Can a world of Insanity be Normal? - Day 166

This is a continuation to:

Walking Breath by Breath - Part 1 - Day 160

Walking Breath by Breath - Part 2 - Day 161

Spiritualizing beings that had Died - Day 162

OMG, I'm so Special because I'm speaking with the Dead - Day 163

Cannot Conceptualize Equality in our Minds - Day 164

Coming Down to Earth - Part 1 - Day 165

 

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to Realize what NORMAL is and within that, had accepted and allowed myself to define this existence, the people, the mind, the suffering, the pain, etc. as Normal while the physical reality shows the exact opposite - that what we have defined as Normal thus far had result with INSANITY. In this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to attach/associate/define/connect to what should have been common sense understanding of what Normal is - Living Breath By Breath as the physical reality, directing and moving Self according to that which is best for all when and as one had will oneself to step out of one's mind - as some magical/divine powers; not seeing, realizing and understanding how I've separated myself from Normality through defining Normality within and as magical power so that I would NOT realize my own Power as the one who decide to walk as Normal as that which is best for all, breath by breath, step by step.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to align myself with society's definition to the word 'Normal' without ever questioning the definition in itself and thus, so blindly accepted a "Normal" world where people are fighting for their survival, dying from starvation, abusing themselves and each other by the name of "it is normal behaviour, it's human nature. I see now that 'Normal' is Norm-Al which means:

Norm=Principle

Al= in Hebrew it mean Superior/utmost.

Thus, Normal - is the utmost Principle.

We have thus far, regarding the utmost/superior principle that we live as and by within our self interest - disregarding anything and everyone and most often, ourselves as well.

When walking as the living word, within and as What is best for all - Normal is the Utmost/Superior Principle as that which is best for all. So to redefine the word Normal in alignment to what is best for all as a principle - Is walking through, by and as  a principle that is best for all in every breath, in every step.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to Define the existence of thoughts, reactions, emotions, feelings, desires, etc. as Normal because everyone else existing with and as thoughts, reactions, emotions, feelings, desires, etc. and to justify my acceptance and allowance of these components, I've stated that it's the Human Nature and accordingly, it's Normal. In this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that by accepting Normal as human nature striving for our self interest desires, I've accepted and allowed a world of abuse and suffering, where wars are justified, where Education is not accessible for all, where the unconditional earth resources has been privatized and only if you have money, you can get access to it. We are living in a "Normal world" but all around us are Insane human beings that cannot see and conceptualized Equality as a simple principles:  Love your neighbour as yourself and give as you'd like to receive

 

Coming Down to Earth - Part 1 - Day 165

This is a continuation to:

Walking Breath by Breath - Part 1 - Day 160

Walking Breath by Breath - Part 2 - Day 161

Spiritualizing beings that had Died - Day 162

OMG, I'm so Special because I'm speaking with the Dead - Day 163

Cannot Conceptualize Equality in our Minds - Day 164

 

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to follow the dream I had about my grandfather dying and instead of investigating the nature of the dream, how dreams works and functions, why are we dreaming and what happened to my physical body when I dream, I have blindly interpreted the dream as if I was some kind of special because I could sense my grandfather presences, sense his death and be connected with him while others couldn't and within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my responsibility to investigate my emotions and feelings, my starting point in accepting and allowing the emotions and feelings as myself, only because it give me some sort of powers, specialness and comfort, to sustain my own self interest desire to be MORE than everyone else.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to trust the dreams without investigating why and how we have dreams, who I am within the dreams and within that, why is it that dreams are existed while I'm sleeping wherein I am not consciously directing and moving myself within and as the dreams but rather, something else is moving and directing the dreams for me and from that perspective, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to take the existence of dreams for granted, as if this is normal because everyone dreams and I haven't taken the time to really investigate the point for myself to see the insanity of having dreams that are not direct and specific for me to utilize as a tool to assist and support myself in realizing myself but rather, accepting and allowing dreams to fuck with my reality, to form opinions and beliefs about is with not actual, physical ground to cross reference that which I perceive myself to understand within and as the dream.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to put so much emphasize regarding dreams and I haven't realized that if I require my mind to analyse and interpret the dreams, than it is best to let it go as I have no reference whether or not the point that I've seen is real or an illusion that I've created in my mind.

Note - 'Real' from the perspective of having physical cross reference as a principle that I accept and allow myself to live as best for all and 'Illusion' from the perspective of utilizing the mind to charge energy that would stand in alignment as my self interest desire for an experience.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create and establish an illusionary relationship with my grandfather as a coping mechanism to avoid facing my reality and in doing so, I haven't given myself the permission to stand, assist and support myself in directing and moving myself within and as my world and my reality and establishing an effective communication with physical human beings.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to develop and establish an illusionary communication with the dead because it made me feel protected, cared for and loved and I haven't seen, realized and understood that this communication is only happening within and as my mind and for this communication to exists, I must generate energy, enough to sustain my illusionary reality in my mind and therefor, I would go and seek for things that would charge the energy so that I could continue visiting my mind, be able to avoid the real and physical reality and when the energy dissolve and dissipate and accordingly, the communication can no longer exists, I would go and find resources to recharge myself to be able to again, utilize the energy to communicate with the dead.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the relationship between my mind and the physical wherein, because I couldn't cope with the physical reality or to be more specific, didn't have specific and supportive tools to utilize in facing the physical reality, I found comfort in remaining in my mind, communicating with my dead grandfather, hoping that he would assist and support me in changing the course of my life instead of me, becoming stable within and as myself, standing up in self responsibility and directing myself and my world within and as the principle of that which is best for all.

 

I realize that within the tendency of trying to analyse and interpreted a dream within the starting point of self interest desire to be defined myself as worthy, important, unique and special - the outcome would never be that which is best for all. And thus, I commit myself to - when and as I have a dream which I perceive to be so significant that I must get answers, and I must analyse the dream and find out what does it means - I stop, I breathe and clear myself from the energy possession through breathing and breathing and breathing and till I again stand clear and stable within and as myself.

Once I'm clear and stable within myself, I assess my starting point that initiated/triggered the energy possession of: "I must analyse and understand the dream, I must get answers". As I see within and as myself that the dimension of the character that I've created within myself, I move through all the dimensions.

When that point is clear, I move to the next point in assessing in self honesty whether or not this dream is relevant to that which I'm currently walking/facing/working through and if I could utilize the dream as a tool to assist and support myself in expanding further the points that I'm facing.

In that, I am not accepting and allowing myself to use my mind in the attempt of figuring out what the dreams means as I am only looking at the relevancy in terms of what practically I can assist and support myself within and through the dream.

 

I Commit myself to STOP placing so much value ad emphasize on dreams as if I'm receiving a divine message from the dead as I see, realize and understand that when and as I require my mind in understanding a point, it is no real self realization but most likely another mind fuck that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate with. In this, I extract from the dream only that which is obvious, clear and direct as a tool to assist and support myself in expanding myself. I see, realize and understand that there is nothing divine in dreams but quite to the contrary - when and as I'm not the directive principle in every moment of breath, what do I know? Oh oh, there is a problem, I'm not here and there is something else in separation of me that decides for me how to run my life  while I've been blindly giving my life force power away to be ran by a machine that present pictures, audio, images for me to preoccupy myself in it and in that, to never in fact, stand as the life/source/power, as the directive principle, in every moment of every breath.

 

I Commit myself to Show the relationship between fearing facing the physical reality `and the tendency to develop communication with the after life, as a coping mechanism that one is utilizing to assist and support oneself in avoiding one's reality and access one's mind where it is safe and sound because no one but self can be there.

 

In that, I commit myself to assist and support parents in having the require skills to assist and support their children in being capable and able to face and direct the reality and their mind in their relationship to the physical reality.

Cannot Conceptualize Equality in our Minds - Day 164

This is a continuation to:

Walking Breath by Breath - Part 1 - Day 160

Walking Breath by Breath - Part 2 - Day 161

Spiritualizing beings that had Died - Day 162

OMG, I'm so Special because I'm speaking with the Dead - Day 163

 

 

It is interesting how we give beings power to the extent of complete abdication of self responsibility.  I mean, even with Bernard, I have to keep reminding myself that he is not special and that he is a physical living human beings with no special powers and that the fact of the matter is that what he does, how he speaks how he lives is what is NORMAL however, I couldn't even conceptualized that NORMAL is living by a principle of that which is best for all.

 

I mean none of us have a real understanding of what best for all implies because if we had, we would not accept and allow ourselves to exists within and as an abusive world that is based on one's self interest for one's survival. Seriously, when I come to look at it - How we live, how we act, how we speak, react etc. that is not NORMAL - that is all automated reactions and behaviours that we have accepted and allowed within and as ourselves and it goes to the extent of which we cannot even SEE that Living Here, within and as the physical is what is NORMAL.

 

Like for example, we have defined as normal that our country doesn't really take care of us, that if one doesn't have enough money to invest in their children's education, it's ok, that's life - some times it good and some time it is not.  We have defined as normal that if something goes wrong in the other side of the world, we won't do anything about it because it isn't really bothering us, it is not our loved ones that we need to take care of. we have defined as normal that when  someone needs a kidney implant but one doesn't have money for a kidney, then one would die. We have accepted as normal that when one do not have medical insurance, one wouldn't get medical aid.

 

However, what IS normal is when everyone will get medical aid because they need it. everyone will have food on their table, because they need it. if I go across the world and require assistance or a place to sleep in, it is normal that someone will assisting me and take care of me because they can do that. That is NORMAL - life within equality and oneness is NORMAL but we cannot conceptualized that within our minds because our mind doesn't stand in alignment to that which is best for all. In that, there is nothing magical and powerful in walking as an example of that which is best for all, there is nothing special or powerful in walking with no Mind to direct and move oneself but rather, breath by breath self movement, Here, within and as the physical.

 

An interview that had assisted and supported me in opening up this point further is the Crucifixion of Jesus - Part 10.

 

What I'm seeing is that I've created throughout my life and specifically the spiritual phase was creating symbolism as to who one is when one is stepping out of one's mind. and in that, through spiritualizing the symbolism instead of walking and living as myself, that which was shown to me, I have perpetuated my own separation and in that, have not given myself the permission to practically and physically stand as equal to and one with the being that is walking as an example but instead, had gave the being powers (which I now see as simply Normal living application) within my own desire to be that special when I would also, walk and be done with my process. And being done with my process is also a point of separation because my process will not end until everyone's processes would end. But within me, all I had cared about is my own process, my own glorification within this process as the glorification that I've assign to Sunette and Bernard, my grandfather, Kryon, Guides and Angles.

 

Within this, instead of walking that which is shown to me, in very detailed and specific words, I've created them as something so MORE than me that if I could get it myself, I would be that MORE and others would see me as MORE and everything is but my own desire to always feel and be special; Instead of Practically, slow myself down, Hear and be Here, see their words within and as me and stand as them, equal, in simplicity so that I could assist and support myself and in that, assist and support others and in that - get the fuck out of our minds so that we could start LIVING within and as this physical reality, as NORMALS :-)

 

Ok, More to come.. Tomorrow.

OMG, I'm so Special because I'm speaking with the Dead - Day 163

This is a continuation to:

Walking Breath by Breath - Part 1 - Day 160

Walking Breath by Breath - Part 2 - Day 161

Spiritualizing beings that had Died - Day 162

 

When I had the dream about my grandfather lying on the metal silver bed, with a light on top of him, and I knew that he was dead - what was behind the dream? Where did I ever heard about such experience before, and if I haven't and it had emerged in the very first time, what was this dream all about? What did this dream gave me throughout my life in relationship with my grandfather in particular and all my relationships as a whole? And how through this dream, I've characterized myself from that moment onward?

 

Usually, when we do not understand something, we try to make sense out of it. the only way I could make sense of this dream was as if I've given a sign, as if my connection with my grandfather was so great that I was sensitive enough to see him in his death. In other words - I was special in my ability to sense my grandfather, I had a special relationship with my grandfather, more than anyone else, I was the special one, I was the chosen one, I was the favourite one.

 

Now, this happened long before 1998, when the connection between earth and the dimension was still open and fucking with one's life could easily be done. For more information regarding the relationship between heaven and earth before and after 1998 and before and after the Portal had opened, I suggest listening to the Journeys into the Afterlife interview series. 

What I have not realized until recently, that the dream was preprogrammed so that I could characterize myself as special through having the sensitive abilities which through that, I could remain special in my own mind, in my secret mind and create an illusionary reality that would be the foundation of my later on spiritual phase where I was almost completely fucked up if I wouldn't came across Desteni and could hear their message.

 

So obviously, I didn't question the nature of the Dream and my After Death Communication with my Dead grandfather because this entire experience gave me power, made me feel so absolute Special in comparison to my other family members, which was in essence, my own self interest desire for an experience that I could validate myself through, that I could worthy myself through and that I could empower myself through; only what I haven't realized was that the only thing that I've validated was my own mind, my own pre-programming that I've accepted and allowed myself to exists within and as.

 

Before and after my grandfather had died, the primary experience was of me being special, cared for and loved unconditionally by him and during my life, I was seeking and looking for these character that would give me the experience of being special, cared for and Loved unconditionally. Clearly, I wasn't able to conceptualized that I am here, regardless how others are giving me, or I never conceptualized what does it even means unconditional love and unconditional taken cared for in an existential level.

Later on, I have found more dead to spiritualize in my mind and that was when I became spiritual. All those powers and attributes that I've assign to them, in separation of me, gave me the experience of being so special. I mean, as a spiritual person, hearing the positive words in books and scripts was so powerful and divine. I was really sure that the divine Masters, Guides and Angles are taking care of me, are resonating through me, healing me and others as me. And again, I obviously didn't question their existence because why should I? I was so special in my own mind. it was the only place I could feel so loved and special and having a propose. What is interesting to see now is the polarized realities that I had within my mind where in for moments, I felt so divine and powerful and in the next moment, I was so alone, useless, unworthy and depressed. That in it self raise the question - are we all Schizophrenic in the context of the polarity that we exists as within and as our mind? the only difference is that l Schizophrenic beings had externalized their mind into words while the Normal being have the ability to filter their minds when it comes to speaking.

 

Ok, so I will continue tomorrow with How I've spiritualized Living beings in comparison to the dead. Thanks for reading.

The real truth about intelligence - Day 93

This is a continuation to:

I Think Therefore I am - Day 90

I Think, therefore I fucked this Existence - Day 91

I Think - Therefore I am Intelligent - Day 92

I commit myself to show that it is NOT thinking that allow us to exists, it is the very physical reality as interconnectedness relationships that allow me to exists. And that the fact of the matter is, that we, the human beings who are able to thinking are abusing and harming the life forces that gives us life by our deliberate ignorance within and as our starting point of self interest desire for MORE.

I commit myself to educate myself with regards to everything that is here in terms of how ALL works and functions and within that, sustaining the Balance within our interconnectedness that I've abused thus far through my deliberate ignorance and lack of responsibility which I've defined within and as my so called intelligent as I see, realize and understand that intelligent doesn't mean a thing but to empower my own EGO and has nothing practical whatsoever to sustain a LIFE that is best for all.

I commit myself to respect the life forms that gives us LIFE because I see, realize and understand that without it, we are all doomed and thus, this is a shout out to all that unless we stop the abuse of the nature and the animals with the establishment of the Equal Money System, it is inevitable that consequences will manifest; consequences that we could have stopped if we become self honest, educate ourselves and our environment and stand together as LIFE and create a LIFE that is best for all.

I commit myself to show that we have defined ourselves as intelligent because we born into Money that could buy us education to be able to defined us as educated and intelligent and that without Money, we wouldn't be able to defined ourselves as such.

I commit myself to stand up and shout out again and again, until the message will be clear and understandable for everyone - we are the KEY in making sure that ALL have Equal opportunity for LIFE, for Education, For health, for Food, for Water etc. if we dare ourselves to step out of our self interest characters and consider all Lives as Equals so that we can return to our Physical character and establish LIFE that is best for all in all ways possible.

I commit myself to support those who will walk the practical development and establishment of a new World Education system that will support all the children and parents in this world to be and become what they could always have been - effective Human Being that walk, move and direct themselves according to principles of what is best for all and within that, work together will all the life forms that gives us life in absolute interdependency and interconnectedness, in respect to one another so that abuse, harm and suffer will be no more. 

I Think, therefore I Fucked this Existence - Day 91

This is a continuation to:

I Think Therefore I am - Day 90

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from LIFE as who I am in oneness and Equality through THINKING and within that I've not Realized, Seen or Understood how I've fucked myself for eternity through thinking as I believed that Thinking is what keeps me alive, existing, without realizing that the nature of the belief originated from a THOUGHT that I've accepted and allowed as myself, in separation from myself and all that is here.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself as LIFE through accepting and allowing myself to THINK and I haven't realized that the very essence of thinking is what diminish LIFE as thinking can only exists within and as Energy and Energy is that very essence that consume the Physicality of my human physical body and the physical existence as a whole and within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize how I'm damaging and abusing the physical LIFE that is me, through thinking and that the fact of the matter is, that as long as I accept and allow myself to think and through thinking generate Energy, I make sure that LIFE will no longer exists as I accept and allow the energy to consume my physicality of my human body and this physical reality.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as the philosophy character in this world to divert the focus to the real matter that is Life as the physical reality through making the statement: "I think, therefore I am" and I haven't realized that within that statement, I'm trying to make the human being as more than life when it in fact not so because one cannot be more than who one is as LIFE and within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that within that statement, I've diminish the Life Source as who I am as I've attached, defined and connected thinking to my existence without realizing that the very thinking is that which consume the physical life until Life will cease to exists if I won't stand up as life as who I am and no longer accept and allow myself to think.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that when my Human physical body stop breathing, my existence as the I that I am now will cease to exists however, when I stop thinking, me as the I remain, exist. thus, it is not thinking that allow that which I am to exists, is the Human Physical body that allows my existence and yet, I keep abusing my human physical body through thinking as the thought integrate to my human physical body at eat my flesh till I am no more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that if the Flesh Body, that is One of the Dimensions of my Existence, Stops Breathing – the I as I Experience Myself Now, will End. Bernard Poolman

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that I was always the one who decide and my decision was never ONE and EQUAL to LIFE as my decision was to diminish myself as Life through my acceptance and allowance of Thoughts to exists within and as me.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to make the decision to stand as Equal to and One as ME as LIFE as I've decided, long long time ago, to diminish my existence at the very first moment that I've decided to separate myself from myself as life and THINK.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to give up within and as myself, within the belief that I cannot stop thinking because thinking is bigger than who I am, because apparently, I cannot stop the thoughts and I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT realize that I am the one who gave myself the permission to THINK. Because though thinking, I am able to experience all those good and positive things, my desires, my imagination, my fantasies and without having those ability to think, imagine, fantasize, I will not be able to fulfil my desires. And within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to give up on the desires despite of the fact that I've seen the self interest starting point of the desires that has nothing to do with that which is best for all lives equally and through not giving up my desires, I have given up on myself, as LIFE and have thus, directly and indirectly, have given up on existence as a whole because I've not fully understood and realize that unless I change, I accept and allow the world to continue as it is, as I've not understood and realized consequences, not understood creation, and not realized LIFE. And within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed the desire to not understand consequences/LIFE/Creation so that I could keep my desires and never change so that I won't have to give up on the I that I am, as multiple networks of personalities/characters; I won't have to become absolute self responsible and self honest and I won't have to let go of all that I define myself as.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to utilize thinking to compare, compete, spite, jealous and judge to maintain my own self interest as the desire to be MORE and I haven't realized that as long as I give myself the permission to think and within that compare, compete, spite, jealous and judge, I'm unworthy as a living being, I'm disrespectful to Life and my existence is meaningless and only cause harm, abuse and suffering.

I commit myself to Stop the thoughts through become Equal and One as the thought, as I see, realize and understand that for the thought to exists, I must give it permission and through becoming Equal to and one as the thought, I can let it go as the character that I created the thought from the get-go.

I commit myself to Stop the thoughts, one by one till it is done, and only I, as Life Remain.

I commit myself to show that thoughts in essence diminish LIFE as the Physical as it is consume the physicality of my human physical body through common sense equation  wherein, when I allow myself to loop around one thought pattern for an extensive period of time, Pain manifest within and as my human physical body that can be proven in specificity the relationship between the mind relationship to the physical as I've Supported myself many times through applying Self Forgiveness and practical corrective application till the pain was gone.

I commit myself to show, over and over again that thoughts are not the foundation of my existence but rather the physical reality as Breath that keeps my human physical body existing and functioning and thus, when you stop breathing, the body dies, when you stop thinking, you remain.

I commit myself and thus decide to STOP participating in thoughts as I've seen the consequences for myself internally and externally as this world is a constant reminder to what we have created in thoughts. And thus, I commit myself to STOP diminishing myself in and as thoughts, breath by breath.

I commit myself to show that thinking exists within and as self interest desires to maintain my definition of myself, as a networks of characters that I've defined and lived as, in separation of myself as who I am as LIFE and thus, I commit myself to Drop, LET GO and DELETE the desires that I've become equal to and one as in separation of me and to once and for all, EXISTS as EQUAL and ONE as LIFE that is BEST for all. 

I commit myself to show that in thinking we cause harm, abuse and suffering as our thoughts are being utilized to compare, compete, spite and judge within a self interest desires to be MORE than who we are and so long as thoughts exists, Abuse, harm and suffering exists.

More dimension will be walked in the next blogs to come.

Also read – I think, therefor I’m Fucked by Malin Olofsson

Trusting my experience - Day 63

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to trust my past memory experience within the belief that the past experience will repeat itself and according to the energetic charge that I've defined the experience as, I will either feel excitement (if the charge is Positive) or I will feel anxiety/fear (if the charge is negative) and I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that so long as I trust the experience and define Who I am as the experience, I am not living LIFE but rather living my perception of LIFE that is limited to the extent to how I've separated myself from myself and this world as a whole.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize how limiting it is to only defined myself according to a few feelings/emotions as a reflection to how I've defined the energetic charge such as: excitement or Anxiety/fear as positive and negative respectively, is just a minute and limited expression of who I am as LIFE within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that so long as I give permission to my mind to tell me how to experience any given moment according to the energetic charge of either positive or negative within and as a past memory experience, I'm not in fact LIVING.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that by holding onto the past memory experiences within an energetic charge, Positive or Negative, I'm limiting my moment to moment living self expression as who I am and within that, not accepting and allowing myself to Physically LIVE so long as I bound-to and prisoning myself within my own self created past memory experiences that control, enslave and direct my expression as Who I am.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize how the energetic movement within and as my human physical body changes and alters according to the memory experience that I've associated to any given moment meaning - if I experience positive energetic charge within me, there is a memory that is associated to the point I'm facing, a memory experience that I've defined as positive and if I experience a negative energetic charge within me, there is a memory that is associated to the point that I'm facing which I've defined as negative.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see how within my self, I trust that the a future experience  that I'm expecting to have will manifest exactly as I imagine/plan it to be and within that, not giving myself the permission to practically live as I leave a very small space to experience a real and physical experience than what I wish to experience as a self interest desire and thus, if things go well as expected, I will be satisfied and if something will go 'wrong' I will become frustrated and start to manipulate myself and my environment in the attempt to reach the experience that I've yarn for from the get-go.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to attempt and control an experience within any given moment without seeing, realizing or understanding all the relationships that are involved within my desire for an experience and within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that what I'm essentially trying to control is the relationships in my life through shaping, molding and manipulate the beings involved so that I could have my self interest experience manifest according to how I want to experience it and thus they must submit to my wants and needs and provide me with their presence MY experience and if they failed to give me what I want, I will end the relationship and start seeking after for the next relationship that will give me the experience that I'm looking/desiring for.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to trust the emotions/feelings within any given experience and I haven't seen the relationship between the experience and the energetic charge that is aligned/attached/connected with the experience and within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize how limited my expression is within any given moment through me attaching/aligning each and every moment to a past memory experience that I have defined within and as energetic charge, either positive or negative and accordingly, move and direct myself as the experience instead of walking breath by breath, here, and letting go energetic experience connection after connection until it is done.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have refused to give-up my trust in a mind energetic experience and to instead, establish self trust that is based on a practical physical realty within my breath by breath living application.

I commit myself to be attentive to any single energy movement within and as my human physical body - Positive and Negative and to investigate the origin/source/core of the energy movement as I see, realize and understand that any energetic movement is in direct relationship to an experience that I've defined myself according to, that is limiting my self living expression within and as the physical reality.

I commit myself to investigate each and every energetic experience that I've programmed myself throughout my life to define myself as and respectively, stop my participation within and as energy, Positive and Negative within a breath by breath process, until it's done and I'm absolutely aligned to the physical that consist of and exists as all that is here in oneness and equality.

I commit myself and give permission to myself to LIVE as who I am within and as my self expression and to stop dictating my life according to experience that I dearly trusted thus far and to instead, establish absolute self trust within and as myself in any given moment.

I commit myself to walk memory experience by memory experience within a process of self forgiveness in self honesty and to delete all association/definitions/connections that I've accepted and allowed within and as myself because I see, realize and understand that so long as I accept and allow the experience to tell me who I am and within that, abdicated my responsibility to move and direct myself breathe by breathe, I'm not in fact LIVING life that is best for all but rather attempt and try to live the LIFE that is best for me in absolute inconsideration to everything and everyone.

I commit myself to stop direct and move myself according to an expected experience and within that, stop existing within a polarity that is defined according to the velocity of the energetic charged that I've charged myself with.

I commit myself to face within myself, in writing the experiences that I've defined within a negative charge and have thus, tried to avoid and suppress the experience so that I won't have to face, investigate, correct and change because I see and realize that so long as I allow myself to avoid and suppress, I'm not in fact that directive principle of myself and my world as I'm bound to how the mind direct me, in separation of me.

Art Design – Sally Wiseman

The Death of Experiences - Day 58

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that when I hear another's past experience description, I associate the description with my own pre-program designs as the desires of energetic experiences and thus, come up with a conclusion of how I would experience the experience within myself to the extent to which I will allow myself to direct my life in the attempt to get the perceived experience  with no directive awareness of 'Who I am' in every moment of every breath.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that any experience that one is seeking and desiring for is due to one's past:  either through one's own past memory experience data base that one is holding onto or either for example, when one has heard another's description of an experience which then thus, one has associated it with one's own pre-program information data base, shaped and mould the experience within one's own frame of reference and eventually, imprinted the desired experience into one's flesh. Within that, I forgive myself that I haven't seen, realized or understood that those pasts memory experience imprints are controlling and enslaving our present and Future instead of us being the directive principle 'HERE' walking our living physical expression in every moment of every breath according to that which is best for all.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have failed to see that desire for an experience is always contain with self interest where one will first consider oneself and disregard everyone else as long as one can hold onto a momentary illusion of energy high, despite of the fact that once the energy high will fade away, one will remain with an unfulfilled experience of oneself and will immediately seek for the next self interest energy source to feed self with. 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that within my pursuit of self interest desires/experiences, I'm abdicating my responsibility to walk with and as myself breath by breath as a living expression of who I am with no strings attached to my past, present or future.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go the desire for an experiences because that is the only thing that I've known myself to be and I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to take a moment and test the point for myself and see who I am as an undefined expression of myself.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that 'who I am' as an accumulation of desires for specific types of experience is not a physical living  expression of LIFE but rather a zombified expression that is limited to a programed memory data base that I lived out in automation state with no directive awareness.

I forgive myself that I've not allowed myself to realized that who I am as energy is not real, it's not LIFE and unless I stop that illusion of me as energy desires for experience, nothing of me will remain when I die as energy can last for so long before it diminish.

“Unless the past pass over -- you will pass over before the past is over”  ~ Bernard Poolman

  (for further context, read this blog - Day 56: The Past is Over)

I commit myself to remain in breath when and as I hear another experience and to not accept and allow myself to drift off into my own mind in the attempt to associate that which I hear to my own memory data base and connect my inner desires to the word that I perceive I'm hearing, as well as, not accepting and allowing myself to imprint the discussion into my flesh as the desires that I have within and as myself and I therefore, support myself to stop creating and recreating  the desires as energy experiences within and as myself.

Within that, I commit myself to stand in breath when and as I'm communicating with other people and to not accept and allow myself to direct myself within the conversation through past memories data base but rather direct myself as who I am, as unconditioned/unlimited expression of myself.

I commit myself to stop the inner desires of energy experiences within and as myself and to rebirth myself as the physical expression of who I am that is not define in anyway according to Energy. and to do that, I commit myself to investigate the creation of myself as energy experience through looking at why/where/when/how I've lost myself to energy and accordingly walk the correction through self forgiveness application in self honesty.

I commit myself to transform my inner self interest desires to practical and physical action which support everything and everyone within and as the principle of that which is best for all and those actions can be cross reference and measured according to the affect/outcome.

I commit myself to for give myself an eternal LIFE that is Physical, constant and infinite by investigating every aspect of me that I've defined according to energy experience, let it go, correct my living application through a process of self forgiveness in self honesty.

The Secret War between Women - Cat fights - Part 5 - Day 57

This is a continuation to:

The Secret War between Women - Overview - Day 52

The Secret war between Women - the Childhood years - Part 1 - Day 53

The Secret War between Women starts at home - Part 2 - Day 54

The Secret War between Women - Mother Daughter relationship - Part 3 - Day 55

The Secret War between Women - Daughter in War with Authority - Part 4 - Day 56

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have refused to see that the War between Women in the nature of Jealousy can only exists when one defined oneself according to Energy that can be measured wherein the velocity of jealousy will be determined by the degree that one defined oneself as energy - if one defined oneself as unworthy/inadequacy the velocity of Jealousy towards other women will be sever and when one define oneself as worthy/adequacy the velocity of the Jealousy towards other will be mild.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have refused to see that Jealousy can only exists within an energy experience according to how one defined oneself as Energy - either as worthy or unworthy will be the determination of the velocity level of Jealousy.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have refused to see, realize and understand that Jealousy manifests when one defined oneself according to an experience of oneself as a personality  and when one perceive one's personality/experience to be threaten by another women, Jealousy is activated as a protection mechanism to protect one's from losing one's experience that one as defined oneself as.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see how jealousy is motivated by self hate wherein, the energy velocity that one will face within oneself and one's world will be determined by the velocity of one's self hate that one is experiencing within oneself.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the extent to which jealousy exists in one's inner experience of oneself is determine according to how much energy as backchat one has accumulate throughout one's life wherein, when one defined oneself as worthy, the jealousy will be in the nature of validating one as superior/ more than the other woman and when one defined oneself as unworthy, the jealousy will be in the nature of spitefulness towards the other woman.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that Women friendship relationships are based according to a pre-program experience that one desire to have and in essence, one will use another women as an Energy host as the carrier of the experience that one is seeking/pursuing in separation of self and will thus, create and manifest a co-defendant energy relationship to feed oneself constantly and continuously with Energy within the friendship relationship.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that when one feels threaten that the energy that one feeds from, from the other woman will be diminished either through when the other woman moves to another source of energy feed or either when the other woman is using more energy from another energy source and thus the equilibrium of the energy co-dependent feed  is at risk, one will access Jealousy in the nature of spitefulness within the desire to diminish and get back at other woman because she has upset the equilibrium of the co-dependent energy feeds cycles.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have refused to see that when the co-dependent women friends relationship energy feed is damaged when the attention that one of the parties towards the other party drops for example if one of the parties moves away and create a new relationship either with a female friend of a male, one will experience the energy feed to be threatened due to lack of attention that one required for one's energy fix and one will thus then, compound resentment and jealousy towards the other woman's new relationship creation internally as well as externally.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have failed to realize the competition for energy experience that one desire for as a pre-program design wherein one's self interest will kicks in no matter who is on the way and thus, for example, when 2 women are fighting for the attention (energy experience) from a man, they would become nasty and evil within their secret mind towards the other woman in the attempt to validate and justify why they deserve to get the energy experience and not the other; and in some cases, the internal conversation will externalized to a physical action - cat fight.

I commit myself to supporting myself with investigating all the dimensions of how, when, where and why I've lived out the design of the desire for energy experience that I've participated throughout my life and within that, missed the actual LIVING expression of myself and thus, I commit myself to stop all desires for energy experiences  and accordingly walk the practical correction breath by breath, letting go self interest energetic desires and become Life that is best for all in fact.

I commit myself to show why and how the jealousy component manifests as outflow when one do not receive the pre-programed design as desire for energy, which is imprinted  in the first 7 years of one's life and than lived out as one's experience of oneself and therefor, when one feels that the energy experience is threaten, one will activate and access jealousy towards those that are threatening one's experience according to one's perception of one's reality.

I commit myself to show that Jealousy can only exists when and as one defined oneself according to energy experience and the velocity of Jealousy can be measured according to the accumulation of backchat that one as allowed oneself to participate with throughout one's life.

I commit to show that energy manifests when the pre-program desire for an energy experience doesn't meet with the physical reality and thus, I commit myself to stop the vampire desire for energy experience feed from within me and share in details how I've assisted and support myself and thus, stand as an example for others.

I commit myself to establish interdependent relationships in my life that are NOT based on dependent energy feed from one another and I commit myself to show how we've thus far, created and manifested co-dependent relationships to feed off each other's energy within the belief that who we are is Energy and without energy, we cease to exists.

I commit myself to stop Self Hate to the extent of which I required to Win in the secret competition with  everything and everyone for a momentary energetic reward experience to balance my energy levels that I've defined myself as.