It all started last week when we had a power cut for 3 days and I couldn't participate with my regular daily responsibilities which caused a lag throughout this week, after the power came back. I'm still pushing to catch up on all the points but I haven't got to everything because my normal routine is quite hectic in itself and to add to this 3 days of no work is almost impossible but absolutely doable.
Yesterday, around the evening, the possession started kicking in but I was so busy that I couldn't find a moment to investigate it properly. I had an idea of what it is all about but I haven't made the directive decision to in fact step out of it but instead, decided to suppress it for a moment without considering the consequences that would manifest with such deliberate suppression.
I woke up today in tremendous irritation to the extent of reacting to whom ever was in my direct view. It didn't take long to see that the possession is now very much defined and has to do with self validation.
In my mind, I started to Compare myself to others, trying to justify why I should feel sorry for myself and how unfair it is that I don't have a moment for myself for more than a week. I blamed myself for the decisions that I made throughout the week and the Extra Responsibilities that I took on. When I realized that I'm busy comparing, I directed myself to STOP but, it came up again. And so I stopped again, and it came up again. It was round about 3-4 hours until I could STOP in a moment of absolute decision to stop.
I reminded myself that I've seen this character before, that I've walked the entire personality system in specificity and thus, it was time to apply the Practical corrective application and to literally Stop. But it didn't stop because I've missed a point/layer within this personality which is Competition for Self Validation.
Have a look at how manipulative is this design -
When I compared myself to others, I was actually competing with Others in my mind in looking at who is better than me, who is lesser than me; Who is Superior to me and who is Inferior to me; in that, I could place me on a polarity scale and stand in a position of being MORE than and accordingly, secretly accept myself as worthy. It was such a secret that I it didn't even make me feel better lol - I was still irritated, angry and frustrated.
(The story of how I practically assisted and supported myself to step out of the repetitive thought pattern will be shared in blogs to come as I see now that there is more to investigate and I require deep self introspection, which I will first walk for myself, in making sure that the pattern is in fact deleted and I haven't created another entity for myself.
What I am able share today is some rhetorical questions that I asked myself through which I could see the stupidity that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate with.
So I asked myself: how is it possible that you have placed yourself as more than in your own mind and yet, it didn't change the internal experience? What worth does superiority has if inside, I feel like shit, irritated, angry and frustrated? What does it shows about WHO I AM if and when I accept and allow myself to only validate me through competing and comparing myself to others? What does the back chat expose about my starting point of what I do as Who I am?
The reason why I used the word 'Rhetorical' is because the answers to these questions are very clear to me. The Real Questions that I'm yet to answer to myself in self honesty are WHY and HOW it is that I didn't stand as the directive principle, as a decision, as breath and STOP the participation in the thought pattern the first moment I saw myself accessing this time loop?
I'm aware and understand that there are Mind Systems that works in the background and support the possession that I was in. fine. I cannot use it as an excuse though and I will not justify myself through the systems because who if not me were the one who accepted and allowed such systems in the first place?
So, this blog is not the end of the story but the tip of the iceberg. It is up to me now to make sure I walk through this point because I really had enough from me repeating the same patterns that do not support myself and others in any way whatsoever.
So stay tuned as I commit myself to further expand on this point, first with myself and when I have absolute clarity, I'll share.
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Note, the Mind system that I was referring to can be studied by listening to: Quantum Mind - Self Awareness - Part 43 that was done yesterday, along with Quantum Systemization Repetitive Thought-Pattern Control System - Part 13
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