The Death of Experiences - Day 58

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that when I hear another's past experience description, I associate the description with my own pre-program designs as the desires of energetic experiences and thus, come up with a conclusion of how I would experience the experience within myself to the extent to which I will allow myself to direct my life in the attempt to get the perceived experience  with no directive awareness of 'Who I am' in every moment of every breath.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that any experience that one is seeking and desiring for is due to one's past:  either through one's own past memory experience data base that one is holding onto or either for example, when one has heard another's description of an experience which then thus, one has associated it with one's own pre-program information data base, shaped and mould the experience within one's own frame of reference and eventually, imprinted the desired experience into one's flesh. Within that, I forgive myself that I haven't seen, realized or understood that those pasts memory experience imprints are controlling and enslaving our present and Future instead of us being the directive principle 'HERE' walking our living physical expression in every moment of every breath according to that which is best for all.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have failed to see that desire for an experience is always contain with self interest where one will first consider oneself and disregard everyone else as long as one can hold onto a momentary illusion of energy high, despite of the fact that once the energy high will fade away, one will remain with an unfulfilled experience of oneself and will immediately seek for the next self interest energy source to feed self with. 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that within my pursuit of self interest desires/experiences, I'm abdicating my responsibility to walk with and as myself breath by breath as a living expression of who I am with no strings attached to my past, present or future.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go the desire for an experiences because that is the only thing that I've known myself to be and I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to take a moment and test the point for myself and see who I am as an undefined expression of myself.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that 'who I am' as an accumulation of desires for specific types of experience is not a physical living  expression of LIFE but rather a zombified expression that is limited to a programed memory data base that I lived out in automation state with no directive awareness.

I forgive myself that I've not allowed myself to realized that who I am as energy is not real, it's not LIFE and unless I stop that illusion of me as energy desires for experience, nothing of me will remain when I die as energy can last for so long before it diminish.

“Unless the past pass over -- you will pass over before the past is over”  ~ Bernard Poolman

  (for further context, read this blog - Day 56: The Past is Over)

I commit myself to remain in breath when and as I hear another experience and to not accept and allow myself to drift off into my own mind in the attempt to associate that which I hear to my own memory data base and connect my inner desires to the word that I perceive I'm hearing, as well as, not accepting and allowing myself to imprint the discussion into my flesh as the desires that I have within and as myself and I therefore, support myself to stop creating and recreating  the desires as energy experiences within and as myself.

Within that, I commit myself to stand in breath when and as I'm communicating with other people and to not accept and allow myself to direct myself within the conversation through past memories data base but rather direct myself as who I am, as unconditioned/unlimited expression of myself.

I commit myself to stop the inner desires of energy experiences within and as myself and to rebirth myself as the physical expression of who I am that is not define in anyway according to Energy. and to do that, I commit myself to investigate the creation of myself as energy experience through looking at why/where/when/how I've lost myself to energy and accordingly walk the correction through self forgiveness application in self honesty.

I commit myself to transform my inner self interest desires to practical and physical action which support everything and everyone within and as the principle of that which is best for all and those actions can be cross reference and measured according to the affect/outcome.

I commit myself to for give myself an eternal LIFE that is Physical, constant and infinite by investigating every aspect of me that I've defined according to energy experience, let it go, correct my living application through a process of self forgiveness in self honesty.

The Secret War between Women starts at home - Part 2 - Day 54

This is a continuation to:

The Secret War between Women - Overview - Day 52

The Secret war between Women - the Childhood years - Part 1 - Day 53

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that the war between women starts at home - between Mother/daughter and/or sisters and I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as a mother in this world to support the secret war between women through me standing as an example of competition, comparison, gossiping, jealousy and judgment and within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that by me standing as an example of competition, comparison, judgement and jealousy, I'm imprinting those components into my child's mind and then, my child will design and program herself accordingly wherein she would compete, compare and judge other women in her world either internally or externally.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as a child in this world to compete with my siblings for the love of my parents within the desire of being loved the most through which I have created multiple personalities, habits and mannerism which I've carried with me later on within the world system wherein I will secretly fight with other women for the love and attention of men and thus, allow myself to participate in my secret mind within spiteful and judgmental thoughts to elevate my experience of myself and talk myself into the belief that I'm better, superior and more than other women in this world.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as a child in this world, to believe I must compete for my parents attention with my siblings and thus, created from a very young age back chat in the nature of comparison, competition, jealousy, spitefulness and judgement towards my siblings which later than, I've externalized the back chat towards other beings in my life because I've taken for granted the competitive nature of me through walking the example of those who have come before me.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as a parent in this world to support the internal and external competition that my daughters are participating with to get my love and attention and despite of seeing how it's playing out and the experience of my daughters within themselves, I have allowed them to continue participating with comparison/competition without giving them practical tools to face that which they face as well as explaining them the design of competition/comparison because I perceived those components to be normal, important and valid without taking a moment for myself, to investigate and introspect myself to see the core/origin/source of competition/comparison and accordingly, stop myself, change myself and stand as an example for my children so that they could empower and grow themselves instead of becoming lesser human beings in this world in a full and separated integration with their mind.

I commit myself to show how back chat in the nature of competition, comparison, jealousy, judgment and spitefulness are being programmed in the first 7 years of children's lives and how the parents are responsible for the imprint and creation of the child's backchats through the example the parents are standing as.

I commit myself to be attentive and aware of my children attempt to win my love and attention over their siblings and within that, explain to my children the games they are allowing in their mind, the consequences of such participation, as all as providing them with practical tool to assist and support themselves throughout their lives.

I commit myself to debunk the inherited belief that competition is healthy components in one's lives as a catalysts/motivator for one's movement/direction in life and prove that one do not require external forces to move and direct oneself but instead, one can become the directive principle of one's life within the principle of that which is best for all.

I commit myself to assist and support with the research and development of parental skills for children between the age of 0-7 as those are the most crucial years where the child will develop their personalities according to the example their parents superimpose on them.

Expecting the worst - Day 49

Art by Marlen Vargas Del Razo

Art by Marlen Vargas Del Razo

This a continuation for my blog post from yesterday - Lost in the Future - Day 48

I forgive myself that I've accepted allowed myself to dramatize and make things bigger in my head and always expecting for the worst to happened and I have failed to realize that within walking breath by breath and facing everything that comes on my way within stability and calmness, I'm able to direct myself effectively and make decisions that has actual physical ground instead of trying and attempting to make decisions that are based on reactions of fear that do not support me or anyone else.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to always think and believe that things will get worse and thus, I must prepare myself for each scenario that might emerge and I haven't considered that by those very thoughts, I'm actually creating the way before me for the worst out come that I will face instead of taking the responsibility to write it down for myself and see what is able to be faced, correct and walked and to stop the creation of unnecessary consequences.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the consequences of participating in the dramatized thoughts, reactions, feelings and emotions in my mind and thus, instead of focusing on the things that I can change, I'm being occupied in my mind in irrelevant thoughts and within that, denying myself the opportunity to direct, move and walk myself breath by breath in absolute self responsibility.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to instead of enjoying that which is here, to hold on the thoughts of: "it soon going to be over and I'm going to be disappointed so I better not allow myself to make the utmost of it" and I simply wait impatient for stuff to get worse. Within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the consequences that I'm creating through accessing my mind and always waiting for the worse to happen because I have failed to realize how the mind works, how creation works and my responsibility within it.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself in a moment where things are actually getting worse, to panic and react in fear and instead of breathing, slowing myself down and look at the equations, I allowed myself to access my mind within the belief that I can make it work if I think about gateways to avoid that which is here for me to face, that which I've created in my own hands (or minds lol) and sort the shit out for once and for all instead of going time after time in a cycle that leads to no where; a time loop.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to - within a relationship/agreement, to always fear that the relationship/agreement will fail and I'll get hurt and thus, I compromise and mould myself within several personalities that which one of them can give me a fake security and yet, I haven't realized that the very fear of ending the relationship/agreement will manifest itself for me to be able to face, stand up and clear myself from the dependency that I've created in separation of me, regardless of how many personalities I will create to be able to maintain the relationship agreement.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to deliberately create Dramas in my life so that I could align myself with my friends within the starting point of having something to share/talk about and be the one that things happened to her so that I could get attention from my friends and within that I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to consider the harm and abuse that I'm causing to myself and my human physical body within the drama creation only for feeling a part of a friendship relationship without realizing that if I require drama to sustain my relationships in my life, what value the relationship hold? Why am I allowing myself to participate in relationship where I require to supply dramatic stories to spice up the communication and I haven't allowed myself to establish supportive communication where instead of creating a mind reality, we assist and support each other to create a physical reality that is based on the principle of that which is best for all.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define dramatized life as interesting and thus, when friends shared with me all the dramas that are happening in their life, I've judged my life as boring and I haven't realized that within that moment of judgement, I've made the decision to create dramas which than, I took myself to places that was literally unnecessary to walk  for the sake of having 'interesting Life experience' without any consideration of the consequences, the outflows and the prices that I will pay for my decision.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define 'Drama' within the experience of feeling alive and I have failed to see that living in my mind within the drama creations is in no way a form of LIFE  but in fact, a form of self abuse.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to worry about the future and expect the worst to happened and thus, instead of speaking and standing up and direct the point, I allowed myself to backchat in my mind within the attempt of figuring out a solution and I haven't considered that a solution must be physical and practical and it will not be magically fixed if I continue thinking about it without doing something about it - either within myself through writing and SF if the point doesn't have a physical ground to it or through communicating the point and ask for assistance if the point can be physically directed.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that the real and physical Drama that exists is of those who have nothing to eat and no where to live while I'm busy occupying myself in my mind within my own created Drama and I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to= while being preoccupied in my mind within self creating Drama, I've ignore, disregarded or considered the real Drama of this physical realty.

I commit myself to stop the Drama in my mind and to stop creating unnecessary Drama in my physical LIFE.

I commit myself to develop and establish relationships that are not based on Drama but rather based on supportive communication within the principle of that which is best for all.

I commit myself to stop existing in the future within the pattern of expecting for the worst to happened and to walk myself breath by breath, Here - face, direct and correct that which required to be faced.

I commit myself to stop looking for Drama as a pattern that I've programmed myself throughout my life and instead simply walk in self trust because I am more than capable to walk breath by breath and face my own self creation within a process of stopping pattern by pattern until I'm absolutely here, as a living physical expression.

I commit myself to show the difference between mind created drama and a physical drama to assist those who are busy in their mind to step out of it to be able to stand up and correct the real drama that exists in this world which requires immediate consideration and correction.

 

I commit myself to assist and support with those who dare facing and change themselves and that which they have become in their process of stopping their patterns one by one, breath by breath.

I commit myself to show and explain in details how and why we have separated ourselves from all that is here into our own little bubble of the mind within thoughts, emotions and feelings and show by example how to assist and support oneself within taking responsibility for one's mind, stop patterns, align oneself to oneself in equality and oneness and to finally live a life that is not determined by the mind but is walked in alignment with and as the physical.

Help!! - They are influencing me - Day 32

Art by Scott Cook

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by the words of others when and as I experience myself as inferior and thus, I believe and perceive that they know better and I should submit to their suggestion/obligation/authority  without considering the point for myself within common sense and accordingly, make a decision within self trust and walk the decision as a physical living application.

I forgive myself that I've been accepting and allowing myself to follow other beings words without considering the words for myself and WHO I am within the words as well as not investigating the words as a living expression and thus walking like a automated robot as words that I haven't integrated as myself in alignment in separation of me.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to take the words of those who I define as more than me and follow blindly what I've been told because I haven't respected and trusted myself enough to walk and direct myself according to WHO I Am as the living expression of the words within alignment to as and me.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to obey to the beings whom I defined as more than me and within that, allowed myself to be inferior to my self and haven't allowed myself to become the authority of myself as my mind within the practical living application as the directive principle of myself and my world.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to follow other beings that I define as more than/authority because I haven't allowed myself to see the points for myself as well as giving me the permission to see the points for myself and thus, compromised and limited Who I Am by blindly follow what I've been told instead of taking responsibility and within self honesty, investigate and explore point by point by point for myself and thus, only walk that which is best for all in every moment of every breath.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by other beings and thus, already assumed that I know what their reaction would be and accordingly, design and direct myself according to how other people would like me to be instead of trusting me as WHO I am and direct and move myself without fearing what other beings say or do to me and within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to shape and mould myself according to how other expect me to be through projections and assumptions and I haven't realized that I'm not directly influenced by other people because I'm living it in my own mind without considering the practical common sense, who I am within it and what I will or will not accept in my world and my reality and basing my decision to principles of that which is best for all. 

Art by Scoot Cook

Within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my responsibility of directing and moving myself according to that which is best for all because I've allowed myself to be influenced by other beings opinions/belief to such an extent that the scene was playing in my mind even before I did the act and I've thus, not directed myself as an expression of life but rather according to society norms as my directive principles despite of the evidence that the society norms are not the principle for the establishment of a world that is best for all because if it was, we were already living and experiencing a world that is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by others opinions/beliefs and thus, compromised and sabotaged my physical living expression by following whom I should be according to the society norms instead of expressing myself as Who I am that is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow through the realization that who I am isn't defined by what I do or How I do and whom I do it with but rather, who I am is the reflection of what I allow, how I allow myself to be and thus - the question is - What, how and WHO will I allow myself to be? Life or Mind? I decide Life.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to take the knowledge and information that is shared with me as the truth without questioning and investigate the information for myself and I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to question the information and knowledge that was shared with me by those whom I perceive and define as more than me because I do not trust or respect myself enough to even question them and the information that was presented.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed and gave permission to myself to be influenced by the manipulation of others whom I feel connected to and accordingly calculate my moves, assessing my expression and reacted and thus, shape and mould myself within the starting point of pleasing and avoid reaction and in that, sabotage, compromise and limiting myself and this world as that which I allow within, I allow without.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see how I'm allowing myself to be influenced by the advertisement on the various kinds of Media and thus, created myself as automated consumer machine within the belief that if I consume, I'll be happy or satisfied as the advertisement instructed and I have never question that point of how is that I accept and allow myself to be moved by something that is separated from me without me being the directive principle that moves myself in every breath.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be influenced and brainwashed by and through those who have come before me, within the belief that they know better as they are the authority that direct and move me and within that, abdicated the responsibility of having authority over myself as the directive principle of myself and this world and I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by those who have come before me within the starting point of they must know better despite of the evidence that if they would have known better, they would have assisted and supported me within becoming the directive principle of myself and this world within the principle of what is best for all lives instead of assisting and supporting me to become a self interest person that do not consider everyone and everything and thus, allowed a world of abuse and suffering while I lived a world of abundance.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed the fears of those who have come before me to influenced me and the decisions that I'm making and walking instead of standing within self trust and directing myself according to that which is best for all because I realize that as I can trust my breath, I can trust myself because I always have the breath to assist and support me with applying my decision of stepping out of my mind, direct and move myself according to that which is best for all as a physical living application.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed blame those whom I perceived to influence me without taking the point back to myself within self responsibility and see how and why I've accepted and allowed myself to be influenced and thus control and enslaved to my own mind. 

Art by Scoot Cook

I commit myself to breath as the trust exists in breath and I commit myself to utilize the breath as my directive principle.

I commit myself to stop blindly follow the words of others and instead, take word by word and redefine it for myself so that I could walk the living expression of the words.

I commit myself to stop the existence of me as inferior and trust my breath to breath application because I realize that authority is my own to become as the authority of myself and I commit myself to NOT accept and allow myself to bounce from one side of the polarity to the other and align myself to myself as a physical living expression.

I commit myself to SEE ME in every moment and to question my existence in self honesty and to not accept and allow myself to blindly follow those who have come before me as I see and realize that there is no living example to follow but the example of myself as the role model that I am for myself alone.

I commit myself to investigate and explore each and every single point that is shared with me so that I won't accept and allow myself to ever again walk as a sheep after others.

I commit myself to make informed decisions after I've questioned and challenged myself in all ways possible so that I can trust WHO I am as a physical living expression in every moment of breath.

I commit myself to stand as an example for the children to come as a living physical expression that stand for what is best for all and do not accept and allow any shit from myself and others.