So for example with myself, I remember waking up one day, grabbing my cell phone to check my e-mails and a thought came up: "But why no one directed the point already" as a reaction within myself however, I did not identify the reaction within that thought at all, it was sooo normal, there was no obvious energy movement inside - like another normal day started type of thing.
As I moved with the day, I decided to direct the point myself because I am walking the 'direction' process now whereas, if I see that something needs to be directed, I stand up within the realization that it is my responsibility, as the one who saw the problem, to move myself to direct the solution.
All this time, I did NOT see that there is a reaction within myself, it was very very subtle which is interesting because usually, when I am reacting, the emotional body is activating very quickly but in this case, there was no emotion that I could see/feel inside myself at all. I mean really, this point was so specific - what happened that day - I projected my thought/reaction from the moment I woke up onto someone else without consciously being aware of it - the entire day I was under the "impression" that another have had a slight reaction within themselves and I kept on asking them what the story was all about lol. I kept on asking the person if there is anything that they slightly reacted to today because from my perspective, I was "certain" that I "saw" in this person a slight reaction in how their expression changed during the day. Lol it is fascinating - I couldn't pinpoint the type of reaction that I have "noticed" in them but I was absolutely certain that they are acting strange as if they are slightly reacting to something or someone.
This person kept on saying that they looked at what I was saying but they didn't find any reaction inside themselves so I let it go for a moment because I didn't see it as a big point to pursue. Later on, I saw the person in my environment, and I again "noticed" a slight reaction within the person so I kept on pushing the point with this person.
By evening time, I had a look at my day so far because it didn't make sense to me as to why I am seeing a reaction in another while they are in self honesty did not react inside themselves. So I had to first turn the point back to myself and check whether I'm actually projecting my 'slight reaction' onto another without seeing that all along, I was the one who was slightly reacting.
When I turned the point back to myself, I looked at the entire day until I got to the first thought I had when I woke up - the thought that was based on a reaction of "But why no one directed the point already". It was so interesting because this 'slight reaction' as a thought - I completely missed; as you could read in my previous blogs, the pattern that I played throughout my entire life was to shift my responsibility towards others to direct points for me a I defined myself as incapable/weak to direct some points myself.
The pattern of shifting responsibility to another contained thoughts like: "why this was not directed? Why does this person not directing the point already" as how I shifted my responsibility and justified it in my mind, not seeing, realizing and understanding that in fact, me having the thoughts: "why this was not directed? Why does this person not directing the point already" was actually me asking myself why did I not direct the point"? "Why did I haven't yet taken my responsibility to direct a point?.
So, because of reactions are/were an integral/interconnected part of who I have defined myself as, I didn't see the thought as a reaction at all and I didn't see how I was in a state of reaction throughout the day. From my perspective, I believed that I toke responsibility for the point when I directed the solution so inside my mind, I couldn't use the thought: "Why it was not done/directed already" because as far as I was concerned, I was directing the point earlier that day. But - the reaction that I activated in the morning, with one single thought, continued very so slightly the entire day.
This in itself led me to the question - did I even direct the point effectively if I was coming from a starting point of reaction, even if it was just a slight reaction?
Getting to know the mind is a fascinating process - how quickly in our mind we react - showing the interconnectedness of the Mind Systems and the level of specificity we must get with ourselves to ensure we have not miss even one breath and actually directed ourselves and our environment to the best outcome.
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Art work: Dottie Gleason
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