Delusion of Ego or Self Movement? Process Support - Day 242

"When we are in situations wherein we begin participating in patterns, such as self judgement, we must make the decision to stop - an actual self will to stop the thoughts as they come up - because in truth we know exactly where these thoughts will take us, we know exactly where they are going and it is only out of a perverse sense of curiosity that we continue allowing ourselves to be consumed by the thoughts. We are within these situations all that stand in our way, because we have the tendency to allow ourselves to sink into a state of self pity and helplessness, convincing ourselves that we are unable to stop these experiences.

 

Self forgiveness and writing assists one to see where and how these patterns exist within us, though we must also make the choice to no longer participate in the patterns - we must stop - self forgiveness is useless without practically walking corrections.

 

The thoughts will continue to come up, the patterns will continue to emerge - our application and honouring of our choice must stand firm throughout the layers of our patterns. If we make a mistake, we must be willing to forgive ourselves, learn from it and continue walking our chosen path - beating ourselves up is counter productive. Consistency is key - practice, practice, practice." Cerise Poolman

 

Cerise wrote this statement on the Desteni Forum as a reply in the thread - Re: Why am I worried about my appearance SO much? which is why I have decided to write this blog as this is the KEY point each of us must realized and understand because otherwise, no REAL and constant change within and as ourselves and this world.

 

This morning, I woke up after 4 hours of sleep and the last thing I wanted to do was working in the garden. I preferred going back to sleep because I 'felt' really tired. I also had a white bunny in my pocket that I could use to excuse myself from working today - on Wednesdays, I'm not supposed to work in the Garden because my Schedule is tight up and it was decide to I support myself by not taking the extra responsibility such as working in the garden for 2 hours. However, I've seen within and as myself that specifically today, I was able to work because unlike every other Wednesday, today isn't so hectic. So I was sitting on the veranda, drinking my Coffee and felt so tired and I was about to remind everyone that today I'm not working on the garden. As I was sitting and drinking my coffee, I decided that I'm not accepting and allowing myself to excuse myself when it is not necessary but the feeling of the body being so tired was overwhelming. I then started to calculate: maybe I won't work today and I will work on Saturday for an extra 2 hours? Maybe if I won't say to anyone that my schedule isn't that hectic today, they won't expect me to work on Saturday for extra 2 hours. And as I participated in my back chat, the Atlanteans interview came up in my mind where it was suggested to when waking up, to simply align ourselves with the body and say: "Body, Let's wake up and start a new day".

So I did, I told my body, Let's do this, let's wake up, snap out of the Experience. And Guess what- I immediately woke up, went to work and started my day.

 

Now, there were many other times where I've applied this point within and as myself, but nothing changed, because what I haven't realized before was that unless I, in absolute self honesty decide to change, I won't change and the only 'change' would be me feeding more energy into and as my mind with Excuses, Justification which are nothing but a distraction to in fact change.

 

Thus the point being - One must make the absolute decision within and as oneself, in self honesty. I'm not saying it would be easy, I'm saying it is possible as I've proven that to myself many times before. One would see, that in this moments of change, Resistance exists within and as us, it is almost like a constant friction and conflict where we would bounce between thoughts, justify ourselves, and contradict our justification, find another excuse, and contradict it and we will loop this points until we would find the excuse/justification that would set us up to give in within and as ourselves and make the decision to not change.

 

So, with the Waking up point that I shared above, if one would apply it for oneself, one would find that it is quite an easy point to take on because in essence, we have nothing to lose but one or two more hours of sleep. However, the challenges is to Stop, stand as the Directive Principle in moments where our entire self definition is at stake, where our Ego is so extensive that we feel that if we would to let it go, a part of us would be lost, diminished, gone because we haven't realized that this part of us that is now about to get lost, is not who we really are, it is a pre-program design that we have imprinted and stored within and as ourselves which upon that design, created multiple personalities as our self definition that we believed to be ourselves.

 

Thus, one must develop a real and absolute self movement, self directiveness and self will because otherwise, we would keep on looping on and on with no actual change. We would then judge ourselves for not making much progress in our processes and go into self defeat mode which would be harder to step out of. Obviously, judging ourselves for not making any substantial progress is also a distraction from getting to the core/source/origin point and absolutely apply and correct ourselves, in self honesty, self will and self Power.

 

So - Let's do it because really, we don't have anything to lose but to win the greatest gift of all - Life that is REAL, trustworthy and respectful.

 

 

 

Who is the Judge? - Day 224

You know when we walk down the street and we see people staring at us as we go by and all of a sudden we will start feeling insecure within and as ourselves and would start having this roller-coaster of thoughts regarding this point like: why are they staring at me? Is it something that I am wearing? Is it how I'm dressed? Is there something wrong with my hair? Do I look fat today? Fuck, why they are judging me?

 

Then we would start playing with our hair, and our clothes, checking that everything is in place and be very much conscious about our movements, the way we walk, how the hair looks like, how our clothes look like.

 

Or you know, when we write a blog post and we do not get any comment on our blog or no one is sharing our blog on face book, we would then start thinking: Maybe I'm not good enough? Maybe my writings wasn't good enough? Why does nobody like reading my blogs? I hope they don't think that I'm unworthy and thus won't ever read my blog? maybe I should write something else to make people want to read my blog? How could I present myself perfectly through my writings so that others could validate me? Is there a way I could change my words to be more presentable?

 

Or let's say that we are in a social gathering and everyone there are telling jokes and stories and then I find something within and as myself to share with others but when I speak it, it doesn't sound as interesting or funny like I assumed it would. Everyone is now quiet and not really getting what I was saying and then I'm like: Shit, they would now think that I'm boring, or weird, they wouldn't want to spend time with me anymore, how can I make sure that next time that I speak, they would like me or think that I'm a funny person and thus would want to spend more time in my presence?

 

Ok, so I can continue all day in giving examples of moments where we perceive our social external environment to judge us as off, boring, weird, unworthy, not good enough, disliked; but I think you got the point. :-)

 

Now, is it really that others judge us or is it more us judging ourselves through making an assumption that others are judging us; and also, even if they do judge us, is it only them who judge us or is there a part of us that judges ourselves which manifest our reactions of feeling inadequate?

 

Within the first example, in walking down the street and believing that people are staring at me, and thus, immediately going into reaction as if I did something wrong or that I look bad and within that, start plotting the scene for how I would change the way I look/walk to present myself as perfect so that others won't negatively judge me or won't have a reason to negatively judge me - The funny thing is that, sometimes, when I think that people are staring at me, and if these train of thoughts start coming up within me, I wouldn't even consider to check if there is something behind me that people are actually looking at. Like: Is there anything that is attracting their attention that I've not seen myself because I've immediately accessed the reaction within myself where I would react to the perception that they are judging me and I wouldn't see anything beyond the veil of my own fear of being judged. Lol

 

But anyway - the point is this - when we slow ourselves down, we would see in self honesty that regardless of what others think about us (judging or not judging), the fact that we are reacting indicate that there is a hidden self judgment point within and as ourselves that we haven't sorted out yet.

 

Also, another point to look at is - if we fear that other people would judge our appearance when walking down the street for instance, in self honesty we would react because we know within and as ourselves that we are doing the exact same thing - we are judging other people's appearance as well.

 

There was an old YouTube video that I liked, which describe this point very nicely; it was something like -

 

We are walking down the street and see a guy that is dressed with weird clothes, like, he is wearing a clown hat, and cowboy shirt and Pyjama pants and he is smiling and singing to himself. This entire scene makes us stop for a moment because we are not used to this type of expression and within us, we would then start thinking: "what is wrong with his man? Is he not aware of what he is wearing? Doesn’t he care about what people would think about him? didn't he look in the mirror before he left the house? I mean seriously, what is wrong with this guy?"

 

What we haven't considered in such moments are ourselves, and our own self judgement towards ourselves in relation to our expression. We are so blind to the society codes of dressing for instance that we would never allow ourselves to dress in a certain way that would not suit our environment. Within this, we haven't considered that this guy, that we have just judged, may be stable within himself, that this is how he had decided to express himself because he doesn't care about other peoples’ judgements, as he is certain about who he is in every single moment. I mean, why wouldn't we allow ourselves to express ourselves as who we are without being conditioned by Morality or Society codes? Why do we place so much value on how others would see us? because we KNOW, within and as ourselves that we are the Evil ones, we know that we are the ones that would judge other people if they aren’t standing in alignment to the Morality/Society codes and within that, we wouldn't dare placing ourselves in a position that might cause a friction and conflict in other people's mind as them judging us as our expression.

 

With the writing blogs example - one must remember that our writings is FOR OURSELVES and as ourselves. Our writing is to assist and support us in getting to know ourselves, what we have accepted and allowed, our responsibility within and as that which we have deliberately accepted and allowed in self interest and accordingly assist and support ourselves in aligning us back to ourselves within and as the principle of what is best for all. Our writing is not a contest that we must win, it is not to be validated and worshiped by others, it is for ourselves within seeing, realizing and understanding the importance of writings and how through writing, we are able to practically assist and support ourselves in seeing and changing ourselves for real.

 

Thus, when we start thinking about other people, and how they would see/judge our writings and accordingly, change and alter the way we express ourselves - we are not really writing, we are not really doing it for ourselves but to impress others for various reasons such as: feeling as part of the group, being validated within the group, expecting to be seen as more by others and so on. Within that, instead of facing the point that we are the ones that judge ourselves, investigate the nature of the judgement, why did we accept and allow ourselves to judge our writings for instance, we would either stop writing or we would write from a separated starting point that do not take into consideration ourselves and the process that we walk in assisting and supporting ourselves and as ourselves.

 

Also, if we fear that others are judging our writings, it indicate and imply that we are judging other people writing and as such, fear that others would do to us what we do to others.

 

So - here are some points to look at and considered within and as ourselves regarding judgement, self judgement and fear of being judged.

The End of Times - Day 187

 

This is a continuation to:

 

The Elite's delusion of stress - Part 1 - Day 45

The Elite's Delusion of Stress - Part 2 - Day 46

The Decision of TIME - Day 67

 

And:

 

This is a continuation to:

Copy Paste Character - the Way for Success? - Day 183

Copy Paste Character - The Education System - Day 184

Is it possible to Cheat yourself? Day 185

It is time to STOP Existing as a Human Machine - Day 186

 

In the last 2 days, while walking the Copy Paste character, I came to realize that my application within the tasks that I do is not Absolute from the perspective of investing the time each task require to be done to its utmost potential, breath by breath. That is because I've accepted and allowed way to much task than what a person can handle in a time frame of 24 hours a day. The starting point when taking these tasks upon myself, as I've mentioned in my previous blogs, was to be defined as MORE because I couldn't see myself as worthy as Me, here, as who I am but rather, I've defined myself according to other's eyes views and unless they saw me as more, I couldn’t worthy or respect myself.

 

So now, when slowing down, I see that I must face the consequences and keep on doing what I usually do however, the starting point must be changed and within that, I must be patient and humble with myself, letting go of all the loose hands of the desires I've accepted and allowed within and as myself and walk, as who I am, within what I do, one breath at a time, one step at a time and be OK with the fact that not everything will be done in time within the realization that there is so much one can do in every breath.

 

The reason why I'm writing about this point today is because I experienced a massive frustration in the past few days because I wasn't satisfied with my application in general and specifically, with my participation in the Desteni Forum where my Support wasn't as effective as I can support because I've only scanned through the posts without actually reading the posts and paying attention to the details along with missing a day where I wasn't on the forum at all which created the consequences of spending extra time on the day after, to be able to catch up with everyone's processes. I wasn't satisfied from the support I was sharing as I've seen the cracks slowly but surely coming into the surface and how within that, I'm compromising other people’s processes which is to me, not acceptable living application.

 

So, how to go about and change my application to be and to stand as effective as possible within each and every breath, with the time frame I have in every day, with my current projects and task that I'm participating with and within it all, how to make sure I'm not compromising and sabotaging myself, my human physical body and the people that I'm working and interacting with.

 

What was fascinating in the last 2 days was seeing myself trying, in my mind, to find a new short cut, how to round a few corners so that I could change my application meaning - how can I have more time to do what I do and physically invest the time/space required to do it all. And as I realized there is no way to make it work, I became frustrated, angry, irritated and - missed many many breaths which within that obviously, couldn't be effective lol - how can one be effective when one is spending time in one's mind, trying to figure out how to be effective.

 

When I talked with a friend that has walked the same point I've been walking and now, re-walking, she referred me to my own blogs from day 45, 46 and 67.

 

So - let me walk this again, in greater specificity and to stop the time loop for once and for all as I see, realize and understand that accepting this within and as myself, in unacceptable as it is compromising all of our processes as a whole.

 

Thus, let's look at the Character dimension of "I don't have Time".

I've written down for myself, the character dimensions as Fear, Thoughts, Imagination, Back chat, reactions and physical behaviour which I will slowly but surely publish, once I walk the correction through Self Forgiveness and self Commitments. After I'm done, I will walk the Consequences Dimension as the Self Forgiveness and Self Commitment that encompass the entire Character as I gain more perspective and realization of my own accepted and allowed 'I don’t have Time' Character.