Is living a burden? - Day 408

In the past week, the physical experience I have had was that of ‘carrying a burden’. Physically it felt like a huge stone sitting at the top of my back, pushing pain towards the neck, shoulder and arm. So I was looking at the word 'Burden' and how my experience in my day to day living in the past week has been of ‘carrying a burden’ in the context of Bernard's death which is when the physical pain had manifested.

So for myself, I see what needs to be done as a living principle, I recognize my skills and how to utilize my skills as a living principle of that which is best for all. Only that thus far, as long as Bernard was around, I allowed myself to not fully commit and accept my abilities and/or my skills as I counted on Bernard to always be here and make sure that everything is done effectively, to cross-reference, to check and assess and so, if it happens that I'm out of synch or not aligned, I conveniently trusted Bernard to be here to show me the points.

Bernard always said that all that is required is a decision and the decision must be absolute to such an extent that nothing inside one moves once a decision is made, no matter what one faces. Now I understand what an absolute decisions means, what self-responsibility means and with the pillar, to which I've abdicated my responsibility no longer being here, I cannot use justifications any longer, I must stand absolute as a living principle - that is my decision I commit to.

So with Bernard not being here, I experienced my responsibilities as a burden, as something that is too much to carry and yet, I tried to force myself to stand as these responsibilities and within that, tried to control the outcomes while not understanding that: as long as I use energy to force myself to walk, the decision I have made is not absolute as it is not coming through as a natural expression of and as myself. I continued investigating the movement between force and natural expression and I have found that the only thing that separated me from moving as an expression is my own self interest. Meaning, the decision to stand and walk as a living principle cannot be done while holding on to my self interest, to the preprogram desires, wants and needs; it must be absolute.

"…Now, what is interesting is that most of the things that come up in our Minds have a direct-relationship to the “I”, where we exist through the Mind’s I and not the ‘physical eyes’, where we exist within Illusion instead of reality – where we will thus in such a moment only see the “I’s WANT” – instead of through the physical eyes, in terms of ‘who/what’s involved, what’s the responsibility in reality, what’s the consequence if I do not stand/direct/change/take responsibility in this moment, what would be best for all and my relationship to all/everything involved with taking this action/doing this thing/giving direction?’ None of that is taken into consideration in a moment, only the I of the Mind and its WANT, the MY WANT is taken into consideration. PLUS one get an added FEELING to it (Man!!! What a Prize!!!) when/as one go into that self-interested relationship of “I and WANT” instead of Here and Responsibility…"

Source: http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com/#sthash.6jhQMxKA.dpuf

And that is exactly the point - moving from the I and Want to Here and Responsibility.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to see this life as a burden and within that, hoping for another to walk it for me and for all – as long as I could hold onto my desires, wants and needs without realizing that unless I stand, unless I become the +1 within the equality equation, I am the living expression of a burden, literally. In this, I forgive myself that I haven't accepted my responsibility to stand absolute as a living principle of life that is best for all and thus, I trust myself that I apply myself to the utmost potential of and as myself and within that, I accept my responsibility in this life. In this, I commit myself to when and as I see myself accessing the energetic force of resistance to stand accountable and responsible, to then stop, take a breath, place myself within and as my body, here, and move as a natural expression within the decision to stand as a living principle of and as life that is best for all. I realize that in slowing down, walking moment by moment, it is when I am effective; it is when I support myself and thus others; it is when I am here; and that is my responsibility as it is not so much about what I do, it is who I am within what I do.

Am I willing to have Children with this Person? - Day 182

For the purpose of understanding the content of this blog and to assist and support yourself with not creating another dimension in your mind through reading only this blog, I suggest reading:

Menstruation Pains as an Excuse to Indulge- Day 175

Menstruation Pains as an Excuse to Indulge - Self Forgiveness - Day 176

Menstruation Pains as an Excuse to Indulge - Self Commitments - Day 177

The Layers of our Minds - Day 178

The relationship between Fear and Pain - Day 179

Pregnancy Pills to Suppressing Fears - Day 180

Having Sex with A partner you don't want having Kids with - Day 181

 

 

 

I commit myself to SHOW that for practical common sense living application one do not require FEAR as the directive principle and in this, I commit myself to show that the fears one had define as Positive fears to protect oneself from one's world/reality can be altered and change to practical common sense living application that one can walk within and as, without the existence of fear within and as oneself.

 

I Commit myself to SHOW that when one is making a decision based on FEAR and making an act that would result in suppressing the FEAR within and as oneself so that self won't have to face the fear, physical consequences may emerge that will effect one's life. In this, I commit myself to SHOW the relationship between the Mind and the Physical wherein suppressed fear that were not dealt/sorted out within and as oneself, would manifest consequences that will harm the human physical body.

 

I Commit myself to Always investigate the source/core of any pain I experience within and as myself as I see, realize and understand that I was the one who had created the pain through accepting and allowing all forms of beliefs, ideas, perceptions, opinions about myself that would stand in alignment to my own self interest, without any fundamental ground in cross referencing these components with a physical equal and one result.

 

I Commit myself to Show that having a desire for sex, without understanding what sex IS and how to utilize Sex as a support for oneself, one's body and partner, indicate that one is an automated machine that has no respect for oneself, one's partner and LIFE as all one care about is fulfilling one's desire for nothing but an energy fix to sustain the machine that one had accepted and allowed self to be an become.

 

I Commit myself to get to know my partner within who my partner is and the potential my partner has to stand in alignment with me so that we can together, grow and expand ourselves, utilising our forces in changing ourselves and this world as a whole and until I'm sure and satisfied the agreement can stand in alignment to what's best for all, and that we can spend our life in a commitment to ourselves and each others, Sex wouldn't be part of the picture as I now see, realize and understand the responsibility that comes with sex and the consequences sex might have and in this, I stand here in a commitment to myself to utilize sex as a support structure for both me and my partner and not as a need, desire or want that is based on Energies, manipulations and self interest that may harm me or others.

 

I Commit myself to respect myself and ask myself a question when considering agreement with a prospect partner: "Am I willing to have children with this person?". The reason for this question is to see what movement and reactions comes up from within and in that, making sure I'm not deluding myself in ignoring the signs that I could see when desires/wants/needs are removed from the equation but rather, walking the equation that would lead to the utmost best outcome that would result in and as the principle of that which is best for all.

Having Sex with A partner you don't want having Kids with - Day 181

For the purpose of understanding the content of this blog and to assist and support yourself with not creating another dimension in your mind through reading only this blog, I suggest reading:

Menstruation Pains as an Excuse to Indulge- Day 175

Menstruation Pains as an Excuse to Indulge - Self Forgiveness - Day 176

Menstruation Pains as an Excuse to Indulge - Self Commitments - Day 177

The Layers of our Minds - Day 178

The relationship between Fear and Pain - Day 179

Pregnancy Pills to Suppressing Fears - Day 180

 

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate within the fear of getting pregnant and having a child as my starting point in taking pills and I haven't realized that I do not require fear to be my directive principle but rather, practical common sense in consideration to where I am in my process, whether or not a child would be practical in terms of the support I'm able to gift my child with and so - when seeing in self honesty that having a child is not what is best for all at a specific moment, Pregnancy pills is a practical solution that would stand in alignment to the decision of not having children.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to let the fear go as my directive principle as I believed that having fears is practical instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that being practical and walking my life based on common sense principle doesn't require any fears but simply being here, directly seeing what's here and what would be the best for all application in any given moment.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to still exists in fear when taking pregnancy pills because I know that it's not 100% safe and so, instead of taking the necessary steps to make sure that no pregnancy would emerge, I've allowed hope that everything will be alright while still allowing fears within and as me as well as abdicating my responsibility within the decision of having sex and the consequences that may emerge.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not consider that by the fact that I have fears of getting pregnant indicate that somewhere, deep inside myself, I'm well aware that the partner I'm with, is inadequate and yet, I've accepted and allowed the desire for sex to take over and act in ways I see that is not best for me and thus, not best for all.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be willing to have sex with patterns I was not willing to have children with because I was deliberately used them and abused them as well as myself for the sake of fulfilling my desire for sex without willing to accept the consequences of sex as an act of birthing Life into and as the physical and the responsibilities that comes with having sex.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to deliberately not respect myself by willing to have sex with partner that I wasn't willing to have children with as my directive principle back then was Sex and the desire for sex without any consideration as to what is sex, what is sex to me, who I am as sex, why I am as sex, what is the physical purpose of sex and who am I having sex with.

 

For more context:

Part 1 - My First Love.

Part 2 - What is Love to me?

What is Spiritual Love to me? - Part 3 - Day 158

No Sex - No Relationship - Day 167

Men only think about Sex? - Day 168

Values System Within my Mind – Day 169

The Love Experience - Day 170

Wanting to be Saved by Prince Charming - Day 171

Why Females attracted to Males that are unavailable for a relationship - Day 172

Melancholia after a Break Up - Day 173

Melancholia after Break Up Continued - Day 174

Pregnancy Pills to Suppressing Fears - Day 180

For the purpose of understanding the content of this blog and to assist and support yourself with not creating another dimension in your mind through reading only this blog, I suggest reading:

Menstruation Pains as an Excuse to Indulge- Day 175

Menstruation Pains as an Excuse to Indulge - Self Forgiveness - Day 176

Menstruation Pains as an Excuse to Indulge - Self Commitments - Day 177

The Layers of our Minds - Day 178

The relationship between Fear and Pain - Day 179

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to suppress the fear of getting pregnant and becoming a parent through taking Pregnancy Pills within the Belief that I won't get pregnant when I'm being carful however, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to take the Pregnancy Pills as a mean to not face my fears instead of Looking at the point, clear myself from my own self created fears and walk my life in Practical consideration for and as this physical reality rather than walking my life from the starting point of fears.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to investigate my starting point in what I do and within that, not realizing who I am within what I do. In this - as I've seen through my writings, who I am in taking pregnancy Pills was Fear instead of Practical and Physical Living Human being that see, realize and understand one's responsibility towards oneself and the world as a whole and through this self realization, one would walk breath by breath according to that which is best for all, in absolute self responsibility as one's directive principle.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that I'm being responsible by taking pregnancy pills, not seeing realizing and understanding that being self responsible towards oneself and one's world isn't measured by what one does but rather who one is within what one does and so - Self Responsibility imply - Investigating one's starting point of doing something and clearing all opinions, beliefs, fears, reactions, ideas, emotions and feelings and in that, transform the starting point to self support living consideration for oneself and one's world within and as the principle of that which is best for all.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the Consequences of accepting and allowing walking within the starting point of fear and doing actions to suppress and ignore the fears and in that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to study and understand the relationship between the Mind and the Physical and in that, the physical consequences that are involved in suppressing one's fear instead of facing them, releasing them and standing within and as self trust, self responsibility, and directing self, breath by breath as self, as the directive principle.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to abuse and sabotage myself as my human physical body through accepting headaches when having menstruation as the ultimate truth that I've come to accept and within that acceptance and allowance, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to ignore and hide the fears that are the base of my movement in who I have become as what I do so that I won't have to face who I have become because within me, I know, that once I see myself, I would force myself to change and in remaining blind, I won't have to change.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the relationship between the headaches and my fears of getting pregnant and becoming a parent and through accepting the headaches as normal because other woman experience the same, I've abdicated my responsibility to investigating what Normal is and on what this definition of what Normal is Serves my own self interest desire to remain slave to my own mind to not face myself and practically change.

 

Continuing tomorrow with debunking the fear of getting pregnant and becoming a parent.

The relationship between Fear and Pain - Day 179

For the purpose of understanding the content of this blog and to assist and support yourself with not creating another dimension in your mind through reading only this blog, I suggest reading:

Menstruation Pains as an Excuse to Indulge- Day 175

Menstruation Pains as an Excuse to Indulge - Self Forgiveness - Day 176

Menstruation Pains as an Excuse to Indulge - Self Commitments - Day 177

The Layers of our Minds - Day 178

 

Last week, as I've indicated in my previous blogs, I experienced headache 7 days before getting period and as I've explained and showed, this specific pain was in direct relationship I had created in my mind wherein headaches are part of the Pre-Menstruation cycle as if it was the ultimate truth.

 

However, what about headaches during Menstruation? What belief system have I formed within and as myself that manifested the Headaches during Menstruation time - Headaches that are more likely to turn into a sever migraine?

 

So, 2 days ago, I was looking at the nature of the headache I had experience and I utilized the same technics that I've previously utilized, shown me by my friend, where I push a specific point in my human physical body and in doing so, the memory/thought that comes up would be the thought/memory that I will be working with, to delete, disengage and remove within self honesty, self forgiveness process.

 

I have found a fascinating thought structure that I've assisted and supported myself with applying immediate Self Forgiveness to release myself from recreating the next painful cycle that is connected to the relationship between the belief that Menstruation comes with headaches. The thought was:  "OMG, this headaches might not be related to Menstruation, maybe I have brain tumour"

 

Us human beings, are really fucked up if allowing such thoughts to manifest within and as ourselves, not seeing, realizing and understanding the consequences of accepting and allowing such thought and how through fear that activates the thought we may create things like Brain tumour for us to face what we have accepted and allowed within ourselves for instance - fear of having Cancer.

 

But - the pain didn't stop and when I checked within and as myself whether or not I've in fact moved through this fear however, when this thought wasn't there anymore, I moved through the dimensions of my mind and investigated what I haven't seen yet - where and how I've accepted and allowed fear to manifest as headaches as I've recently realized that our starting point within everything that we do is always related to Fears.

 

And so, I went back in time to look at where the headache started whenever I got period and I found that it started soon after I stopped taking pregnancy pills 4-5 years ago which led me to check and assess my starting point in taking pregnancy pills previously and what was the fear within the starting point which was - Fear of Getting Pregnant and becoming a parent. Now, it is not that I'm saying here that one shouldn't take pills to prevent unwanted pregnancy. What I'm saying is that the starting point should be based on common sense, practical living consideration within self responsibility and self honesty rather being a starting point that is based on fears. What I've seen was that the fear of getting pregnant and becoming a parent was suppressed within and as myself through taking the pregnancy pills and slowly but surely, over time, manifested as a physical pain, once a month, when having menstruation.

 

This point is extensive from the perspective of me requiring a real introspection and within that, sufficient time to walk through this fear, in detail and specificity and therefor, I commit myself to walk through the structure within my next blog and release myself from the fear of getting pregnant and becoming a parent within the multiple dimensions that I'm seeing within and as myself.

Spiritualizing beings that had Died - Day 162

This is a continuation to:

Walking Breath by Breath - Part 1 - Day 160

Walking Breath by Breath - Part 2 - Day 161

 

So, the pain in my back is almost gone, but it's not completely gone which indicate a point that I haven't yet seen, investigated and realized within and as myself.

Today, I will further look at how I've placed my power, my trust in others, how I've spiritualized them within my mind, how I have attached and gave them power, through imagination and how within that, I've lost myself so to speak, lost critical thinking, lost common sense…

 

When I was about 11 years old, I lost my grandfather which I was very much connected with from the perspective of - he had never seen me as a child, as someone who is less than him, he had never judged me, yelled at me or put me down. He was always very much gentle with me. He used to tell me stories about his past and within that, walked me through the common sense point of why and how there is no God for real.

Obviously, he couldn't explain to me how creation was created and how we have evolved to where we are now but what was very much clear to him is that there is no God and if there is a God, than God is a sun of a bitch, the most evil man on earth.

 

The night that he had died, I could feel it even though it was out of the blue, he wasn't old or anything.. Only 75 years old. At that night, I was waking up in the middle of the night from a dream about my grandfather lying on a silver metal bad, with a light on top of him, he was naked with a blanket on and he wasn't moving. I didn't experience any previous death before and I didn't understand what I was seeing in my dream. At 1:00 AM, the phone was ringing, waking me up from my dream. I put myself back to sleep until the morning came. I went up from bed, so many people in our house and my sister came towards me in the attempt to take me aside and tell me what had happened, but I already knew and I started yelling at her. I don't remember what I was saying to her but it was something in the nature of - don't you dare say it, I already know, he is dead..

 

His death was one of the most difficult things I have ever experienced because this man, was my entire world, he was my sanity in a world I couldn't see sanity. He was practical, direct, assertive, caring - something rarely to seen and found in this current world. I knew that from now on, there would be no one that I can trust with telling me the truth, no one that I could trust to never judge me or put me down. I wanted to believe so much that he is still here in spirit so I started talking to him. asking him questions, asking him to assist me with communicate effectively with my parents, asking me to give me signs so that I'll know that I'm in the right path, asking him about guys and what his perspective on them.. It was all fine until it didn't lol.

 

In moments of bad experiences, when things could have gone completely out of balance, completely wrong, and in the last moment something had happened and I was saved by chance, I connected it to my grandfather watching me and taking care of me. I've essentially made him my Guardian Angle, my God, My Saviour.

 

There was a time when things went completely wrong and I couldn't get what I wanted, especially with males that I became obsessed with and they didn't pay attention to me. When the "Love of my Life" had broken up with me and I felt my world had collapsed, I blamed my grandfather. One night, I was driving my car back home, crying so much, like almost a panic attach. I yelled at my grandfather to give me a sign for his existence because if he wouldn't, I wouldn't trust that he is there watching me. Yes, I made some excuses and justifications like - he cannot watch me every single moment and he might assist and support other human beings in certain moment but at that very moment, when I was crying like crazy and yelled at him, I expected him to hear me and give me a sign. I told him that he can take a few days to give me a sign because I didn't know how long it would take him to manifest the sign for me but if it won't happened, I'm done. I would stop this blindly belief.

And so, I stopped. For a few years I didn't talk with my grandfather anymore, I didn't think about him, I stopped looking for signs that where never there and I was completely alone with no one to watch me from way above. Until.. One day. When I was already a spiritual person, I was laying on the couch with my face towards to TV screen. The house was full with candles which created a warmth environment and suddenly… I saw my grandfather, I saw him on the TV screen, giving me a sign for his existence and immediately, the belief had emerged again - my grandfather always there, letting me to experience some life lessons but he had never stop taking care of me.

 

Fortunately, the spiritual phase didn't last so long, it was around 2 years before I had found Desteni and I could finally realize my own responsibility, my own relationship with my mind as imagination, my own reasoning as illusions regarding what is real and what is not, without even testing the points for myself in common sense.

 

So here, I wrote done the story for myself, as the foundation of the point that I would look at in my next blog, regarding my experience with spiritualizing a being, how did it influenced my life, how did it influence my relationships with other human beings, and how I have utilize this being to abdicate my own responsibility through blaming him for my own self creation.

To do this - I would walk my experience and relationship with him before and after he had died to see who I am/was within this relationship, why have I created this godly relationship with him, before and after he had died, to see, realize and understand in more depth how through my relationship with my grandfather, I've accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my own responsibility in standing within and as self trust, directing myself and my world, breath by breath.

 

With regards to After Death Communication – I suggest reading through Creation’s Journey to Life Day 151 onwards as well as watch the following Video: www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=ZGoCC3vID8I

The Death of Experiences - Day 58

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that when I hear another's past experience description, I associate the description with my own pre-program designs as the desires of energetic experiences and thus, come up with a conclusion of how I would experience the experience within myself to the extent to which I will allow myself to direct my life in the attempt to get the perceived experience  with no directive awareness of 'Who I am' in every moment of every breath.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that any experience that one is seeking and desiring for is due to one's past:  either through one's own past memory experience data base that one is holding onto or either for example, when one has heard another's description of an experience which then thus, one has associated it with one's own pre-program information data base, shaped and mould the experience within one's own frame of reference and eventually, imprinted the desired experience into one's flesh. Within that, I forgive myself that I haven't seen, realized or understood that those pasts memory experience imprints are controlling and enslaving our present and Future instead of us being the directive principle 'HERE' walking our living physical expression in every moment of every breath according to that which is best for all.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have failed to see that desire for an experience is always contain with self interest where one will first consider oneself and disregard everyone else as long as one can hold onto a momentary illusion of energy high, despite of the fact that once the energy high will fade away, one will remain with an unfulfilled experience of oneself and will immediately seek for the next self interest energy source to feed self with. 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that within my pursuit of self interest desires/experiences, I'm abdicating my responsibility to walk with and as myself breath by breath as a living expression of who I am with no strings attached to my past, present or future.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go the desire for an experiences because that is the only thing that I've known myself to be and I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to take a moment and test the point for myself and see who I am as an undefined expression of myself.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that 'who I am' as an accumulation of desires for specific types of experience is not a physical living  expression of LIFE but rather a zombified expression that is limited to a programed memory data base that I lived out in automation state with no directive awareness.

I forgive myself that I've not allowed myself to realized that who I am as energy is not real, it's not LIFE and unless I stop that illusion of me as energy desires for experience, nothing of me will remain when I die as energy can last for so long before it diminish.

“Unless the past pass over -- you will pass over before the past is over”  ~ Bernard Poolman

  (for further context, read this blog - Day 56: The Past is Over)

I commit myself to remain in breath when and as I hear another experience and to not accept and allow myself to drift off into my own mind in the attempt to associate that which I hear to my own memory data base and connect my inner desires to the word that I perceive I'm hearing, as well as, not accepting and allowing myself to imprint the discussion into my flesh as the desires that I have within and as myself and I therefore, support myself to stop creating and recreating  the desires as energy experiences within and as myself.

Within that, I commit myself to stand in breath when and as I'm communicating with other people and to not accept and allow myself to direct myself within the conversation through past memories data base but rather direct myself as who I am, as unconditioned/unlimited expression of myself.

I commit myself to stop the inner desires of energy experiences within and as myself and to rebirth myself as the physical expression of who I am that is not define in anyway according to Energy. and to do that, I commit myself to investigate the creation of myself as energy experience through looking at why/where/when/how I've lost myself to energy and accordingly walk the correction through self forgiveness application in self honesty.

I commit myself to transform my inner self interest desires to practical and physical action which support everything and everyone within and as the principle of that which is best for all and those actions can be cross reference and measured according to the affect/outcome.

I commit myself to for give myself an eternal LIFE that is Physical, constant and infinite by investigating every aspect of me that I've defined according to energy experience, let it go, correct my living application through a process of self forgiveness in self honesty.

No one Considers me!!!! - Day 33

Art by Scott Cook

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to access a possession of self victimization when and as I perceive that I haven't been considerate by another and what ever the other is saying to me is not being heard by me within that moment as I totally disregards any form of common sense because at that moment of possession all I can hear in my mind saying: "ME... ME... I... I... ME... ME... I wasn't considerate".

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to become reactive within anger, frustration and hatred when and as I perceive someone to not consider me and I haven't realized that accessing those emotions will not be of any assistance within and as directing that which require direction or letting go that which required letting go.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to hear common sense that is shared with me when I access self pity and self victimization because all I want to do is to justify and validate why I'm allowed to be angry and furies and if the person who I'm sharing my anger with isn't give me the validation but instead standing stable and pushing common sense, I get emotionally possessed even more till I cry as the last change to manipulate through tears, so that I would finally be recognized as the victim and within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to be self honest about the source/origin/core reason of crying as a way to manipulate others to relate, agree and validate my anger/frustration and even though I questioned myself for the reason I cry and I couldn't find the reason, I haven't pushed myself to become self honest even with myself to see the manipulation origin/core/source point and thus, abdicated my responsibility to be the directive principle of myself and my world by not taking any shit from myself.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to disregard common sense when I'm in a moment of possession in the nature of self victimization/pity and thus, compromised myself within walking a time loop until I get to the point of self responsibility where I finally Stop, and direct myself to not accept any shit from myself.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the self interest starting and directive principle which I've allowed myself to walk as throughout my life where only I must be heard and only I must be considered and when those needs do not meet the physical reality, I'm reacting in anger, frustration and fury and will then thus, do what ever it takes to get everyone eventually do what ever I wanted them to do for me through all kind of manipulations and means.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to feel proud at myself for being a person who will always get what I want and through proudness I've missed the obvious that - If I'm able to fight for my self interest and do what ever it takes to get what I want, I'm more than able to do the same for the entire world from the starting point of what is best for all and then thus, walking self interest will transform to walking what's best for all through the realization that what is best for all IS best for me as I'm part of the all.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself as the basic nature of self interest wherein I will fight and go against anything that is not with my best self interest and within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to within the fight for my own self interest, I have NOT consider everyone and everything equally and allowed a world that is full of self interest beings that are fighting against each other without looking at the obvious that when we walk according to that which is best for all and change ourselves to beings that consider everyone and everything, we can establish a world that is honourable and worthy for all.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to walk breath by breath by breath and instead, accepted and allowed moments of possessions where I've perceived that my self interests needs are not being met while the fact of the matter was that if I would stop for a moment and look at the entire equation, I was the one who haven't considerate others and thus common sense living application as what is best for all was not applied.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that changing the world will not be an easy task as there would be many beings that will perceive the change as not being considerate towards them because of the inherent pre-programming of self interest however, what is not understood is that the out come of a change such as the Equal Money System is that it is what is in fact best for ALL as that will allow all being on earth to have a dignified LIFE, no one will never starve, the earth resources won't be abused by the name of profit and will be distributed equally, everyone will have free access to education, health care, housing and much more.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that there would be many people who will reject and fight against the Equal Money System because they will feel that their needs are not met as and thus, an equality system doesn't considerate their self interest however, I allow myself to stand in the face of resistance and keep on going breath by breath towards that which is absolute BEST for all in all ways possible and I realise that it will time take and a process or re-education until all could see that What is best for all IS the ultimate consideration of everything and everyone as equal beings that has the rights for equality from birth to death.

I commit myself to stop my base nature desire of self interest and transform self interest to best for all interest.

I commit myself to transform my nature to best for all nature where I consider everyone and everything equally.

I commit myself to walk the living expression of the principle of do onto another that which you'd like to be done to you and I commit myself to stand as an example despite of the nature of others who will try and exploit me as the living expression of principles that is best for all due to generation after generation of self interest based programming because who I am isn't define by other beings actions/reaction but who I am is a direct reflection of that which I allow and accept from myself and others as the physical living application.

I commit myself to educate the children of this world to be an become the living example of the principles that are best for all

I commit myself to stand despite of the resistance to change from those who will regard the Equal Money System as not being considerate to them and I trust my to walk as the trust of my breathing as long as I alive, breath by breath by breath.

I commit myself to show, explain and demonstrate why the Equal Money System is in fact a system that I best for all LIFE as accumulation of the units/individuals that forms this life.

I commit myself to show and expose my own process of how I assisted and supported myself to transform self interest application to what's best for all living application through self writing, self forgiveness and self immediate and physical correction, and I will prove to all the a change that is best for all IS possible.

I commit myself to use and utilize my human physical body as a cross reference point when walking self correction so that if for example I'm working with emotional possession which cause a throat pain, I speak the words: "This is not acceptable, I'm not allowing this shit from myself, I do not allow and accept myself to remain possessed, I'm the directive principle and I move myself to STOP and thus, I stop the possession, here, Now, pain stop" and if the pain stopped, I confirmed the correction and the pain hasn't stop, I push myself further within self honesty and self trust. 

please watch my vlog:

How to stand when the Mind Protests - Journey to Life

http://youtu.be/IM7sS4uWfVs