A process to Self Respect and Integrity - Day 366

Walking the process of Self Respect requires me to go back in time and identify the moment that I've made the decision to disrespect myself. Obviously, it is not an easy task because I made sure to suppress that decision so deep down because otherwise, how could I remain consistent with the lack of self integrity and self respect.

What is clear to me now is that to be able to walk in self respect, I cannot trust my mind even in moments where it seems so convincing to follow the thoughts/imaginations/emotions/feelings that comes up. I have followed my mind so many times and in each time, the illusion reality as future projection never met the physical reality and in this, never actually benefited me in anyway whatsoever.

 

What is interesting was the moment when I realized that I fell into the very same pattern was the moment where I promised myself that I will not follow this path again and instantaneously, in a quantum moment, the same pattern emerged only now, it was different sceneries, different people or in other words, different characters. When I investigated the point, I saw that the same had happened throughout my life wherein in one moment I let go of one point, and so suddenly and unexpectedly, a new point emerged, in a quantum time although it is not a 'new' point per say, it just presented itself as a new point while all along, it was just the same ole pattern repeating itself.

 

I see now the mechanics of how the pattern that I was working with was never released unconditionally but instead, mutated itself in a disguised so that it would be difficult to identify and once I've seen that I'm busy generating the energy that this pattern consists of, I decided to stop and write and to for once and for all, accept and allow myself to walk myself to self respect by letting this pattern go unconditionally, a pattern that I've lived as, so long as I can remember myself.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to disrespect myself by accepting and allowing myself to follow my mind and in this, the thoughts, emotions and feelings that I programmed in my flesh throughout my life. In this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that I was the one who decided to give power to these thoughts, emotions and feelings that I've programmed within myself and within that, also installed the program to "forget" that I was the one who have programmed myself in disrespect or integrity but in this, I now see, realize and understand that I also created myself a door to walk through and step out of this self created cycle through standing up in clarity, self trust, self honesty, respect and integrity.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to disrespect myself by following the repeating thoughts, emotions and feelings that I've placed inside myself and in this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe my own self programmed thoughts, emotions and feelings even though the physical reality contradicted and invalidated any of the thoughts, emotions and feelings that came up from within me without my directive will.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to STOP the very moment a thought comes up, a thought that I already knows where it would lead me and who I would become once I decide to follow the thought. In this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to loop again and again based on one single thought that comes up in cycles of times. However within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for following the thought that can only lead to a destructive patterns, after I've seen the consequences of following the thought and within that, I have not accepted and allowed myself to correct the pattern because I was busy judging myself for falling, not realizing that in the very moment I accepted and allowed the judgement, was the moment where I've upgraded my own self programming and so, created a new form of thought as justification and excuses for why it is valid to access the pattern again. Thus, I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to humble myself in moments I realize that I have fallen which from there I am able to stand up, investigate and correct myself instead of judging myself and in the judgement, quantumly upgrade the programming to snick in again without my direct awareness.

 

I thus Commit myself to identify the thoughts that had led me to destructive repetitive patterns and accordingly, when and as a thought comes up, I stop, I laugh about it and move on while breathing myself out of the pattern. In this, I commit myself to NOT accept and allow myself to judge myself when the pattern emerge but to instead, change my starting point, align myself, learn and correct myself. I see, realize and understand that it took me decays to program patterns so perfectly within and as myself and therefore, removing patterns requires the same consistent it took me to program patterns from the get go and thus, all I must do is stick to my decision of respecting myself, develop my integrity by stopping my participation with destructive patterns that do not support myself.

 

I commit myself to NOT accept and allow myself to upgrade the pattern but to instead remove the pattern through consistent application of Stopping participation and returning to physical breathing. I now see, realize and understand the extent of repetitive patterns that are layered within me and so I see now how I was the one who directly accepted and allowed my own creation of repetitive patterns as integral part of my self definition and so, I make the commitment to assist and support myself no matter how long it will take till I stop the participation with repetitive patterns that do not support me or others.

Reactions as a window of Opportunity for self Intimacy - Day 310

I realized today a fascinating thing about reactions as Judgement and Blame - what we judge about the other was always there meaning - their behaviour never changed or their thought patterns are always the same but only when we perceive that their behaviour or thought pattern may Harm us in any way whatsoever we then react to it Judgement, Blame, Resentment and so on.

 

Like for example, let's say that you work in a 2 floor office where your colleagues and you are divided to 2 floors. You are all in a way responsible for certain projects but each has their own responsibility. As long as you don't see what they do, there won't be any thoughts/backchats running around in your mind however, the moment you become aware of their doing, and you perceive that what they do would harm you in a way, you'll then develop backchats about them and judge/blame them within and as your mind.

 

So even though these people behaved/acted the same previous to your awareness of that, you only started to judge and blame them when you became aware of it and only because you perceived that their behaviour is unacceptable and may cause harm to you or others which compromised your self interest, you reacted.

 

In this scenario, the Reaction is what actually Compromised not only you but also your peers because if you noticed a point that require correction but instead of effectively directing it and come to a point of correction, you reacted to it and the problem persists.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge another when I Perceive through my own Physical eyes that they are doing something that is not acceptable according to the set of Norms that I've Encrypted within and as myself, set of norms that I've installed and lived as, in separation from myself without any consideration or regards to the validity of these Norms that I've accepted and allowed blindly as myself.

 

Within this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that what I judge is that which I 'Feel' that would threaten my Self Interest, because otherwise, if I would have seen a point that is not best for all, I would have been directing it within self trust and stability but the fact that I've reacted in judgement and/or Blame indicate a point within and as myself that I overlooked and haven't sort out yet.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the pattern or the point that I judged in another, was something that didn't quantimaly manifested but was always there only now, I became 'aware' of it because it interfere with my self interest which then thus, activated a personality system within and as myself through which I accepted and allowed myself to react instead of Direct and Correct.

 

In this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that reacting to such point/pattern instead of directing them indicate that I've accepted and allowed my own process of compromised application as well as the Process of another because I haven't realize that as long as I accept and allow myself to react instead of clearing myself from these Energies,  stand in stability and clarity and assist and support the other to see one's participation of that which is not standing in alignment to what is best for all, I've accepted and allowed myself to compromise not only myself within my initial reaction but also the other as I've not stood as an example and as a pillar of support.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to question why is it that I only react to what I'm aware of while the point was always there regardless my awareness of its existence and within that, how is it that I've accepted and allowed myself to react to knowledge and information in terms of, reacting to what I became aware of instead of standing in stability in ever moment of breath? In this, how is it that I've accepted and allowed myself to change my entire behaviour through reactions to new pieces of Information that I've either heard/read/seen and thus, why it is that something outside of myself moves me and my entire expression?

 

I commit myself to further investigate the point of reactions as a design as I now see, realize and understand that there much more to it than what meets the eyes.

 

I commit myself to when and as I see myself reacting, to flag the point and use this window of opportunity to get to know myself more, to be able to transcend such points wherein nothing separated from me would move and change me but rather I stand as the directive principle in every moment of each breath.

 

I commit myself to investigate why it is that I've accepted and allowed myself to react to knowledge and information in terms of, reacting to what I became aware of instead of standing in stability in ever moment of breath? In this, how is it that I've accepted and allowed myself to change my entire behaviour through reactions to new pieces of Information that I've either heard/read/seen and thus, why it is that something outside of myself moves me and my entire expression?

Starting Over - A Failure or an Opportunity? - Day 232

So in a way, I'm starting my process again or to be more specific, aligning my starting point in why am I walking this path and who I am within the decision because, as long as 'Self' as a Starting point, within the principle of what is best for all, isn't absolute clear, I would keep bouncing back and forth with no actual and substantial change.

 

I have changed my starting point of walking process many times before. It is more in the context of aligning the starting point when I saw something about myself that I haven't seen before and accordingly, after introspection, I see the adjustments and alignments that must be done within my application.

In the beginning, I used to access self judgement within the back chat - "I have failed", "I fell", "everything that I've walked thus far is a waste" but after awhile, I had realized that it is actually a cool thing because After all, it is a process of change and it is a process of becoming honest with ourselves and as we walk, more dimensions are coming up and within that, we expand our level of awareness and our self honesty and we align ourselves, stand up and continue walking. The only Real fall is when I had accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and chastise myself.

 

This is where I am now - in a point of Re-alignment; meaning - even though I CONvinced myself that I'm walking this process for myself, the 'myself' was still in the context of self interest wherein, I used my Process to define myself as more, within a life purpose that I've created within and as my mind, within an idea that I have to get somewhere, that I must achieve a goal, that what I do must result with an outcome where I could look back in my elderly days and be proud at what I've accomplish in my life.

 

What I had to realize was that 'Myself' is not the 'Myself' in Self Interest that must be the Starting point. 'Myself', is not only me, in an isolated world that exists only within my mind. 'Myself', consists of and Exists as everything that is here within interdependent relationships that encompass everything and everyone and thus, walking this process 'for and as Myself', is not to satisfied 'Myself' as the Mind within the Definitions that I could define myself as but rather, walking it as and for Myself as the Realization that 'Myself' is Equal to and One as everything that is here and as such, I walk this process for and as everything that is here, in Equality, because this is My Self Responsibility simply because I am part of everything that is here. After all - What is best for all is also best for me.

 

So, the points that I would be focusing now is looking and investigating the definition that I've programmed myself within and as in how I have lost myself, as Who I am, as Real Life on Earth in an ocean of Definition, in separation of myself.

It is to walk to a point of Nothingness, that nothing externally or Internally would determine who I am. That nothing would move me, unless I move myself. What would happen after? we shell see, it is not important nor relevant at this stage because if it was known I wouldn't be able to trust it because if it was known, it would imply that it was pre-programmed and that I wasn't the directive principle within the programming.