Don't you Dare Manipulating me - Day 245

 

In my Previous blog, I started walking the point of Reacting to others and taking it personally when and as one is blaming me for their Negative experience.

 

As I wrote the Self Forgiveness statements, I've notice the multidimensionality of the Reaction point in how the reaction is varied according to a specific memory that I've stored within and as myself, throughout my life.

Thus, I will be walking and investigating how, why, when, where I react and to what, so that I can identify the points of reaction and within that, transform my application from Reaction to Prevention.

 

Within today blog, I will be investigating my reactions when and as I perceive another to manipulate me, directly or indirectly and within that, assist and support myself in standing stable when and as such instances occur because I realized that accepting and allowing myself to react to others is to accept and allow myself to disempower, diminish and compromise myself which is obviously not acceptable. But also, there is always 2 sides to the same coin and thus, another point to consider and investigate is when and as I'm the manipulator side. that will be walked in the next blog.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to react in anger within and as myself, when I perceive another to manipulate me and within that, I haven't accepted and allowed myself to turn the point back to myself to see, that the reaction of Anger, has nothing to do with the other manipulating me or not, it has to do with me accepting and allowing myself to miss a breath, to allow myself to be manipulated and in that disempowering myself to the extent of which I would compromise not only myself but the other as well as I'm not standing as a pillar of support, in directing the moment within Common Sense Practical Consideration but I direct the moment within a dismissive, inferior position which I would then thus try to avoid by accessing a defense mode, attempting to diminish the other so that I won't experience my own victimization that I've accepted and allowed within and as myself.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to React in Anger when and as I perceived another to manipulate me because by the time that I realize that I allowed myself to be influenced by another's manipulation, I blamed the other for manipulating me and accordingly, get angry at them, not seeing the actuality of how I projected the anger towards them as if they forced me to be manipulated, not seeing, realizing and understanding that it was me who decide to allow myself to be manipulated and the anger that I experience is actually towards myself for accepting and allowing myself to miss a breath and allow manipulation to influence my stance within and as myself. 

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to blame another for manipulating me instead of realizing that the source of this Blame is in fact anger towards myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall into their manipulation however, what I haven't realized that so long as I accept and allow myself to blame other for my experiences and/or, for what I have accepted and allowed within and as myself, I'm abdicating my responsibility to turn the point back to myself, seeing my responsibility within it and how I can prevent such instances and stand in stability and self trust and thus, direct the situation to the best for all outcome.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself while and during my reaction when I perceive that another is manipulating me or the situation that involves me from the perspective of my self interest design that I created within and as myself to then, instead of STOP my reaction within and as myself, allocating my starting point and realign my starting point through and as the Principle of what is best for all and within that developing a common sense approach in how to direct such points that would result with the outcome that is best for all, I have accepted and allowed myself to try and attempt to take my power back from self interest starting point through diminishing the other, and prove them wrong and in that, keep my self interest intact, not seeing, realizing and understanding that in doing so, I compromise myself and the other through NOT standing as the directive principle but rather, allowing my emotions to take control and direct the situation for me.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to react to another's manipulation of a situation because I fear that they will 'win' their argument and it will affect me in some way or another however, I haven't realized that when I accept and allow myself to react to another attempt to manipulate a situation, I disempower myself from the ability to direct the situation effectively, in supporting the other to see their participation in manipulation so that we could re-align our starting point in making an agreement of how we would resolve the situation and thus transform the friction and conflict as reactions to a solution that will stand in alignment to the principle of what is best for all.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge and define another as manipulator because they have been manipulating me in the past and accordingly, haven't allowed myself to trust them as I accepted and allowed myself to hold onto grudge of the past event. In this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed my approach towards these beings to be from the get go, a defense mechanism approach and  thus, I would be alert and attentive and look for the spots of manipulation emerging so that I won't fall again and become manipulated. In this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to turn the point back to myself in seeing, realizing and understanding that it was always me that had decided whether or not I allow myself to be manipulated and if anything, because I've accepted and allowed their manipulation in the past, I didn't stand as a support in showing them that they have accepted and allowed manipulation to exists within and as them. In this, Instead of developing self trust within and as myself, to effectively direct situation when another is manipulating and thus, support them to see what they have accepted and allowed within them, I created another program within and as myself to detect such manipulation and to automatically React in Anger, short temper and spite and accordingly, start to defend myself when it is occur. In this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to prepare myself to situation where I feel that another is manipulating me, through a program that I created within and as myself as Reaction where I would access a defense mode and attempt to prove the other wrong because I seemingly right instead of taking a breath, stop the reactions and direct the situation in common sense so that we can resolve the point to manifest the best for all outcome.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to FEAR that another will manipulate me and their manipulation will affect me, as my self interest, in some way or another, and thus, I developed a defense mechanism as a reaction where I  will automatically access to, not seeing, realizing and understanding that while and during accepted and allowed reaction, I completely disempowered myself to practically direct a situation to produce the best for all outcome. In this, I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to trust myself to stand stable and clear when and as someone try and attempt to manipulate me or a situation that involves me, and within that self stability, to direct myself and the other according to a principle that would produce an outcome that is best for all.

 

I commit myself to further expand, open up and investigate reactions as I see, realize and understand that when accepting and allowing reactions to exists within and as me, I completely disempower myself and compromise myself, others and this world as a whole so long as I don't stand in self stability, breathing and direct the moment to the best for all outcome.

 

I commit myself to when and as I perceive another to manipulate me, to then stop, breathe and realign my starting point and in that, to make sure that I'm free from reaction and able to direct the moment to the best for all outcome as a principle.

 

I commit myself to when and as I see myself accessing anger towards another when I perceive them to manipulate me, to then stop, breathe, turn the point back to myself, let go of the energy possession of and as anger and remind myself that the anger is directed and towards myself for allowing myself to miss a breath and speak from a self interest reaction. I thus, make sure that I'm clear and only then speak.

 

I commit myself to assist and support myself in standing firm, stable and clear within and as myself, when and as I communicate with another, in any given moment.

 

 

Life Journey - Regret as Fear of Loss - Self Forgiveness - Part 1 - Overview - Day 137

This is a continuation to:

Sexual Journey - Regret as Fear of Loss - Day 136

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed within and as myself thoughts and backchats in the nature of Regret as Fear of Loss which indicate that my decision to walk in every moment of every breath according to that which is best for all wasn't in absolute self honesty and there are still layers/dimension that I must look at and in this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for having those thoughts/backchat within and as myself instead of embracing that which I'm showing myself through the thought/backchat and accordingly, assist and support myself with going deeper in my self investigating, to be able to change myself as my starting point in making sure that I'm walking in clarity and stability, in self honesty.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for experiencing Regret as Fear of Loss without seeing, realizing and understanding the years of programming, influences and brainwash that I was busy enforcing myself into and as and in this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to embrace myself as the process that I'm busy walking, acknowledging the space and time that I walk as the time line of each and every single program/system that I've created within and as myself and in essence - when and as a thought/back chat comes from within me, I have an opportunity to see that thought/backchat for what it is, see the trigger point, the activation point and the time line that led me to experience the thought/backchat and accordingly, support myself through Self Forgiveness and Self Commitment to Step out of the programming/systems that I've placed inside myself and to Breathe through it, bring myself HERE and simply LIVE as a physical expression, breath by breath.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to experience Regret as Fear of Loss when and as I hear/see that my past partners are already settled-in in the world system with a jobs, wife, kids and I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to automatically compare them to where I am within my life at this moment and projecting myself to the past and future, imagining how my life would have looked like if only I wouldn't make the decision that I made. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to - in that moment of comparison as future/past projection, to only look at one side of the polarity, as the external life that I might have had, without seeing within and as myself, my internal world and what I would have gone through if I would have allowed myself to continue suppressing and sabotaging myself, as I am now starting to see, realize and understand who and what I have become through years upon years of suppression and character creations and what my future would be like if I wouldn't make the decision to assist and support myself in getting to know myself as the mind and accordingly, rebirth myself as a physical living human being.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to experience Regret as Fear of Loss when and as I see my life in comparison to the Life that I might have had with my ex partners and within that, assuming that my life would have been much easier if I would stay in those relationships however, I now see, realize and understand that when and as I project the words: "Easier Life" it is only from the perspective of having Money and thus, I see, realize and understand that I must stand for that which is best for all and make sure that all would have an "easy life" in terms of stopping all experiences of survival so that everyone would have the opportunity to in fact Live a Life that is worth while instead of only a few in this world that were Lucky enough to have some money in their hands to support them in fulfilling their desires on the expenses of the Majority of this world.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to attempt to elevate myself through justifying why I have decided to walk the path that I'm currently walking and why I shouldn't have the Life that was prepared for me by my parents and I forgive myself that I haven't seen, realized and understood that my need to justify my decision, reveal that I'm not absolutely walking unconditionally the path that I'm walking and that in essence, my directive principle is still Regret as the Fear of Loss, because I fear that if I won't walk the path I'm currently walking, I would live a life of real regret, and I would lose myself and the support that I'm receiving from my fellow Destonians. In this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to walk my process and the path that I have chosen to walk, based on fear  that I may regret not walking my process once I died when I would realize that I had the chance to walk in the physical and yet, I haven't and within this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that my process isn't absolutely unconditionally walked in every moment of every breath by me as the living principle of myself and my world and now that I'm seeing this point very clearly, I Commit myself to change the starting point and bring the decision back to myself, walking this process for and as myself because I see, realize and understand that accepting and allowing myself to walk my automated characters/personalities/reactions etc. is not a life that I would want for myself and I commit myself to STAND as the Directive Principle in every moment of every breath through continuing assisting and supporting myself in writing, self forgiveness, self corrective application, sharing myself with others from the starting point of having cross reference to minimize the time loops that I may walk as well as supporting others through my writings to minimize their time loops so that eventually, together, we could stand and recreate a world that is best for all, internally and externally.

I Think, therefore I Fucked this Existence - Day 91

This is a continuation to:

I Think Therefore I am - Day 90

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from LIFE as who I am in oneness and Equality through THINKING and within that I've not Realized, Seen or Understood how I've fucked myself for eternity through thinking as I believed that Thinking is what keeps me alive, existing, without realizing that the nature of the belief originated from a THOUGHT that I've accepted and allowed as myself, in separation from myself and all that is here.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself as LIFE through accepting and allowing myself to THINK and I haven't realized that the very essence of thinking is what diminish LIFE as thinking can only exists within and as Energy and Energy is that very essence that consume the Physicality of my human physical body and the physical existence as a whole and within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize how I'm damaging and abusing the physical LIFE that is me, through thinking and that the fact of the matter is, that as long as I accept and allow myself to think and through thinking generate Energy, I make sure that LIFE will no longer exists as I accept and allow the energy to consume my physicality of my human body and this physical reality.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as the philosophy character in this world to divert the focus to the real matter that is Life as the physical reality through making the statement: "I think, therefore I am" and I haven't realized that within that statement, I'm trying to make the human being as more than life when it in fact not so because one cannot be more than who one is as LIFE and within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that within that statement, I've diminish the Life Source as who I am as I've attached, defined and connected thinking to my existence without realizing that the very thinking is that which consume the physical life until Life will cease to exists if I won't stand up as life as who I am and no longer accept and allow myself to think.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that when my Human physical body stop breathing, my existence as the I that I am now will cease to exists however, when I stop thinking, me as the I remain, exist. thus, it is not thinking that allow that which I am to exists, is the Human Physical body that allows my existence and yet, I keep abusing my human physical body through thinking as the thought integrate to my human physical body at eat my flesh till I am no more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that if the Flesh Body, that is One of the Dimensions of my Existence, Stops Breathing – the I as I Experience Myself Now, will End. Bernard Poolman

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that I was always the one who decide and my decision was never ONE and EQUAL to LIFE as my decision was to diminish myself as Life through my acceptance and allowance of Thoughts to exists within and as me.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to make the decision to stand as Equal to and One as ME as LIFE as I've decided, long long time ago, to diminish my existence at the very first moment that I've decided to separate myself from myself as life and THINK.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to give up within and as myself, within the belief that I cannot stop thinking because thinking is bigger than who I am, because apparently, I cannot stop the thoughts and I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT realize that I am the one who gave myself the permission to THINK. Because though thinking, I am able to experience all those good and positive things, my desires, my imagination, my fantasies and without having those ability to think, imagine, fantasize, I will not be able to fulfil my desires. And within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to give up on the desires despite of the fact that I've seen the self interest starting point of the desires that has nothing to do with that which is best for all lives equally and through not giving up my desires, I have given up on myself, as LIFE and have thus, directly and indirectly, have given up on existence as a whole because I've not fully understood and realize that unless I change, I accept and allow the world to continue as it is, as I've not understood and realized consequences, not understood creation, and not realized LIFE. And within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed the desire to not understand consequences/LIFE/Creation so that I could keep my desires and never change so that I won't have to give up on the I that I am, as multiple networks of personalities/characters; I won't have to become absolute self responsible and self honest and I won't have to let go of all that I define myself as.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to utilize thinking to compare, compete, spite, jealous and judge to maintain my own self interest as the desire to be MORE and I haven't realized that as long as I give myself the permission to think and within that compare, compete, spite, jealous and judge, I'm unworthy as a living being, I'm disrespectful to Life and my existence is meaningless and only cause harm, abuse and suffering.

I commit myself to Stop the thoughts through become Equal and One as the thought, as I see, realize and understand that for the thought to exists, I must give it permission and through becoming Equal to and one as the thought, I can let it go as the character that I created the thought from the get-go.

I commit myself to Stop the thoughts, one by one till it is done, and only I, as Life Remain.

I commit myself to show that thoughts in essence diminish LIFE as the Physical as it is consume the physicality of my human physical body through common sense equation  wherein, when I allow myself to loop around one thought pattern for an extensive period of time, Pain manifest within and as my human physical body that can be proven in specificity the relationship between the mind relationship to the physical as I've Supported myself many times through applying Self Forgiveness and practical corrective application till the pain was gone.

I commit myself to show, over and over again that thoughts are not the foundation of my existence but rather the physical reality as Breath that keeps my human physical body existing and functioning and thus, when you stop breathing, the body dies, when you stop thinking, you remain.

I commit myself and thus decide to STOP participating in thoughts as I've seen the consequences for myself internally and externally as this world is a constant reminder to what we have created in thoughts. And thus, I commit myself to STOP diminishing myself in and as thoughts, breath by breath.

I commit myself to show that thinking exists within and as self interest desires to maintain my definition of myself, as a networks of characters that I've defined and lived as, in separation of myself as who I am as LIFE and thus, I commit myself to Drop, LET GO and DELETE the desires that I've become equal to and one as in separation of me and to once and for all, EXISTS as EQUAL and ONE as LIFE that is BEST for all. 

I commit myself to show that in thinking we cause harm, abuse and suffering as our thoughts are being utilized to compare, compete, spite and judge within a self interest desires to be MORE than who we are and so long as thoughts exists, Abuse, harm and suffering exists.

More dimension will be walked in the next blogs to come.

Also read – I think, therefor I’m Fucked by Malin Olofsson