Journey to Life - Day 100

Today, when  I realized that it's my 100 of Writing myself to Become LIFE, initially my reaction was - Shit, Day 100! Man! Cool! but then, in self honesty, when looking back at those last 100 days, I've realized the importance of continue writing every day. I mean, what I've accomplished in 100 days were just a small changes, nothing substantial that I can say - I changed. No..

 

Obviously, I'm not saying that from a point of judgement or diminishment, I'm saying it as this is what it is. in Self Honesty, there is a long way to walk, lots of suppressions  that I must allow myself to reveal to myself, face, let go and change, practically and physically.

 

When I asked myself the question: Why is it, that despite of me seeing the points that must be changed, I still allow myself to be preoccupied by myself in my mind? Why is it, that despite of me KNOWing what must be done, I am still not doing it? The answer is simplistic, I've approached the points from Knowing instead of self realization that is fully integrated as me - Within and as me and thus, what must be let go of is KNOWLEDGE and simply Living the practical Living expression of my realizations as Self change.

 

So, how to assist and support myself to integrate my realization as ME, as the Physical flesh that is me? The answer is also a simplistic one - it's to give myself the Permission to Decide! Give myself the permission to let go of all my desires as I can see very clearly that the desires are the stumbling blocks that I've not accepted and allowed myself to remove and are in essence the points that leads me to temptations, to remain in characters.

 

So.. What now, I remove the desires, the stumbling blocks are removed and.. How to live? When there are no longer systems that dictate each and every steps? How to live when there are no memories that comes up and tells me where to go, how to speak, how to express myself? That will be an interesting journey in itself as I see, realize and understand that from that moment onwards, it will be Me, as the physical flesh that will direct and move myself in every moment of every breath. Nothing is automated, it's self movement, here. So, I work with what is here, what is practically physically in my hands, I test the information for myself and see if it's aligned with the principle of that which is best for all, and I make the decisions accordingly. Because - what must be understood and realized is that I decide, in every single moment. I DECIDE.

 

And thus, I commit myself to identify my desires in its totality, to not leave anything behind that will keep an open door for any temptations; I commit myself to assist and support myself to dissect myself from all and every dimensions of my mind through a process of daily writing to be able to see the Desires that I've set forth for my fall and thus, to not change in fact.

Expecting the worst - Day 49

Art by Marlen Vargas Del Razo

Art by Marlen Vargas Del Razo

This a continuation for my blog post from yesterday - Lost in the Future - Day 48

I forgive myself that I've accepted allowed myself to dramatize and make things bigger in my head and always expecting for the worst to happened and I have failed to realize that within walking breath by breath and facing everything that comes on my way within stability and calmness, I'm able to direct myself effectively and make decisions that has actual physical ground instead of trying and attempting to make decisions that are based on reactions of fear that do not support me or anyone else.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to always think and believe that things will get worse and thus, I must prepare myself for each scenario that might emerge and I haven't considered that by those very thoughts, I'm actually creating the way before me for the worst out come that I will face instead of taking the responsibility to write it down for myself and see what is able to be faced, correct and walked and to stop the creation of unnecessary consequences.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the consequences of participating in the dramatized thoughts, reactions, feelings and emotions in my mind and thus, instead of focusing on the things that I can change, I'm being occupied in my mind in irrelevant thoughts and within that, denying myself the opportunity to direct, move and walk myself breath by breath in absolute self responsibility.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to instead of enjoying that which is here, to hold on the thoughts of: "it soon going to be over and I'm going to be disappointed so I better not allow myself to make the utmost of it" and I simply wait impatient for stuff to get worse. Within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the consequences that I'm creating through accessing my mind and always waiting for the worse to happen because I have failed to realize how the mind works, how creation works and my responsibility within it.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself in a moment where things are actually getting worse, to panic and react in fear and instead of breathing, slowing myself down and look at the equations, I allowed myself to access my mind within the belief that I can make it work if I think about gateways to avoid that which is here for me to face, that which I've created in my own hands (or minds lol) and sort the shit out for once and for all instead of going time after time in a cycle that leads to no where; a time loop.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to - within a relationship/agreement, to always fear that the relationship/agreement will fail and I'll get hurt and thus, I compromise and mould myself within several personalities that which one of them can give me a fake security and yet, I haven't realized that the very fear of ending the relationship/agreement will manifest itself for me to be able to face, stand up and clear myself from the dependency that I've created in separation of me, regardless of how many personalities I will create to be able to maintain the relationship agreement.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to deliberately create Dramas in my life so that I could align myself with my friends within the starting point of having something to share/talk about and be the one that things happened to her so that I could get attention from my friends and within that I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to consider the harm and abuse that I'm causing to myself and my human physical body within the drama creation only for feeling a part of a friendship relationship without realizing that if I require drama to sustain my relationships in my life, what value the relationship hold? Why am I allowing myself to participate in relationship where I require to supply dramatic stories to spice up the communication and I haven't allowed myself to establish supportive communication where instead of creating a mind reality, we assist and support each other to create a physical reality that is based on the principle of that which is best for all.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define dramatized life as interesting and thus, when friends shared with me all the dramas that are happening in their life, I've judged my life as boring and I haven't realized that within that moment of judgement, I've made the decision to create dramas which than, I took myself to places that was literally unnecessary to walk  for the sake of having 'interesting Life experience' without any consideration of the consequences, the outflows and the prices that I will pay for my decision.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define 'Drama' within the experience of feeling alive and I have failed to see that living in my mind within the drama creations is in no way a form of LIFE  but in fact, a form of self abuse.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to worry about the future and expect the worst to happened and thus, instead of speaking and standing up and direct the point, I allowed myself to backchat in my mind within the attempt of figuring out a solution and I haven't considered that a solution must be physical and practical and it will not be magically fixed if I continue thinking about it without doing something about it - either within myself through writing and SF if the point doesn't have a physical ground to it or through communicating the point and ask for assistance if the point can be physically directed.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that the real and physical Drama that exists is of those who have nothing to eat and no where to live while I'm busy occupying myself in my mind within my own created Drama and I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to= while being preoccupied in my mind within self creating Drama, I've ignore, disregarded or considered the real Drama of this physical realty.

I commit myself to stop the Drama in my mind and to stop creating unnecessary Drama in my physical LIFE.

I commit myself to develop and establish relationships that are not based on Drama but rather based on supportive communication within the principle of that which is best for all.

I commit myself to stop existing in the future within the pattern of expecting for the worst to happened and to walk myself breath by breath, Here - face, direct and correct that which required to be faced.

I commit myself to stop looking for Drama as a pattern that I've programmed myself throughout my life and instead simply walk in self trust because I am more than capable to walk breath by breath and face my own self creation within a process of stopping pattern by pattern until I'm absolutely here, as a living physical expression.

I commit myself to show the difference between mind created drama and a physical drama to assist those who are busy in their mind to step out of it to be able to stand up and correct the real drama that exists in this world which requires immediate consideration and correction.

 

I commit myself to assist and support with those who dare facing and change themselves and that which they have become in their process of stopping their patterns one by one, breath by breath.

I commit myself to show and explain in details how and why we have separated ourselves from all that is here into our own little bubble of the mind within thoughts, emotions and feelings and show by example how to assist and support oneself within taking responsibility for one's mind, stop patterns, align oneself to oneself in equality and oneness and to finally live a life that is not determined by the mind but is walked in alignment with and as the physical.

Who I am is NOT what I have been taught that I am – Day 22

I forgive myself that I’ve NEVER accepted and allowed myself to question WHO I AM but was only following what I DO as a self definition and thus, I’ve tried and attempted to impress others with my personality design that I’ve created for that specific reason – to define myself according to WHAT I do instead of WHO I AM.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to Who I am but only according to What I do in total separation of Who I am because I’ve been taught that I must be someone and that is dependent of what I do and thus, through blindly accepting the statement that Who I will be is determine by What I will do, I created personalities to present and prove myself to others and thus could be defined according to What I Do as worthy.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed a world system that is based on competition and survival and thus, parents are directing their children to become someone in this world according to What they do with their life and I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see how the family system is sabotaging the children from the get go wherein, instead of assisting and supporting the children to get to know WHO they are, children are prompt with the idea that they must BE something according to What they do.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that the statement: “I love you just the way you are” is conditioned to What I do in correlation to what the person who makes the statement is doing and thus defined as and also, within that statement, I did not challenged my existence and got to know Who I really am because I was limited to the perceived Love according to who I am as what I do.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that the statement of: “I love you just the way you are” is abusive in nature as the person who make such a statement assisting and supporting the being to remain a slave to one’s own mind and does not challenged the person to empower and explore self as WHO self really IS but instead, accepting the limitation of self as the mind, as how self programed oneself to be according to What self do.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that within making a statement: “I love you just the way you are” I’m compromising and sabotaging myself as well as others because what one is actually saying is: “You don’t need to chance and investigate yourself and what you have become, you can remain a slave and I won’t have to face myself through you taking the responsibility to change and challenge my existence of what I’ve become”.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that Money defines Who one Is in this world system and thus, we believe and perceive that Who we are  is in correlation to What we have become in relation to Money and thus, we have focused on ONE point – survival, instead of Making a decision that WHO we ARE is LIFE and What we Do from that starting point must support Life in all ways possible.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to deny that the family construct is the most abusive construct that exists in this world since If the education of this children within the first 7 years was according to principle of Oneness and Equality as What is Best for ALL lives, we wouldn’t have manifested a world of abuse and suffering and in fact become an effective human beings that honour LIFE and all that is Here as Equals.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the relationship between the world system and the family system and I have NOT taken into consideration that what children are learning at home in the first 7 years, will defined who they are internally and externally and within that, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed a world system where parents are not trained and skilled to assist and support their children to be and become who they are as Life and instead, prompt ideas, beliefs and opinions within their children that are based on self interest as the survival of the fittest which created and manifested the world as we know it today – abusive, cruel and horrified world for the majority of human civilization.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to deny the world system that is based and defined according to What we Do instead of Who we are as the creator of the System and thus, abdicated the responsibility to Stand as Equal to and One as WHO we ARE and establish a world that is best for all.

I commit myself to investigate and explore how to train parents to be able to direct their children to realize WHO they are as LIFE because I realized that what children are learning at home within their first 7 years of their lives influence and determine WHO the child is IN RELATION to WHAT they do which is NOT acceptable as one must have the tools to assist and support themselves from the get go to be and become WHO they are As Life as the Physical and thus, Who one IS, isn’t defined with What one do but what One do is defined according to Who One is.

I commit myself to push and will myself to make the decision of WHO I am As Life in every moment of every breath because I realize that WHO I AM as life isn’t a momentary process but a consistently transformation of all the aspects of me, as all the layers of the mind that I’ve defined and programmed as me until I become LIFE in fact, as WHO I am.

I commit myself to expose our world of competition and present a solution that is best for all lives so that all will have equal opportunity to realize WHO we are AS life because I realize that for the world to become a world that is in fact best for all, we must all stand together as a group of humanity and take the responsibility to change ourselves and this world and I commit myself to stand as a pillar of support for those who are willing and daring to challenged their existence and in fact change as well as I commit myself to stand as a pillar of support to those who do not will themselves to change through exposing the abusive nature that we have become and keep on standing up despite of the resistances that might occur because I have made the decision to Be and Become Who I am as Life and I will do whatever it takes to stand with all of existence as one as a self directive principle within self trust.