Controlling the moment through with unresolved point from the past - Day 420

Have you ever experienced a friction with a close friend or a family member wherein, you tried to get your way, they didn't agree with you and so, with your attempt to control the moment, you started bringing moments from the past, moments that are taint with blame and anger towards the friend/family member,  so that they would now feel guilty and so, agree with you?

 

Yes, this happened to all of us isn't it?

 

What we are actually doing is using Manipulation to Control the desirable outcome by generating guilt within the other so that they would change their mind and agree with what we are proposing. The thing is that for us, it all looks valid, it all make sense from the perspective of we were right in the past and we are right now though what is not see, realize and understood is the energy reactions from which we bring the past here, from the starting point of making the other feel guilty so that we can get what we want.

 

So, here is another example of how we direct a moment within the starting point of control, using all sort of energy tactics to get the desirable outcome without stopping for a moment and looking at all the dimensions, relationships are involved in this moment of time. We are so consumed by what we want that we are not able to effectively direct ourselves and/or our relationships with others .

 

Now, within the example above where we bring past moments here, in the attempt of getting things our way - what this implies is that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to accumulate resentment, blame, anger and so forth without effectively direct these points within ourselves and/or our physical reality. It is like, when things happened, we abdicate our responsibility to effectively solve problems and when a similar moments arrives, we use the past moment for our "advantage" so to speak without realizing that we got ourselves into a time loop wherein, we didn't solve the problem in the past, the problem occur again and now, within a reaction, we are trying to plaster our way out without again, taking responsibility to direct ourselves and/or our environment.

 

Keeping moments in our minds, without directing points that needs to be directed is not cool as we are accepting and allowing mediocrity to be part of our lives, let problems re-manifest, because for some reason, we were not able to stand and direct the moment. The resentment, anger or anything else that comes up - it is not towards the other, it is towards ourselves for missing in the past a window of opportunity to take responsibility and direct ourselves and/or our physical reality. 

 

So, when a point comes up in your environment where you see that you are able to effectively propose a solution and/or take responsibility for the point - do so; otherwise, let it unconditionally go so that in the future, you won't use that moment to control a new moment to achieve your desirable result. This practically means, moving from reactions to solutions wherein we assist and support ourselves to live moment by moment as a living principle. If you see that you bring a moment from the past to make a point - it is a red flag for yourself - it is a window of seeing what you have missed in the past, how you can correct the point and within that also, accept the consequences you have brought upon yourself by not directing yourself effectively in the past. This means, that you are no longer trying to control the consequences but instead from this point onward, investigating how you can prevent the point from reoccurring, take responsibility and direct yourself/environment by and through living principles of that which is best for all.

Can a Break-up be Controlled?–Day 417

Within this blog series, we are walking through the multiple dimensions of  the word 'Control' in how, without awareness, we direct our lives within the starting point of Control.
In the last blog post, we had a look at how through the fear of consequences as an experience of powerlessness, we try to control the outcome as an energy reaction, instead of applying basic common sense by supporting ourselves and others, so that we can self-honestly walk a correction process within the principle of 'Prevention is the best Cure'.

 

Within this blog, we will look at an example of relationship control, to see, realize and understand that as long as we move ourselves from the starting point of fear where we try to control the undesirable outcome, we are in fact limit and compromise ourselves as a living expression:

 

So imagine that you were in a relationship and your partner left you for another. The physical event is that the break-up is absolute, there is no way to return the wheel so to speak, there is no way you can get together again with your ex-partner, it's done, the relationship is over.

 

Now, this is obviously not the outcome we expected, and the event is not controllable from the perspective of we really cannot do anything to change the outcome. So we react, and become depressed, sad, frustrated or hateful and yet, hold onto hope that maybe, just maybe, the outcome would change lol.

The nature of the 'Hope' within that context would be the energy through which within ourselves, we want to control the outcome (change the outcome) because in our mind, we have created alternate reality with our partner, separate from ourselves and our partner and now the physical reality no longer support our illusionary reality that we so want to control.

Some will try to manipulate to achieve the desirable outcome by convincing themselves that they must get their partner back. Others would jump to the next relationship within the attempt to re-live the alternate reality they have created in their mind by replacing the picture of the ex partner with a new partner.

Some will give up on relationships overall because in their mind - if they can't be with the ex partner, they cannot be with any partner.

 

What none of us normally do is for a moment STOP, investigate and learn something about ourselves; see how can we expand ourselves and learn from the relationship, from ourselves within the relationship; questioning the alternate reality as a relationship we created in our minds; assessing whether the relationship was effective and supportive, what must we correct within ourselves to establish an effective relationship in the future; to investigate the Fears behind our want/need/desire to control the outcome of the relationship; why is it that we are so afraid to be alone; there is so much one can investigate and learn from one's past relationships if one will oneself to actually assist and support oneself.

 

The interesting this is that no one actually realize that with the relationship being done, a new window of opportunity opens where we can practically apply the necessary correction within oneself and thus, be able to establish a relationship that is based on agreement to assist and support oneself and each other to grow, expand and empower one another. So, within our desire to control just one specific outcome, we do not see how we limit and sabotage ourselves in walking just one desire outcome without even seeing that there is much out there that we haven't considered within and as ourselves. 

 

What we must become aware of is that as long as we desire to control the outcome of our next relationship, once we accept that the previous one is done is that we will change and mold ourselves to a personality that fits with a desirable outcome where we could have a sustainable / long term relationship. Here, what one is not seeing, realizing and understanding is that within the desire to control undesired outcomes, for instance, breaking up, one is willing to compromise and limit oneself to such an extent where one would completely change oneself and disregard one's value system, for the sake of having the desirable outcome of a relationship, as an idea that one had created in one's mind.

The fear of breaking up/being alone will be the directive principle of one's relationship and thus, to control the fear, one would "play the game" even if playing the game isn't what is best for oneself or for the other within the relationship.

 

This is an extreme example to show you what are we missing so long as we tie ourselves to only one expected/desirable outcome. Who knows how many opportunities to learn, expand and grow ourselves we disregarded because our desire to control the outcome which created a smoke screen upon the physical reality that blinded us from seeing what was here all along.

 

More in my next blog