The Effect of ONE single thought - Day 470

It is interesting how sometimes we have a thought as a reaction within ourselves but we got so used to these type of  thought as a part of who we are and so, when the thoughts comes up inside ourselves, we do not question the thoughts as we believe these thoughts are valid and thus, no flag point are coming up for us to unconditionally investigate the nature of these thoughts, the source of these thoughts, where did it come from, why did it come up, what activated it, what behavior pattern the thoughts are based, who we are in relation to these thoughts and so on and so forth.

 

So for example with myself, I remember waking up one day, grabbing my cell phone to check my e-mails and a thought came up: "But why no one directed the point already" as a reaction within myself however, I did not identify the reaction within that thought at all, it was sooo normal, there was no obvious energy movement inside - like another normal day started type of thing.

 

As I moved with the day, I decided to direct the point myself because I am walking the 'direction' process now whereas, if I see that something needs to be directed, I stand up within the realization that it is my responsibility, as the one who saw the problem,  to move myself to direct the solution.
 

All this time, I did NOT see that there is a reaction within myself, it was very very subtle which is interesting because usually, when I am reacting, the emotional body is activating very quickly but in this case, there was no emotion that I could see/feel inside myself at all.  I mean really, this point was so specific - what happened that day - I projected my thought/reaction from the moment I woke up onto someone else without consciously being aware of it - the entire day I was under the "impression" that another have had a slight reaction within themselves and I kept on asking them what the story was all about lol. I kept on asking the person if there is anything that they slightly reacted to today because from my perspective, I was "certain" that I "saw" in this person a slight reaction in how their expression changed during the day. Lol it is fascinating - I couldn't pinpoint the type of reaction that I have "noticed" in them but I was absolutely certain that they are acting strange as if they are slightly reacting to something or someone.

 

This person kept on saying that they looked at what I was saying but they didn't find any reaction inside themselves so I  let it go for a moment because I didn't see it as a big point to pursue. Later on, I saw the person in my environment, and I again "noticed" a slight reaction within the person so I kept on pushing the point with this person.

 

By evening time, I had a look at my day so far because it didn't make sense to me as to why I am seeing a reaction in another while they are in self honesty did not react inside themselves. So I had to first turn the point back to myself and check whether I'm actually projecting my 'slight reaction' onto another without seeing that all along, I was the one who was slightly reacting.

 

When I turned the point back to myself, I looked at the entire day until I got to the first thought I had when I woke up - the thought that was based on a reaction of "But why no one directed the point already". It was so interesting because this 'slight reaction' as a thought - I completely missed;  as you could read in my previous blogs, the pattern that I played throughout my entire life was to shift my responsibility towards others to direct points for me a I defined myself as incapable/weak to direct some points myself.

 

The pattern of shifting responsibility to another contained thoughts like: "why this was not directed? Why does this person not directing the point already" as how I shifted my responsibility and justified it in my mind, not seeing, realizing and understanding that in fact, me having the thoughts: "why this was not directed? Why does this person not directing the point already" was actually me asking myself why did I not direct the point"?  "Why did I haven't yet taken my responsibility to direct a point?.

 

So, because of reactions are/were  an integral/interconnected part of who I have defined myself as, I didn't see the thought as a reaction at all and I didn't see how I was in a state of reaction throughout the day. From my perspective, I believed that I toke responsibility for the point when I directed the solution so inside my mind, I couldn't use the thought: "Why it was not done/directed already" because as far as I was concerned, I was directing the point earlier that day. But - the reaction that I activated in the morning, with one single thought, continued very so slightly the entire day.

 

This in itself led me to the question - did I even direct the point effectively if I was coming from a starting point of reaction, even if it was just a slight reaction?

Getting to know the mind is a fascinating process - how quickly in our mind we react - showing the interconnectedness of the Mind Systems and the level of specificity we must get with ourselves to ensure we have not miss even one breath and actually directed ourselves and our environment to the best outcome.

 

---

Art work: Dottie Gleason

Manipulation - the Art of Control - Day 418

Continuing with discovering the Art of Control that we so much got used to and without our direct awareness are walking our life within the starting point of Control. In the Previous 2 blogs I was showing examples of how we control specific situations in our lives, as a reaction within ourselves to a specific outcome and how little do we actually embrace moments in assisting and supporting ourselves to step out of our mind and actually investigate and discover who we are in relation to these moments.

 

Today, I will share a short story of a moment that had happened a few weeks ago, a moment that opened up for me an entire ray of pre-programming that I became aware of.

Esteni and I went to the mall and while we were driving there, I remembered that I needed to also buy a fabric softener in a specific store. To understand the time line of events, I have to give you an idea about this mall lol. This mall is not structured effectively from the perspective of - to cross the mall from one end to the other, you have to walk quite a bit and if you don't have much time, you have to calculate everything specifically to be able to manage your time effectively. The store that I wanted to go to is in the other side of where Esteni and I planned to go to and so, I asked Esteni: "Where do you want to park the car?" but what I really wanted to say was: "please park in the under parking because I need to buy a fabric softener". Before she answered my questioned, I made sure that I will get the answer that I wanted to get and to thus, control the decision to suite my momentary desire. So I said to her: "I'm asking because I would like to go to Dis-chem to buy a fabric softener". Esteni said "Ok" and I felt quiet weird within myself so I took a moment to investigate why the hell I couldn't be direct? Why wasn't I direct by saying: "please park in the under parking because…"?

 

When investigating the point I have realized that: "OMG" my entire design of communication is of Control and to Control I had to use manipulation. One would think that this is not a big point because no one is getting hurt from such "small manipulation" though, looking at my entire life, how I communicated with people, how I tend to get what I wanted without being direct, by manipulating my environment to get this "little" points as a desired outcome of events.

 

So I kept investigating and I looked at fears from the perspective of - What is the Fear through which I have programmed myself to communicate indirectly with other human? Is it that bad to get 'No' as an answer? Is my Ego will crash if I be direct and get a 'No' as an answer? Is it that I fear that others will see me as control freak? Is it that I don't want to be perceived pushy?  Gush, this was a revealing point in my process - to see how I have structured my communication with people by manipulating moments to be able to control a moment according to how I wanted the moment to play out.

 

Obviously there are many dimensions that are connected to the pattern of not being direct in a communication, which I will write about in the future though, here, what we must become aware of is our tendency to indirectly attempt to control a moments.

 

The fascinating thing was that - when I shared with Esteni what I've seen myself doing, she suggested that I will correct the statement and ask her directly to park in a specific place. You cannot believe how hard it was for me. I felt embarrassed to speak the question directly; I have tried so many times to structure one simple question in a direct way and nothing authentic came up. This showed my how rooted this design is within me - this is how I have expressed myself throughout my entire life so now when I attempted to speak directly, I met with resistance because, as all of us know, change usually start with resistance. So now that the point is 'here', I'm assisting and supporting myself to change the design that I've created as myself and be direct in my communication - there is no magic cure, it is a process that started with a decision to will myself to be direct with myself and others and I commit myself to moment by moment assist and support myself to change my living application, as a living expression of myself where I no longer accept and allow myself to communicate indirectly but instead, assisting and supporting myself to stand as expression of integrity in every given moment within clear and direct communication.