Emotional Attachment and Physical connection (Part 3) - Day 462

In the Previous Blog, I started walking the investigation process in relation to a reaction that I had within myself when I heard that one of the dogs in my house is sick. It is Fascinating how one single and small reaction opens up a lot within oneself. So if you haven't already, I suggest first reading the first 2 blogs:

Emotional Attachment and Physical connection (Part 1) - Day 460

Emotional Attachment and Physical connection (Part 2) - Day 461

 

Within this blog, I will expand the paragraph from the second blog:

"The other dimension where the pack is standing as a stability point in my life - again, it is not THE dimension that I am working with here because I left them so many times and I was stable within myself and thus, I came to the conclusion that feeling of "I'm never alone" is a mind trick that I used to suppress the real issue that I haven't seen yet."

 

Here, I want to explain what does it means that the mind played tricks on me and what was the purpose of such a "trick".

 

To understand this point, it is best if you also read through the blogs series where I shared about my relationship with Yalda:

My Dog as my Comfort Zone - Day 251

My Relationship with My Dog Continue - Day 253

My Relationship with my Dog - Self Forgiveness - Day 254

Pets as a reflection of Self Intimacy - Day 252

 

If you read these blogs, you would see how my relationship with Yalda was based on ONE element that I wasn't able to give to myself at that time, which was the 'Not Feeling Alone' experience that I placed Yalda, to stand as/for me. Meaning, instead of assisting and supporting myself to stand alone within stability, I shifted the responsibility towards my dog so that she could stand as that point for me.

 

With Yalda no longer being part of my direct environment when I moved to the farm, initially, I replaced the experience that Yalda gave me of 'not feeling alone' with the pack of dogs that we have on the farm. Why the whole pack? Because I didn't want to form a relationship with a dog because I didn't know how long will I stay on the farm and I didn't want to experience again the emotional experience when leaving another dog behind.

So, as a pack, it is not so personal in comparison to a one on one relationship with one dog so I just placed all of them together within myself so that I will never feel alone and that was until Babitjie came into my life and "forced" me to get over my shit and to allow myself to connect again to another being. At the same time, it was when I was already in a process of walking the correction of standing alone regardless of who is or isn't in my environment as a point of self trust.

 

The interesting thing that opened up in relation to the statement that the mind played tricks on me - here the mind used past association that I've created in my mind in relation to the experience of not feeling alone = the pack even though the association doesn't exist anymore as an expression of myself. Thus, when I started looking at my reaction to Gracie being sick, this point came up as if it is the primary point I must look at in my relationship to Gracie in how for instance, Gracie's presence fulfil the experience of not feeling alone however, if I would to stop investigating there, I would have missed THE dimension of what animals give me that I'm not able to give to myself.

 

Here again, we have to understand how the mind works - even though I no longer associate animals to the feeling of 'not being alone' experience - when the association between Gracie/Yalda/Pack = 'not feeling alone' came up, it "felt" as if this is the point that I was working with which is exactly how suppression manifest when  the primary point doesn't reveal itself and yet, I was for a moment, under the impression that THIS IS the point. When one is under the impression that one had found the point one was working with, one would normally not push oneself to discover more dimensions within oneself within one's process of change.

 

So, when I investigate points within myself, I would always cross reference myself. What I normally do is bringing the trigger point that activate the reaction 'here' and then I assess my physical body, to see whether there is or isn't any energetic movement within myself. The principle is - if in self honesty nothing moves within myself, than I'm satisfied that the point is clear but if there is a movement inside myself, even the slightest movement, I will continue checking and investigating the point within myself and when I'm done, I would again bring the moment here and assess any energy movement throughout my body. In cases where the movement is undefined, I would also cross reference the points with others to see if they see something that I haven't seen.

 

With the Gracie point, it was undefined movement and so, I went to speak with Sunette and what she explained, opened up an interesting point which I will share in the next blog.

 

The effectiveness of Brainwashing - Day 357

 

This is a continuation to my previous blog: The American Dream of Poverty - Day 356.

 

Me and a group of friends were talking today about America, Education and Poverty and one of the friends was sharing that he watched the documentary America's Poor Kids last night and he mentioned that even the poor kids in America have a computer that they are carrying from place to place with them. this was the point that I've realized how effective the brainwashing is within the documentary. I've mentioned this point in my previous blog however, with him saying it, I could see clearly the starting point of those who created the documentary and the effects the documentary would have on the American people.

 

I must admit, for a moment I fell into the trap when I watched the documentary - since the moment the girl had to let go of her dog because she couldn't take it with her after being evacuated from her home, a surge of tears came into my eyes and I accessed an emotional turmoil. I became angry, frustrated and sad for what these animals and kids have to go through due to our failing world system that is nothing close to the American Dream that was presented 82 years ago.

 

The moment my friend shared about the poor kids having a computer, was the moment when I connected the 2 points together and I saw that the reason they have chosen to present these specific families was because these families do not have the characteristic that would trigger our inner beast from actually standing up and say: "that's it, till here no further". These families have a roof and space to crash in, they have clothes, they have access to medical care and food and they even have some cool gadgets like a computer. These families, as poor as they are, do not represent the extreme poverty that maybe, just maybe, would trigger enough SHAME within ourselves from which we would actually stand up and start walking towards a substantial change.

 

Yes, the families presented in the documentary are experiencing great difficulties and struggle - that is a fact. Another fact is that their situation is far better than Millions of other Americans (not to mentioned the third world countries) that are literally on the streets in a day to day threating living conditions. But we won't see it in the media, we won't hear about it and we will make sure that we don't know about it because otherwise, OMG, we might actually have to step out of our comfort zone and take responsibility for what we as humanity have accepted and allowed to exists in this world.

 

So - it is time to develop Critical reasoning skills to not eat what the media is feeding us but instead, to question and investigate what is the real starting point, what is the actual problem and how it can be practically solved from its root core into a best for all solution.

 

When someone is blaming me - Day 66

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to emotionally reacted when and as I perceived that someone is blaming me or pointing fingers towards me, and immediately I accessed a defense mode where my entire body is constructed and stressed, my voice tonality became lower and the sentences that I spoke became short and ineffectively communicated.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have refused to see my backchat when and as I perceive another's ways of communicating a point to be in the nature of Blame, wherein I would start defending myself in my mind, try to solve the point with my mind and also blame the other for that which I perceived myself to be blamed for, not seeing, realizing and understanding that I'm playing a blame game in my mind, either directly or indirectly whereas, I'm abdicating my responsibility to stand up from the emotional energy movement that I'm experiencing, BEATHE, ground the energy back to earth and look at the point that was communicate with me, assess in self HONESTY whether it is a point that I require to investigate, correct myself and change or whether I'm clear and able to assist and support the other to turn the point back to self instead of projecting the self blame onto others. 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to react in self judgement when and as I perceive that someone is blaming me for a point, either directly or indirectly and I haven't allowed myself to let the energy movement go through grounding it back to earth, stand up and investigate within and as myself whether there is a point within me that I've missed and thus, require to correct in writing self forgiveness in self honesty and walk the practical physical correction, breath by breath. Within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to actually face the point and direct myself accordingly through using and abusing the other in my mind, to defend, justify and validate myself, as a protection/defence mechanism, within the attempt to defend me as the EGO without having to practically face and change who I have accepted and allowed myself to be a become as a dishonesty personality design that I've programmed myself as.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to miss a breath when and as I perceive someone to blame me and automatically access a mind personality as the experience of myself as inferior without giving me the permission to stand up, breathe, stop the energy, delete the personality and assess in self honesty the point that was communicate to and with me.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to interpret what was communicated with me within a polarity of 'right/wrong' and have thus, defined myself as being 'wrong' when and as I perceived someone to blame me and within that, I haven't accepted and allowed myself to take a moment, Stop my reactions, BREATH and look within self honesty at the context of the words that were shared with me to see for myself, whether it is in fact a point that I require giving myself direction and walk the practical correction.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to give myself the permission to HEAR the point that is being discussed with me with no energy movement whatsoever, with no reaction nor backchat and instead allowing myself to unconditionally be Here, Hear other's perspective and introspect within myself, in self honesty whether I require to further look at the point and support myself within practical corrective application.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to physically lock myself within a past memory experience where I felt being verbally abused by someone who claimed to support me to step out of my EGO and thus, when and as someone suggest to me to look within and as myself for a specific point that I've missed, I lock myself to the extent of which my entire physical body is constricted, I access a defend mode and I'm not allowing myself to unconditionally HEAR what is being shared with me to be able to assess within and as myself, in self honesty whether I've actually missed a point that I require direct myself, correct and change.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the cause/origin/reason for my body being constricted when and as someone is suggesting me to look within and as myself at a point that I've missed, was due to me not giving me the permission to actually face the point and to within self honesty investigate the point for myself as a defence mechanism that I've programmed myself within and as where I allow my EGO to be my directive principle within the accepted polarity design of being right/wrong, instead of me, being the directive principle in any given moment, unconditionally allow myself to expose, reveal and show myself to myself and thus, WILL myself to practically take responsibility for myself and direct myself effectively to change within and as myself according to the principle of Equality and Oneness as myself and my world.

I commit myself to NOT accept and allow myself to emotionally REACT when and as I perceived someone to Blame me and I thus, FLAG the point to assist and support myself to identity those moments and thus, STOP, BREATHE and bring myself within and as myself, to my human physical body, ground the energy back to earth and allow myself to HEAR what is being said and accordingly direct myself effectively.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to stop the nature of blame within and as myself and to thus, not accepting and allowing myself to sabotage my relationships just because I didn't take responsibility for my own back chat and within that, participating in my dishonesties, through using and abusing one's support of showing me a point that I've missed, and to hide behind my self protection mechanism to not face and direct the point within and as myself. 

I commit myself to STOP judging myself by taking myself personally, when and as I see and expose myself to the patterns that I've accepted and allowed myself to be and become, because I see, realize and understand that there is nothing personally within it - who and what I've programmed myself to be, is not me in fact, as a physical living expression and I have the ability and capability to CHANGE myself within and as the principle of what is best for all/oneness and equality and to not accept and allow myself to be anything that is less than that.

I commit myself to HEAR every single word that is being communicated with me and to stop all reactions, back chat, energy movement that comes up from within and as me. I give myself permission to unconditionally Hear, investigate and correct myself when and as a point within m require my direct alignment.

I commit myself to flag the point for myself when my body becomes constricted and locked down due to a past memory experience that is associated to the polarity design of being right/wrong within and as  EGO personality that I've manifested myself as and accordingly assist and support myself with changing who I am, in the moment of breath, letting go of the energetic charged experience, align myself back to myself; I realize that the constriction of my human physical body indicates a point that I do not want to look at and face and thus, I push myself to investigate the entire network, design, program that I've accepted and me, face it for what it is, correct myself and practically change. 

For more practical support - read - Daily Practivism: Facing Projected-Blame