So, I have aligned myself in relation to my living application and Direction BUT only within ONE dimension where I have taken my responsibility to stand as a point of direction. What I haven't aligned was the living application as an absolute expression of myself, in relation to all and every points that I am able to stand as the directive principle.
For example, what I have done in relation to specific point was to place in my mind, a point of direction, as if it was 'belongs' to someone else to direct or more specifically, as if the responsibility to decide on the course of direction is for that one person only. Within that though, I have reacted to what I perceived to be their decision of direction as the direction that was seemingly decided, effected my "quality of life" on some levels. And because it effected my quality of life, I was reacting within and as myself and within the reaction, went and ask the other person to change their decision and direct the point differently. but because I saw the decision to be theirs and theirs alone, I felt that I am powerless within the decision and believed that I have to compromise and just let it be, even if it is effecting me.
Though, I didn't let go of the reaction, as I felt powerless within the decision that was made and therefore, every day, it became more intense in terms of the things that I had to do which I believed that are effecting my quality of life. The fascinating thing within that point is that, If I stand back for a moment to look at what really changed in my "quality of life", nothing really changed - for the most part, I had a chance to learn something about myself in realizing what it really means to stand with another unconditionally.
Tonight it got to a point where I literally had enough, though, as a reaction within myself - which thereafter, the point could opened up -
In my mind, I did give the point the direction within my 'accepted boundaries' where I believed that the decision is not my own to take, and so, everyday for the past week, I asked the other person to look again at their decision. Every time, I got the same answer and that perpetuated the reaction within myself. The thing is - this was not a direction as a living application. Going and asking someone else to look at their decision within a reaction, doesn't mean 'direction' - if anything, it is an abdication of responsibility. Because within asking another to look at their decision and every day telling them the same things is not the same thing as COMMUNICATING with another, without any reaction, and truly discuss the decision as in genuinely asking them to share with me what was the point they were looking at within the decision that they have made and therefore, with having all the information in place, seeing if the decision is valid and/or require alignment/adjustment which I am then able to stand as a point of support.
In essence what I have done was self-deception whereas, "I'm the good one"/"They are the bad ones" as they did a decision that I am not satisfied with. BUT - did I tell them that I was not satisfied within a clear starting point? No. Did I ask them to share with me what was involved with the decision to see if there is anything I haven't considered before? No;
This play-out of events, takes me back to how the mind is mutating preprogrammed patterns within the process of change wherein, when I made a decision to change a point within myself, I later found that I repeated the same pattern in a mutated version.
Obviously, an alignment/correction must be made, self forgiveness is applied and forgiveness from the other is required.
How to now correct my living application - firstly, looking at how my reality played out recently, more points in relation to 'direction' are showing themselves. Thus, placing a red flag for each and every reaction that I have and accordingly ask myself, who I am in relation to 'Direction' and the 'Reaction' that is playing out? Is there any point within the reaction that is coming from the desire of placing the responsibility and thereafter blame on another instead of standing as a point of direction.
Secondly, to make a list of all the points that I'm holding others responsible inside my mind and see where have I abdicated responsibility in relation to the point and from there, make the necessary alignment within myself.
So stay tuned.
---
Art Work: Dottie Gleason
0 comments:
Post a Comment