Practical Direction - Why and How - Day 473

In the course of the blog series that I am busy walking in relation to the word 'Direction' as a living expression of myself, I will be sharing within this blog post a practical solution that I have applied for myself and how this has assisted me to move from a fear of creating a friction to supportive relationship development.

 

The other day I was talking on the phone with a friend of mine and she told me about a decision that she had made as a 'By the way' thing and I didn't really understand why the decision was made. All I could see at that moment was a 'problem' within the decision and the consequences that such decision will have on my life. When we finished our short discussion over the phone, I felt a movement inside myself, I saw that I was reacting to the decision and backchat came up within the attempt to justify why the decision is wrong and so forth.

 

As I saw the backchat and the reaction starting to crawl inside my mind and body, I reminded myself that the only reason why I am reacting is because I haven't directed the point inside myself whereas for instance, I didn't ask all the questions that I required to ask, to be able to have clarity on the decision or to be more specific, I didn't discuss with my friend about her point of view of making the decision in seeing what were the points that my friend had considered when making the decision. Without gathering all the information with regards to the decision that was made, reacting in judgment/blame is not valid and if anything, it would have compromise my relationship with my friend as I would have accumulated backchat to justify my reactions and would have used it against my friend in the future, in instances where I would feel that I am being attacked on a decision that I would have made.

 

I mean, this had happened in the past where I would react to someone words/deeds and accumulate these reactions without giving myself a direction and thereafter, I would use the blame/reaction that I accumulated as a weapon against them to "prove my point" later in the future. These actually shows why one would believe they must accumulate reactions towards others as a protection mechanism for when they would be able to use it as a weapon against those whom one reacted to in the past - all of which to not take responsibility from the very beginning and simply direct the point so that there is clarity and understanding within one's relationships to another. I mean, doesn't it make more sense to communicate and clarify points instead of accumulate weapon against each other?

 

So, when I noticed the first thought that came up and the energy movement that accompanied the thought where the energy started to crawl inside my body, I stood up from within myself and didn't accept my self to continue participating in the habit. The habit is so interconnected with my 'beingness' so everything happened really fast and I knew that if I won't direct it immediately, I will compromise my relationship with my friend and therefore, I didn't allowed myself to suppress and use this moment as a weapon against my friend in the future and therefore, I decide to communicate the point with my friend and clarify for myself the starting point of the decision, asking her what were the points that she was looking at when she made the decision and we continue to clarify and communicate all the points until I was absolute clear within myself and we were again in alignment with each other.

 

It is interesting because in my mind, I had this fear that my friend will be impatient with me asking so many questions but the opposite had happened - she answered all the questions in detailed and appreciated the communication as it assists and supports us both in enhancing our communication level and therefore, strengthening our relationship with each other. 

For myself, it was another step in my process of direction where I moved to communication instead of suppression; as this showed me how easier life is when one is able to communicate with another instead of building up energy inside oneself that is compromising and destructive habit in one's life and one's relationships with others.

 

 

---

Art work: Dottie Gleason

losing yourself in the realm of validation - Day 471

This is a blog response to the blog - Day 528: The Value of Validation by Activist's Journey To Life.

 

"In terms of my own experience, I can now clearly see the benefit of my dad's actions. He only would congratulate me or tell me he was proud when I actually accomplished something of note, and even that was not so much a "congratulations" but more of an acknowledgement of what I had done and a reflective discussion. I have to almost laugh - it is so difficult to describe how he would talk to you and bring such clarity to a point - I feel as though my words fall short. He encouraged me to do what I enjoyed simply because I enjoyed it. He did not tell me how great I was for actually doing something, he would just say "cool" - while on the other hand every other adult kept pushing the "well done" button, not realizing that in doing so they were creating the perfect habitat for dependance to take hold, which causes the desire for validation to outweigh the point of self expression."

 

A few years ago, I was playing with my nephew when he was 2 years old or less. We were outside at my parent's house and the kid started to investigate the miracle of a 'ball'. Lol - miracle because for children, an object that they are exposed to for the first time, it is like magic - they are exploring its component, shape, abilities and every moment is an experience that is so profound. So - when he realize that he can also use his legs and kick the ball, I was standing there, and without awareness of what it is that I'm actually doing, I accessed an automated preprogramming where I cheered him up every time he kicked the ball - you know - high pitch sounds of "wow"; "well done"; "you are the best" combined with lots of positive energies.

 

I didn't realize  at that moment that I am busy conditioning his expression within his relationship to the ball whereas, I created a moment for him to 'please me' when he kicked the ball because every time he kicked the ball, I cheered him up and if I said nothing, he just stood there, looking at me, expecting to receive a form of feedback,  rather than simply enjoying expressing himself with a ball and exploring what the ball and he can do with/for each other. So long as I participated with giving him positive feedback, he played with the ball. The moment I stopped, he stopped.

 

The interesting thing was that when he explored other things like for instance, gardening, he did it for hours - just him and the tools, the grass, the flowers, the leafs, the water - he was stoppable - really was enjoying himself with all that was there. No one gave him positive or negative feedback in relation to gardening and so, he could continue doing it for hours because the experience was not  conditioned to any sort of energy - it was simply a physical expression of enjoyment in exploring, discovering gardening/nature.

 

When I read the blog: "The Value of Validation" - the memory above came up - it was the first time that I realized how adults are influencing the child's self-expression by conditioning the expression to be dependent on specific result; Result as in how the adult reacts to a specific expression that the child is experiencing - If the adult react positively, the child will continue expressing themselves in the same way so that they are able to be rewarded with the positive feedback (Energy) they received from the adult and if the adult react negatively, the child will either stop expressing themselves completely (Suppressing themselves) or the child will express themselves secretly.

 

The thing is - as we grow up, we conditioned ourselves to other peoples' feedback and we completely disregard the questions - who am I in relation to this experience? Am I enjoying myself? Am I doing it for others? Am I doing it to please the adult? Am I doing it for myself? Why am I doing it? Is it supporting me and/or others?

 

I was one of these kids that wanted to make my parents proud in all ways possible and therefore, I would only do what I perceived to make them feel proud of me; and the things that would make them feel ashamed of me - I kept in secret or suppressed. Within that, I lost myself from the perspective of neglecting or avoiding doing the things I enjoyed doing as an expression of myself, and doing only that which will give me a reward, a positive feedback. It is quite sad when I look at this point - losing yourself in the realm of validation and positive feedback - I guess we were all conditioned to behave that way - we mold ourselves according to the feedback we get from our environment, generation after generation. I wonder how much more we can give to each other if we would change that preconditioning inside ourselves and support the children to discover self expression, self enjoyment. 

 

---

 

Art work: Dottie Gleason

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Effect of ONE single thought - Day 470

It is interesting how sometimes we have a thought as a reaction within ourselves but we got so used to these type of  thought as a part of who we are and so, when the thoughts comes up inside ourselves, we do not question the thoughts as we believe these thoughts are valid and thus, no flag point are coming up for us to unconditionally investigate the nature of these thoughts, the source of these thoughts, where did it come from, why did it come up, what activated it, what behavior pattern the thoughts are based, who we are in relation to these thoughts and so on and so forth.

 

So for example with myself, I remember waking up one day, grabbing my cell phone to check my e-mails and a thought came up: "But why no one directed the point already" as a reaction within myself however, I did not identify the reaction within that thought at all, it was sooo normal, there was no obvious energy movement inside - like another normal day started type of thing.

 

As I moved with the day, I decided to direct the point myself because I am walking the 'direction' process now whereas, if I see that something needs to be directed, I stand up within the realization that it is my responsibility, as the one who saw the problem,  to move myself to direct the solution.
 

All this time, I did NOT see that there is a reaction within myself, it was very very subtle which is interesting because usually, when I am reacting, the emotional body is activating very quickly but in this case, there was no emotion that I could see/feel inside myself at all.  I mean really, this point was so specific - what happened that day - I projected my thought/reaction from the moment I woke up onto someone else without consciously being aware of it - the entire day I was under the "impression" that another have had a slight reaction within themselves and I kept on asking them what the story was all about lol. I kept on asking the person if there is anything that they slightly reacted to today because from my perspective, I was "certain" that I "saw" in this person a slight reaction in how their expression changed during the day. Lol it is fascinating - I couldn't pinpoint the type of reaction that I have "noticed" in them but I was absolutely certain that they are acting strange as if they are slightly reacting to something or someone.

 

This person kept on saying that they looked at what I was saying but they didn't find any reaction inside themselves so I  let it go for a moment because I didn't see it as a big point to pursue. Later on, I saw the person in my environment, and I again "noticed" a slight reaction within the person so I kept on pushing the point with this person.

 

By evening time, I had a look at my day so far because it didn't make sense to me as to why I am seeing a reaction in another while they are in self honesty did not react inside themselves. So I had to first turn the point back to myself and check whether I'm actually projecting my 'slight reaction' onto another without seeing that all along, I was the one who was slightly reacting.

 

When I turned the point back to myself, I looked at the entire day until I got to the first thought I had when I woke up - the thought that was based on a reaction of "But why no one directed the point already". It was so interesting because this 'slight reaction' as a thought - I completely missed;  as you could read in my previous blogs, the pattern that I played throughout my entire life was to shift my responsibility towards others to direct points for me a I defined myself as incapable/weak to direct some points myself.

 

The pattern of shifting responsibility to another contained thoughts like: "why this was not directed? Why does this person not directing the point already" as how I shifted my responsibility and justified it in my mind, not seeing, realizing and understanding that in fact, me having the thoughts: "why this was not directed? Why does this person not directing the point already" was actually me asking myself why did I not direct the point"?  "Why did I haven't yet taken my responsibility to direct a point?.

 

So, because of reactions are/were  an integral/interconnected part of who I have defined myself as, I didn't see the thought as a reaction at all and I didn't see how I was in a state of reaction throughout the day. From my perspective, I believed that I toke responsibility for the point when I directed the solution so inside my mind, I couldn't use the thought: "Why it was not done/directed already" because as far as I was concerned, I was directing the point earlier that day. But - the reaction that I activated in the morning, with one single thought, continued very so slightly the entire day.

 

This in itself led me to the question - did I even direct the point effectively if I was coming from a starting point of reaction, even if it was just a slight reaction?

Getting to know the mind is a fascinating process - how quickly in our mind we react - showing the interconnectedness of the Mind Systems and the level of specificity we must get with ourselves to ensure we have not miss even one breath and actually directed ourselves and our environment to the best outcome.

 

---

Art work: Dottie Gleason

Who is to Blame - Day 469

An interesting point opened up today in relation to my process 'Direction' as a living word. For context, I suggest to also read through the blog series -  'Direction' as a Living Word - Day 467' .

 

So, I have aligned myself in relation to my living application and Direction BUT only within ONE dimension where I have taken my responsibility to stand as a point of direction. What I haven't aligned was the living application as an absolute expression of myself, in relation to all and every points that I am able to stand as the directive principle.

 

For example, what I have done in relation to specific point was to place in my mind, a point of direction, as if it was 'belongs' to someone else to direct or more specifically, as if the responsibility to decide on the course of direction is for that one person only. Within that though, I have reacted to what I perceived to be their decision of direction as the direction that was seemingly decided, effected my "quality of life" on some levels. And because it effected my quality of life, I was reacting within and as myself and within the reaction, went and ask the other person to change their decision and direct the point differently. but because I saw the decision to be theirs and theirs alone, I felt that I am powerless within the decision and believed that I have to compromise and just let it be, even if it is effecting me.

 

Though, I didn't let go of the reaction, as I felt powerless within the decision that was made and therefore, every day, it became more intense in terms of the things that I had to do which I believed that are effecting my quality of life. The fascinating thing within that point is that, If I stand back for a moment to look at what really changed in my "quality of life", nothing really changed - for the most part, I had a chance to learn something about myself in realizing what it really means to stand with another unconditionally.

 

Tonight  it got to a point where I literally had enough, though, as a reaction within myself - which thereafter, the point could opened up -

In my mind, I did give the point the direction within my 'accepted boundaries' where I believed that the decision is not my own to take, and so, everyday for the past week, I asked the other person to look again at their decision. Every time, I got the same answer and that perpetuated the reaction within myself. The thing is - this was not a direction as a living application. Going and asking someone else to look at their decision within a reaction, doesn't mean 'direction' - if anything, it is an  abdication of responsibility. Because within asking another to look at their decision and every day telling them the same things is not the same thing as COMMUNICATING with another, without any reaction, and truly discuss the decision as in genuinely asking them to share with me what was the point they were looking at within the decision that they have made and therefore, with having all the information in place, seeing if the decision is valid and/or require alignment/adjustment which I am then able to stand as a point of support.

 

In essence what I have done was self-deception whereas, "I'm the good one"/"They are the bad ones" as they did a decision that I am not satisfied with. BUT - did I tell them that I was not satisfied within a clear starting point? No. Did I ask them to share with me what was involved with the decision to see if there is anything I haven't considered before? No; 

 

The Blame came out today on the other person whereas I used the reaction that I accumulated inside myself in blaming them bluntly that they have made the wrong decision. When I was asked a simple question: "Why haven't you directed the point" I said: "Well, but I did, but THEY didn't listen to me". But wait a second - I didn't really direct the point as I showed above. So what is it that I actually did? Justifying in my mind why I was directing the point as part of my commitment to live 'direction' while at the same time, blaming the other for not directing the point as I would have directed the point, without even communicate it with them - this is an application of 'abdicating responsibility' and 'manipulation'

 

This play-out of events,  takes me back to how the mind is mutating preprogrammed patterns within the process of change wherein, when I made a decision to change a point within myself, I later found that I repeated the same pattern in a mutated version.

 

Obviously, an alignment/correction must be made, self forgiveness is applied and forgiveness from the other is required.

How to now correct my living application - firstly, looking at how my reality played out recently, more points in relation to 'direction' are showing themselves. Thus, placing a red flag for each and every reaction that I have and accordingly ask myself, who I am in relation to 'Direction' and the 'Reaction' that is playing out? Is there any point within the reaction that is coming from the desire of placing the responsibility and thereafter blame on another instead of standing as a point of direction.

 

Secondly, to make a list of all the points that I'm holding others responsible inside my mind and see where have I abdicated responsibility in relation to the point and from there, make the necessary alignment within myself.

 

So stay tuned.

 

 

---

Art Work: Dottie Gleason

Living 'Direction' as a Living Word - Day 467

This is a continuation to my recent blogs From Limitation to Direction - Day 465 and The start of 'Direction' as a living expression - Day 466. I strongly suggest that if you haven't already, read through these 2 blogs for context to this blog post.

 

So, I made the commitment to start my process of 'Direction' and within that, accepting that it would be a learning curve through a moment by moment living application. 'Learning curve', from the dimension that I was not pre-programmed to 'Direct' in how I am assisting and supporting myself in becoming a living expression of 'Direction' as a living principle of 'What is best for all' ; my pre-program design of  'direct' myself/people/situations was according to a self interest starting point, in fulfilling my wants/needs/desires. Within this thus, I realized that It is a process of Creation - creating within and as myself, 'Direction' as a living word, a living expression of myself which is created through/by  accumulation of moment by moment living application of 'Direction'.

 

The night of publishing the blog: From Limitation to Direction - Day 465, I couldn't sleep, I was fully awake, restless; Without my awareness, I accessed a point of limitation again where in my mind, I would blame another for not directing a point that I asked them to direct for me because I saw myself as unauthorized or powerless in directing a specific point. Here, I noticed that there is a problem because just a few hours ago I have made an agreement with myself to start my process of 'Direction' and yet again, I was falling into the pre-program design of blaming another for not directing points for me.

 

Initially, when I saw that I accessed the pattern again, I stood up from within myself and said: "No, this is bullshit- I see where the 'urge' of blaming another is coming from, I see that I require to direct the point myself but this can wait for tomorrow  because it is time to sleep now". BUT - nope, I was still very much awake.

 

Then a memory came up - my father once told me that when solving a mathematical equation, drawing the question leads to half of the solution; I also remembered how Bernard used to show us how to present to others that which he was speaking about. Meaning, while he was presenting a new concept or a new direction, he would also draw his words on a piece of paper as a way of ensuring that everyone has a tangible understanding of that which he was speaking about.

 

So I got up, took my note book and started to organize my thoughts by drawing the structure as a solution that I was looking at - I wanted to assess if what I saw in my mind does actually make sense in the physical reality on a practical level. I enjoyed the drawing part - it was like getting a new puzzle and now I had to match the pieces and put them in the right location. When I was done, I was pretty satisfied because I was now ready to present the solution that I was seeing to the group I was working with and within that, to finally direct the point to its upmost potential. At that stage, I could put my body to rest.

 

The  next day, I presented the point to the group and everyone were clear and could follow the flow charts that I drew and at the end of my presentation,  we were all on the same page,  a decision was made immediately and taaaa daaaa - a point of direction that I was struggling with for so long,  was now structured and directed. 

 

What I realized from this event is the following:

In the past, when I asked someone to direct points for me, I was basically stating within myself that I'm limited, powerless and inadequate in being able to stand as the point of direction. However, what I haven't realized before was that the only reason why I 'felt' this way was because the 'direction' was not clearly defined within myself and instead of taking responsibility and clearly define the direction within myself, I shifted the responsibility towards another to figure out how to direct a specific point which within that, I believed that I won't be accountable for the manifested outflows. Here obviously, there are many other dimensions involved whereas for instance, it is 'easier' to ask someone else to find a way to direct a point because if the direction will not manifest to best outcome, I could blame the other for the decision that they made in how they  directed a specific point. I will expand about this points more in one of the next blogs to come.

Thus, the practical correction here - When and as I see myself going to another expecting them to direct a point that I see required to be directed, I stop, I take a breath in and I remind myself that I haven't clearly defined the direction within myself and therefore, instead of looking for solutions outside of myself, I place 'Direction' within and as me and until the solution presents itself and clearly defined within myself.

Within the example above,  holding the information in my brain was not sufficient as I didn't stand equal and one to the information and therefore, the correction here was to bring all  the information 'here' and draw everything on a piece of paper to visually see the time lines in the physical reality and how everything can practically come together to manifest the best outcome.

This is not an absolute point wherein, sometimes I may not see all the information and therefore, won't be able to utilize the tool of drawing to structure the information effectively. Within my process of 'Direction', I may find that there are other tools that I am able to utilize to assist and support myself to express the direction that I see fit. There would also be times where I self honestly won't see any practical solution/direction, I then commit myself to discuss with the other the problem that I am seeing and through communication, we utilize the power of 2 or more in my name as we together look for solutions/directions that we are able to stand as.

 

And with how process works - when one point is walked, the next point opens up for one to walk - so stay tuned as I continue sharing the process of 'Direction'.

 

---

Art work - Dottie Gleason