Do I have the right to Judge myself? Living in an experience of being controlled - Day 533

For context, please read:

Do you have the right to judge another - Day 531

Do I have the right to Judge myself? Potential consequences #1 - Day 532

In the previous blog, we looked at a potential consequences when we accept and allow self-judgement to exists inside of ourselves. We discussed a potential consequences of sabotaging/compromising and even ending your relationships with others.

I ended off with the statement:

"Will continue in my next blog with more potential outcomes when accepting and allowing self-judgement to be hidden but very much existed inside of ourselves. We will also look how to change this type of behaviour/pattern to be able to practically develop long lasting relationships of worth with others."

In this blog, we'll have a look at second potential consequence when we accept and allow our participation with self-judgement: Potential consequence #2: Living in an experience of being controlled.

Have you ever felt that you need to do things in secret or that you need to isolate yourself from everything and everyone so that you can do things without anyone knowing; have you ever felt that you need to diminish your expression around specific people? Have you ever experienced yourself avoiding certain people because you were concerned they will ask you a question you didn't want to answer?

If any of these questions were answered 'yes' than most likely that you are dealing with self-judgement yet projected through the eyes of others. You tell yourself that other people are to be blamed for why you need to live in secret, why you need to isolate or hide yourself or why you need to diminish certain expressions around them. As time goes by, you probably start feeling or experience yourself as if you are being controlled in your own environment, feeling you need your space, avoiding certain people and essentially, start blaming them for that, telling yourself a story of how much they are controlling you or your life. Obviously, this is not an absolute point but those of you who do accept and allow self-judgement to be their directive principle know what I am talking about. Don’t you?

What I have found in my own process of introspection is that when it came to my experience of feeling controlled by my family, friends or other people in my environment, it had nothing to do with them and everything to do with me. For example, I judged a specific expression as invalid to be expressed or believed it was not allowed to be expressed or had fears I would be judged if I had expressed it. So, I didn't allow myself to express myself within that specific expression which gave me the experience of being controlled, not seeing it was my own decision to diminish my expressions, not others.

The consequences of not being honest with yourself and allow yourself to judge your own expression and decisions is that this will create an experience of being controlled by others and you will make it so real in your mind that you'll try and go things in secrets, just not to face your own self-honesty. The consequences of that is that you'll have a relationship with people that is not based on integrity but rather on deception and we all know where that is going to lead you and your relationships..

Will continue in the next blog with more consequences when it comes to self-judgement.

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Artwork: Pamela Dzaet Hill, painter, USA

How fear can control your life (Part one) - Day 482

Within my Woman's Journey to Life blog, I have been walking extensively  the point of relationship to assist and support myself and other women in the world to get to the nitty gritty of ourselves when it comes to relationship with a male so that we are able to create and develop effective relationships with ourselves and as such, with another;

 

In this blog series though, I will show how one point of fear, fear of parents in relation to one's sexuality, created consequences in my life and how in looking back, these consequences could have been prevented if I was more aware of my mind and my thinking processes. Thus, if you are a teenager or a parent to a teenager, you will be able to walk with me, into my introspection process and hopefully support yourself and/or your child by understanding the teenager's thought processes, if sexuality isn't a topic that is openly discussed at home.

 

With me, I didn't feel that I have anyone to talk when I was a teenager and many teenagers today can relate to this experience of not being able to share themselves unconditionally with their parents/friends/partners. Unfortunately, many of the teenagers that feel that way, tend to become secretive in doing things behind the parents' back, hoping that what the parents don't know won't hurt them; only that in many cases, the teenagers are the ones who get hurt, by making reckless decisions that are based on unconscious fears.

 

What I found in my process of introspection of my own mind, was that the mind is layered with memories and information and sometimes, when I 'think' that I got to the source in relation to one specific pattern that played out in my life, a new layer opens up, uncovering another piece of information in my journey of getting to know myself as the mind.

 

A few days ago, I was asked a simple question: "How did I feel about relationships in the past?" interestingly enough, I "thought" that I knew the answer because I've walked that path before when I investigated who I was in my past relationships. At the same time, there was a point of resistance towards the question because I couldn't allocate the point of 'feeling about' past relationship; what does it mean 'feel about' something?!

 

When I started writing the point for myself, I walked again my first relationship but this time, more focusing on my hidden back chat, the thoughts/feeling/emotions that I couldn't even admit to myself. As I mentioned in one of my blogs, my first partner was like 'prince charming' whereas I could experience myself in a way that I always imagined relationships to feel like - he loved me like no one else did before, he was expressive, romantic, caring, intimate. He was one of this unique guys that would write songs for me, sing them to me, write me love letters and so forth - it was really a relationship that every girl would want for herself and yet, out of the blow, I broke up with him.

 

For years I tried to justify for myself why I broke up with him, making myself believe that I wanted something more, I wanted maturity in the sense of taking our relationship to the next step of getting married and moving out of our parents' house but because we were only 16 years old, this future was far away in time and I couldn't wait till that future manifest. I made myself believe that I broke up with him so that I could find another man whom with I am able to manifest this future sooner because I didn't like the way I experienced myself at home and I hoped that once I move out, I could expression all these expression that I suppressed at home.

 

Though, as I said before, another layer opened up this time where I was able to see the real reason of why I broke up with him and how by doing so, I compromised myself and created consequences for years to come.

 

This I will continue sharing in my next blog post.

 

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Are work - Nomi Chi

 

 

 

The Evolution of the Capitalistic System as a Mirror of the Human Consciousness - Day 312

 

 

This is a continuation of the Previous Blog Why Changing the World start with Self - Day 311 where I showed how the Capitalistic System was created in the Image and likeness of the Spoiled Brat Child wherein this Spoiled Brat Child existent within and as ourselves as our Human Nature through our Desire for MORE and the Survival of the Fittest Principle we have accepted and allowed as ourselves and thus, we, as the creator of ourselves through our acceptances and allowances, created a system that reflect our Inner Demons of Self Interest and the Desire for MORE - The Capitalistic System.

 

Today I watched the Documentary: Obey which made me realized that the Spoiled Brat Child is now in its Teenagers years of Rebelling to the system we ourselves had created through our past acceptances and allowances. So let's take one step back to see, realize and understand where it all start.

 

The Spoiled Brat Child was created by its parents that agreed within and as themselves to play the reward game and thus, trained their child to Obey to their education, rules and regulation and in return, the child would receive the Reward the child was trained to Desire. As the Child Evolved and become aware of all the great possibilities and opportunities that the rewards can give the child, as an Experience, the Child would do what ever it takes to get the Rewards with the least effort possible. The Child would disregard the Consequences because the Child knows that what ever they would face, they will find their way out through deception and manipulation.

As the Child grow up, and the regulations are not as appealing as they used to be and the Rewards are not in alignment to the Child's desires, wants and needs any longer, the child would slowly but surely start rebelling to their parents, and the parenting system the child once accepted and allowed is no longer the way the child would like to exists as - now the child wants to change the system and the child does that through rebelling. What is fascinating within it all is that once the child passes the rebellion years and slowly submits to the world system by going to the university, getting a job, getting married and having children, the Child that is now the Parent will behave exactly like their parents and.. Accept the System exactly the way it always was with no evident and substantial change whatsoever.

 

So now, with the Occupied Wall Streets, the Protests and Demonstrations, we are in our Rebellion phase which may take some years until we grow up and once again, accept the world system exactly as it is. We have noticed that something is wrong with all the regulations and roles the system forces us to live as and we forgot that we were the one who created this system by our own acceptances and allowances. So we go, and we rebel, and we scream for a change until we grow up (or shell we call it by its name - give up) and submit to the system as we see that rebelling the system is not for out benefit any longer and thus, we would again accept and allow the a world system as it is despite of our awareness of the consequences this system manifest. We would soon forget our rebellion years and suppress that which we have realized about ourselves.

 

This is what the Documentary Obey is secretly heading towards: to accept our current positions as the rebellion teenagers through showing us the real core/source/root problem that exists in this world however, instead of Correcting the Problem for once and for all, we would go and rebel and later on forget about it all when we grow up, submit to the system and continue our lives exactly as our parents did and their parents.

 

My question is - did rebelling to our parents ever work out for us? Has rebelling to the world system ever manifested a change? No - so why can't we learn from our mistakes and accordingly, walk towards a practical solution that would End the Problem and Prevent the problem from ever manifesting again?

 

I got to say that in the Documentary, the problems are laid out in great specificity and it's revealing the point we must address and correct however, the solution is not to rebel the system but to stand up within self responsibility as the creators of the system in the first place and thus, create a new system that would stand in alignment with the Principles that would Place LIFE as the most respected, honoured and protected Position - Give as YOU would Like to Receive, Investigate all points and Keep that which is Good and of course, love your neighbour as yourself.

 

The HOW TO do it in a practical and physical way with the least harm possible is through the Establishment of the Equal Money System. I suggest Educating yourself for real and study the material before you step out to your rebellion journey that would lead to the same result it has always led to.

 

Note - I also suggest watching: OBEY - A Review - YouTube by Marlen Vargas Del Razo