From Evilness to Life - Day 226

There are moments in time where one sees what one is doing to another, what it is that one is deliberately accepting and allowing within and as oneself, one see’s how one's words and actions has an affect on others in harmful and destructive ways and yet, one would continue one's participation in one's design/program/pattern/character/personality and would never take responsibility for such moments in making sure that one would not accept and allow oneself to ever again harm oneself and other human beings in this world.

 

This is why I am now writing this blog as I've seen in myself the Evilness that exists within myself, that I've accepted and allowed to accumulate Evilness  over the years, without giving myself any constructive and supportive direction and as such, my actions, my words and my resonance outflows, may harm and cause damage to others as the only things that I would consider in such moments are ME and my Experiences and I would not consider the other beings at all. Till here no further.

 

This blog will be an overview of the points that I've seen within and as myself thus far and from here, I would go into more details and specifics in assisting and supporting myself in walking the path of standing Equal to and One as other human beings and within that, stand as a support rather than a machine that suck the life out from other beings to sustain my Ego/Personalities as how I've defined myself as 'who I am' in separation of myself, others and this world as a whole.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to desire to be so much more than another human being that within that, I would accept and allow myself to walk over their toes and smash them so completely, in making them so small within and as my mind so that I could remain in control over them which would give me the Experience that I'm More. Within that, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to question myself as to why and how I have accepted and allowed the pattern/design as desire to be more, to exists within and as me and within that, haven't assisted and supported myself in stopping this pattern/design as the desire to be more and accordingly standing in alignment to the other being, in an assisting and supportive relationship instead of diminished and compromised relationship that would not benefit anything or anyone.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to try and attempt to make people so small in comparison to me, in my own mind, internally and externally and thus utilized all my "powers" as manipulation and defence tactics in doing all that I can so that they won't grow and expand themselves within who they are so that I won't have to stand in Equality with them but always remain more than them, in my own eyes but then, not seeing, realizing and understanding that I'm not only compromising them, but also compromising myself in  deliberately not assisting and supporting myself and others, equally as one to grow, expand and empower ourselves in becoming effective, trustworthy and respectful human beings in this world.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to deliberately create and manifest relationships in my life with beings that I "see" and perceive as less than me so that I could always stand in a superior position, in control over them. Within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself when the Relationship Dynamic changes and the being is actually moving and changing themselves in assisting and supporting themselves to grow, expand and empower themselves within who they are, to react within and as myself because how I have defined myself as more and superior according to them, has now collapsed and I can no longer sustain the superior personality that I've created within and as myself. Within this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to assist and support myself in standing in absolute self trust as who I am, without needing/desiring/wanting to be More than who I am and specifically, in comparison to others.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see how Evil one can be and become, in how one would speak, move, behave to other human beings in one's world within and as oneself when and as one accept and allow oneself to deliberately manipulate oneself and one's relationships with other human beings, within the starting point of keeping the Relationship Dynamics as it always was in satisfying one's desire to define oneself according to a specific attribute or component that one perceive oneself as lacking within and as oneself through the other being.

 

I commit myself to STOP the Evilness that I've accepted and allowed within and as myself and within that, be aware of such moments where I would change my personality in the attempt to diminish others on my behalf, to sustain my own self created definition that I've defined myself as within my relationships with others.

 

I commit myself to assist and support myself in walking the process from Evilness to life that is best for all and within that, to investigate all the points within and as myself that I've accepted and allowed the Evil nature to override the principle of what is best for all life.

 

I commit myself to Re-Establish my relationships with other people in my world and direct myself within the relationships according to that which is best for all as a principle wherein, we transform the relationships to constructive and supportive where both would assist and support ourselves to grow, empower and expand ourselves as living beings instead of limit, compromise and diminish ourselves within who we are in our relationships to ourselves and each other.

 

I commit myself to investigate why and how I've created relationships that I could experience myself as superior and within that, its relationship to the polarized experience within and as myself, as inferior that I've attempted to suppress through creating relationship that would defined me externally, otherwise.

Facing the Evil within - the KEY to Self Awareness - Day 188

This is a continuation to:

 

The Elite's delusion of stress - Part 1 - Day 45

The Elite's Delusion of Stress - Part 2 - Day 46

The Decision of TIME - Day 67

 

And:

 

This is a continuation to:

Copy Paste Character - the Way for Success? - Day 183

Copy Paste Character - The Education System - Day 184

Is it possible to Cheat yourself? Day 185

It is time to STOP Existing as a Human Machine - Day 186

The End of Times - Day 187

 

 

 

 

And watch my Vlog - Day 187 - EVIL – Journey to Life

http://youtu.be/2A5pXxFNqdc

 

 

As I was writing for myself the Dimensions of the 'I don't have TIME' character: Fear, Thoughts, Imagination, Back chat, reactions and physical behaviour, an experience of Shame or more specifically, a reaction of shame was coming up from within me. I came to realize the nasty, evil and spiteful shit that I've accepted and allowed within and as myself and how I channelled this evilness, spitefulness and nastiness through blame and projection towards others.

 

The Fascinating point that I've realized through walking this point was that - unless I face the Evilness, Spitefulness, Nastiness that I've already become, there is no way I would become aware of the totality of myself. What we usually tend to do is to justify our own nastiness, spitefulness and Evilness that we have become, through projecting and blaming others and within that, suppress/ignore/deny our real beingness, our real self that must be faced and change.

 

The key to LIFE is through facing our Evilness - Desteni had said that many times before but no one listened; I never listened because - facing the Evilness that I've become would imply that I would must admit to myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to stand as Evil towards myself and my world and within admitting that, I must face the consequences and become OK with the fact that I'm not a good person as I deluded myself to define myself as.

 

So, I commit myself and will myself to face the true nature of what I've become as EVIL.

Understand, there is no Judgement within my words as in self honesty - I trust myself to sort out what ever I face as I stand up, I correct and I change. It is also quite clear now that there is no single man alive that isn't Evil from the inside, it is a contagious disease we are all carrying, generation after generation, denying, ignoring and suppressing who and what we have become, despite of seeing clearly how this world had become and this world, must have been created through and by Evil and the continuation through accepting and allowing the world to continue as it is, implied, show, reveal and expose our Evilness - blinded so completely, looking and seeking for our own good feeling, our own happiness, regardless of the lives that are in suffer, day in and day out. Accepting and allowing another human being to suffer as a result of a world system of abuse, corruption and greed, is accepting and allowing our Evilness nature. The world system is a direct reflection of who we are in our very beingness because who we are is defined by what we accept and allow and what we would not within and as the principle of what is best for all. The moment we have accepted and allowed ourselves to ignore, deny and suppress the Evilness without, we accepted and allowed the Evilness within which that had created from the get go, the Evilness without. So, here comes the Question - The Chicken or the Egg. However, answering the question of what came first, the chicken or the egg is irrelevant as we already lives and exists within and as the manifested consequences  of our acceptances and allowances of the Evilness - within and without.

Facing ourselves as the EVIL within, is a crucial point in one's Process because unless one face the entirety of oneself, and not only the part of oneself that self doesn't like - there is no way that self get HERE, as absolute self awareness in and as the physical.

What self 'like' and 'dislike' is a question that one must ask oneself - whether what we like and dislike are in fact what we like and dislike or a direct result of our upbringing/programming? Is it really that I don't like something or I simply fear facing and finding out for myself? Is it really that like something or is it that I have a memory experience of being validated/appreciated as external positive feedback that cause me to 'feel good' that makes me then like a specific thing?

 

So - lots more to walk and face within our Journeys to Life. It is TIME to face our true nature, our real beingness and from within that - change and correct. It's time to be aware, so absolutely, that we will never again, accept and allow ourselves to abuse and sabotage ourselves, others and existence as a whole.

 

 

I have to Say Something - Day 44

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to desire speaking when I'm in the presence of another human being and thus, I would look at my information and memory data base in my mind, for something relevant to say or talk about and instead of stopping and simply be HERE, breathing and being comfortable within myself in the presence of another and check Who I am at the moment and how I can assist and support myself with clearing myself and remaining here, I force myself to speak, to avoid the uncomfortably that I experience with silence when I'm in the presence of another.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself force myself to speak when I'm in the presence of another human being because I feel uncomfortable with silence and I haven't realized that the uncomfortably that I'm experiencing with regards to silence is because I have never been silent within myself and my human physical body, Here, within and as the breath and I have no idea how to move and direct myself within silence because as long as I live, there was always a movement, back chatting, inner conversation in my mind where silence and hereness was never part of the equation.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to be and become comfortable within myself and my human physical body because I have defined comfortableness through my mind, as experience that I can only have through having conversation either with myself in my mind or with other human beings and I haven't ever consider that the experience of being comfortable is based on energy participation instead of an physical expression.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear being judged as a boring person to hang out with when I'm remaining silent and not speaking much and thus, I forced myself to speak and be communicative and I haven't realized that in that moment, I'm being directed by my mind and that self judgment is my directive principle which raise the question: Who is than the being that speaks/communicate because obviously, it wasn't a decision that I have made to move and direct myself when I followed blindly after my mind and forced myself to speak.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have refused to see that I have never really been comfortable with myself within and as the breath because I've defined/judged/associated/connected/attached comfortableness and energy and thus, to be able to feel comfortable, I had either speak with myself or with another human being to generate energy.

I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to consider Physical Comfortableness with myself and my body when I'm with other beings because I've defined myself according to how others perceive me and thus, if I get positive feedback, I feel comfortable and when the negative feedback arrives, I would feel uncomfortable and yet, I have failed to realize that Who I Am as comfortableness isn't define by anyone but it is a physical expression that is equal to and one as Who I am.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to question/consider why is it that I require to go to my information/memory data in my mind to be able to communicate instead of simply breathe and speak what ever is Here with no previous preparations and within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to limited my expression to that which is in my information/memory data base in separation of me and haven't allowed myself to align to all that is here.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to relay and be dependent on my information/memory data base to be able to communicate and within that to limit and restrain myself to my mind instead of becoming a physical expression within my living application.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to desire speaking and communicate with people in my environment just for the sake of speaking because I've defined myself according to the feedback that I'm getting within the communication process and thus, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to search for a point to communicate about with the beings in my environment because I require the energy boost from them which I can get through their feedback and I have refused to see that who I am within the desire to speak is an energy addict that require a dose the energy drug to sustain myself and my personalities.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as an energy vampire to suck energy from the attention that I'm getting from other beings and thus, I experience myself as "I have to say something" because otherwise I won't be noticeable which is an important element for my personality survival.

I commit myself to stop looking and searching for conversation topics when I'm in the presence of other human beings and simply be Here, breath by breath.

I commit myself to stand in comfortability when and as I'm in the presence of other human beings because I realize that Who I am is not dependent of where and with whom I am

I commit myself to establish comfortablity within myself that is not defined according to thoughts, emotions, feelings
I commit myself to stop my inner conversation, back chat, thoughts that gave me the wrong impression of comfortableness and to stand as a physical expression of comfortableness that can be measured in every breath.

I commit myself to stop the energy consumption of my human physical body through the desire of feeling comfortable because I realize that comfortableness as a physical expression doesn't require any movement of energy but actually vice versa - physical expression of and as comfortableness is when there is no movement of energy and self is 'Here', breathing, equal to and one as the human physical body and all that exists.

I commit myself to stop following my mind in the attempt to find a point to speak about in my information/memory data base because I realize that when I'm following my mind, the directive principle is fear and self judgement which indicate that I'm not present, aware and attentive and essentially, not breathing.

I commit myself to stop existing as energy and become a living physical expression.
I commit myself to stop the habit of getting energy through the attention that I'm getting when I'm speaking and thus I stop the experienced of "I must say something" to draw attention and getting energy.

I commit myself to stop the dependency on the information/memory data base in my mind and simply be Here, present, attentive, aware and breath.

I commit myself to stop the vampire energy sucking to sustain the personalities that I've created and become a physical living being by walking breath by breath.