How one THOUGHT can influence the course of your Life - Day 508

A point opened up today when talking with a friend about how one single thought, during the formative years, can influence the way we move and direct ourselves in our reality. It is interesting how us grownups, do not take into consideration how our words and deeds influence the people around us and especially children, who takes in the information so literally and make instant decisions about who and what they are accordingly.

This can be anything from - "why are you so slow in doing your homework" where the child now believes that society sees them as slow learners and this is now how they define themselves as who they are; or - "look at this girl, she dance so funny" where the child now realizes that when you place/express yourself in public, you will be judged by others and so you need to really be self-conscious about every move you make to make sure you give no reason for anyone to judge you - Here a potential decision that the child may make is to limit and contain their natural self-expression within the fear of being judged by others; another example - "look at your brother, how successful he is, I am so proud at him" where the child now feels that they must compete with their siblings so that the parent won't be disappointed with them and now the child will decide to suppress their natural skills and only work with what they believe would make their parents happy with them.

I've been looking at my own reality and how through one single statement that was spoken to me when I was a child, I made it so absolute in my mind to a point of suppressing my natural expression in public. I remember as a child how much I enjoyed dancing and I never had issues with dancing around other people, performing and participating in shows until one day where I was watching dancing performance that my friends participated in and my brother was sitting next to me and made a negative remark about one of the girl's dancing ability and in that moment, a thought came up - "what if other people were also judging how I danced". It was the first time that I actually considered the possibility of people judging the way I danced.

From that moment onwards, I developed a high sense of 'self-conscious' thought pattern when I was around other people - I didn't want to dance, I didn't allowed myself to sing - things that I really enjoyed expressing, I believed that I could no longer do/express. Every time the opportunity to sing and specifically dance came up, the memory of that day where my brother judged my friend's dancing ability came up, as a reminder that I must not express myself in public if I don't want people to judge me.

Fascinating enough, when no one was around and I was all alone - I would secretly put on the music and dance. It is quite ridiculous if you think about it - me naturally enjoying to express myself through dancing and yet, allowing one thought memory to influence me to such an extreme where I believed I cannot express myself through dancing when people are around.

Later on in life, going out clubbing with friends became part of my reality but to me.. That was a nightmare - I just couldn't dance - this one thought, about the possibility of people judging me like how my brother judged that girl, prevented me from expressing myself through dancing. My friends pushed me to dance and the more they pushed, the more I resisted dancing because now, if I dared and danced, all the eyes would have been on me and the possibility of me being judged was on the line. The only way I could get myself to dance was by having lots of alcohol so that if anyone judges me, I could blame the alcohol. So for couple of years, I danced and hit the dancing floor lol but, under the influence of alcohol so in essence, I wasn't really expressing myself but allowed the alcohol to take the directive sit of my expression whereas even under the influence of alcohol I was very much self-conscious about my dancing movement and the people around me.

As I grew up of the alcohol and clubbing scene, I decided to stop having alcohol completely and without alcohol, I stopped going clubbing because I believed there was no point to it meaning, I knew I will not dance without alcohol.

Couple of years after, my roommate insisted that I come with her to a party and obviously, I refused but she kept on pushing because she knew how much I enjoyed dancing as she was the only one I shared my secret dancing sessions with and every so often we played music in our house and 'secretly' danced.

With her pushing me to come with her when she went out I eventually did go dance with her one night and with her support, I danced, still very much restricted because now, in my mind, I had to also let go of the connection I created previously between alcohol and dancing. After couple of years and lots of Self-Forgiveness in investigating all the lines of information, emotions, feelings, pictures and memories that I created in my mind, I reached the point where I allowed my natural expression to come through around other people where I no longer have that thought memory from my childhood governing who or how I express myself.

So parents and adults, It took me over 20 years to move past the point from when my brother made that remark to where I am able to fully express myself in dancing. We really have to be aware of the words we speak around the children, to be aware of the influence we have on their life within the decisions that they make, based on what they hear or observe us doing. If you haven't already, I suggest listening to 'Parenting - Perfecting the Human Race' to support you with preventing such moments that can lead to your child making life decisions they would rather live without.

Singing Expression - Self Commitments - Day 108

This is a continuation to:

Suppressed Expression Character - Day 101

Suppressed Self Expression - The beginning of the End - Day 102

Singing Expression Character - Day 103

The Shyness Character - Day 104

The Shyness Character - Self Forgiveness as the parent - Day 105

The Shyness Character - Self Commitments Statements - Day 106

Singing Expression - Self Forgiveness - Day 107

I commit myself to SHOW that one of the dimension of suppressed Expression character within and singing, is the creation of the Shyness character which one have created through the acceptance and allowances of Past Memory Experience that one has stored in one's mind.

I commit myself to SHOW how we store picture inside our mind and how through those pictures, we make the decision of who we are in any given moment as automated compute characters without seeing, realizing and understanding that within that atomization of ourselves, we are not really Living within and as the physical reality but rather, living within an illusionary reality where we allow abuse and suffering of ourselves and each other as a protection mechanism that is based on self interest desire for an experience as energy. In this, I commit myself to SLOW myself down to be able to identify the pictures that I've stored in my mind as I see, realize and understand now the consequences of my permission to create myself as a picture in my mind and how through those pictures, I'm diminishing and suppressing who I am as a physical living being. And accordingly, when and as I see a picture in my mind, I identify the picture, investigate the origin of the picture and through a process of self forgiveness, I delete the picture and stand HERE, Breathing

I commit myself to When and As I see myself participating in comparison, to STOP, BREATHE and no accept and allow myself to follow the comparison thoughts as I see, realize and understand exactly where the thoughts will lead me - towards a stupidity cycle where I will utilize the comparison thoughts, to become jealous at others, to judge myself and through the negative energetic charge, attempt to raise my energetic vibration through becoming spiteful towards others in my mind, to elevate myself and as I'm now in the positive energetic charge, the diminishment character will step in and take me back to the negative charge. And so, as I see clearly the energetic cycle that can only exists when and as I allow comparison to be my directive principle, I STOP, and no more accept this shit as me. Till here no further.

I commit myself to stop jealousy towards anything and anyone within and as myself because I see, realize and understand that those whom I jealous at, have walked a process of perfecting their skills and accordingly, standing as an example that anything is possible if one will dare oneself to invest the time in oneself, to practice, educate and improve oneself within and as this space/time reality.

I commit myself to SHOW that when and as we accept and allow ourselves to suppress our expression as who we are, we are in fact sabotaging our human physical body because when we are busy with suppressing who we are, when we are busy walking as characters, there are changes and movement within and as the  physical, movement that create pressure on the physical organs, which we take for granted as if it is normal because we have slow ourselves down to see the consequences that we are accepting and allowing within and as our human physical body.

I commit myself to stop placing Value in what others think or say about me because I see, realize and understand now how the mind works and functions a character upon character creations that one is creating to maintain and sustain one's own desire for an experience and thus, I give myself the permission to express myself as who I am, in any given moment; I give myself the permission to direct and move myself according to what is here, what is practically and physically available in this physical reality; walking according to what will be the utmost effective support for myself and others within the Equality Equation.

I commit myself to SING as me as self expression and to stop my own self judgement based on comparison, and values that I've placed in separation of myself. I commit myself to stop the Shyness Character when and as I sing and thus, I move through the character, I let go of the my own judgement, I let go of the fear of how others will see/think of me. I give myself the permission to STAND as who I am, as self expression and ENJOY myself.

Singing Expression - Self Forgiveness - Day 107

This is a continuation to:

Suppressed Expression Character - Day 101

Suppressed Self Expression - The beginning of the End - Day 102

Singing Expression Character - Day 103

The Shyness Character - Day 104

The Shyness Character - Self Forgiveness as the parent - Day 105

The Shyness Character - Self Commitments Statements - Day 106

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create the Shyness Character when and as I'm about to move myself and sing, as self expression, here, and I haven't realized that the Shyness Character that exists according to past memory experiences, is the character that I've abUSEd to diminish and suppress my expression within and as singing and thus, so long as I accept and allow the shyness character to dictate who I am and Self expression, I'm not in fact a physical living human being but rather an automated organic robot that works and functions based on past memory experiences.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to hold onto a picture in my mind of standing in front of an audience, on a small stage, Immobilized, frozen and hell scared and anxious and I haven't realized that as long as I hold onto this picture, I will not move myself and express myself in singing, as who I am within and as breath and in this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see my starting point with creating and holding on to this picture in my mind, and how I've (ab)USEd this picture to suppress myself, as self expression.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to compare my singing skills to others and within that, created an idea that only those who are capable of singing "beautifully", according to my eye's view, can sing out loud in public and those who didn't develop these skills, are better off singing only to themselves where no one can hear them and within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create an idea in my mind, of what is a valid singing and what is not and through this idea, I've participated in Comparison in my mind, of myself to others and others towards myself as the idea in my mind, not seeing, realizing and understanding that this idea that I used to compare with, is the stumbling stone that I've set forth for me to suppressed my expression within singing.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to experience jealousy towards those who are freely singing and within that, I haven't seen the process that they have walked to perfect their skills, the time they invested in practicing and thus, I haven't considering the step to step process that those people have walked to perfect themselves; instead, I've accepted and allowed myself to immediately go into reaction as jealousy, not seeing, realizing and understanding that instead of investing my time in creating jealousy within and myself, I can walk the space time process of improving and establishing my singing skills through the example of others.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to continue suppressing my own self expression and within that, deliberately ignore my body as the experience of discomfort in my entire physical body and specifically in my throat and front thighs as they all of a sudden constricted when and as I'm suppressing my physical movement as singing expression and not giving me the permission to sing;  in this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how I'm accepting and allowing myself to abuse myself as my human physical body, when and as I accept and allow programs/characters to automated run and decide for me who I am in every moment because I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realized that those programs/characters can only exits because I'VE created them as ME, as my own Decision to diminish and suppress myself as life that is Here in any given moment and through not seeing the physical changes, I allow my human physical body to be stressed and constricted which put pressure on my human physical organs and in essence, sabotage my body's systems.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create the Supressed Singing Character within and as myself because I believed that if I would, I would be able to fit in with specific groups of people that think it is uncool to sing and I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realized what they have accepted and allowed within and as themselves as the Suppressed singing character and in addition, created the: "I'm so cool" character to hide the fact that they are accepting and allowing themselves to suppress who they are. However, because I haven't accepted and allowed myself to investigate the character creations within and as myself, I've copied their character as equal and one as me. Within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to trust who I am in every moment of every breath as the expression of who I am and accordingly, have accepted and allowed myself to create myself as characters to be able to be accepted and validated in my environment, not seeing, realizing and understanding the consequences of my doing - becoming automated organic robot that works and functions in absolute ignorance of who I am as Life that is here.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to direct and move myself according to how my environment sees me and accordingly make the decision to suppress myself because I've placed value in other people's opinions, thoughts, judgements and haven't accepted and allowed myself to move and direct myself according to what is here, as the physical reality, but rather, accepted and allowed myself to move and direct myself according to the illusionary reality of and as the mind of myself and others.

 

Also read:

The Self Diminishment Character - Day 94

They are Better than me, I'm so fucked up - Day 95

Taking responsibility for my creation - Day 96

The Shyness Character - Self Commitments Statements - Day 106

This is a continuation to:

Suppressed Expression Character - Day 101

Suppressed Self Expression - The beginning of the End - Day 102

Singing Expression Character - Day 103

The Shyness Character - Day 104

The Shyness Character - Self Forgiveness as the parent - Day 105

As well as:

This is a continuation to the Blog post:

The Self Diminishment Character - Day 94

They are Better than me, I'm so fucked up - Day 95

Taking responsibility for my creation - Day 96

I commit myself to SHOW that it is possible to understand and see how our children creates their characters that will become an automated expression of themselves as they grow older through firstly get to know ourselves as our characters that we have created for ourselves, walk through the character with the assistance and support that was shared in Earth's Journey to Life blog: Day 51: Moving through my characters and once we have seen how we have created our characters, we could stand as a support for our children and walk them through their own self change to rebirth themselves as LIFE as who they are.

I commit myself to SHOW that the Shyness Character is a defence mechanism for one to not face one's reality wherein one would utilize the past memory experience of feeling safe and guarded by the parents when one was clinging to one's parent's legs and thus, we associated the experience of safety and guarded with Shyness and accordingly, accessing ourselves as the mind, when we feel threatened by our environment.

I commit myself to SHOW that it is our responsibility as parents and future parents to stand in absolute stability, self honesty and self trust in every moment of every breath so that our application, of who we are as LIFE that is best for all, will set the example for those who would come after us; to give them a chance to be and become an effective human being in this world; give them a chance to express themselves as who they are without multiple characters that would dictate them who and what they should be to survive in this world.

I commit myself to SHOW how we imprint memories and integrate them into our flesh and accordingly, we live as a memory, not fully aware of ourselves and existence as a while and thus, so long as we live and exists within and as a memory, we are not LIFE in fact, we are not our directive principle as LIFE that is best for all and thus, I commit myself to assist and support myself to delete the multiple characters that I've created through memories integration, and to stand as a support for others, through my writings, so that eventually, we could all step out of our characters, and stand up as LIFE, create our LIFE within and as principle that is best for all.

I commit MYSELF to stop following the Shyness Character that I have created and become and accordingly, when and as I see myself accessing the Character, I slow myself down, Breathe, move through the backchats, emotions and feelings, move through the physical resistance and give myself the permission to simply be HERE, express myself as who I am and to no longer accept and allow myself to diminish myself through utilizing the Shyness Character that would bind me to a stupidity loop of self limitation, self sabotage and self compromization.

I commit MYSELF to STOP and STOP and STOP comparing myself to everything that exists because I now see, realize and understand that unless I compare, my character won't have energy to exists. I see, realize and understand now how I've trapped myself into and as multiple characters through comparing and competing with others as I've not gave myself to permission to TRUST who I am in every moment of every breath; I've NOT gave myself the permission to expand, grow and empower myself from the example of others because I was busy comparing myself to them.

I commit myself to INVESTIGATE and IDENTIFY the Inferiority Character that I've become through a process of writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Commitment Statements.

I commit myself to PUSH myself from my mind and into the physical and to REBIRTH myself as the Physical, as who I am, as LIFE that is here in every breath.

I commit myself to INVESTIGATE and IDENTIFY the Blaming Character that I've created and become through a process of writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Commitment Statements.

I commit myself to a Process of Discovering myself as EXPRESSION of Life as who I am through Identifying the multiple characters that I've created to trap myself inside my mind, inside my human physical body through investing the time in myself, by committing myself to writing, until I'm clear of characters/personalities, until I'm HERE, as Life that is best for all.

The Shyness Character - Self Forgiveness - Day 105

This is a continuation to:

 

Suppressed Expression Character - Day 101

Suppressed Self Expression - The beginning of the End - Day 102

Singing Expression Character - Day 103

The Shyness Character - Day 104

 

As well as:

 

This is a continuation to the Blog post:

The Self Diminishment Character - Day 94

They are Better than me, I'm so fucked up - Day 95

Taking responsibility for my creation - Day 96

 

*note - the following Self Forgiveness's was part of a process that I've walked within this blog. please read through till the end to see what I've realized about the following statements and how I've corrected myself in self honesty.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as a parent in this world to glorify, satisfied, validated, accepted, enjoyed my child's expression of shyness between the age of 1-4 because I felt that my child feel safe and protected in my harms and that feeling made me feel like a good and caring parent and I haven't realized that because of my self interest desire for an experience of glorification, satisfaction, validation, acceptance and enjoyment, I've abdicated my responsibility as a parent in this world, to support my child to be and become and effective human being in this world and instead, I've assisted and supported my child to develop and evolve into and as a shyness character that the child will utilize the character as the child grows older, to hide from the physical reality by going into one's safe spot in and as one's mind through the association of being protected within the parents' harms without being able to see, realize and understand the difference between the physical reality and the illusionary reality.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as a parent in this world, to define my child's expression as Shyness because I had no clue of how to see the expression for what it is, to see that my child is making the steps to develop oneself into and as characters and so, through telling my child: "oh, you are so cute when you're shy; oh, are you shy? ; don't be shy " I have in that moment, assisted and supported my child to infuse oneself into and as one's flesh as memory that would later on, will become a separated entity, as a character which would automated my child expression until my child is no longer a living physical being but rather an organic robot that calculate and measure instantly, each and every step the child takes through the memories that one has stored in the first 7 years of one's life.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how the creation of characters works and functions and thus, I've interpreted my child's expression according to my own memory data base and have defined my child as such and I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself as a parent in this world, to take a moment and investigate that which I've defined myself as, defined my child as, to assist and support us both in getting to know who we really are as life and instead, I preoccupied myself in my mind, believing that I'm living a normal life while the fact of the matter is that I've become automated machine that is based on multiple types of characters, I've made sure that my child will become automated machine that is based on multiple characters so that I would never have to face who I have become because my child will be the exact copy of myself and would not challenge me nor my reality.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as a parent in this world to NOT realizing how I'm passing my own characters that I've created for myself, in separation of myself, to my child and within that, I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the consequences of NOT taking the responsibility to sort myself out so that my child won't have to go through the emerging to the mind and back to the physical and can be supported from day 1 of his life to manifest oneself as LIFE that is best for all through my example, with my guidance assistance and support.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to SEE that me being SHY is just another character that I've created for/as myself already from a very young age, to protect myself from my external environment, because I hold on to a memory and stored it inside myself: a memory of clinging to my parents legs, as they held me and caressed my hair when and as someone that I wasn’t familiar with came into my environment and because I've associated being protected by my parents with being shy, I've shaped and mould myself into and as the SHYness character, to protect me when I face a new environment and when ever I feel inferior towards another.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to hold onto a picture in my mind of a little boy that is hiding behind the cupboard door, in the dark, with eyes wide open as he is observing everything and everyone who are standing in the light but his body expression symbolizing a fear of stepping out of the hiding place and participate with the physical reality and I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to connect, associate and define this picture with the expression of shyness, in separation of me.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create a picture in my mind a child that is clinging on one's parents legs, with the head facing to the opposite direction of the beings that are trying to communicate with the child and I have defined, associated and connected this picture with Shyness expression.

 

I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I've created the pictures of the shyness character in my mind so that I can trap myself into and as the shyness character so that I could observe Life and not participate with and as Life, as equal to and one as Who I am. I now see, realize and understand that I have created this picture to be able to protect myself from my environment, so that I can feel safe within and as my mind, in separation of/from the physical reality. I Now realize that so long as this picture is in my mind, I'm not giving myself the permission to physically live as who I am in every moment because when and as I face new being, a new environment, I access this picture, I access this character, I access the memories that are associated/connected with the picture/character, and I'm not in fact, physically here, fully participating in every breath with and as the physical reality.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the Shyness Character can ONLY exists when and as I'm busy comparing myself to my environment while seeing me as less than and inferior to others because when and as I'm standing in absolute self Trust, Stability in self honesty, who I am cannot change according to external stipulations; Who I am is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow and is not define by anything or anyone.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to come to terms with who I am as I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to establish and develop SELF TRUST within and as myself and accordingly, face in absolute stability that which may come in my internal and external reality but instead, I've created the Shyness character, to protect myself from the physical reality, to be able to scroll back to my mind, to the safety zone and manifest myself as inferior in the hope that no one will take advantage of my presentation of inferior and would then thus, won't harm, mock, judge me.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to interpret my behaviour when and as I meet new people or when and as I experience inferiority towards other people, to access the Shyness character and I haven't realized that I've created the Shyness Character to assist and support me to remain in the inferior character wherein, when I present myself as Shy, I'm in essence, trying to protect myself from the person who I define as superior. (and here comes another character to look at, investigate and identify… will get to that)

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how I've hide and ran away from facing that which I've become through the Shyness Character wherein, when and as I experience anxiety around people, instead of investigating the nature of the anxiety, seeing what memories I've attached/connected to the experience of anxiety, releasing the energy movement from my solar plexus of and as anxiety, I've wear the Shyness Character to make sure, I would never change myself and become the living expression of who I am, as Life that is here.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to express myself as who I am, as a physical living expression of myself because I've compared my skills to those of others and made the decisions that my expression of who I am is not worthy enough, not good enough and so, to assist and support me with suppressing myself, my beingness, I'm created the Shyness character because I've seen that it is working for others from the perspective that those who decided to not express themselves in every moment of every breath, has defined themselves out loud as SHY and thus, the society gave them a slack and didn't push them to express themselves unconditionally and 1+1=2 - if I am to become shy, no one will push me, support me to stand as the utmost potential of who I am, no one will support me to become the physical living expression. In this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to push and support myself to become who I am as a physical living expression and within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want/need/others to push/support me to become the physical living expression as who I am, instead of giving myself the permission to PUSH myself out of my mind, where I trapped myself, and literally re-birth myself as a physical living expression.

 

And as I realized that I started this blog with blame towards those who have come before me, as if they are the one who decided for me to become the expression of shyness as character, I now correct myself, as I see, realize and understood within my last SF statement, that it was literally always me and it will literally be me, who gives myself the permission to change, to rebirth myself as the physical living expression of who I am.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself within my self forgiveness statements through blaming others for my own creation of myself as characters. I now see, realize and understand that it is USELESS to find fault and blaming others for my fuckupness because I am the one who decide in every moment, whether I'll keep living as a memory of what I have become, or whether I'll take my responsibility to push myself into LIFE as the physical.

The Shyness Character - Day 104

This is a continuation to:

Suppressed Expression Character - Day 101

Suppressed Self Expression - The beginning of the End - Day 102

Singing Expression Character - Day 103

As well as:

This is a continuation to the Blog post:

The Self Diminishment Character - Day 94

They are Better than me, I'm so fucked up - Day 95

Taking responsibility for my creation - Day 96

I started to walk the Self Forgiveness on the Suppressed expression within singing Character and as I was finishing the first Self Forgiveness Statement, I've realized that I've created another dimension, another character that I must first identify to be able to walk as specific as possible. And thus, I will be walking the identification of the Shyness Character as a derivative of the Diminishment Character that I've walked a few days ago. For Reference, this is the statement that I've started of with where I found the Shyness Character:

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to become the Living Memory of the suppressed expression character within my singing expression and I haven't realized it is just another derivative of the Self Diminishment Character where I would first Create an idea about myself as a picture in my mind and then, I would compare myself to others who are able to apply a specific skill that I perceive myself to be lacking of/not good enough and accordingly, I would judge myself for not being as good as they are, not seeing, realizing and understanding the processed they have walked to establish and develop their skills as an example for me to walk the same process as they have walked and in this, I forgive myself that I have not seen, realized and understood how I have trapped myself within the diminishment character as suppressed expression character through creating the Shyness Character that would ensure I would not express myself as who I am in every given moment.

Identifying the Shyness Character:

1. Picture of the Character:

The Shyness Character looks like a little boy that is hiding behind the cupboard door, in the dark. His eyes are wide open as he is observing everything and everyone who are standing in the light but his body expression symbolizing a fear of stepping out of the hiding place and participate with the physical reality.

Another picture of the Character might be a child that is clinging on one's parents legs, with the head facing to the opposite direction of the beings that are trying to communicate with the child.

2. Back Chat:

• Who are those people?
• OMG, what will they say about me?
• I've got to make a good first impression
• Shit, how does my hair looks like?
• I should have wear the other shirt

• What if they judge the way I express myself?

• What if they won't like me?
• I worry that..

3. Reactions

• Shyness
• Embarrassment
• Judgement
• Fear
• Comparison
• Anxiety
• inferiority

4. Body changes

• Voice changes to high tones
• Smiling
• Looking down
• Playing with my hair
• Shoulder tight up
• Palm is in a fist position with the thumb inside it.

In essence, the Shyness character doesn't stand as individual character of its own but it is a derivative to one of the main characters that self has created, such as the diminishment character or the protector character. The Shyness character was created to protect self from what ever may come, as a door for self to escape the physical reality through inverting self into oneself, into one's illusionary reality, inside one's cocoon so to speak.

It is  fascinating  how the Shyness Character is  busy developing from a very young age and what is more fascinating is that parents see it and instead of stopping the child from creating the Shyness character, they assist the child with defining the character by giving it a name: "Oh, don't be Shy, it is your aunt"; "Oh, you are shy, so cute.."; and so, when the child is clinging onto the parents' legs, the parents encourage the child to continue developing the Shyness Character by accepting and allowing the child's manifestation of oneself. Why?? for what?? For the parents' self interest. The Back Chat that emerged within and as the moment when the child is clinging to one's parent's leg, the parent would experience satisfaction: "My child loves me, he feels safe and cared for with me", not seeing, realizing and understanding the extent of separation the parent's infuse within their child in that very moment through their acceptance and allowance of child accessing one's mind, as the expression of Shyness which will be and become an entity in one's life - the Shyness Character.

The Child, who is busy developing the Shyness Character to protect oneself from one's environment is doing so due to lack of one's parenting skill to assist and support the child with integrating into and as the physical in oneness and equality. Soon, the child will start developing back chats as per the example of the parents and would define the Shyness Character as oneself.

So the Shyness character, when and as it is fully developed and integrated into one's flesh, is exists as a protection mechanism from one's environment, due to extensive judgement of one's self in comparison to one's environment. It is when Self isn't standing in absolute Self Trust that self is the directive principle in every moment of every breath. It is when self is conditioned to the validation and acceptance of others and thus, self cannot stand alone, as who self is, here, but is constantly looking for stipulations and acknowledgements from one's environment.

Commonsensically , the feedback that the child receive from the parents when the child is clinging to the parents' legs, within and as the Shyness expression is: "You are safe and protected my child". So how will the child protect oneself later on in the child's life? Through becoming the Shyness Character to protect and guard oneself from the Environment.

When seeing, realizing and understanding that Self doesn't need anything and anyone to protect oneself from one's environment, as self is standing within and as self trust, in every moment of every breath, self can finally say goodbye to the Shyness Character through moving through the Character, deleting the pictures, memories and back chats and disengage the Character from and as the human physical body. But first, let's walk the Self Forgiveness process to make sure that self is clear, seeing the entire network manifestation of the character and from there - remove the character from self, as self.

Singing Expression Character - Day 103

This is a continuation to:

Suppressed Expression Character - Day 101

Suppressed Self Expression - The beginning of the End - Day 102

 

In my previous blogs, I was looking at the Self Suppressed Expression Character and while I was walking my Self Forgiveness, I've realized: Oh man, this point is quite extensive, and I must stop and take it apart from various directions and dimensions because otherwise, I will not see the totality of the Character and would not be able to assist and support myself with stepping out of character and become a Living Expression of who I am in every moment of every breath.

 

Today, I will be walking the Self Expression within Singing and I'll be looking at why, when, how and where, I've accepted and allowed myself to suppressed my vocals, my expression within singing despite of my enjoyment of singing to myself and with myself.

 

Identifying the Suppressed Singing Expression Character:

 

1. Picture of the Character:

The Character, as a picture in my mind, is like.. almost dried skin being as the constriction of the being's human physical body had led to a dried manifestation of the human physical flesh/skin.

The character is standing in front of an audience, on a small stage, Immobilized, frozen and hell scared and anxious.

 

2. Back Chats:

• I'm not singing as good as this person
• My voice is weird
• It's sound like a little girl voice when I sing
• Just give it up, you are not a singer
• Why they are comfortable with singing? We are coming from the same family.. Why one side of the family is so shy and the other one is so expressive? I should have born in the other side of the family.
• I would also like to sing like they do
• Why am I so shy? It isn't like me..
• What if I sing out of tune? Will others judge me? I better not take the chance.

 

3. Reactions:

• Embarrassment
• Jealousy
• Comparison
• Competition
• Spitefulness
• Shyness
• Anger
• Judgement

 

4. Body Changes:

• Discomfort with my human physical body:

• Can't find a place to place my hands - eventually, I will either clap them together with the melody or on the table/floor/what ever I can find.

• Constriction in my throat
• Pressure in my solar plexus area towards the heart
• Front thighs are constricted

 

5. Memories:

 

1. Within the Jewish culture, for each holiday, there are specific songs that are being sang when the families are coming together to celebrate the holiday. In Passover, there is one specific song that the youngest child supposed to sing and i have a specific memories where I felt pressure to sing because I have realized that none of the other kids would like to sing and but because I was the youngest, I was expected to sing.

 

I don't remember any problem singing before that evening but when I saw the resistance within others, I internalized the resistance within myself and have decided to resists singing in the family gathering as well. The backchat was: if I would sing, I will be defined and judged as the youngest and won't be accepted by the other kids in the family who are older than me and thus, to be accepted and validated as one of them, I must act like them and therefore, I mustn't sing so that I could fit in with the rest of the kids in our family.

I don't want them see me as young and stupid, I want to be part of the group, the grownup kids group.

And so - I've resisted singing in family gathering ever since - created the character of: "I'm not singing, it's stupid".

 

When we celebrated the same holiday with a different side of the family a couple of years later, or maybe a year later, a friction manifested within and as me.

In that side of the family, Singing was part of who they were and they enjoyed singing, enjoyed the sound, enjoyed the moment, no Shyness. At that night, I was asked to sing as the youngest kid on the table.

 

However, I have already became the character: "I'm not singing, it's stupid" and have thus, automatically resisted to sing. The friction emerged because within and as me, I wanted to sing, but I couldn't step out my character so that no one would be able to expose me when and as I'm in the presence of the other side of the family. And beside, what will my siblings say about me, that I'm young and stupid because I sing? No, I cannot allow that. And thus, I've decided to remain in character and act on my resistance to sing.

 

2. When I was around the age of 7-10, I was participating in the school chorus where I was placed in the Soprano group because I could sing high cords. The Chorus manger liked me because at that time, I was also playing on the Piano and she saw the potential that I could become with my music skills. But even then, I was preoccupied with self judgement and comparison which blinded me to see what the manager saw within me because according to my eye's view - I wasn't good enough, there were others who could sing better than me and I was so possessed with my shyness Character and therefore, I wasn't willing to sing Solo despite of the manager pushing me to sing Solo.

 

There was this girl (let's call her girl A), that sang beautifully and I was very much jealous at her, she used to sing the solo parts which I always dreamt to sing as well but didn't give myself the permission to step up and sing Solo because the Shyness Character was very much in control.

 

The next memory is quite vague and I cannot recall the specific time line but it was in one of the school shows where the solo was given to another girl (girl B) but she was sick at that day and couldn't join the show. From here on, I can't remember the specifics wherein I was either asked to sing instead of her because girl A wasn't there but than, they called her and asked her to come, or either I was wishing to be asked to replace Girl B but Girl A took the part at the end. Either way, I was extremely jealous and as far as I can remember, it didn't took long from that moment until I quit the chorus and stopped singing - Acting on the Giving Up Character.

 

I can write about more memories but the pattern remain the same - I have become the living memory of the Suppressed Expression Character as Singing. What is interesting is that before I started this blog, I couldn't recall the memories and when I spoke with another being, asking for a tool that I can apply to recall the memory, the being told me that the memory in itself isn't relevant as I've already become the living memory because the fact of the matter is - I am not giving myself the permission to sing, as who I am, within and as self expression. And as I was starting to write and opened up the non singing character that I've become, the memories started to come up only for me to see that what ever memory that I'll walk, the patter is still the same - Belief, Comparison, Jealousy, Judgement, Spitefulness looping in a cycle again and again, with different picture presentations, different beings, different environment, different space time - the only thing that is not different and is Equally the same - it the character that I've created as myself.

 

Ok, so in my next blogs, I will be walking the Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective statements and commitments in relation to Singing. The practical application would be…. A surprise.. Wait and see.