The other day I was talking on the phone with a friend of mine and she told me about a decision that she had made as a 'By the way' thing and I didn't really understand why the decision was made. All I could see at that moment was a 'problem' within the decision and the consequences that such decision will have on my life. When we finished our short discussion over the phone, I felt a movement inside myself, I saw that I was reacting to the decision and backchat came up within the attempt to justify why the decision is wrong and so forth.
As I saw the backchat and the reaction starting to crawl inside my mind and body, I reminded myself that the only reason why I am reacting is because I haven't directed the point inside myself whereas for instance, I didn't ask all the questions that I required to ask, to be able to have clarity on the decision or to be more specific, I didn't discuss with my friend about her point of view of making the decision in seeing what were the points that my friend had considered when making the decision. Without gathering all the information with regards to the decision that was made, reacting in judgment/blame is not valid and if anything, it would have compromise my relationship with my friend as I would have accumulated backchat to justify my reactions and would have used it against my friend in the future, in instances where I would feel that I am being attacked on a decision that I would have made.
I mean, this had happened in the past where I would react to someone words/deeds and accumulate these reactions without giving myself a direction and thereafter, I would use the blame/reaction that I accumulated as a weapon against them to "prove my point" later in the future. These actually shows why one would believe they must accumulate reactions towards others as a protection mechanism for when they would be able to use it as a weapon against those whom one reacted to in the past - all of which to not take responsibility from the very beginning and simply direct the point so that there is clarity and understanding within one's relationships to another. I mean, doesn't it make more sense to communicate and clarify points instead of accumulate weapon against each other?
So, when I noticed the first thought that came up and the energy movement that accompanied the thought where the energy started to crawl inside my body, I stood up from within myself and didn't accept my self to continue participating in the habit. The habit is so interconnected with my 'beingness' so everything happened really fast and I knew that if I won't direct it immediately, I will compromise my relationship with my friend and therefore, I didn't allowed myself to suppress and use this moment as a weapon against my friend in the future and therefore, I decide to communicate the point with my friend and clarify for myself the starting point of the decision, asking her what were the points that she was looking at when she made the decision and we continue to clarify and communicate all the points until I was absolute clear within myself and we were again in alignment with each other.
It is interesting because in my mind, I had this fear that my friend will be impatient with me asking so many questions but the opposite had happened - she answered all the questions in detailed and appreciated the communication as it assists and supports us both in enhancing our communication level and therefore, strengthening our relationship with each other.
For myself, it was another step in my process of direction where I moved to communication instead of suppression; as this showed me how easier life is when one is able to communicate with another instead of building up energy inside oneself that is compromising and destructive habit in one's life and one's relationships with others.
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Art work: Dottie Gleason
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