and also blame the other for that which I perceived myself to be blamed for, not seeing, realizing and understanding that I'm playing a blame game in my mind, either directly or indirectly whereas, I'm abdicating my responsibility to stand up from the emotional energy movement that I'm experiencing, BEATHE, ground the energy back to earth and look at the point that was communicate with me, assess in self HONESTY whether it is a point that I require to investigate, correct myself and change or whether I'm clear and able to assist and support the other to turn the point back to self instead of projecting the self blame onto others. 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to react in self judgement when and as I perceive that someone is blaming me for a point, either directly or indirectly and I haven't allowed myself to let the energy movement go through grounding it back to earth, stand up and investigate within and as myself whether there is a point within me that I've missed and thus, require to correct in writing self forgiveness in self honesty and walk the practical physical correction, breath by breath. Within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to actually face the point and direct myself accordingly through using and abusing the other in my mind, to defend, justify and validate myself, as a protection/defence mechanism, within the attempt to defend me as the EGO without having to practically face and change who I have accepted and allowed myself to be a become as a dishonesty personality design that I've programmed myself as.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to miss a breath when and as I perceive someone to blame me and automatically access a mind personality as the experience of myself as inferior without giving me the permission to stand up, breathe, stop the energy, delete the personality and assess in self honesty the point that was communicate to and with me.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to interpret what was communicated with me within a polarity of 'right/wrong' and have thus, defined myself as being 'wrong' when and as I perceived someone to blame me and within that, I haven't accepted and allowed myself to take a moment, Stop my reactions, BREATH and look within self honesty at the context of the words that were shared with me to see for myself, whether it is in fact a point that I require giving myself direction and walk the practical correction.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to give myself the permission to HEAR the point that is being discussed with me with no energy movement whatsoever, with no reaction nor backchat and instead allowing myself to unconditionally be Here, Hear other's perspective and introspect within myself, in self honesty whether I require to further look at the point and support myself within practical corrective application.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to physically lock myself within a past memory experience where I felt being verbally abused by someone who claimed to support me to step out of my EGO and thus, when and as someone suggest to me to look within and as myself for a specific point that I've missed, I lock myself to the extent of which my entire physical body is constricted, I access a defend mode and I'm not allowing myself to unconditionally HEAR what is being shared with me to be able to assess within and as myself, in self honesty whether I've actually missed a point that I require direct myself, correct and change.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the cause/origin/reason for my body being constricted when and as someone is suggesting me to look within and as myself at a point that I've missed, was due to me not giving me the permission to actually face the point and to within self honesty investigate the point for myself as a defence mechanism that I've programmed myself within and as where I allow my EGO to be my directive principle within the accepted polarity design of being right/wrong, instead of me, being the directive principle in any given moment, unconditionally allow myself to expose, reveal and show myself to myself and thus, WILL myself to practically take responsibility for myself and direct myself effectively to change within and as myself according to the principle of Equality and Oneness as myself and my world.

I commit myself to NOT accept and allow myself to emotionally REACT when and as I perceived someone to Blame me and I thus, FLAG the point to assist and support myself to identity those moments and thus, STOP, BREATHE and bring myself within and as myself, to my human physical body, ground the energy back to earth and allow myself to HEAR what is being said and accordingly direct myself effectively.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to stop the nature of blame within and as myself and to thus, not accepting and allowing myself to sabotage my relationships just because I didn't take responsibility for my own back chat and within that, participating in my dishonesties, through using and abusing one's support of showing me a point that I've missed, and to hide behind my self protection mechanism to not face and direct the point within and as myself. 

I commit myself to STOP judging myself by taking myself personally, when and as I see and expose myself to the patterns that I've accepted and allowed myself to be and become, because I see, realize and understand that there is nothing personally within it - who and what I've programmed myself to be, is not me in fact, as a physical living expression and I have the ability and capability to CHANGE myself within and as the principle of what is best for all/oneness and equality and to not accept and allow myself to be anything that is less than that.

I commit myself to HEAR every single word that is being communicated with me and to stop all reactions, back chat, energy movement that comes up from within and as me. I give myself permission to unconditionally Hear, investigate and correct myself when and as a point within m require my direct alignment.

I commit myself to flag the point for myself when my body becomes constricted and locked down due to a past memory experience that is associated to the polarity design of being right/wrong within and as  EGO personality that I've manifested myself as and accordingly assist and support myself with changing who I am, in the moment of breath, letting go of the energetic charged experience, align myself back to myself; I realize that the constriction of my human physical body indicates a point that I do not want to look at and face and thus, I push myself to investigate the entire network, design, program that I've accepted and me, face it for what it is, correct myself and practically change. 

For more practical support - read - Daily Practivism: Facing Projected-Blame