Do I have the right to judge myself? - Placing yourself in danger - Hiding and running away - Day 535

For context, please read:

Do you have the right to judge another - Day 531

Do I have the right to Judge myself? Potential consequences #1 - Day 532

Do I have the right to Judge myself? Living in an experience of being controlled - Day 533

Do I have the right to judge myself - Living in fear of being judged by others - Day 534

This will be the last blog post in the series: "Do I have the right to judge myself" where we were looking at the potential consequences that may emerge with us accepting and allowing self-judgement to exists inside ourselves and how to transform the self-judgement to self-honesty in the sense of who you are, what you stand for and what you will and will not accept and allow in your reality.

In this blog thus, we will have a look at the relationship between self-judgement, self-honesty and the experience of wanting to run away? Why Self-honesty is the key to stop the experience of running away and how it will lead to worthwhile relationships with yourself and with your friends/partner/family.

As we previously discussed, sometimes the intensity of self-judgement will lead to the experience of wanting to run away from our environment. Mostly because we feel controlled by the environment and unable to express ourselves without the fear of being judged. Now, I do not need to tell you the risks involved in running away do I?

But this is not so much the consequences that I am referring to. The point that I do want to discuss in this blog post is why reaching your self-honesty can stop the experience of wanting to run away. It is actually a simple point to realize - unless you are clear about who you are and what you stand for, you will find yourself in situations of wanting to run away from one environment to another; always feeling controlled, misjudged and looked down at by your external environment. The moment you are clear and honest about who you are, what you want to create in this life, what you stand for and what you do not, self-judgement will not hold you prisoned in your own environment as you stand as a point of direction and creation no matter where you are and with whom you are.

See, it is never the environment we want to run away from - it is our mind that we want to run away from. Sure, the environment activates the mind programs that gives us the experience of wanting to run away but it is not that the environment puts a gun on our mind and force the mind to participate in these emotions and thought patterns - it was and will be us who give the authority for the mind to take control over our lives and dictate to us who we are.

As explained in the previous blogs, when we run away and "start over", we don't really start over - we are simply supressing the unresolved issues that we have with ourselves (self-judgement for different reasons) and these issues will surface at some stage in the new environment we are with - It will slowly build up and build up until we experience ourselves wanting to run away and start over again.

The solution is to reach a point of self-honesty as challenging as it may be. We'll have to take off the layers of self-judgement, morality, fears, cultural behaviour and so forth and replace it with your life principles that we stand by and as an expression of ourselves. This can take some time but sure is liberating when moving from self-judgement to self-honesty.

Why self-honesty is the key? When we are self-honest, self-judgement doesn't play a role. When self-judgement isn't playing a role, we are no longer projecting blame and judgment towards others, we no longer fear being judged, we no longer feel controlled by others and we no longer experience ourselves wanting to run away.

How to reach a point of self-honesty? For myself, it has been and still is a process. My support structure is the DIP pro course that I am participating with both as a trainee and as a buddy. I strongly recommend having a look and testing the course for yourself. Especially if building effective relationship with yourself and others is something you value.

Thanks.

Do I have the right to judge myself - Living in fear of being judged by others - Day 534

For context, please read:

Do you have the right to judge another - Day 531

Do I have the right to Judge myself? Potential consequences #1 - Day 532

Do I have the right to Judge myself? Living in an experience of being controlled - Day 533

Continuing to explore the consequences of not being honest with ourselves and thus accepting and allowing self-judgement to exists inside of ourselves, mostly projected through the eyes of others. In today post, we'll have a look at another potential consequence of participating with self-judgement projected as living in fear of being judged by others.

Fearing of being judged may starts in a very young age where you feel that you need to hide or do things in secrets because other people may have issues with what you do and you didn't have the courage to speak up and open this point in communication. It is mostly as a teen when the parents are trying to protect the child from the dangerous of the world, not understanding that the children will go and rebel and do exactly what the parents are trying to control. I personally went against the feeling of being judged by doing things in secret and only shared with those who I knew to not have any issues with it.

Living with the fear of being judged creates the experience of being controlled and although you will go and do the things you want to do, you will always feel you need to do these things in secret and that in itself compromises the integrity of your relationships with others.  The feeling of being controlled is due to the fact that you project your own judgement (with regards to the things you do in secrets) to the people in your environment, believing that if they would know what you do in secret, they will either look down at you or reject you in one way or another.

The consequence outflow here is that you will always blame and judge other people for allegedly judging you; and you may feel that you need to get away, to run away because your environment is closing down on you; you will feel trapped in your own environment and you'll have a growing force to leave all together and try making it in a new environment. 

All along it is you, living in fear in your mind, not willing to be honest with yourself in what you stand for and who you are to a point of respecting yourself enough to be able to communicate about it with others. Once you reach a point of self-honesty, you won't live in secret anymore because you'll stand very clear in who you are regardless of what anyone can potentially think of you.

So, if you want to develop relationship of worth with people, it is of utmost importance you become honest with yourself and stop judging your own self-honesty. The integrity with people you have relationship cannot be compromised by secrets and hidden information/expression because of fears that may only exists in your own mind.

The first step in assisting and supporting yourself to reach a point of self honesty as well as stopping participating with self-judgement is to apply this: when you think another is judging you, ask yourself: "Am I clear within this point or is it me that is judging myself through the eyes of the person who is in front of me?" This is to identify whether you are dealing with self-judgement or not.

The second step is to identify the source of your self-judgement and in the case you need additional support with that, you can always leave me a message or join the self-mastery free online course by clicking HERE. You can also visit a very cool free support forum

Do I have the right to Judge myself? Potential consequences #1 - Day 532

In my previous blog, I asked the question: "Do you have the right to judge another" but the real question that I had to ask was "Do you have the right to judge yourself?" because on a practical level, you can only judge another when you are still accepting and allowing your own participation with self-judgement.

Looking at my own process as well as the process of others, the root cause of all judgement starts with self-judgement.

Within this blog post I would like to start opening up the awareness of the potential consequences that accepting and allowing self-judgement to exists inside of ourselves may cause:

Potential consequences #1: Self-Judgement can sabotage/compromise and even end your relationships with others.

Hidden and suppressed self-judgement can sabotage and compromise your relationship with your environment. How?

Have a look - How many times in your life, you felt that your closest people to you, the people that supposed to stand as your pillar of support, the people who love you the most, are judging you. Judge you as too fat/thin; stupid; untrustworthy; introverted/extraverted; and so on and so forth. But let me ask you - was it them who judged you or was it you, in your mind, projecting your own self-judgement onto them? With believing they are judging you in every interaction you have with them, you are keeping enough space in between, you keep your relationship with them in an arm's length - Not getting close enough or going too far away. You never absolutely commit and allow yourself to be you. You will always behave and act out in a way that will cause the least possible judgement that you could possibly think of.

With the belief everyone is judging you, you start being paranoid with everything and everyone - when you see two of your friends talking, you immediately think it is about you isn't it? Because you are always wrong, you are always been looked down at, you are always being laughed and gossiped at.. And so, you start believing everyone is against you and you eventually isolate yourself, to minimize your interaction with people, believing it will minimize the judgement that is placed on you while all along, it was you who have been judging yourself this all time.

But! You didn't see your own self-judgement and you had to make yourself right to believe that everyone are against you.. How else will you suppress your own self-judgement? You'll make yourself right and others as wrong. Isn't it so?

And all this time you believed that others are wrong and can't be trusted because they are judging you and gossiping about you.. All this time, you missed the very crucial point - you were the one judging you.

With this mind set, you cannot develop and create supportive and effective long lasting relationships with people; In many times, you will not sustain the relationship, you'll run away and start another relationship with people until the inevitable happens.. You'll compromise and sabotage the nature of the relationship with you believing they are judging you and looking down at you while it was and is you who are doing it to yourself.

Will continue in my next blog with more potential outcomes when accepting and allowing self-judgement to be hidden but very much existed inside of ourselves. We will also look at solutions in how to change this type of behavior/pattern to be able to practically develop long lasting relationships of worth with others.

Is it too late? Day 527

Sometimes in my life, I find myself in a point of self-blame, regrets and self-judgements for the mistakes that I've done. By mistakes I mean - saying or doing things I should not have said/do, that caused a friction and sabotaged a particular relationship. Or things I haven't said or done, that I should have said or do to potentially prevent negative consequences from manifesting.

But what is the point of going into self-blame, regrets and self-judgements if we do not learn or make any effort to truly change? I've been looking at this question lately and here is what I have found:

We normally reflect back on our lives when negative consequences are showing themselves in our reality - this is where the self-blame, regrets and self-judgements experience start, along with the energy that it carry around the whole body.

It feels 'Icky' and uncomfortable and this can go on and on, so long as we still accepting the self-blame, regrets and self-judgements as valid and allowing the experience to continue inside of ourselves, without giving ourselves supportive direction. With accepting and allowing the energetic experience, we are essentially punishing ourselves for the mistakes that we have made and at the same time, we do not learn from our mistakes. Thus, we are continuing this vicious cycle that we never step out from.

The Irony is that in self-honesty, regret makes us feel good about ourselves - it gives us the idea that we are taking responsibility for the mistakes. It is like almost a belief that because we are able to feel regret, we must be good because  bad people wouldn't give a damn and never take responsibility. Though, by accepting and allowing regret, we don't take self-responsibility for the mistakes like for instance:
1. Mapping out the event

2. Investigating the time lines

3. Slowing down to see the reactions that we accepted and allowed inside of ourselves

4. Practically learning to be able to correct our application when the next window of opportunity arrive.

Another point to looks at in self-honesty - when we judge and blame ourselves, we unconsciously believe that we are good people. We stand as our own judge, we put ourselves in trial, we are judged by the judge who is ourselves and we get punished. Once the punishment has been served, we could then be at peace with ourselves - we are forgiven by god in a way. Only the good people are forgiven by god.

Alright so by now it is becoming clear that feeling regret and blaming/judging ourselves is useless and counterproductive. Feeling regret, judging and blaming ourselves, doesn't bring us closer to the real root cause of the problem that we are facing. For the most part, as I just explained, it only makes us feel better about ourselves and that's as far as it actually goes. I mean, if it would take us to a point of correction, if it would motivate us to make real time change then sure, it can be valid. But as long we continue the vicious cycle of making mistake -> regret/blame/judgment -> feeling good about ourselves -> making another mistake, it will reach a point of being 'too late'.

So now what?

When or as you realize you made a mistake, or when the consequences have manifested, and the regret/blame/judgement start to come up and take over your mind -> STOP for a moment, TAKE a breath and FORGIVE yourself. Forgiveness would be the KEY, the foundation from which you are able to move yourself towards the a solution, towards a change. What do I mean by that? Well, why won't you find out for yourself? Here is a link to a self-development FREE course where you are able to learn about self-forgiveness and how to effectively apply forgiveness in your reality - DIP Lite.

Meanwhile, you can also leave a message at the comment section to continue this discussion.

Should I trust another? Day 480

I used to believe that people are either trustworthy or they are not; I used to believe that I can either trust another person or I cannot. I used to defined people as trustworthy or not based on their physical living application; I used to react to people who 'brake' the trust I had in them; I used to react to people whom I defined as untrustworthy when their physical application once again 'proved' to me that they are not trustworthy. At the same time, I had really hard time trusting myself because in self-honesty, if I am reacting to another's application, there is a point inside of me that I haven't yet sorted out and so, if I was reacting, how could I trust that which I was 'seeing' in others through which I defined and labeled them as untrustworthy?

 

 

 

Someone said to me something in those lines:

'You cannot trust anyone but yourself - it is not about whether or not you can trust another - it is about trusting yourself that what you are seeing in your reality is actually what is and accordingly, trusting yourself that according to what you are seeing, you will direction/support yourself and others based on what is best in any given moment'.

 

It is interesting because I obviously heard this before but until today, I didn't integrate these words as a living application of myself. So I started questioning myself - why haven't I already lived self trust as a living expression of myself? Why didn't I want to turn trust or distrust in others to self trust?

 

Well I found 2 dimensions within my past decision to not trust myself as well as why I always preferred to  either trust or distrust another though, if I narrow down these two dimensions, it is actually rooted in the fact that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to unconditionally take responsibility for my own experiences and living application.

 

The one dimension has to do with abdicating self responsibility in the sense of - when one is placing trust or distrust in another instead of within oneself, one is preparing the way before self to blame another in the future if the physical consequences are not in alignment to the expected result. For example, if one trust someone to give them the 'right' advise and one acted upon their advise and the physical play out didn't meet one's expectations, one is going to blame the person who gave the advise and would justify for oneself - "well, it isn't my fault, I trusted the person to give me the right advise, they told me to do that, I should not trust them ever again".

Here, there is blame towards the person who gave the advise and abdication of self responsibility of one's initial decision whereas, instead of trusting oneself that one assessed/checked/investigated all the information and seen all possible outcomes before acting on a specific decision, one is basing one's decision on someone's words, hoping that the results would be satisfactory and when it is not, one has someone else to blame.

 

The other dimension that I was looking at is specifically when one isn't trusting another's application and thus, when the other proved again that there living application cannot be trusted, one is reacting to another. Here, the context of Self responsibility is dual. Meaning, firstly,  one must turn any and all reactions back to oneself within the understanding that whenever one reacts, one cannot see the physical reality directly but rather seeing skewed reality through the 'eyes' of my mind. Secondly, if another had proven that their living application is not trustworthy and one is able to see clearly the patterns that leads to untrustworthiness application of another, one's responsibility is to stand as a pillar of support instead of judging another and blaming another for not being trustworthy. Meaning, when another proved again that they are not trustworthy, one must stand in absolute clarity and work with the physical outcome/information to support the other to see the point/pattern for themselves and within that, giving them the opportunity to change.

 

So you see, it all has to do with one's responsibility of trusting oneself and it is not about trusting or distrusting another. It is to trust yourself when making any decision; it is to trust yourself that you will stand in absolute stability no matter how the outcome would be because you trusted yourself that you considered and investigated all things before you made a decision; and it is to trust yourself to when/as you see another's application as untrustworthy, you first assess/investigate/check that you are clear within yourself without any slight reaction to another and thereafter, if you are in a position of sharing support with them, do so in self-trust.

Art work - Faiza Maghni

Comparison and Limitation of Self (The Solution) - Day 447

In the previous blog we were looking at a scenario of reacting, either internally or externally, to a decision that we have made, in comparison to a decision that another had made.

We have identified that the reactions is coming from a point of comparison that had led to a judgment that we have created towards ourselves and/or another. We also identified that the reaction indicates that there is unresolved issue within ourselves in relationship to the decision we originally made as for instance, to stand in a certain position within the world system.

 

Within this blog, we would have a look at solutions for when/as we react to another's decision in comparison to a decision we have made within ourselves to that we can transform the reaction to a point of empowerment and support for self and others.

 

Here it is fundamentally important to realize that a Judgment is all about misunderstanding and/or miscommunication.

I mean, when/as we compare another's decision to a decision that we have made previously inside ourselves, and we then judge another, either positively or negatively, we are basing the comparison and the judgment upon database of information that we carry within ourselves without any consideration of placing ourselves in the shoes of another, walking with another, but rather, placing ourselves in separation of another.

What is also imperative to realize here is that Judgment IS a reaction and as such, it is firstly to look and investigate self before projecting the judgment onto another.

So thus, the solution is within communication. Why? - Firstly, we reacted. That means that there is unresolved point within ourselves that we haven't yet investigated/considered/understood before. Now, communication can be either with oneself, within the point of self writing in assisting and supporting self to look at the dimensions one had previously missed. Secondly, within the realization that a judgment is equal to lack of understanding, it is suggested to communicate with the other, ask questions, really being 'here' and allow oneself to unconditionally Listen to the other as the other may considered point that we haven't considered before, that could be valid for our own individual process.

 

You see, we cannot compare another's decision to a decision we made within ourselves without having all the information because what is normally comes up in one's mind is a projection of the doubts/fears/uncertainties that we have in relation to the decision. Here, it is no longer about another's decision; it is about ourselves, about who we are in any given moment and if we are not stable within the decision that we have made, it is our responsibility to find out why is it that we haven't yet allocated our stability - what is it that we have missed, what is the nature of the doubt/insecurity/fear that we suppressed within ourselves.

 

So - if and when you make a decision, you want to be clear within yourself so that nothing is moving inside yourself in relation to a decision. Again, this is a point of self honesty. A suggestion here is to - when making any decision, to look at all the scenarios that the decision may lead you - you want to stand absolute in any of these scenarios. You will find that you'll have specific preference in how you envision the outflow of your decisions however, you must stand clear and stable if the outflow would not be in alignment to your preferences.

Then, walk your self forgiveness process to ensure that there no more doubts/fears/insecurities that would influence you later down the line and from there, move to your commitment statements to  write the path before you wherein you'll remain stable no matter what would come in your way.

Comparison and limitation of Self (The problem) - Day 446

Have you ever found yourself comparing your decision to decisions that other made? Have you ever validated or invalidated your decision in comparison to a decision another had made? Have you ever judged another for a decision they have made, in comparison to your life ? If you have - this blog is for you.

 

One of the things we do best is to compare and judge others. Seldom do we stop and look at the greater picture; rarely do we stop and clarify the point within ourselves; a judgment is made in a quantum moment within our mind and for most part, it feels so real that we tend to believe that the judgment is valid and from there we would either see ourselves as more than or less than the person whom we judged.

 

Within this blog, I would specifically look at the point of judging another, in comparison to a decision that the other had made where, one would try to diminish the other, both internally and/or externally within the attempt of convincing oneself that self is better than another within the polarity of 'I am Right' and 'You are Wrong'; What we would see is that secret can of worms lies underneath the comparison and judgment that one is trying to suppress within oneself.

 

So let's look at an example where we have made a decision to stand within a specific position within the world system but there is still doubts, insecurities and fears within us regarding the decision that we have made; We are walking the practical steps within the realm of the decision that we have made but now, a friend of us is standing in the face of  what seemingly seems to be a similar decision, of standing in a specific position within the world system only that our friend, at the end of the day, had made the decision to not stand within that specific position.

 

Here is where Self-Honesty comes in - if we reacted in anyway whatsoever to the fact that our friend did not make the same decision that we had previously made, it is an indication of an unresolved point within ourselves in relation to the decision that we had originally made. This means that the decision that we have made is not absolute and we are unclear within ourselves and therefore, a friction and conflict is created within us. The friction and conflict would lead us to one of many paths - for instance:

• We would try to convince the friend that they have made the wrong decision.
• We would stand back/give up on our initial decision and justify to ourselves that backing up/giving up on what we initially decided is valid because our friend knows better than we do.

• We would perceive ourselves  as better than our friend and within that, diminish/limit our friend's decision/expression so that we could feel better about ourselves.

If we were clear and certain about our initial decision, nothing would have moved inside ourselves when another made a decision that is in misalignment to the decision we originally had made. Meaning, when one is making a clear decision within oneself - it doesn't matter what one is facing and/or what another is doing, one would remain so absolute and stable within one's decision. Thus, when a reaction to a decision that one had made is coming up, it is imperative that one would stop for a moment, allocate one's starting point, investigate and explore oneself to ensure realign one's starting point.

 

So, thus far we have looked at a reaction to a decision that we have made and in the next blog we would explore solutions as points to consider when investigating one's reactions within the starting point of assisting and supporting oneself to stand stable within oneself and one's world.

 

 

Learning to Accept myself - Practical Application (Part 3) Day 413

Within my process of walking self acceptance, I've realized how I have separated myself from everything of me that I judged, and within that judgment, I couldn't practically change because I didn't accept that which I've judged as a part of who I have become. I tried to resist it, not realizing that I'm resisting myself; I've tried to suppress it, not realizing that I'm suppressing myself; I've tried to ignore it, not realizing that within that ignorance, there is no space for real change.

 

Walking Self Acceptance practically implies that I must transform every single point of self judgment to a point of change and to do so, I must first accept that this point that I'm judging, is me and because it is me, I have the power to change myself within the principle of investigate all things and keep that which is best for all.

Here, one must realize that it is not just working with the negative judgment of ourselves, it is also to investigate the positive judgment we have of ourselves and see, in self honesty, whether the positive judgment stands as/by the principle of that which is best for all.

 

Within self acceptance, we can quantumize our processes from the perspective of, once we accept that which we judge about ourselves, unconditionally, within the realization that this is 'who I am', even if we don't like what we see within ourselves, it is sill who we are. however, it doesn't mean that we should continue to accept and allow ourselves to remain enslaved to who we have become; this is where self forgiveness within self honesty becomes real and self forgiveness can genuinely applied within an absolute decision to change and become a being that is actually trustworthy. 

 

What I am finding is that once the point of acceptance in relation to even the slightest point I've judged myself, stability exists. Meaning - once I transform the self- judgment into a point of self investigation through accepting that this is who I have been thus far in relation to this slightest point, I create stability within and as me through which I can support myself to unconditionally investigate the point, be honest with myself, forgive myself and make self commitment to change in a physical and practical manner. In doing so, the resistances to open up a point is no longer the directive principle because how can I resist to something that I've consciously accepted as myself within the understanding that through accepting myself, I can practically change within the principle of investigating all things and keep that which is best for all.

 

So, when self judgment comes up, and it doesn't matter what is the source of the judgment, whether it be because we completely fucked up something, whether we made a huge mistake, whether we regret it, whether we blame ourselves - none of that is valid - what is valid is to accept that we fucked up something and made a mistake and within that acceptance investigate how could we have possibly done things differently, how could have we prevented the consequences,  how can we ensure that we won't repeat the same mistake again, what can we learn about ourselves; and from investigating the point, find solutions and commit ourselves to walk the solutions as a living expression of ourselves.

How to use Comparison in a constructive way - Day 379

About a year ago, I wrote the blog Inadequacy, failure and self judgement - part 1 - Day 30 where I dealt with comparing myself to someone who I perceived to be more effective than me, better than me and through comparing myself to this person, I defined myself as inadequate and a failure as a point of extreme self judgement and sabotage. These are some of the commitment I have written down in that specific blog:

 

"I commit myself to stop comparing my process to other being processes as I realize that I'm walking my own process that has nothing to do with other people.

 

I commit myself to stop defining myself according to other people."

 

In the past month, I started walking a new journey that requires my full attention, focus and responsibility and within that, I had to realign my time, adjust myself to different working hours and to still manage to walk through my previous responsibilities. Obviously, I got all the support I required to walk this point as effective as possible and the only point that I wasn't consistent as much as I would like to was my daily writing. I found myself struggling with this point because practically and physically, I could have spend another hour to do my writings but instead, I justified for myself that it has been a long day and I should go to rest now. And you know, there were days that I only slept 3 hours so here, I'm perfectly ok with not having my writing done as I must also take care of my physical human body and get it to rest but there were also other days where I could write but instead, I justified for myself that it has been a long day and it's cool to instead watch one episode of a TV series for instance. Here is where I found myself in an inner conflict where my desire to take a moment to watch something override common sense and my own commitment of walking in every moment according to what is best for all and within that, having my writing done is a point I define as best for all as it is the ultimate self support I am able to gift to myself and through which, I expand my moment to moment stability so that I can stand as a pillar of support for others.

 

So, last night, it was one of these days where I wanted to justify for myself why it is ok that I won't follow my own commitment of daily writing but instead, take the time for entertainment. But in self honesty, I couldn't pull it through by accepting my own justifications and limitation and thus, I decided to look at the person I compared myself to a year ago from the perspective of seeing the example this person is standing as, what can I learn from this person and how can I practically support myself in walking the time line that made this person effective within themselves. As I looked at the point, I realized it is all about a decision one is making within oneself and within that, the decision to walk one's own self commitment, self will and dedication in any given moment. From here, all I had to do was to  breath in, breath out, make a stance within myself and walk my commitment of daily writing. So yes, if it means that I won't get to entertain myself for a while to ensure that my commitment to myself is met then so be it because at the end of the day, I have to live with myself and personally, I prefer living by knowing that I've done everything possible to make a change within myself and this world and I mean, we have only one life to do so, so why not make the best (for all) out of it?

 

This is a simply example of how to transform destructive competition and comparison between oneself and another into a point of constructive application. When one compare oneself to another, all it means that another is standing as an example of what one perceives oneself as lacking and so, with a decision and practical application, one is able to utilize the example of another and walk the necessary steps to become the point one would previously saw oneself as lacking, inadequate and/or a failure and to accordingly, expand, empower and grow oneself into a being that is trustworthy through a practical and physical application.

 

 

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Reactions as a window of Opportunity for self Intimacy - Day 310

I realized today a fascinating thing about reactions as Judgement and Blame - what we judge about the other was always there meaning - their behaviour never changed or their thought patterns are always the same but only when we perceive that their behaviour or thought pattern may Harm us in any way whatsoever we then react to it Judgement, Blame, Resentment and so on.

 

Like for example, let's say that you work in a 2 floor office where your colleagues and you are divided to 2 floors. You are all in a way responsible for certain projects but each has their own responsibility. As long as you don't see what they do, there won't be any thoughts/backchats running around in your mind however, the moment you become aware of their doing, and you perceive that what they do would harm you in a way, you'll then develop backchats about them and judge/blame them within and as your mind.

 

So even though these people behaved/acted the same previous to your awareness of that, you only started to judge and blame them when you became aware of it and only because you perceived that their behaviour is unacceptable and may cause harm to you or others which compromised your self interest, you reacted.

 

In this scenario, the Reaction is what actually Compromised not only you but also your peers because if you noticed a point that require correction but instead of effectively directing it and come to a point of correction, you reacted to it and the problem persists.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge another when I Perceive through my own Physical eyes that they are doing something that is not acceptable according to the set of Norms that I've Encrypted within and as myself, set of norms that I've installed and lived as, in separation from myself without any consideration or regards to the validity of these Norms that I've accepted and allowed blindly as myself.

 

Within this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that what I judge is that which I 'Feel' that would threaten my Self Interest, because otherwise, if I would have seen a point that is not best for all, I would have been directing it within self trust and stability but the fact that I've reacted in judgement and/or Blame indicate a point within and as myself that I overlooked and haven't sort out yet.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the pattern or the point that I judged in another, was something that didn't quantimaly manifested but was always there only now, I became 'aware' of it because it interfere with my self interest which then thus, activated a personality system within and as myself through which I accepted and allowed myself to react instead of Direct and Correct.

 

In this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that reacting to such point/pattern instead of directing them indicate that I've accepted and allowed my own process of compromised application as well as the Process of another because I haven't realize that as long as I accept and allow myself to react instead of clearing myself from these Energies,  stand in stability and clarity and assist and support the other to see one's participation of that which is not standing in alignment to what is best for all, I've accepted and allowed myself to compromise not only myself within my initial reaction but also the other as I've not stood as an example and as a pillar of support.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to question why is it that I only react to what I'm aware of while the point was always there regardless my awareness of its existence and within that, how is it that I've accepted and allowed myself to react to knowledge and information in terms of, reacting to what I became aware of instead of standing in stability in ever moment of breath? In this, how is it that I've accepted and allowed myself to change my entire behaviour through reactions to new pieces of Information that I've either heard/read/seen and thus, why it is that something outside of myself moves me and my entire expression?

 

I commit myself to further investigate the point of reactions as a design as I now see, realize and understand that there much more to it than what meets the eyes.

 

I commit myself to when and as I see myself reacting, to flag the point and use this window of opportunity to get to know myself more, to be able to transcend such points wherein nothing separated from me would move and change me but rather I stand as the directive principle in every moment of each breath.

 

I commit myself to investigate why it is that I've accepted and allowed myself to react to knowledge and information in terms of, reacting to what I became aware of instead of standing in stability in ever moment of breath? In this, how is it that I've accepted and allowed myself to change my entire behaviour through reactions to new pieces of Information that I've either heard/read/seen and thus, why it is that something outside of myself moves me and my entire expression?

Starting Over - A Failure or an Opportunity? - Day 232

So in a way, I'm starting my process again or to be more specific, aligning my starting point in why am I walking this path and who I am within the decision because, as long as 'Self' as a Starting point, within the principle of what is best for all, isn't absolute clear, I would keep bouncing back and forth with no actual and substantial change.

 

I have changed my starting point of walking process many times before. It is more in the context of aligning the starting point when I saw something about myself that I haven't seen before and accordingly, after introspection, I see the adjustments and alignments that must be done within my application.

In the beginning, I used to access self judgement within the back chat - "I have failed", "I fell", "everything that I've walked thus far is a waste" but after awhile, I had realized that it is actually a cool thing because After all, it is a process of change and it is a process of becoming honest with ourselves and as we walk, more dimensions are coming up and within that, we expand our level of awareness and our self honesty and we align ourselves, stand up and continue walking. The only Real fall is when I had accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and chastise myself.

 

This is where I am now - in a point of Re-alignment; meaning - even though I CONvinced myself that I'm walking this process for myself, the 'myself' was still in the context of self interest wherein, I used my Process to define myself as more, within a life purpose that I've created within and as my mind, within an idea that I have to get somewhere, that I must achieve a goal, that what I do must result with an outcome where I could look back in my elderly days and be proud at what I've accomplish in my life.

 

What I had to realize was that 'Myself' is not the 'Myself' in Self Interest that must be the Starting point. 'Myself', is not only me, in an isolated world that exists only within my mind. 'Myself', consists of and Exists as everything that is here within interdependent relationships that encompass everything and everyone and thus, walking this process 'for and as Myself', is not to satisfied 'Myself' as the Mind within the Definitions that I could define myself as but rather, walking it as and for Myself as the Realization that 'Myself' is Equal to and One as everything that is here and as such, I walk this process for and as everything that is here, in Equality, because this is My Self Responsibility simply because I am part of everything that is here. After all - What is best for all is also best for me.

 

So, the points that I would be focusing now is looking and investigating the definition that I've programmed myself within and as in how I have lost myself, as Who I am, as Real Life on Earth in an ocean of Definition, in separation of myself.

It is to walk to a point of Nothingness, that nothing externally or Internally would determine who I am. That nothing would move me, unless I move myself. What would happen after? we shell see, it is not important nor relevant at this stage because if it was known I wouldn't be able to trust it because if it was known, it would imply that it was pre-programmed and that I wasn't the directive principle within the programming.

The seclusion in Inclusion - Day 227

This a continuation to:

From Evilness to Life - Day 226

 

For the context of this blog, Please read Earth's Journey to Life blog - "Birthing ourselves as life, as a partnership Part 11 - Understanding the reflection in the mirror - I feel excluded".

 

 

 

 

 

Here is an extraction from the blog:

 

"...The symbolism of seeing 2 people busy with something where I see myself as incapable of participating on their level – Now here ‘their level’ means that I do not see myself as capable of doing what they are doing – be that a form of socialising / work related / discussion related.

 

Firstly here to notice, is that I had judged myself as incapable of participating –which means that I had judged myself as ‘not good enough’ – But this judgment stands in comparison to these 2 other people. So – through me judging myself through comparison as to what it is that I see others are doing – I ‘exclude’ (separate) myself from what is happening, as I had made the decision and choice within and as myself that I am not capable (I judged myself). I am thus the one who ‘excluded’ myself from what was happening and by me not wanting to seeing that I had done this, I blame others ‘for excluding’ me, when it was in fact me excluding me for what was happening.

 

When we face points where we ‘feel’ excluded we are to investigate the nature of the situation as we create our own self fulfilling prophesies where we exclude ourselves (through our judgements) and then project these feelings of exclusion onto the people whom we excluded (judged) from ourselves…"

 

After I read Esteni's blog, I had a look within and as myself, whether or not, when and as I'm one of these 2 people, and I see the third being struggling within and as themselves with their own self judgement that was described, if there is any Evil Energetic Movement within and as myself, enjoying the fact that I am now More than within the other's eyes. 

 

I was not surprise to find within and as myself, the Dark Evil joyful character that I've created within and as myself, wherein, I've accepted and allowed myself to participate in the Superior/Inferior game that I played with the third being, within and as my resonance expression. In these moments, I wouldn't make an effort to include the third being and I would deliberately create a 'special relationship' with the second being so that the Third being would be jealous, judgemental towards oneself through comparing themselves to me.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to consider the beings in my direct environment and within that, how I'm directly responsible for how they would experience themselves wherein, I would deliberately accept and allow myself to create a friction and conflict within and as themselves through presenting to them a specific picture which they would be jealous at and activate jealousy towards me which would give me the experience of being More and Superior in my own mind. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT considering all points, all relationship, all consequences and align these points/relationships/consequences within and as the principle of what is best for all and do onto another that which you'd like to be done to you wherein, instead of deliberately creating situation where I know that others would fall into their patterns and I would experience myself as More in comparison to their fall, to stand as a pillar of support for myself and others in walking WITH other human beings, as Equal, where we could learn from each other, expand, grow and empower ourselves and each other in walking together as ONE unit instead of Two or more enemies.

 

Thus, I commit myself to-  when and as I find myself in situations where I'm having a conversation with a person and there is another being in the room, accessing inferiority, self judgement and jealousy, I stop, I breathe and I look within and as myself in checking my own alignments in that moment, my starting point, energetic movement, what would be the best solution in consideration of all the relationship that exists within that moment and accordingly, align myself, align the situation in standing in absolute self honesty within and as myself.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to form relationships and groups that exclude some beings and include only the "special" ones according to my 'likes' and/or my 'Preference', not seeing, realizing and understanding that my 'Likes' and 'Preferences' were created by me, according to a specific program design that I've accepted and allowed as myself, in separation of myself and that I've utilized these 'likes' and 'Preference' based on what would give me the best result outcome for an experience that I would be satisfied with, with no consideration regarding who am I stepping on, in the process of me getting the experience that I desire to have within and as myself.

 

In this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that what I accept and allow myself to participate in my direct environment, I accept and allow to exists in the world wherein, we created Groups, Cultures, Religion that Includes some and excludes others without realizing, understanding and directly seeing that unless we stand together as ONE group, united, within ONE principle of that which is best for all, there is no chance we would ever bring about a world that is Best for all living creatures.

 

And in this, I commit myself to assist and support myself in changing the way I view myself and this world, from a mind self interest dimension to a physical absolute and direct seeing of all the relationships, all the consequences, all the points that form our lives as a whole and to do so, I start with myself, in assisting and supporting myself to dissect all the Evil parts of myself that I've created, accepted and allowed within and as myself and bring myself to physical equal and one standing with all that is here through first stand in equal and one relationship with my own mind, expand myself in standing equal and one with the beings in my environment to then standing equal and one with the rest of existence.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to treat others in the very same way that I wouldn't want others to treat me, from a starting point of Spite, in self interest, to diminish them so that I could be More, not seeing, realizing and understanding that the reason why I wouldn't want to be treated in a specific behaviour by others is because I know, within and as myself the evilness that this behaviour is consisting of and existing as because I'm doing the same to others. And thus, instead of developing and establishing relationships that are based on mutual respect, understanding, expansion and growth, I create relationships that are based on pure Evil to elevate my own Experiences of being more on the backs of and the expanse of others. 

 

I commit myself to - when and as I see others reacting to me, to assess and check in self honesty whether or not I had a part in how they are experiencing themselves, whether or not I'm directly, and deliberately supporting their reaction so that I could experience myself as more and in doing so, I check and assess how I would react if I were in their shoes and accordingly, align the moment in the utmost supportive way in taking into consideration the consequences and outflows of each decision that I make.

Who is the Judge? - Day 224

You know when we walk down the street and we see people staring at us as we go by and all of a sudden we will start feeling insecure within and as ourselves and would start having this roller-coaster of thoughts regarding this point like: why are they staring at me? Is it something that I am wearing? Is it how I'm dressed? Is there something wrong with my hair? Do I look fat today? Fuck, why they are judging me?

 

Then we would start playing with our hair, and our clothes, checking that everything is in place and be very much conscious about our movements, the way we walk, how the hair looks like, how our clothes look like.

 

Or you know, when we write a blog post and we do not get any comment on our blog or no one is sharing our blog on face book, we would then start thinking: Maybe I'm not good enough? Maybe my writings wasn't good enough? Why does nobody like reading my blogs? I hope they don't think that I'm unworthy and thus won't ever read my blog? maybe I should write something else to make people want to read my blog? How could I present myself perfectly through my writings so that others could validate me? Is there a way I could change my words to be more presentable?

 

Or let's say that we are in a social gathering and everyone there are telling jokes and stories and then I find something within and as myself to share with others but when I speak it, it doesn't sound as interesting or funny like I assumed it would. Everyone is now quiet and not really getting what I was saying and then I'm like: Shit, they would now think that I'm boring, or weird, they wouldn't want to spend time with me anymore, how can I make sure that next time that I speak, they would like me or think that I'm a funny person and thus would want to spend more time in my presence?

 

Ok, so I can continue all day in giving examples of moments where we perceive our social external environment to judge us as off, boring, weird, unworthy, not good enough, disliked; but I think you got the point. :-)

 

Now, is it really that others judge us or is it more us judging ourselves through making an assumption that others are judging us; and also, even if they do judge us, is it only them who judge us or is there a part of us that judges ourselves which manifest our reactions of feeling inadequate?

 

Within the first example, in walking down the street and believing that people are staring at me, and thus, immediately going into reaction as if I did something wrong or that I look bad and within that, start plotting the scene for how I would change the way I look/walk to present myself as perfect so that others won't negatively judge me or won't have a reason to negatively judge me - The funny thing is that, sometimes, when I think that people are staring at me, and if these train of thoughts start coming up within me, I wouldn't even consider to check if there is something behind me that people are actually looking at. Like: Is there anything that is attracting their attention that I've not seen myself because I've immediately accessed the reaction within myself where I would react to the perception that they are judging me and I wouldn't see anything beyond the veil of my own fear of being judged. Lol

 

But anyway - the point is this - when we slow ourselves down, we would see in self honesty that regardless of what others think about us (judging or not judging), the fact that we are reacting indicate that there is a hidden self judgment point within and as ourselves that we haven't sorted out yet.

 

Also, another point to look at is - if we fear that other people would judge our appearance when walking down the street for instance, in self honesty we would react because we know within and as ourselves that we are doing the exact same thing - we are judging other people's appearance as well.

 

There was an old YouTube video that I liked, which describe this point very nicely; it was something like -

 

We are walking down the street and see a guy that is dressed with weird clothes, like, he is wearing a clown hat, and cowboy shirt and Pyjama pants and he is smiling and singing to himself. This entire scene makes us stop for a moment because we are not used to this type of expression and within us, we would then start thinking: "what is wrong with his man? Is he not aware of what he is wearing? Doesn’t he care about what people would think about him? didn't he look in the mirror before he left the house? I mean seriously, what is wrong with this guy?"

 

What we haven't considered in such moments are ourselves, and our own self judgement towards ourselves in relation to our expression. We are so blind to the society codes of dressing for instance that we would never allow ourselves to dress in a certain way that would not suit our environment. Within this, we haven't considered that this guy, that we have just judged, may be stable within himself, that this is how he had decided to express himself because he doesn't care about other peoples’ judgements, as he is certain about who he is in every single moment. I mean, why wouldn't we allow ourselves to express ourselves as who we are without being conditioned by Morality or Society codes? Why do we place so much value on how others would see us? because we KNOW, within and as ourselves that we are the Evil ones, we know that we are the ones that would judge other people if they aren’t standing in alignment to the Morality/Society codes and within that, we wouldn't dare placing ourselves in a position that might cause a friction and conflict in other people's mind as them judging us as our expression.

 

With the writing blogs example - one must remember that our writings is FOR OURSELVES and as ourselves. Our writing is to assist and support us in getting to know ourselves, what we have accepted and allowed, our responsibility within and as that which we have deliberately accepted and allowed in self interest and accordingly assist and support ourselves in aligning us back to ourselves within and as the principle of what is best for all. Our writing is not a contest that we must win, it is not to be validated and worshiped by others, it is for ourselves within seeing, realizing and understanding the importance of writings and how through writing, we are able to practically assist and support ourselves in seeing and changing ourselves for real.

 

Thus, when we start thinking about other people, and how they would see/judge our writings and accordingly, change and alter the way we express ourselves - we are not really writing, we are not really doing it for ourselves but to impress others for various reasons such as: feeling as part of the group, being validated within the group, expecting to be seen as more by others and so on. Within that, instead of facing the point that we are the ones that judge ourselves, investigate the nature of the judgement, why did we accept and allow ourselves to judge our writings for instance, we would either stop writing or we would write from a separated starting point that do not take into consideration ourselves and the process that we walk in assisting and supporting ourselves and as ourselves.

 

Also, if we fear that others are judging our writings, it indicate and imply that we are judging other people writing and as such, fear that others would do to us what we do to others.

 

So - here are some points to look at and considered within and as ourselves regarding judgement, self judgement and fear of being judged.