Jun 1, 2012 | By: A Woman

Expecting the worst - Day 49

Art by Marlen Vargas Del Razo

This a continuation for my blog post from yesterday - Lost in the Future - Day 48

I forgive myself that I've accepted allowed myself to dramatize and make things bigger in my head and always expecting for the worst to happened and I have failed to realize that within walking breath by breath and facing everything that comes on my way within stability and calmness, I'm able to direct myself effectively and make decisions that has actual physical ground instead of trying and attempting to make decisions that are based on reactions of fear that do not support me or anyone else.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to always think and believe that things will get worse and thus, I must prepare myself for each scenario that might emerge and I haven't considered that by those very thoughts, I'm actually creating the way before me for the worst out come that I will face instead of taking the responsibility to write it down for myself and see what is able to be faced, correct and walked and to stop the creation of unnecessary consequences.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the consequences of participating in the dramatized thoughts, reactions, feelings and emotions in my mind and thus, instead of focusing on the things that I can change, I'm being occupied in my mind in irrelevant thoughts and within that, denying myself the opportunity to direct, move and walk myself breath by breath in absolute self responsibility.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to instead of enjoying that which is here, to hold on the thoughts of: "it soon going to be over and I'm going to be disappointed so I better not allow myself to make the utmost of it" and I simply wait impatient for stuff to get worse. Within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the consequences that I'm creating through accessing my mind and always waiting for the worse to happen because I have failed to realize how the mind works, how creation works and my responsibility within it.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself in a moment where things are actually getting worse, to panic and react in fear and instead of breathing, slowing myself down and look at the equations, I allowed myself to access my mind within the belief that I can make it work if I think about gateways to avoid that which is here for me to face, that which I've created in my own hands (or minds lol) and sort the shit out for once and for all instead of going time after time in a cycle that leads to no where; a time loop.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to - within a relationship/agreement, to always fear that the relationship/agreement will fail and I'll get hurt and thus, I compromise and mould myself within several personalities that which one of them can give me a fake security and yet, I haven't realized that the very fear of ending the relationship/agreement will manifest itself for me to be able to face, stand up and clear myself from the dependency that I've created in separation of me, regardless of how many personalities I will create to be able to maintain the relationship agreement.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to deliberately create Dramas in my life so that I could align myself with my friends within the starting point of having something to share/talk about and be the one that things happened to her so that I could get attention from my friends and within that I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to consider the harm and abuse that I'm causing to myself and my human physical body within the drama creation only for feeling a part of a friendship relationship without realizing that if I require drama to sustain my relationships in my life, what value the relationship hold? Why am I allowing myself to participate in relationship where I require to supply dramatic stories to spice up the communication and I haven't allowed myself to establish supportive communication where instead of creating a mind reality, we assist and support each other to create a physical reality that is based on the principle of that which is best for all.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define dramatized life as interesting and thus, when friends shared with me all the dramas that are happening in their life, I've judged my life as boring and I haven't realized that within that moment of judgement, I've made the decision to create dramas which than, I took myself to places that was literally unnecessary to walk  for the sake of having 'interesting Life experience' without any consideration of the consequences, the outflows and the prices that I will pay for my decision.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define 'Drama' within the experience of feeling alive and I have failed to see that living in my mind within the drama creations is in no way a form of LIFE  but in fact, a form of self abuse.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to worry about the future and expect the worst to happened and thus, instead of speaking and standing up and direct the point, I allowed myself to backchat in my mind within the attempt of figuring out a solution and I haven't considered that a solution must be physical and practical and it will not be magically fixed if I continue thinking about it without doing something about it - either within myself through writing and SF if the point doesn't have a physical ground to it or through communicating the point and ask for assistance if the point can be physically directed.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that the real and physical Drama that exists is of those who have nothing to eat and no where to live while I'm busy occupying myself in my mind within my own created Drama and I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to= while being preoccupied in my mind within self creating Drama, I've ignore, disregarded or considered the real Drama of this physical realty.

I commit myself to stop the Drama in my mind and to stop creating unnecessary Drama in my physical LIFE.

I commit myself to develop and establish relationships that are not based on Drama but rather based on supportive communication within the principle of that which is best for all.

I commit myself to stop existing in the future within the pattern of expecting for the worst to happened and to walk myself breath by breath, Here - face, direct and correct that which required to be faced.

I commit myself to stop looking for Drama as a pattern that I've programmed myself throughout my life and instead simply walk in self trust because I am more than capable to walk breath by breath and face my own self creation within a process of stopping pattern by pattern until I'm absolutely here, as a living physical expression.

I commit myself to show the difference between mind created drama and a physical drama to assist those who are busy in their mind to step out of it to be able to stand up and correct the real drama that exists in this world which requires immediate consideration and correction.
 
I commit myself to assist and support with those who dare facing and change themselves and that which they have become in their process of stopping their patterns one by one, breath by breath.

I commit myself to show and explain in details how and why we have separated ourselves from all that is here into our own little bubble of the mind within thoughts, emotions and feelings and show by example how to assist and support oneself within taking responsibility for one's mind, stop patterns, align oneself to oneself in equality and oneness and to finally live a life that is not determined by the mind but is walked in alignment with and as the physical.

1 comments:

kimamourette said...

very cool support here Maya - and definitely many points that I recognize within myself. Thanx!

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