Can a Break-up be Controlled?–Day 417

Within this blog series, we are walking through the multiple dimensions of  the word 'Control' in how, without awareness, we direct our lives within the starting point of Control.
In the last blog post, we had a look at how through the fear of consequences as an experience of powerlessness, we try to control the outcome as an energy reaction, instead of applying basic common sense by supporting ourselves and others, so that we can self-honestly walk a correction process within the principle of 'Prevention is the best Cure'.

 

Within this blog, we will look at an example of relationship control, to see, realize and understand that as long as we move ourselves from the starting point of fear where we try to control the undesirable outcome, we are in fact limit and compromise ourselves as a living expression:

 

So imagine that you were in a relationship and your partner left you for another. The physical event is that the break-up is absolute, there is no way to return the wheel so to speak, there is no way you can get together again with your ex-partner, it's done, the relationship is over.

 

Now, this is obviously not the outcome we expected, and the event is not controllable from the perspective of we really cannot do anything to change the outcome. So we react, and become depressed, sad, frustrated or hateful and yet, hold onto hope that maybe, just maybe, the outcome would change lol.

The nature of the 'Hope' within that context would be the energy through which within ourselves, we want to control the outcome (change the outcome) because in our mind, we have created alternate reality with our partner, separate from ourselves and our partner and now the physical reality no longer support our illusionary reality that we so want to control.

Some will try to manipulate to achieve the desirable outcome by convincing themselves that they must get their partner back. Others would jump to the next relationship within the attempt to re-live the alternate reality they have created in their mind by replacing the picture of the ex partner with a new partner.

Some will give up on relationships overall because in their mind - if they can't be with the ex partner, they cannot be with any partner.

 

What none of us normally do is for a moment STOP, investigate and learn something about ourselves; see how can we expand ourselves and learn from the relationship, from ourselves within the relationship; questioning the alternate reality as a relationship we created in our minds; assessing whether the relationship was effective and supportive, what must we correct within ourselves to establish an effective relationship in the future; to investigate the Fears behind our want/need/desire to control the outcome of the relationship; why is it that we are so afraid to be alone; there is so much one can investigate and learn from one's past relationships if one will oneself to actually assist and support oneself.

 

The interesting this is that no one actually realize that with the relationship being done, a new window of opportunity opens where we can practically apply the necessary correction within oneself and thus, be able to establish a relationship that is based on agreement to assist and support oneself and each other to grow, expand and empower one another. So, within our desire to control just one specific outcome, we do not see how we limit and sabotage ourselves in walking just one desire outcome without even seeing that there is much out there that we haven't considered within and as ourselves. 

 

What we must become aware of is that as long as we desire to control the outcome of our next relationship, once we accept that the previous one is done is that we will change and mold ourselves to a personality that fits with a desirable outcome where we could have a sustainable / long term relationship. Here, what one is not seeing, realizing and understanding is that within the desire to control undesired outcomes, for instance, breaking up, one is willing to compromise and limit oneself to such an extent where one would completely change oneself and disregard one's value system, for the sake of having the desirable outcome of a relationship, as an idea that one had created in one's mind.

The fear of breaking up/being alone will be the directive principle of one's relationship and thus, to control the fear, one would "play the game" even if playing the game isn't what is best for oneself or for the other within the relationship.

 

This is an extreme example to show you what are we missing so long as we tie ourselves to only one expected/desirable outcome. Who knows how many opportunities to learn, expand and grow ourselves we disregarded because our desire to control the outcome which created a smoke screen upon the physical reality that blinded us from seeing what was here all along.

 

More in my next blog 

Can Life be Controlled? - Day 416

 

 

It is fascinating how we find ourselves in a state of Shock when things don't play out the way we expected it to be. State of Shock meaning, a reaction within ourselves where we miss a breath and go to our memory data base in our mind where we would either perpetuate our state of shock/reaction and direct ourselves and our environment based on emotions/feelings and in most cases create a conflict/frictions with others; or we would suppress our reaction within ourselves and find other ways and means to change the outcome to the outcome we originally expected to be played out.

 

What is interesting is that the more we suppress our reactions, the more we accumulate energy within us - the energy creates a smoke screen through which we cannot see what is physically here and thus, we cannot direct ourselves and/or our environment effectively. Furthermore, we haven't realized that what we are actually trying to do within ourselves is to Control the outcome, Control the people in our world, control our environment and fascinating enough, what we are not aware of throughout this all process is how we are controlled within ourselves through and as our mind. Lol

 

What I have found for myself is that my entire existence thus far was based on the 'need' to control specific outcomes and thus reacting within myself when the outcome wasn’t the one I expected/desired for.

Interestingly enough, I have found that I've been trying to control events/moments that are not controllable meaning, the moment/event is already absolute, there is no return from how the point played out, there is nothing that can be done to change the outcome and yet, within myself, still holding on to the point, within a reaction, instead of allowing myself to grow, expand and empower myself by allowing myself to learn from the event, realizing who I am in relation to the event and so forth.

 

In other instances, I would direct the point that didn't played out as how I would expect it to be, effectively; and yet, I would do it within and as energy, from a subtle reaction, from a starting point of control not realizing that I truly do not require the energy to move myself to direct a specific points and if anything, I may have seen others venues, directions that can be walked if I would first clear myself from the reaction as a need to control the outcome, looking at all the relationship involved, seeing what is physically presented and then, direct the moment/event/environment in stability and clarity.

For example, the other day I found out that someone did a mistake and I wasn't happy about it and immediately I went into a reaction within myself within the thought: "This is not acceptable, I should have known about it sooner". I couldn't see the reaction at first, I couldn't see that I'm trying to control these types of future outcomes in an ineffective ways because instead of looking and investigating the source of what led the being to make the mistake to practically support them to change their living application, I went to the direction of: "I must be informed about these stuff immediately". Retrospective - me knowing about it sooner won't change the outcome because I can only know about something after the event. Though, if I know about it sooner, I would be able to support the being to not make the same mistake again. So here, the direction I took of "I must know about it sooner" is valid from the perspective of understanding my responsibility of support though, my starting point wasn't of support, my starting point was of control. So here is an example for what I meant by saying that I may directed the point effectively but at the same time from the starting point of control, not realizing that my responsibility is not to control but to support within the principle of Prevention is the best cure. What I misunderstood within the context of prevention is the best cure is that I can only prevent a specific outcomes from occurring again if I walk my responsibility of support as without support, there is no prevention process in place.

 

Will continue in my next blog to expand on the point of controlling the outcome as I open up more dimensions for us to see the extent of us actually being controlled through the desire to control.