The Secret War between Women - Daughter in War with Authority - Part 4 - Day 56

This is a continuation to:

The Secret War between Women - Overview - Day 52

The Secret war between Women - the Childhood years - Part 1 - Day 53

The Secret War between Women starts at home - Part 2 - Day 54

The Secret War between Women - Mother Daughter relationship - Part 3 - Day 55

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create an inferiority response pattern to authority figures in my life from my first encounter with my mother's imposed authority onto me as a child and I have NOT realized that I've imprinted the response pattern into my physical and lived it out as back chat throughout my life when and as I felt threatened by a female's authority and have thus then, allowed the secret thoughts towards the female without even realize that I had no directive awareness in that moment and I was blindly following my pre-programming and within that, I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to take my responsibility to investigate and introspect the origin/source of the subconscious backchat that I've manifested towards a female that I perceived as authority and simply accepted it to be natural response that comes up from within me.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to react in a form of backchat/internal conversation/thoughts towards women that I perceive to have authority over me and I haven't stopped for a moment to bring the point back to myself, to investigate the origin of the resistance and the core of my allowed backchat, because If I would investigate, I would see how I've accepted and allowed a specific  response pattern in relation to authority figures  already in my childhood years where I've resisted my mother's authority and have thus externalized the resistance towards all women that represent my mother according to my eye's view, in separation of me.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as a child in this world to experience myself as inferior towards my mother because I've accepted the authority of my mother as valid, normal and natural and thus, have created a relationship with her that is based on authority/submission which within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that my acceptance of me as inferior during the age of 0-7, has become a physical memory that is in the flesh of my beingness which I've externalized within my relationship with women to such an extent that when and as I experience myself threatened, the memories from my subconscious mind will come up as a backchat/internal conversation/ thoughts towards a woman while I had no real understanding of the origin/core/source and thus, lived out the secret war between Woman - internally and externally.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to stand up and stop the inferior response pattern to authority and allowed myself to react every time I've faced a being that I've perceived to be superior/has authority on me and within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that unless I stop pattern by pattern, I will pass on the very same patterns to my children and they will pass them on to their children and thus, it is my responsibility to stand up, change myself and thus change the future of the generations that will comes after me by giving them a chance to express who they are without me imposing my own programmed designs onto them but rather stand as a stable support for them within their processes of becoming and standing as LIFE.

I commit myself to stop the inferiority response  to authority pattern as I realized how I've initially created the pattern as a child and my responsibility within and the consequences it if I won't stop, delete and correct myself as the outflows upon the generation to come.

I commit myself to take my responsibility and check and investigate every reactions, response, physical body movements and eyes movement that I have automated without my directive awareness and search for the source/origin/core point where I've initially created the pattern and accordingly delete and continue walking breath by breath.

I commit myself to show how and why in the first 7 years of the child's life, the child is creating and developing one's personalities through the examples of the patterns   and why thus, it is important to have programs to support all parents with having appropriate parenting skills so that we could stop passing on, generation after generation, patterns that do not support any LIFE and instead provide the children to come a LIFE that is actually worth living where they could express themselves as who they are.

Expecting the worst - Day 49

Art by Marlen Vargas Del Razo

Art by Marlen Vargas Del Razo

This a continuation for my blog post from yesterday - Lost in the Future - Day 48

I forgive myself that I've accepted allowed myself to dramatize and make things bigger in my head and always expecting for the worst to happened and I have failed to realize that within walking breath by breath and facing everything that comes on my way within stability and calmness, I'm able to direct myself effectively and make decisions that has actual physical ground instead of trying and attempting to make decisions that are based on reactions of fear that do not support me or anyone else.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to always think and believe that things will get worse and thus, I must prepare myself for each scenario that might emerge and I haven't considered that by those very thoughts, I'm actually creating the way before me for the worst out come that I will face instead of taking the responsibility to write it down for myself and see what is able to be faced, correct and walked and to stop the creation of unnecessary consequences.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the consequences of participating in the dramatized thoughts, reactions, feelings and emotions in my mind and thus, instead of focusing on the things that I can change, I'm being occupied in my mind in irrelevant thoughts and within that, denying myself the opportunity to direct, move and walk myself breath by breath in absolute self responsibility.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to instead of enjoying that which is here, to hold on the thoughts of: "it soon going to be over and I'm going to be disappointed so I better not allow myself to make the utmost of it" and I simply wait impatient for stuff to get worse. Within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the consequences that I'm creating through accessing my mind and always waiting for the worse to happen because I have failed to realize how the mind works, how creation works and my responsibility within it.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself in a moment where things are actually getting worse, to panic and react in fear and instead of breathing, slowing myself down and look at the equations, I allowed myself to access my mind within the belief that I can make it work if I think about gateways to avoid that which is here for me to face, that which I've created in my own hands (or minds lol) and sort the shit out for once and for all instead of going time after time in a cycle that leads to no where; a time loop.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to - within a relationship/agreement, to always fear that the relationship/agreement will fail and I'll get hurt and thus, I compromise and mould myself within several personalities that which one of them can give me a fake security and yet, I haven't realized that the very fear of ending the relationship/agreement will manifest itself for me to be able to face, stand up and clear myself from the dependency that I've created in separation of me, regardless of how many personalities I will create to be able to maintain the relationship agreement.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to deliberately create Dramas in my life so that I could align myself with my friends within the starting point of having something to share/talk about and be the one that things happened to her so that I could get attention from my friends and within that I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to consider the harm and abuse that I'm causing to myself and my human physical body within the drama creation only for feeling a part of a friendship relationship without realizing that if I require drama to sustain my relationships in my life, what value the relationship hold? Why am I allowing myself to participate in relationship where I require to supply dramatic stories to spice up the communication and I haven't allowed myself to establish supportive communication where instead of creating a mind reality, we assist and support each other to create a physical reality that is based on the principle of that which is best for all.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define dramatized life as interesting and thus, when friends shared with me all the dramas that are happening in their life, I've judged my life as boring and I haven't realized that within that moment of judgement, I've made the decision to create dramas which than, I took myself to places that was literally unnecessary to walk  for the sake of having 'interesting Life experience' without any consideration of the consequences, the outflows and the prices that I will pay for my decision.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define 'Drama' within the experience of feeling alive and I have failed to see that living in my mind within the drama creations is in no way a form of LIFE  but in fact, a form of self abuse.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to worry about the future and expect the worst to happened and thus, instead of speaking and standing up and direct the point, I allowed myself to backchat in my mind within the attempt of figuring out a solution and I haven't considered that a solution must be physical and practical and it will not be magically fixed if I continue thinking about it without doing something about it - either within myself through writing and SF if the point doesn't have a physical ground to it or through communicating the point and ask for assistance if the point can be physically directed.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that the real and physical Drama that exists is of those who have nothing to eat and no where to live while I'm busy occupying myself in my mind within my own created Drama and I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to= while being preoccupied in my mind within self creating Drama, I've ignore, disregarded or considered the real Drama of this physical realty.

I commit myself to stop the Drama in my mind and to stop creating unnecessary Drama in my physical LIFE.

I commit myself to develop and establish relationships that are not based on Drama but rather based on supportive communication within the principle of that which is best for all.

I commit myself to stop existing in the future within the pattern of expecting for the worst to happened and to walk myself breath by breath, Here - face, direct and correct that which required to be faced.

I commit myself to stop looking for Drama as a pattern that I've programmed myself throughout my life and instead simply walk in self trust because I am more than capable to walk breath by breath and face my own self creation within a process of stopping pattern by pattern until I'm absolutely here, as a living physical expression.

I commit myself to show the difference between mind created drama and a physical drama to assist those who are busy in their mind to step out of it to be able to stand up and correct the real drama that exists in this world which requires immediate consideration and correction.

 

I commit myself to assist and support with those who dare facing and change themselves and that which they have become in their process of stopping their patterns one by one, breath by breath.

I commit myself to show and explain in details how and why we have separated ourselves from all that is here into our own little bubble of the mind within thoughts, emotions and feelings and show by example how to assist and support oneself within taking responsibility for one's mind, stop patterns, align oneself to oneself in equality and oneness and to finally live a life that is not determined by the mind but is walked in alignment with and as the physical.

Memories - From the Smaller to the Greater - Day 34

Life Review - How I ruined my Life with a Memory

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to hold onto and contain an emotional charge within a past Memory and within that, have accepted and allowed myself to move and direct myself according to the memory without my awareness of doing so which then thus I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be directed, control and enslaved to a past memory and I haven't allowed myself be the directive principle breath by breath.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself and others in my world because I've reacted to a point in my immediate environment and instead of directing that which was required to be directed, I've access the memory from my past that was charged with Negative Energy and I acted from the other side of the polarity by doing the opposite from what I've done in the past within the belief that it's the correction however, I've failed to see that going from one side of the polarity to the other isn't a physical correction in fact but rather a self manipulation that is control by the Ego which saying to me - "you are doing the right thing, you don't need to correct yourself now".

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to compromise a being in my direct environment as well as myself because a pattern that they have accepted as themselves played out reminded me a memory from my past where a similar pattern played out by another being which manifested anger and irritation within me and I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to  face my past and walking the correction of STOPing the back chat, anger and irritation and remain in breath and when it's done, assisting and supporting the other being with seeing their acceptance pattern so that they could face themselves and accordingly change.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the consequences of holding onto a memory from my past that contained energetic charge wherein, not only I've sabotaged and compromised myself, I've compromised other being in my direct environment because I refused to see that if I'm not correcting and changing myself according to principles that are best for all, I'm not standing as a support for others beings in my world and then thus, prolonging the existential process for everyone else.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to give value to the small and minuet memories that I hold on to within the containment of Energetic charge which than, I live out the past memory design without being aware of it and within that, giving the permission to be enslaved and control by my mind instead of taking the responsibility to walk through each and every memory, from the small to the greater, correct myself and change.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to Refuse to see that small and minuet memories accumulate to a daily application of walking the memory design with no awareness of self as self abdicated the responsibility to be the directive principle by giving the mind the permission to control, enslave and direct self.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have failed to see and realize that if I allow myself to walk the past memory design in my day to day application, I'm not giving me the permission to change as I've abdicated the responsibility to walk breath by breath as the directive principle and within that, haven't taken responsibility for the existence as a whole because unless I'm standing up within absolute self change and thus standing as an example and as a pillar of support for others, I'm useless in this world.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that to change ourselves, we have to change all the minute parts of ourselves because those tiny parts accumulate and become a fatal virus in our mind and as within, so without - I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the basic common sense - when we neglect the small parts of ourselves within the definition that they are insignificant we allow the fatal virus in the world system where we allowed an accumulation of many insignificant part that are not being sorted out and thus, manifested a world where the majority is not being considered as they defined as insignificant which created a fatal virus which called the human civilization.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the relationship between our mind and the world system wherein, exactly as we ignore the small parts of ourselves in separation of ourselves and thus have allowed ourselves to be controlled and enslaved to our mind, we, as small individual has not realized that the accumulation of the relationships between us all has manifested the greater - the current money system of abuse and suffering for the majority of this world and thus, to bring about a change in this world, we must take individual responsibility  and group together in equality and oneness to manifest a world that is best for all the individual parts equally.

(For more Context, please read - "The Chicken or the Egg?? Part One: DAY 30"

I commit myself to investigate ALL the parts of myself that has accumulate to various networks designs within me and to become the directive principle in breath by breath because I realize that when I allow parts of myself which I've separated myself from, I'm giving the permission for myself to be controlled and enslaved by patterns and memories which is Unacceptable.

I commit myself to become aware and attentive to the trigger points I'm automatically acting on during my days and investigate the entire time line till I'll be satisfied that I'm no longer enslaved and control to my past and I'm in fact the directive principle within each and every single breath.

I commit myself to sort out all the minute parts of myself because I realize that those minute parts accumulate to a fatal virus in my mind and I realize the for changing myself, I have to take into consideration all the parts of myself that I've separated myself from and bring it all here, equal and one and sort myself out part by part in breath by breath.

I commit myself to stand up and bring every single reaction that I have towards pattern that another accepted as themselves, back to myself because unless I sort myself out, I'm a useless support for others and thus, the change of this world will take longer because I haven't taken the responsibility to change myself first.

I commit myself to stand as an example of what does it takes to correct and change all the parts of myself that I've separated myself from through my writings.

I commit myself to bring all the parts of me together in alignment to and as that which is best for all.

I commit myself to educate and show to humanity that to change the world, all the minute parts must stand together  in equality and oneness.

I commit myself to stand and bring all the parts of me as individual human beings together within the alignment of what is best for all and together, we will take the first step of establishing a system that is best for all - Equal Money System - Equal Life System. 

Also read - Day 33: Peace of Mind – Mind in Pieces