I have to Say Something - Day 44

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to desire speaking when I'm in the presence of another human being and thus, I would look at my information and memory data base in my mind, for something relevant to say or talk about and instead of stopping and simply be HERE, breathing and being comfortable within myself in the presence of another and check Who I am at the moment and how I can assist and support myself with clearing myself and remaining here, I force myself to speak, to avoid the uncomfortably that I experience with silence when I'm in the presence of another.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself force myself to speak when I'm in the presence of another human being because I feel uncomfortable with silence and I haven't realized that the uncomfortably that I'm experiencing with regards to silence is because I have never been silent within myself and my human physical body, Here, within and as the breath and I have no idea how to move and direct myself within silence because as long as I live, there was always a movement, back chatting, inner conversation in my mind where silence and hereness was never part of the equation.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to be and become comfortable within myself and my human physical body because I have defined comfortableness through my mind, as experience that I can only have through having conversation either with myself in my mind or with other human beings and I haven't ever consider that the experience of being comfortable is based on energy participation instead of an physical expression.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear being judged as a boring person to hang out with when I'm remaining silent and not speaking much and thus, I forced myself to speak and be communicative and I haven't realized that in that moment, I'm being directed by my mind and that self judgment is my directive principle which raise the question: Who is than the being that speaks/communicate because obviously, it wasn't a decision that I have made to move and direct myself when I followed blindly after my mind and forced myself to speak.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have refused to see that I have never really been comfortable with myself within and as the breath because I've defined/judged/associated/connected/attached comfortableness and energy and thus, to be able to feel comfortable, I had either speak with myself or with another human being to generate energy.

I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to consider Physical Comfortableness with myself and my body when I'm with other beings because I've defined myself according to how others perceive me and thus, if I get positive feedback, I feel comfortable and when the negative feedback arrives, I would feel uncomfortable and yet, I have failed to realize that Who I Am as comfortableness isn't define by anyone but it is a physical expression that is equal to and one as Who I am.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to question/consider why is it that I require to go to my information/memory data in my mind to be able to communicate instead of simply breathe and speak what ever is Here with no previous preparations and within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to limited my expression to that which is in my information/memory data base in separation of me and haven't allowed myself to align to all that is here.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to relay and be dependent on my information/memory data base to be able to communicate and within that to limit and restrain myself to my mind instead of becoming a physical expression within my living application.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to desire speaking and communicate with people in my environment just for the sake of speaking because I've defined myself according to the feedback that I'm getting within the communication process and thus, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to search for a point to communicate about with the beings in my environment because I require the energy boost from them which I can get through their feedback and I have refused to see that who I am within the desire to speak is an energy addict that require a dose the energy drug to sustain myself and my personalities.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as an energy vampire to suck energy from the attention that I'm getting from other beings and thus, I experience myself as "I have to say something" because otherwise I won't be noticeable which is an important element for my personality survival.

I commit myself to stop looking and searching for conversation topics when I'm in the presence of other human beings and simply be Here, breath by breath.

I commit myself to stand in comfortability when and as I'm in the presence of other human beings because I realize that Who I am is not dependent of where and with whom I am

I commit myself to establish comfortablity within myself that is not defined according to thoughts, emotions, feelings
I commit myself to stop my inner conversation, back chat, thoughts that gave me the wrong impression of comfortableness and to stand as a physical expression of comfortableness that can be measured in every breath.

I commit myself to stop the energy consumption of my human physical body through the desire of feeling comfortable because I realize that comfortableness as a physical expression doesn't require any movement of energy but actually vice versa - physical expression of and as comfortableness is when there is no movement of energy and self is 'Here', breathing, equal to and one as the human physical body and all that exists.

I commit myself to stop following my mind in the attempt to find a point to speak about in my information/memory data base because I realize that when I'm following my mind, the directive principle is fear and self judgement which indicate that I'm not present, aware and attentive and essentially, not breathing.

I commit myself to stop existing as energy and become a living physical expression.
I commit myself to stop the habit of getting energy through the attention that I'm getting when I'm speaking and thus I stop the experienced of "I must say something" to draw attention and getting energy.

I commit myself to stop the dependency on the information/memory data base in my mind and simply be Here, present, attentive, aware and breath.

I commit myself to stop the vampire energy sucking to sustain the personalities that I've created and become a physical living being by walking breath by breath.

Judgment isn't Fun - Day 38

Life Review - Expecting Appreciation from Others

            Life Review - Expecting Appreciation from Others

This blog is a continuation of yesterday blog where I would take the point of Responsibility within the relationship with Self judgement and Time. It is NOT fair - Day 37

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge every moment that I'm not walking my responsibilities as wrong/bad/negative and I haven't realized that my upmost responsibility is towards myself in making sure that I'm 'Here', in breath, as a physical Living expression without being influenced by my mind and within that, I forgive myself that I've separated myself from my responsibilities because I've created a personality entity towards it and I've used my responsibilities to maintain worth, validation and acceptance by others and abdicated the REAL responsibility of assisting and supporting me to become a physical living expression and direct everything that I do within the starting point of Who I am as a breath by breath Decision to walk as the principle that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my relationships with beings in my world because I have given more value to my responsibilities than to physically enjoyable the connection with  other beings as well as, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to experience my self as righteous because I care more about my responsibilities in comparison to what they do with their time and thus, I deliberately won't allow myself to enjoy my time with them because than, I'm apparently, not standing as an example to them which within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to use and abuse my responsibilities through attempting to gain the experience of being self righteous by comparing that which I do to that which others are doing.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that standing as an example is within What I do in separation of myself, instead of standing as an example of Who I am within a breath by breath decision to walk and move myself according to that which is best for all.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to deliberately not enjoy myself with other beings in my world because I'm trying to make them experience guilt for them not taking the responsibility that I think they should take and within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to stand as an example to support the beings in my world because I've tried to diminish them within the belief that if they experience guilt, they will move themselves faster. 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to - when I'm in a moment of social gathering with beings that I define as more than me, to pretend that I must stop the entertainment and get back to my responsibilities so that those people could appreciate me and see that I am a devoted being, within that hope that maybe they will judge themselves through my words/acts and thus, I won't be the only being who judge myself but they will do the same onto themselves.

SO - after writing those 2 blogs, it is clear that Who I am isn't define by what I do. Everything that I've done thus far was from the starting point of self interest within the hope of getting appreciation from others through what I do. Within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that I require others to appreciate what I do to be able to define myself as worthy and I haven't consider that worthiness is a breath by breath expression that I am Equal to and One as if only I allow and accept worthiness as ME.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that I'm able to maintain and gain self worth through what I do and I haven't consider who I am within what I do which show the extent of separation that I've accepted and allowed myself to exist as.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to what I do and thus, been frustrated that I don't have enough time to do all that I see as beneficial to do because I have limited myself within the perception of Time without considering that there is so much that one can do in every breath but because I've defined myself according to time within the frame of what I do, I've missed a breath, missed myself within the breath and missed the physical LIFE that is here, awaiting for me to realize myself as who I am.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be hard on myself and haven't allowed myself to enjoy myself with myself and with other beings in my world because my mind was running haywire, thinking of what I should do, what I haven't done yet, what needs to be done, "it's not fair" and so on.

I commit myself to enjoy myself breath by breath by breath as who I am within everything that I do.

I commit myself stop being hard on myself and allow me to BREATHE myself out of my mind and into the physical.

I commit myself to worthy myself as Who I am and stop defining myself and others according to what we do.

I commit myself to enjoy my time with other beings in my world as breath by breath hereness, and I direct myself to when I'm with people as well as when I'm alone, to shut the mind out and physically direct and move myself Here.

I commit myself to walk my responsibilities as equal to and one as who I am and reassess everything that I do, to allocate my starting point and change it if required.

I commit myself to stop limiting myself to the perception of Time.

I commit myself to STOP riding on the back of others within the attempt of getting validation of worth from others.

I commit myself to delete all the personalities that I've created throughout my life that served my self interest and to reconstruct myself according to WHO I am, breath by breath, same tomorrow, now and yesterday.

No one Considers me!!!! - Day 33

Art by Scott Cook

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to access a possession of self victimization when and as I perceive that I haven't been considerate by another and what ever the other is saying to me is not being heard by me within that moment as I totally disregards any form of common sense because at that moment of possession all I can hear in my mind saying: "ME... ME... I... I... ME... ME... I wasn't considerate".

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to become reactive within anger, frustration and hatred when and as I perceive someone to not consider me and I haven't realized that accessing those emotions will not be of any assistance within and as directing that which require direction or letting go that which required letting go.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to hear common sense that is shared with me when I access self pity and self victimization because all I want to do is to justify and validate why I'm allowed to be angry and furies and if the person who I'm sharing my anger with isn't give me the validation but instead standing stable and pushing common sense, I get emotionally possessed even more till I cry as the last change to manipulate through tears, so that I would finally be recognized as the victim and within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to be self honest about the source/origin/core reason of crying as a way to manipulate others to relate, agree and validate my anger/frustration and even though I questioned myself for the reason I cry and I couldn't find the reason, I haven't pushed myself to become self honest even with myself to see the manipulation origin/core/source point and thus, abdicated my responsibility to be the directive principle of myself and my world by not taking any shit from myself.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to disregard common sense when I'm in a moment of possession in the nature of self victimization/pity and thus, compromised myself within walking a time loop until I get to the point of self responsibility where I finally Stop, and direct myself to not accept any shit from myself.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the self interest starting and directive principle which I've allowed myself to walk as throughout my life where only I must be heard and only I must be considered and when those needs do not meet the physical reality, I'm reacting in anger, frustration and fury and will then thus, do what ever it takes to get everyone eventually do what ever I wanted them to do for me through all kind of manipulations and means.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to feel proud at myself for being a person who will always get what I want and through proudness I've missed the obvious that - If I'm able to fight for my self interest and do what ever it takes to get what I want, I'm more than able to do the same for the entire world from the starting point of what is best for all and then thus, walking self interest will transform to walking what's best for all through the realization that what is best for all IS best for me as I'm part of the all.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself as the basic nature of self interest wherein I will fight and go against anything that is not with my best self interest and within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to within the fight for my own self interest, I have NOT consider everyone and everything equally and allowed a world that is full of self interest beings that are fighting against each other without looking at the obvious that when we walk according to that which is best for all and change ourselves to beings that consider everyone and everything, we can establish a world that is honourable and worthy for all.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to walk breath by breath by breath and instead, accepted and allowed moments of possessions where I've perceived that my self interests needs are not being met while the fact of the matter was that if I would stop for a moment and look at the entire equation, I was the one who haven't considerate others and thus common sense living application as what is best for all was not applied.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that changing the world will not be an easy task as there would be many beings that will perceive the change as not being considerate towards them because of the inherent pre-programming of self interest however, what is not understood is that the out come of a change such as the Equal Money System is that it is what is in fact best for ALL as that will allow all being on earth to have a dignified LIFE, no one will never starve, the earth resources won't be abused by the name of profit and will be distributed equally, everyone will have free access to education, health care, housing and much more.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that there would be many people who will reject and fight against the Equal Money System because they will feel that their needs are not met as and thus, an equality system doesn't considerate their self interest however, I allow myself to stand in the face of resistance and keep on going breath by breath towards that which is absolute BEST for all in all ways possible and I realise that it will time take and a process or re-education until all could see that What is best for all IS the ultimate consideration of everything and everyone as equal beings that has the rights for equality from birth to death.

I commit myself to stop my base nature desire of self interest and transform self interest to best for all interest.

I commit myself to transform my nature to best for all nature where I consider everyone and everything equally.

I commit myself to walk the living expression of the principle of do onto another that which you'd like to be done to you and I commit myself to stand as an example despite of the nature of others who will try and exploit me as the living expression of principles that is best for all due to generation after generation of self interest based programming because who I am isn't define by other beings actions/reaction but who I am is a direct reflection of that which I allow and accept from myself and others as the physical living application.

I commit myself to educate the children of this world to be an become the living example of the principles that are best for all

I commit myself to stand despite of the resistance to change from those who will regard the Equal Money System as not being considerate to them and I trust my to walk as the trust of my breathing as long as I alive, breath by breath by breath.

I commit myself to show, explain and demonstrate why the Equal Money System is in fact a system that I best for all LIFE as accumulation of the units/individuals that forms this life.

I commit myself to show and expose my own process of how I assisted and supported myself to transform self interest application to what's best for all living application through self writing, self forgiveness and self immediate and physical correction, and I will prove to all the a change that is best for all IS possible.

I commit myself to use and utilize my human physical body as a cross reference point when walking self correction so that if for example I'm working with emotional possession which cause a throat pain, I speak the words: "This is not acceptable, I'm not allowing this shit from myself, I do not allow and accept myself to remain possessed, I'm the directive principle and I move myself to STOP and thus, I stop the possession, here, Now, pain stop" and if the pain stopped, I confirmed the correction and the pain hasn't stop, I push myself further within self honesty and self trust. 

please watch my vlog:

How to stand when the Mind Protests - Journey to Life

http://youtu.be/IM7sS4uWfVs

Who I am is a Free Choice? Day 23

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to move and motivate myself according to what and how other people will see me and I failed to see that I’m defining myself according to What I do instead of Who I am as the decision within what I do and thus, separated myself from myself by NOT walking my life as WHO I am but only as What I do to define Who I am and within that, I’ve missed LIFE, I’ve missed myself as I gave my entire power away to the enslavement system of and as the mind and within that, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my responsibility to walk the decision of Who I Am as Life and direct myself and this world according to Principle of Oneness and Equality as What is best for all because What I do was always in the nature of Self Interest and thus, Who I have become is/was in the nature of Self Interest, always looking for rewards within what I do as the incentive to Live.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fail to see that Who I am as a self interest Principle is in fact Evil because while I allowed myself to direct and move myself within self interest, I’ve abdicated the responsibility to see that that which I’m allowing myself within, I allow in the world system and thus, the manifestation of the world as we know it today, is a direct reflection of my participation from the starting point of self interest and yet, despite of the physical reflection as the world as myself, I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to change and take responsibility for myself and this world as ONE.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that this world is a direct reflection of my acceptance and allowed self interest participation with and as the mind and I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to SEE and realize WHO I AM as Life and thus, limited my expression to my own self interest desires and allowed a world to be control and directed through and as self interest desires that manifested an abusive and cruel world as we exists within and as today.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to give my power away within the belief that I have no power to change this world but what I’ve failed to realized is that changing the world start with changing self as what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be and become is in direct relationship to what I’ve accepted and allowed this world to become and thus, through the accepted belief that I’ve no power to change this world, I’ve gave up on myself and this world and allowed the compromise of billions of beings in this world in blinded faith of my self interests and fearful beliefs.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I have control over my life and that I have a free choice within it and yet, I’ve failed to see that my “free choice” is defined by my self interest desires and if I would really have a free choice, I would have chosen Life that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think and belief that I have a free choice and yet, I’ve failed to see that my free choice is defined according to how much money I have to fulfil my self interest desires as well as, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to live in a world where only a select few can fulfil their self interest desires instead of living in a world where the self interest desires is a LIFE that is best for all which is NOT defined according to Money but according to practical living expression that is of a support of LIFE as the sum up relationships between humans, natures and animals within an agreement to live, direct and express that which is best for all in every given moment.

                                         

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that Beings has a free choice and if they live in poverty and/or abusive Life situations it is due to their Karma and they have the capability to assist and support themselves to change their experience and I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that the nature of this belief is based on my own self interest desires through justifying and making excuses of why I do not have to stand up and  assist those beings through and as the principle of what is best for all because if I would, I would have to give up my own self interest desires and in essence, I would have to give up my Life and, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear giving up my self interest desires as well as giving up my LIFE because I couldn’t grasp that LIFE is an accumulate relationship that works together within an agreement of what is best for all and that my life, is just a limited version of what LIFE is and thus, giving up the limited version of LIFE is to be in fact able to Live LIFE for the very first time in Equality and oneness.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that the only Free Choice that exists is to become LIFE that is best for all. And I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to make decisions based on my free choice despite the fact that the consequences are in no way best for all because If I have walked my life in the ultimate free choice, I would have NOT accepted and allowed the abusive and Evil nature that I’ve become which has been proven by my backchat and I would have pushed myself to STOP, correct and change and become LIFE that is best for all in every breath, in every step, in every moment.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to failed to see that If I would have a free choice, I would have chosen Life that is best for all and I would not accept anything less than that, from myself and from others in this world.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to continue participating with my backchats, internal conversations and secret mind, despite of the fact that I’ve proven to myself time after time after time that the backchat, internal conversation and the secret mind are always based on self interest desires and has nothing to do with WHO I am as Life as a physical expression and yet, through my acceptances and allowances of such participation in the mind, I’ve proven that I’m less than Life, I’m less than WHO I Am as Life and that I’m limited, control and enslaved to a system that abuse Life and all that is Here. And Thus, I’m making the commitment today, Now, in this very moment, to STOP my blinded acceptance and allowance of the backchat, internal conversation and secret mind because I realized that as long as I accept and allow my own participation in the mind, I’m abusing, sabotaging and compromising myself and this world and thus, when and as I see myself accessing a backchat, internal conversation and secret mind participation, I stop, I breathe, and I bring myself back here to and as my human physical body. I immediately correct and direct myself to change through self forgiveness and deletion of the pattern until it is done.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to walk my talk wherein even though I’ve realized the consequences of my acceptance and allowance participation in my mind, I’ve still haven’t taken the responsibility to STOP in every moment and direct myself according to principle of Oneness and Equality because every time that I’ve accepted a back chat as valid, as me, I’ve further separated myself and access another time loop. Within that, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to failed to see that as long as I accept and allow the shit to continue within me, I accept and allow the shit to exists in this world and thus, I’ve abdicated the responsibility to stand as an example and direct myself and this world to a world that is best for all in all ways possible.

I commit myself to take the responsibility of assisting and supporting myself in every moment of every breath to get back to myself as a living expression of a physical LIFE.

I commit myself to immediately direct each and every point that I’ve missed that is proven through my participation in my mind and correct my living application in the moment of breath.

I commit myself to do so till I’m Life in fact and thus stand as a pillar of support for ALL as Equal as One as Me, as Life.

I commit myself to expose the nature of free choice that is accepted in this world and prove that   what we perceive to be free choice at the moment is a free choice to continue abusing ourselves and each other in this world and I commit myself to do whatever it takes to show and support the world that the only free choice that we truly exists is the free choice to become LIFE and that will be determine by the relationship that we have with each other as a whole within the establishing of a new world that is best for all.