This is a continuation to:
Walking Breath by Breath - Part 1 - Day 160
Walking Breath by Breath - Part 2 - Day 161
Spiritualizing beings that had Died - Day 162
Usually, when we do not understand something, we try to make sense out of it. the only way I could make sense of this dream was as if I've given a sign, as if my connection with my grandfather was so great that I was sensitive enough to see him in his death. In other words - I was special in my ability to sense my grandfather, I had a special relationship with my grandfather, more than anyone else, I was the special one, I was the chosen one, I was the favourite one.
Now, this happened long before 1998, when the connection between earth and the dimension was still open and fucking with one's life could easily be done. For more information regarding the relationship between heaven and earth before and after 1998 and before and after the Portal had opened, I suggest listening to the Journeys into the Afterlife interview series.
What I have not realized until recently, that the dream was preprogrammed so that I could characterize myself as special through having the sensitive abilities which through that, I could remain special in my own mind, in my secret mind and create an illusionary reality that would be the foundation of my later on spiritual phase where I was almost completely fucked up if I wouldn't came across Desteni and could hear their message.
So obviously, I didn't question the nature of the Dream and my After Death Communication with my Dead grandfather because this entire experience gave me power, made me feel so absolute Special in comparison to my other family members, which was in essence, my own self interest desire for an experience that I could validate myself through, that I could worthy myself through and that I could empower myself through; only what I haven't realized was that the only thing that I've validated was my own mind, my own pre-programming that I've accepted and allowed myself to exists within and as.
Before and after my grandfather had died, the primary experience was of me being special, cared for and loved unconditionally by him and during my life, I was seeking and looking for these character that would give me the experience of being special, cared for and Loved unconditionally. Clearly, I wasn't able to conceptualized that I am here, regardless how others are giving me, or I never conceptualized what does it even means unconditional love and unconditional taken cared for in an existential level.
Later on, I have found more dead to spiritualize in my mind and that was when I became spiritual. All those powers and attributes that I've assign to them, in separation of me, gave me the experience of being so special. I mean, as a spiritual person, hearing the positive words in books and scripts was so powerful and divine. I was really sure that the divine Masters, Guides and Angles are taking care of me, are resonating through me, healing me and others as me. And again, I obviously didn't question their existence because why should I? I was so special in my own mind. it was the only place I could feel so loved and special and having a propose. What is interesting to see now is the polarized realities that I had within my mind where in for moments, I felt so divine and powerful and in the next moment, I was so alone, useless, unworthy and depressed. That in it self raise the question - are we all Schizophrenic in the context of the polarity that we exists as within and as our mind? the only difference is that l Schizophrenic beings had externalized their mind into words while the Normal being have the ability to filter their minds when it comes to speaking.
Ok, so I will continue tomorrow with How I've spiritualized Living beings in comparison to the dead. Thanks for reading.
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