Learning to Accept myself - Day 410

Throughout my life, I felt that I'm not accepted by others. 

I have a memory of my mother taking me to the mirror and asking me to look at myself and accept myself; 

she asked - why can you not see what I see in you.

 Here there are 2 interesting dimensions:

1. That day, when I looked at the mirror, I didn't like what I saw because what I saw is a fake human being with multiple personalities so that I could maintain and sustain the relationships in my life. I felt like a chameleon that played a specific role that would suit best for each of my social groups and some of these roles I despised.
2. When this memory came up, I placed myself again in front of the mirror and looked in self honesty at the girl in the mirror that my mother showed me long time ago, maybe 20 years ago, and what I saw is a fearful girl that is so afraid of being judged by others that she had to eliminate herself and her natural expression for the sake of being accepted by others because so long as she couldn't receive the outside acceptance, she couldn't accept herself. The interesting thing is that this girl, is me and how I lived my life thus far.

My life started at age 7 when we moved to another neighborhood. I don't have many memories from before age 7, I don't remember the nature of my relationships and who I was within these relationships. The relationships didn't mean much to me and I didn't feel sad when we moved and I left my friends. My best friend at that time was my cousin which we still hang out together after I moved so I didn't experience any loss when we moved to the new place.

At age 7, I started school and started to build new relationships. I was told that there is a girl that I should be friends with because our parents know each other and she just moved to the building next to ours. We were placed in the same class and slowly but surely became best friends. Every Tuesday I went to her house after school because my mother had to work late while my grandmother was taking care of my baby sister. One day, I heard her speaking on the phone with her father and she said to him: "Maya's grandmother is home and she (Maya) is still here". The way she said it sounded like she didn't want me there and I took it extremely personally. I felt betrayed, I felt unaccepted and so I left her house and didn't speak with her for weeks. Our parents intervened after a while and made us connect and become friends again. Though within me, I knew it was a bad idea and that I was better off without her in my life because around her, I couldn't be me, I feared standing up because she was very dominant and she would always speak down at others if someone had the courage to say something to her that she didn't like. I feared that she would gossip with others about me and take with her all our friends and because of that I feared that unless I stick by her side, I will be a social outcast.

For example, at some stage, we were a group of 10 girls namely "The 10". "The 10" used to meet every Friday night at one of the girl's house and we would sit in a circle and each one, in turn, would express what she saw within the girl(s) that she didn't like. It sounds supportive, but in reality it was not. No-one said anything towards my best friend, but only towards the other girls and when it was the turn of my best friend to speak, she would diminish us, she would take us down, she humiliated us and I believed that it was my job as her best friend to back her up and so, at some stage, I became her follower and would be as nasty as she was towards my other friends. Years later I apologized to one specific friend for what I have done to her, but the interesting thing is that I didn't forgive myself for what I have accepted and allowed myself to do unto her.

In my mind I schemed a plan to go to a different High-School so that I could finally be free from this relationship. Here I'm talking about 6 years before high school that I made this plan in my mind, because I didn't have the courage to stand up and show what the other is accepting and allowing themselves to do onto others. Even worse, I became that which I didn't like in her because I feared to be a social outcast and so, my self-interest dominated any common sense and within that, I didn't consider the lives of others and how my actions would impact them. Making long story long - after 9 years of destructive relationships, I moved to a different high school  and slowly but surely, as I expected, our relationship faded away without me having to put my foot down and say to her – “stop your shit now”. And not only to her, but me taking responsibility for who I accepted and allowed myself to be/become and essentially also say to myself “stop your shit now”.

Obviously, I didn't want to create any close relationships with anyone ever again so that I won't feel suffocated and controlled like I felt for 9 long years. I was so used to living within a state of self-diminishment, self-disrespect and fear of other people and thus, the relationships that could have been supportive for me, I ran away from the moment it became too intense where I would feel suffocated and the relationships I did maintain were the relationships that are superficial and unsupportive.

Within it all - in a way, I lost myself from the perspective of not being able to accept myself, I couldn't let go of my past and the judgment I had towards myself, I couldn't move forward and develop supportive relationships and without consciously understanding the design. I could only accept and validate myself through those who I perceived as more than me, better than me.

Going back to the girl in the mirror - the chameleon that I didn't like was the part of me that kept the relationships superficial as a point of protection mechanism; I didn't like the things I had to do to be able to be accepted, I didn't like my behavior, I didn't like that I couldn't express myself as freely as I would have done secretly when I was alone; I didn't like the judgment I have towards myself. But at the same time, didn't have the tools to support myself to stop participating in my own path of self-diminishment. I didn't like the constant fear I felt within myself, fear of being judged and not being accepted by others. I didn't see a way out.

One day, I met this guy; I met him in a very depressive phase of my life – when I was in a deep sadness within myself. Most people couldn't see the sadness in me. Actually no one but my mother was able to see it because over the years, I developed acting skills to hide myself from what was going on inside me. But this guy also noticed the sadness and he was very upfront about it. He didn't know me at all and came to sit next to me and asked me why the hell I am sad. I resisted him of course and acted like a total bitch towards him, though he was persistent. After a few weeks, it happened that we met again and we had a long talk, a talk that lasted for 6 months where the sadness inside me was suppressed, until we broke up.

When I investigated the point, I went back to the moment where he unexpectedly broke up with me and within that, I found a fascinating point. The day before we broke up, it was the first time within our relationship that I said - 'No more, I'm not accepting this shit' that he did and I stood up and communicated the point with him - it was our first fight, and the last. The next day he broke up with me within the everlasting statement: "it is not you, it is me - you do not deserve me". It was the worst day of my life and this day lasted for a few years of hidden depression.

The point that I want to discuss today was what I have done within my mind, how I have sabotaged myself since that day, how I compromised myself and how this point had contributed to the feeling of not being accepted by others.

Throughout my relationship with that guy, I did everything possible to please him; I never said anything that could have compromised the relationship. I feared confrontations, I feared that it would lead to a break up and so, my worst fear had manifested the moment I stood up for the first time within our relationship. I deliberately made myself smaller than him so that he could feel that he is more, that he is my savior; I allowed him to disrespect or more specifically to not consider me around other people because I feared that if I say anything, he would choose his friends over me. This is the very same designed I have  allowed back down the line with my childhood best friend. This relationship was not supportive in any way though I couldn't see it because I was so "in love" with the idea of us being together and that I finally found my one - the one who could make me feel alive again. The one who I can freely express myself with.

 

When the relationship ended, what was dominant was the repeating thought - "If only I didn’t stand up that day and go along with that which he was doing". If only I didn’t stand up - was the key for how I have sabotaged myself all these years because what I did within my mind was looking at this one point of standing up=breaking up. In my mind, I took this one moment of standing up and I made this moment invalid as if that was the point that led to the fall of our  relationship. I judged and blamed myself for doing it as if I was the cause for my own depression because I did it to myself, I ruined the relationship and it was all my fault. Not seeing/realizing/understanding how ALL of that was a belief – because, it wasn’t that moment of standing up that defined the break-up for the relationship; the relationship was dysfunctional from the start. So, it was interesting looking back at that moment – how I took that ONE POINT of standing up and blamed myself for breaking up the relationship – lol, not taking ALL things into consideration / the ENTIRE relationship into consideration. Fascinating what we do to ourselves in our minds when we look at things in self judgment – instead of commonsense investigation. I haven't till a few days ago looked at the entire design of how and why I accepted and allowed a dysfunctional relationships to even exist within my life without me directing the relationship effectively as a foundation of support from which we can expand, grow and empower ourselves.

The design through which I have lived as - I cannot accept myself without others accepting me first. The only way others can accept me is if I diminish myself for them to feel good about themselves. Now, every time there is a conflict within a relationship I have with another, one of 2 things can happen -

1. I will disappear from their life and never look back.
2. I will diminish myself and not speak up so that the point can fade away and everything can be "ok" again while still holding on a grudge, judgment and blame.

Within it all, what I have not considered is that supportive relationships can only work in reverse to how I lived relationships - it is only through communication, self-responsibility and self-honesty that a relationship can stand as a foundation of support. It is only through unconditional letting go of self interest within the principle of Give as You would like to Receive that the relationship that is trustworthy could be developed.

It is only through me, allowing myself to be vulnerable and letting go of the inner control I have set forth as a protection mechanism that I can allow another to get to know me. It is only through self support that I can stand as a support for another. It is only through self acceptance that I can create a supportive relationship with myself first- accepting the little girl that I saw in the mirror and stop resisting her and so, through accepting her as equal part of who I have become is the key from which I can correct and change that which I didn't accept in that girl that is me. It is only through accepting me that I can stop judging me and instead of reacting to myself in judgment, to investigate all aspects of myself and practically correct myself. It is time to constructively support myself and transform the self judgment, the inner belief that I'm not worthy to a point of absolute self acceptance within the trust that I'm here, a pillar of my own support in standing as a living expression of Life that is best for all.

The seclusion in Inclusion - Day 227

This a continuation to:

From Evilness to Life - Day 226

 

For the context of this blog, Please read Earth's Journey to Life blog - "Birthing ourselves as life, as a partnership Part 11 - Understanding the reflection in the mirror - I feel excluded".

 

 

 

 

 

Here is an extraction from the blog:

 

"...The symbolism of seeing 2 people busy with something where I see myself as incapable of participating on their level – Now here ‘their level’ means that I do not see myself as capable of doing what they are doing – be that a form of socialising / work related / discussion related.

 

Firstly here to notice, is that I had judged myself as incapable of participating –which means that I had judged myself as ‘not good enough’ – But this judgment stands in comparison to these 2 other people. So – through me judging myself through comparison as to what it is that I see others are doing – I ‘exclude’ (separate) myself from what is happening, as I had made the decision and choice within and as myself that I am not capable (I judged myself). I am thus the one who ‘excluded’ myself from what was happening and by me not wanting to seeing that I had done this, I blame others ‘for excluding’ me, when it was in fact me excluding me for what was happening.

 

When we face points where we ‘feel’ excluded we are to investigate the nature of the situation as we create our own self fulfilling prophesies where we exclude ourselves (through our judgements) and then project these feelings of exclusion onto the people whom we excluded (judged) from ourselves…"

 

After I read Esteni's blog, I had a look within and as myself, whether or not, when and as I'm one of these 2 people, and I see the third being struggling within and as themselves with their own self judgement that was described, if there is any Evil Energetic Movement within and as myself, enjoying the fact that I am now More than within the other's eyes. 

 

I was not surprise to find within and as myself, the Dark Evil joyful character that I've created within and as myself, wherein, I've accepted and allowed myself to participate in the Superior/Inferior game that I played with the third being, within and as my resonance expression. In these moments, I wouldn't make an effort to include the third being and I would deliberately create a 'special relationship' with the second being so that the Third being would be jealous, judgemental towards oneself through comparing themselves to me.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to consider the beings in my direct environment and within that, how I'm directly responsible for how they would experience themselves wherein, I would deliberately accept and allow myself to create a friction and conflict within and as themselves through presenting to them a specific picture which they would be jealous at and activate jealousy towards me which would give me the experience of being More and Superior in my own mind. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT considering all points, all relationship, all consequences and align these points/relationships/consequences within and as the principle of what is best for all and do onto another that which you'd like to be done to you wherein, instead of deliberately creating situation where I know that others would fall into their patterns and I would experience myself as More in comparison to their fall, to stand as a pillar of support for myself and others in walking WITH other human beings, as Equal, where we could learn from each other, expand, grow and empower ourselves and each other in walking together as ONE unit instead of Two or more enemies.

 

Thus, I commit myself to-  when and as I find myself in situations where I'm having a conversation with a person and there is another being in the room, accessing inferiority, self judgement and jealousy, I stop, I breathe and I look within and as myself in checking my own alignments in that moment, my starting point, energetic movement, what would be the best solution in consideration of all the relationship that exists within that moment and accordingly, align myself, align the situation in standing in absolute self honesty within and as myself.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to form relationships and groups that exclude some beings and include only the "special" ones according to my 'likes' and/or my 'Preference', not seeing, realizing and understanding that my 'Likes' and 'Preferences' were created by me, according to a specific program design that I've accepted and allowed as myself, in separation of myself and that I've utilized these 'likes' and 'Preference' based on what would give me the best result outcome for an experience that I would be satisfied with, with no consideration regarding who am I stepping on, in the process of me getting the experience that I desire to have within and as myself.

 

In this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that what I accept and allow myself to participate in my direct environment, I accept and allow to exists in the world wherein, we created Groups, Cultures, Religion that Includes some and excludes others without realizing, understanding and directly seeing that unless we stand together as ONE group, united, within ONE principle of that which is best for all, there is no chance we would ever bring about a world that is Best for all living creatures.

 

And in this, I commit myself to assist and support myself in changing the way I view myself and this world, from a mind self interest dimension to a physical absolute and direct seeing of all the relationships, all the consequences, all the points that form our lives as a whole and to do so, I start with myself, in assisting and supporting myself to dissect all the Evil parts of myself that I've created, accepted and allowed within and as myself and bring myself to physical equal and one standing with all that is here through first stand in equal and one relationship with my own mind, expand myself in standing equal and one with the beings in my environment to then standing equal and one with the rest of existence.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to treat others in the very same way that I wouldn't want others to treat me, from a starting point of Spite, in self interest, to diminish them so that I could be More, not seeing, realizing and understanding that the reason why I wouldn't want to be treated in a specific behaviour by others is because I know, within and as myself the evilness that this behaviour is consisting of and existing as because I'm doing the same to others. And thus, instead of developing and establishing relationships that are based on mutual respect, understanding, expansion and growth, I create relationships that are based on pure Evil to elevate my own Experiences of being more on the backs of and the expanse of others. 

 

I commit myself to - when and as I see others reacting to me, to assess and check in self honesty whether or not I had a part in how they are experiencing themselves, whether or not I'm directly, and deliberately supporting their reaction so that I could experience myself as more and in doing so, I check and assess how I would react if I were in their shoes and accordingly, align the moment in the utmost supportive way in taking into consideration the consequences and outflows of each decision that I make.

Who is the Judge? - Day 224

You know when we walk down the street and we see people staring at us as we go by and all of a sudden we will start feeling insecure within and as ourselves and would start having this roller-coaster of thoughts regarding this point like: why are they staring at me? Is it something that I am wearing? Is it how I'm dressed? Is there something wrong with my hair? Do I look fat today? Fuck, why they are judging me?

 

Then we would start playing with our hair, and our clothes, checking that everything is in place and be very much conscious about our movements, the way we walk, how the hair looks like, how our clothes look like.

 

Or you know, when we write a blog post and we do not get any comment on our blog or no one is sharing our blog on face book, we would then start thinking: Maybe I'm not good enough? Maybe my writings wasn't good enough? Why does nobody like reading my blogs? I hope they don't think that I'm unworthy and thus won't ever read my blog? maybe I should write something else to make people want to read my blog? How could I present myself perfectly through my writings so that others could validate me? Is there a way I could change my words to be more presentable?

 

Or let's say that we are in a social gathering and everyone there are telling jokes and stories and then I find something within and as myself to share with others but when I speak it, it doesn't sound as interesting or funny like I assumed it would. Everyone is now quiet and not really getting what I was saying and then I'm like: Shit, they would now think that I'm boring, or weird, they wouldn't want to spend time with me anymore, how can I make sure that next time that I speak, they would like me or think that I'm a funny person and thus would want to spend more time in my presence?

 

Ok, so I can continue all day in giving examples of moments where we perceive our social external environment to judge us as off, boring, weird, unworthy, not good enough, disliked; but I think you got the point. :-)

 

Now, is it really that others judge us or is it more us judging ourselves through making an assumption that others are judging us; and also, even if they do judge us, is it only them who judge us or is there a part of us that judges ourselves which manifest our reactions of feeling inadequate?

 

Within the first example, in walking down the street and believing that people are staring at me, and thus, immediately going into reaction as if I did something wrong or that I look bad and within that, start plotting the scene for how I would change the way I look/walk to present myself as perfect so that others won't negatively judge me or won't have a reason to negatively judge me - The funny thing is that, sometimes, when I think that people are staring at me, and if these train of thoughts start coming up within me, I wouldn't even consider to check if there is something behind me that people are actually looking at. Like: Is there anything that is attracting their attention that I've not seen myself because I've immediately accessed the reaction within myself where I would react to the perception that they are judging me and I wouldn't see anything beyond the veil of my own fear of being judged. Lol

 

But anyway - the point is this - when we slow ourselves down, we would see in self honesty that regardless of what others think about us (judging or not judging), the fact that we are reacting indicate that there is a hidden self judgment point within and as ourselves that we haven't sorted out yet.

 

Also, another point to look at is - if we fear that other people would judge our appearance when walking down the street for instance, in self honesty we would react because we know within and as ourselves that we are doing the exact same thing - we are judging other people's appearance as well.

 

There was an old YouTube video that I liked, which describe this point very nicely; it was something like -

 

We are walking down the street and see a guy that is dressed with weird clothes, like, he is wearing a clown hat, and cowboy shirt and Pyjama pants and he is smiling and singing to himself. This entire scene makes us stop for a moment because we are not used to this type of expression and within us, we would then start thinking: "what is wrong with his man? Is he not aware of what he is wearing? Doesn’t he care about what people would think about him? didn't he look in the mirror before he left the house? I mean seriously, what is wrong with this guy?"

 

What we haven't considered in such moments are ourselves, and our own self judgement towards ourselves in relation to our expression. We are so blind to the society codes of dressing for instance that we would never allow ourselves to dress in a certain way that would not suit our environment. Within this, we haven't considered that this guy, that we have just judged, may be stable within himself, that this is how he had decided to express himself because he doesn't care about other peoples’ judgements, as he is certain about who he is in every single moment. I mean, why wouldn't we allow ourselves to express ourselves as who we are without being conditioned by Morality or Society codes? Why do we place so much value on how others would see us? because we KNOW, within and as ourselves that we are the Evil ones, we know that we are the ones that would judge other people if they aren’t standing in alignment to the Morality/Society codes and within that, we wouldn't dare placing ourselves in a position that might cause a friction and conflict in other people's mind as them judging us as our expression.

 

With the writing blogs example - one must remember that our writings is FOR OURSELVES and as ourselves. Our writing is to assist and support us in getting to know ourselves, what we have accepted and allowed, our responsibility within and as that which we have deliberately accepted and allowed in self interest and accordingly assist and support ourselves in aligning us back to ourselves within and as the principle of what is best for all. Our writing is not a contest that we must win, it is not to be validated and worshiped by others, it is for ourselves within seeing, realizing and understanding the importance of writings and how through writing, we are able to practically assist and support ourselves in seeing and changing ourselves for real.

 

Thus, when we start thinking about other people, and how they would see/judge our writings and accordingly, change and alter the way we express ourselves - we are not really writing, we are not really doing it for ourselves but to impress others for various reasons such as: feeling as part of the group, being validated within the group, expecting to be seen as more by others and so on. Within that, instead of facing the point that we are the ones that judge ourselves, investigate the nature of the judgement, why did we accept and allow ourselves to judge our writings for instance, we would either stop writing or we would write from a separated starting point that do not take into consideration ourselves and the process that we walk in assisting and supporting ourselves and as ourselves.

 

Also, if we fear that others are judging our writings, it indicate and imply that we are judging other people writing and as such, fear that others would do to us what we do to others.

 

So - here are some points to look at and considered within and as ourselves regarding judgement, self judgement and fear of being judged.

The Secret war between Women - the Childhood years - Part 1 - Day 53

This is a continuation to - The Secret War between Women - Overview - Day 52

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as a parent in this world to prompt my child with the desire to have the best of all (clothes, games, hair style etc.) and I haven't consider the outflows and consequences of my doing wherein, my child will grow up within the self interest desire to be the best regardless of anything or anyone else and would then thus, try and compete for one's survival in the world system within the belief that who one is, is defined by what one has instead of Who one is as a living decision to walk breath by breath within the principle of what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as a parent in this world to support the Media and have allowed my child to spend the time in front of the TV so that I could have a moment for myself and I have abdicate my responsibility as a parents to investigate how the Media works and how the media is being utilized to brainwash my child to be an become a demonized consumers through various of Marketing Psychologists/public relations and within that, programed the child into the ultimate belief that who the child is, is defined by what one has and not by who one is and thus, my child will walk one's life within a constant battle for one's rewards and when/if required, one would compete and fight for a moment of bliss without consider everything and everyone in this existence.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, as a mother in this world, to pass on my own inherited belief that I as a woman is somewhat weak and powerless and thus, has taught my daughter to design her life in the utmost potential of becoming the best man's wife so that he would take care of my daughter and I could die knowing that my child is safe in this world. Within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to teach my child that she must be someone's wife in order to make it in this world and I haven't considered teaching my child to stand alone, in absolute self trust without being dependent on anything or anyone and instead, establishing interdependent relationships in her life, with herself first, and with others

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to consider the consequences and outflows of my desire that my daughter will have the best man which will take care of her so that I could die at peace knowing that my child is safe and sound in this world but within that, have been in total denial, suppression and separation from the origin/source of the fear which reveal itself as a desire - my accepted and allowed world system wherein beings are not being taken care of only because they are here, as their birth right but instead, Money is the factor which will determine whether or not one will survive in this world and I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed the denial, suppression and separation to keep me enslaved to this current money system wherein the upbringing that I give to my child is that of survival instead of taking a moment and look the equation in common sense, enough to be able to see the origin of the problem and thus then, stand up as a solution within the realization that no mother should fear for her child's future and as a mother, a woman in this world, I must lead the way before my children so that they could exist in a world that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a mother in this world to encourage the secret competition between women by standing as an example where I gossip with my friends about other women in my world, and I haven't  considered that my daughter will pick up on that and utilize gossiping in her mind as well as with other people in her world and thus, maintain the inherit design of the secret competition between women without being aware of it exactly as I was never aware of it and yet, lived as it. And within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realized, as a mother in this world, that I'm standing as an example for my children and if I allow myself to be directed by my mind within the design of competition, comparison, jealousy, judgement, gossiping etc. my children will pick up on that, program and design themselves in the exact nature of me. And thus, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that I'm able to stand as an example for my children of walking breath by breath as that which is best for all and thus, instead of showing them how to follow one's mind in self interest and survival mode, I could show and direct them to be and become the directive principle of themselves and this world.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself as a mother in this world to see how I'm brainwashing my child in her childhood years into becoming competitive being with other females in her world wherein for example, I would ask her after a school party what the girls were wearing and whether she looked the best according to her eye's view and I haven't considered the back chat that I'm imprinting into my child mind wherein she would now go and constantly compare her clothing to other girls clothing and from that moment, attempt and try to compete to be and have the best - in all life aspects.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself as a mother in this world to realize that my desire for my child to have the best man to take care of her in her adult life has a direct influence of my child becoming a participant in the secret war between women wherein, I will teach my child how to behave, dress, stand, talk for her to have the best man without realizing that my child would then thus, compete, compare and judge other female in her world, consciously, subconsciously and unconsciously in her attempt to define herself as something in this world.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as a mother in this world to stand in front of the mirror and look at myself in self judgement and within that essentially standing as an example for my child that self appearance as a greater value than anything else and I haven't realized or considered that my own self judgement is being imprinted in my daughter's mind and within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that self judgement is always in comparison to a picture/image in my mind of a perfect symbolism that I've created in relation to other women and through that perfect symbolism I'm participating in the secret war between women, always trying to elevate myself upon another without seeing my responsibility towards my own allowance of my mind being the directive principle but also my responsibility as the educator of my child by passing on the war between women to my child by a simple act of looking at myself in the mirror.

I commit myself to show and expose the self interest desire  of having the best and the consequences it has on our society wherein, we will move and direct ourselves to have a momentary experience of reward (which is based on energy) by getting the new best thing without considering the enslavement chain in the production process, as well as the abuse of the earth's resources and within that, I will prove that the only reason we have ignored those aspects was because we are brainwashed consumers that has no respect for LIFE nor the participants within this existence.

I commit myself to show and make it clear that the current media is based on the starting point of profit and greed regardless the harm that it cause to earth as well as earth's inhabitants and I commit myself to show, reveal and expose the consequences the media has on the children of tomorrow, the children that could have been taught how to lead and establish a world that is best for all but instead, they are being brainwashed from the first encounter with TV into become a future consumers and a lesser human being than who they really are as LIFE.

I commit myself, as a woman in this world, to lead the way towards a world that is best for all because I realize that WHO I AM isn't defined by the generation that has come before me and thus, I see my responsibility as a human being in this world and I will utilize this ONE LIFE to make the utmost of it as a directive decision to walk/lead us to a world that we would like to pass on to the next generation to come - a world where all are taken care of as their birth right, regardless their race, color, religion, gender or culture.

I commit myself to stand as an example for my children and the children of this world as a whole and to consider that unless I'm changing myself according to a principle of that which is best for all, my example has no value as we have proven it already with the manifestation of this cruel world.