How to use Comparison in a constructive way - Day 379

About a year ago, I wrote the blog Inadequacy, failure and self judgement - part 1 - Day 30 where I dealt with comparing myself to someone who I perceived to be more effective than me, better than me and through comparing myself to this person, I defined myself as inadequate and a failure as a point of extreme self judgement and sabotage. These are some of the commitment I have written down in that specific blog:

 

"I commit myself to stop comparing my process to other being processes as I realize that I'm walking my own process that has nothing to do with other people.

 

I commit myself to stop defining myself according to other people."

 

In the past month, I started walking a new journey that requires my full attention, focus and responsibility and within that, I had to realign my time, adjust myself to different working hours and to still manage to walk through my previous responsibilities. Obviously, I got all the support I required to walk this point as effective as possible and the only point that I wasn't consistent as much as I would like to was my daily writing. I found myself struggling with this point because practically and physically, I could have spend another hour to do my writings but instead, I justified for myself that it has been a long day and I should go to rest now. And you know, there were days that I only slept 3 hours so here, I'm perfectly ok with not having my writing done as I must also take care of my physical human body and get it to rest but there were also other days where I could write but instead, I justified for myself that it has been a long day and it's cool to instead watch one episode of a TV series for instance. Here is where I found myself in an inner conflict where my desire to take a moment to watch something override common sense and my own commitment of walking in every moment according to what is best for all and within that, having my writing done is a point I define as best for all as it is the ultimate self support I am able to gift to myself and through which, I expand my moment to moment stability so that I can stand as a pillar of support for others.

 

So, last night, it was one of these days where I wanted to justify for myself why it is ok that I won't follow my own commitment of daily writing but instead, take the time for entertainment. But in self honesty, I couldn't pull it through by accepting my own justifications and limitation and thus, I decided to look at the person I compared myself to a year ago from the perspective of seeing the example this person is standing as, what can I learn from this person and how can I practically support myself in walking the time line that made this person effective within themselves. As I looked at the point, I realized it is all about a decision one is making within oneself and within that, the decision to walk one's own self commitment, self will and dedication in any given moment. From here, all I had to do was to  breath in, breath out, make a stance within myself and walk my commitment of daily writing. So yes, if it means that I won't get to entertain myself for a while to ensure that my commitment to myself is met then so be it because at the end of the day, I have to live with myself and personally, I prefer living by knowing that I've done everything possible to make a change within myself and this world and I mean, we have only one life to do so, so why not make the best (for all) out of it?

 

This is a simply example of how to transform destructive competition and comparison between oneself and another into a point of constructive application. When one compare oneself to another, all it means that another is standing as an example of what one perceives oneself as lacking and so, with a decision and practical application, one is able to utilize the example of another and walk the necessary steps to become the point one would previously saw oneself as lacking, inadequate and/or a failure and to accordingly, expand, empower and grow oneself into a being that is trustworthy through a practical and physical application.

 

 

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Intimacy in Words - Part 2 - Day 153

 

This is a continuation to:

Developing Intimate sexual communication with Self - Day 151

Intimacy in Words - Part 1 - Day 152

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT realize that within an effective agreement/relationship with a partner, communication between the partners must be constructive, supportive and effective and that if one accept and allow any back chat and reactions towards their partner, the entire relationship/agreement is being compromised, abused and sabotaged.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to only communicate with my partner regarding sex when it makes me look better, cooler and exotic and doing that from the starting point of the desire to be more desirable and attractive to him so that he would not consider leaving me for another woman and in this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to consider that if I require to seduce my partner by using specific words in a specific tonality, the foundation of  our relationship/agreement is cracked and must be revised within the starting point of whether or not there is a possibility to develop and establish an effective relationship/agreement that is based on a support structure that would result in with our self empowerment and growth to stand, be and become the utmost effective human beings in this world that would walk in every moment of breath within and as the principle of that which is best for all.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to develop and establish an effective and intimate communication with my partner because I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I've been trying to hide and run away from facing myself in any given moment by walking into a relationship/agreement that wouldn't support me in any way, to expose and reveal myself as what I've become which through seeing myself as who I am now, I could take self responsibility into changing and transforming myself into an effective human being in this world with the assistance and support of myself in particular and my partner as an additional support.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to blame my partner and react in anger when and as he had done something that I didn't liked/approved and in that, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to realize that unless my partner and I would write an agreement of what we would accept and allow within ourselves, each other and this world as  whole, we would react, spite, and resent each other as our communication from the get go wasn't effective, supported and agreed upon, when and as our expectation from each other wouldn't meet and/or stand in alignment to the physical reality.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed having expectation from my partner and when those expectation didn't meet the physical reality as my partner didn't stand according to my expectations, I've reacted in anger, frustration and resentment without seeing, realizing and understanding that there is no way my partner can stand according to my expectations if we haven't communicated about it and looked at the starting point to see if the point is practical and supportive for both of us and through that, coming together within an agreement whether or not we would walk this point or simply let it go as that is what's best for all.

 

 

 

 

Journey to Life - Day 100

Today, when  I realized that it's my 100 of Writing myself to Become LIFE, initially my reaction was - Shit, Day 100! Man! Cool! but then, in self honesty, when looking back at those last 100 days, I've realized the importance of continue writing every day. I mean, what I've accomplished in 100 days were just a small changes, nothing substantial that I can say - I changed. No..

 

Obviously, I'm not saying that from a point of judgement or diminishment, I'm saying it as this is what it is. in Self Honesty, there is a long way to walk, lots of suppressions  that I must allow myself to reveal to myself, face, let go and change, practically and physically.

 

When I asked myself the question: Why is it, that despite of me seeing the points that must be changed, I still allow myself to be preoccupied by myself in my mind? Why is it, that despite of me KNOWing what must be done, I am still not doing it? The answer is simplistic, I've approached the points from Knowing instead of self realization that is fully integrated as me - Within and as me and thus, what must be let go of is KNOWLEDGE and simply Living the practical Living expression of my realizations as Self change.

 

So, how to assist and support myself to integrate my realization as ME, as the Physical flesh that is me? The answer is also a simplistic one - it's to give myself the Permission to Decide! Give myself the permission to let go of all my desires as I can see very clearly that the desires are the stumbling blocks that I've not accepted and allowed myself to remove and are in essence the points that leads me to temptations, to remain in characters.

 

So.. What now, I remove the desires, the stumbling blocks are removed and.. How to live? When there are no longer systems that dictate each and every steps? How to live when there are no memories that comes up and tells me where to go, how to speak, how to express myself? That will be an interesting journey in itself as I see, realize and understand that from that moment onwards, it will be Me, as the physical flesh that will direct and move myself in every moment of every breath. Nothing is automated, it's self movement, here. So, I work with what is here, what is practically physically in my hands, I test the information for myself and see if it's aligned with the principle of that which is best for all, and I make the decisions accordingly. Because - what must be understood and realized is that I decide, in every single moment. I DECIDE.

 

And thus, I commit myself to identify my desires in its totality, to not leave anything behind that will keep an open door for any temptations; I commit myself to assist and support myself to dissect myself from all and every dimensions of my mind through a process of daily writing to be able to see the Desires that I've set forth for my fall and thus, to not change in fact.

The Clever Daughter/Mother Character relationship - Day 84

This is a continuation to my previous blog:

My Life as a character - Overview - Day 79

The Family Charade in Character - Day 80

The Rebellion Daughter Mother Character - Day 81

The Submissive Daughter and the Controlling Mother Character - Day 82

The Caring Character – Day 83 Day 83

For Context, also read: Day 79: Stepping out of Character with LOVED ONES - Creation's Journey to Life, Bernard Poolman.

Part 5: The Mother/Daughter Character - Looking at specific Characters:

The Clever Daughter and the relationship with the Mother:

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as the Clever Daughter Character in this world to design, program and manifest myself within the experience of being Clever which I can define myself as, that which gives me gratification, satisfaction, worthiness and validation from the Mother Character that I've co-dependently creation to sustain the Clever Character, in separation of me.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, as the Clever Daughter Character of this world how I've participated within and as energetic polarized design wherein, if I excel and satisfied the Mother Character, I will experience good and positive energy as gratification and satisfaction and if I failed to excel, I experience low and negative energy as I perceived myself to be a failure and a disappointment for the Mother character that I've created in separation of me so that I could always remain within and as the energy design, in character.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how through the Clever Daughter character that I've created and become in my totality, I've also created competition, jealousy, comparison and self judgement wherein for me to be the clever character, I must compare myself to others, be more than others in order to define myself as clever and thus, I've created the competitive character that will allow me to keep my clever character and within that thus, I've made sure to enslaved me for eternity as characters without ever being able to clear the mess that I've created as character, in mind as within, and the world system as without.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as the clever daughter character in this world, to create another character - Pressure; wherein, my experience of myself is of and as Pressure in every moment of my day because I believe that I must excel in all that I do and if I wouldn't, I wouldn't be able to receive my reward from the mother character of satisfaction, gratification and validation as a positive energetic experience.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as the mother character in this world, to create, design and manifest the Clever Daughter Character, so that I could brag about my child in social gathering, feel good about myself as the creator of the daughter character and within that, when and as I see and perceive the eyes of my friend full with jealousy and self judgement, I feel within and as me proudness because apparently, I did something right within the upbringing of the clever child character.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as the mother character in this world, to feel ashamed and embarrassed when and as the clever daughter character doesn't stand according to what society defined as excellence, when and as I'm in a social gathering and I can't win in the secret competition of who has the most clever daughter character.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand, as the mother character in this world, how I'm imposing my clever child character's EGO to motivate the child into excellence so that in essence, I could feel good about myself as the mother character and within that, have not realized the consequences of my doing wherein, instead of standing as an example of Oneness and Equality as what is best for all, I'm imposing self interest, my own fear of survival, competition and comparison as the directive principle in my child life.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself as the mother character in this world to realize that Cleverness doesn't define who one is but it can only utilize within this self interest world manifestation wherein, if one haven't accumulated enough knowledge and information, one is worthless in this world and yet, I haven't considered that Knowledge and information as how it was taught within the education system, only perpetuate the separation between us all and has nothing to do with applying the knowledge within the starting point of a world that is best for all; so as I impose more and more knowledge onto my child, I'm making sure that none of us will ever actually step out of our self interest character and actually see what the fuck we have created as characters, take our power of creation back as ourselves and create a world that is literally best for all.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as the mother character in this world, to attempt to relive my desire and fantasies through the clever daughter character that I've created for that purpose because I hope and dream that the daughter character will become a better version of me, become more successful than me which will thus give me inner gratification, validation and satisfaction that I've done something good in this world without ever raising the question - Did I really do something good in this world if the world is as fucked up as it is now, who I am within this world and what have I actually done to make sure that the children of this world would born into a world that is physically best for all?

I commit myself to show that cleverness doesn't define who we are as a living physical human being and that in fact, if we were to walk the practical living expression of the word Cleverness, we would be clever enough to see, realize and understand this creation we call Earth/Life and through seeing, realizing and understanding what we have done, we would have taken our power of creation as ourselves and create a world that is practically and physically best for all.

I commit myself to show how we co-dependently, in agreement with each other, create, design and manifest ourselves as character that will suit our characters as others and within that, blind so completely to see what we have actually created and character, take the responsibility to clean up the mess and create ourselves within and as ONE principle - the Principle of LIFE that is best for all as the sum up of all inter-dependent relationships.

I commit myself to show and expose how the parents character, create in character, their children in character that will suit their character and thus, are responsible for always remaining in character, making sure that no one will step out of character so that we could keep existing in our self interest desire for an exclusive experience that only the 'right' created characters can provide for us.

I commit myself to show that the source/origin/reason for competition, jealousy, comparison, self judgement in this world, start at home through the parents programming their children as characters.

I commit myself to show that through the fear of the parents characters of survival, they will design, shape and mould their children to excel and become someone in this world which then perpetuate the separation, self interest and competition instead of educating the next generation to stand up for life that is best for all, to show them how to stop creating more characters and within that of course, how to step completely out of character and birth oneself from the physical.

I commit myself to show why and how the parents character superimpose their fears onto their child and instead of birth LIFE as the child, they will create another character to support their character as fear and this is why it is detrimental that we will establish the Equal Money System to diminish one's fear of survival and start a process of re-education of ourselves and our children so that we could for once and for all, create ourselves as LIFE that is best for all through cleaning up the mess that we have left behind from the beginning of time.

Cleaning and clearing out the mess - Day 50

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to react in anger when others have missed a point and it was then thus, my responsibility to clear up the mess but instead of assisting and supporting the being to see the point that was missed, I've become angry and irritated inside myself, not realizing that while I'm cleaning the mess on the outside, I'm creating a mess in the inside within my own participation with emotions and feelings without any support for myself or others.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to perceive that the other do not consider me when they miss a point which I require then to take responsibility for but instead of placing myself in the shoes of the other and assist the being to see the point that was missed to be able to face and correct oneself, I reacted in irritation and anger through victimizing myself and within that, didn't stand as a support for myself and for the other.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to react in judgement towards a being that have missed a point within the thought: "they are irresponsible and I'm sick of it" and within that, I've abdicated my own responsibility of turning the point back to myself to be able to see that I've abdicated my responsibility to walk breath by breath because if I would, I would have directed the point effectively within a supportive communication without any energy movement inside me.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to react in self righteousness when a being is missing a point which I than require to correct because I perceived myself in that moment to be more than, to be the one who saves the day and I've not accepted and allowed myself to realize that my starting point within correcting the point that was missed was self interest and not walking within and as the principle of that which is best for all.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to blame a being that has abdicated one's responsibility and has thus, missed a point and instead of walking breath by breath and correct that which required correction, I've felt pity for myself for having to clear up the mess that the other has made and I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to turn the point back to myself within the realization that when ever I'm pointing fingers towards another, there is a point within me that I've missed and thus, walk the proper self introspection to see what I have missed, correct and change.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to expect a being to walk one's responsibility effectively and when the being abdicated one's responsibility, I react in anger, frustration and irritation and within that, I've not placed myself in the other shoes to be able to see the dimensional shift that the being had have and thus, assist and support the being to face the point, correct oneself and change.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that when I'm reacting in anger, frustration and irritation when a being abdicate one's responsibility, I'm not standing as a pillar of support but in fact, trying to make myself more powerful through stepping on one's feet when pointing out the mistakes that one has done and within that, didn't realize that I'm compromising not only the being that has made a mistake but also myself through abdicating my own responsibility to walk breath by breath and stand as an example for others within the principle of what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself by not immediately directing each and every point that I see require a direction and thus, I accumulate anger, frustration and irritation towards a being until the energy must release itself and I burst out on the being, not realizing, seeing and understanding that in that moment of burst, I'm not the directive principle but walking in total separation from myself as the mind, giving all my power away to energy to control and enslave me and thus, miss a moment of breathe, abdicating my responsibility to ground the energy build up back to earth, set myself free and stand as absolute support for myself and others.

I commit myself to assist to assist and support beings in their process of stepping out of their mind by showing and revealing the points that were missed within standing in absolute clarity and stability and within that, giving unconditionally an opportunity for one to face oneself, correct one's application and change.

I commit myself to not take other beings abdication of responsibility personally and thus, place myself in their shoes, see where they are in their process and within that, see how to effectively approach the point and assist the being with their process of taking responsibility in walking breath by breath.

I commit myself to stop the judgement upon beings that abdicated their responsibilities and to always turn the point back to myself and see where and how I've abdicated my own responsibility within the realization that it is never about anyone but me and each reaction that I have towards another, reveal a point that I've not aligned, sorted out and corrected.

 

I commit myself to stop making myself more than and righteous when I see another making a mistake and abdicating one's responsibility because it is really ridiculous - who I am is not define by others and I do not require others to make a mistake to validate my self as righteous.

I commit myself to stop expecting anything from anyone and instead focus on my own process of stopping pattern by pattern; breath by breath.

I commit myself to stand as a pillar of support for those who have committed themselves to walk their process of stepping out of the mind and access to the equality and oneness physical reality.

I commit myself to direct each and every point I see require being directed effectively and to not accept and allow myself to accumulate energy that will inevitably have to be released.