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In the past week,
the physical experience I have had was that of ‘carrying a burden’. Physically
it felt like a huge stone sitting at the top of my back, pushing pain towards
the neck, shoulder and arm. So I was looking at the word 'Burden' and how my experience
in my day to day living in the past week has been of ‘carrying a burden’ in the
context of Bernard's death which is when the physical pain had manifested.
So for myself, I see
what needs to be done as a living principle, I recognize my skills and how to
utilize my skills as a living principle of that which is best for all. Only
that thus far, as long as Bernard was around, I allowed myself to not fully commit
and accept my abilities and/or my skills as I counted on Bernard to always be
here and make sure that everything is done effectively, to cross-reference, to
check and assess and so, if it happens that I'm out of synch or not aligned, I
conveniently trusted Bernard to be here to show me the points.
Bernard always said
that all that is required is a decision and the decision must be absolute to
such an extent that nothing inside one moves once a decision is made, no matter
what one faces. Now I understand what an absolute decisions means, what self-responsibility
means and with the pillar, to which I've abdicated my responsibility no longer
being here, I cannot use justifications any longer, I must stand absolute as a
living principle - that is my decision I commit to.
So with Bernard not
being here, I experienced my responsibilities as a burden, as something that is
too much to carry and yet, I tried to force myself to stand as these
responsibilities and within that, tried to control the outcomes while not
understanding that: as long as I use energy to force myself to walk, the
decision I have made is not absolute as it is not coming through as a natural
expression of and as myself. I continued investigating the movement between
force and natural expression and I have found that the only thing that
separated me from moving as an expression is my own self interest. Meaning, the
decision to stand and walk as a living principle cannot be done while holding
on to my self interest, to the preprogram desires, wants and needs; it must be
absolute.
"…Now, what is interesting is that most of the
things that come up in our Minds have a direct-relationship to the “I”, where
we exist through the Mind’s I and not the ‘physical eyes’, where we exist
within Illusion instead of reality – where we will thus in such a moment only
see the “I’s WANT” – instead of through the physical eyes, in terms of
‘who/what’s involved, what’s the responsibility in reality, what’s the
consequence if I do not stand/direct/change/take
responsibility in this moment, what
would be best for all and my relationship to all/everything involved with
taking this action/doing this thing/giving direction?’ None of that is taken
into consideration in a moment, only the I of the Mind and its WANT, the MY
WANT is taken into consideration.
PLUS one get an added FEELING to it (Man!!! What a Prize!!!) when/as one go
into that self-interested relationship of “I and WANT” instead of Here and
Responsibility…"
And that is exactly
the point - moving from the I and Want to Here and Responsibility.
I forgive myself
that I've accepted and allowed myself to see this life as a burden and within
that, hoping for another to walk it for me and for all – as long as I could
hold onto my desires, wants and needs without realizing that unless I stand,
unless I become the +1 within the equality equation, I am the living expression
of a burden, literally. In this, I forgive myself that I haven't accepted my
responsibility to stand absolute as a living principle of life that is best for
all and thus, I trust myself that I apply myself to the utmost potential of and
as myself and within that, I accept my responsibility in this life. In this, I
commit myself to when and as I see myself accessing the energetic force of
resistance to stand accountable and responsible, to then stop, take a breath,
place myself within and as my body, here, and move as a natural expression
within the decision to stand as a living principle of and as life that is best
for all. I realize that in slowing down, walking moment by moment, it is when I
am effective; it is when I support myself and thus others; it is when I am
here; and that is my responsibility as it is not so much about what I do, it is
who I am within what I do.
