About a year ago, I wrote the blog Inadequacy, failure and self judgement - part 1 - Day 30 where I dealt with comparing myself to someone who I perceived to be more effective than me, better than me and through comparing myself to this person, I defined myself as inadequate and a failure as a point of extreme self judgement and sabotage. These are some of the commitment I have written down in that specific blog:
"I commit myself to stop comparing my process to other being processes as I realize that I'm walking my own process that has nothing to do with other people.
I commit myself to stop defining myself according to other people."
In the past month, I started walking a new journey that requires my full attention, focus and responsibility and within that, I had to realign my time, adjust myself to different working hours and to still manage to walk through my previous responsibilities. Obviously, I got all the support I required to walk this point as effective as possible and the only point that I wasn't consistent as much as I would like to was my daily writing. I found myself struggling with this point because practically and physically, I could have spend another hour to do my writings but instead, I justified for myself that it has been a long day and I should go to rest now. And you know, there were days that I only slept 3 hours so here, I'm perfectly ok with not having my writing done as I must also take care of my physical human body and get it to rest but there were also other days where I could write but instead, I justified for myself that it has been a long day and it's cool to instead watch one episode of a TV series for instance. Here is where I found myself in an inner conflict where my desire to take a moment to watch something override common sense and my own commitment of walking in every moment according to what is best for all and within that, having my writing done is a point I define as best for all as it is the ultimate self support I am able to gift to myself and through which, I expand my moment to moment stability so that I can stand as a pillar of support for others.
So, last night, it was one of these days where I wanted to justify for myself why it is ok that I won't follow my own commitment of daily writing but instead, take the time for entertainment. But in self honesty, I couldn't pull it through by accepting my own justifications and limitation and thus, I decided to look at the person I compared myself to a year ago from the perspective of seeing the example this person is standing as, what can I learn from this person and how can I practically support myself in walking the time line that made this person effective within themselves. As I looked at the point, I realized it is all about a decision one is making within oneself and within that, the decision to walk one's own self commitment, self will and dedication in any given moment. From here, all I had to do was to breath in, breath out, make a stance within myself and walk my commitment of daily writing. So yes, if it means that I won't get to entertain myself for a while to ensure that my commitment to myself is met then so be it because at the end of the day, I have to live with myself and personally, I prefer living by knowing that I've done everything possible to make a change within myself and this world and I mean, we have only one life to do so, so why not make the best (for all) out of it?
This is a simply example of how to transform destructive competition and comparison between oneself and another into a point of constructive application. When one compare oneself to another, all it means that another is standing as an example of what one perceives oneself as lacking and so, with a decision and practical application, one is able to utilize the example of another and walk the necessary steps to become the point one would previously saw oneself as lacking, inadequate and/or a failure and to accordingly, expand, empower and grow oneself into a being that is trustworthy through a practical and physical application.
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