How to use Comparison in a constructive way - Day 379

About a year ago, I wrote the blog Inadequacy, failure and self judgement - part 1 - Day 30 where I dealt with comparing myself to someone who I perceived to be more effective than me, better than me and through comparing myself to this person, I defined myself as inadequate and a failure as a point of extreme self judgement and sabotage. These are some of the commitment I have written down in that specific blog:

 

"I commit myself to stop comparing my process to other being processes as I realize that I'm walking my own process that has nothing to do with other people.

 

I commit myself to stop defining myself according to other people."

 

In the past month, I started walking a new journey that requires my full attention, focus and responsibility and within that, I had to realign my time, adjust myself to different working hours and to still manage to walk through my previous responsibilities. Obviously, I got all the support I required to walk this point as effective as possible and the only point that I wasn't consistent as much as I would like to was my daily writing. I found myself struggling with this point because practically and physically, I could have spend another hour to do my writings but instead, I justified for myself that it has been a long day and I should go to rest now. And you know, there were days that I only slept 3 hours so here, I'm perfectly ok with not having my writing done as I must also take care of my physical human body and get it to rest but there were also other days where I could write but instead, I justified for myself that it has been a long day and it's cool to instead watch one episode of a TV series for instance. Here is where I found myself in an inner conflict where my desire to take a moment to watch something override common sense and my own commitment of walking in every moment according to what is best for all and within that, having my writing done is a point I define as best for all as it is the ultimate self support I am able to gift to myself and through which, I expand my moment to moment stability so that I can stand as a pillar of support for others.

 

So, last night, it was one of these days where I wanted to justify for myself why it is ok that I won't follow my own commitment of daily writing but instead, take the time for entertainment. But in self honesty, I couldn't pull it through by accepting my own justifications and limitation and thus, I decided to look at the person I compared myself to a year ago from the perspective of seeing the example this person is standing as, what can I learn from this person and how can I practically support myself in walking the time line that made this person effective within themselves. As I looked at the point, I realized it is all about a decision one is making within oneself and within that, the decision to walk one's own self commitment, self will and dedication in any given moment. From here, all I had to do was to  breath in, breath out, make a stance within myself and walk my commitment of daily writing. So yes, if it means that I won't get to entertain myself for a while to ensure that my commitment to myself is met then so be it because at the end of the day, I have to live with myself and personally, I prefer living by knowing that I've done everything possible to make a change within myself and this world and I mean, we have only one life to do so, so why not make the best (for all) out of it?

 

This is a simply example of how to transform destructive competition and comparison between oneself and another into a point of constructive application. When one compare oneself to another, all it means that another is standing as an example of what one perceives oneself as lacking and so, with a decision and practical application, one is able to utilize the example of another and walk the necessary steps to become the point one would previously saw oneself as lacking, inadequate and/or a failure and to accordingly, expand, empower and grow oneself into a being that is trustworthy through a practical and physical application.

 

 

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The End of Times - Day 187

 

This is a continuation to:

 

The Elite's delusion of stress - Part 1 - Day 45

The Elite's Delusion of Stress - Part 2 - Day 46

The Decision of TIME - Day 67

 

And:

 

This is a continuation to:

Copy Paste Character - the Way for Success? - Day 183

Copy Paste Character - The Education System - Day 184

Is it possible to Cheat yourself? Day 185

It is time to STOP Existing as a Human Machine - Day 186

 

In the last 2 days, while walking the Copy Paste character, I came to realize that my application within the tasks that I do is not Absolute from the perspective of investing the time each task require to be done to its utmost potential, breath by breath. That is because I've accepted and allowed way to much task than what a person can handle in a time frame of 24 hours a day. The starting point when taking these tasks upon myself, as I've mentioned in my previous blogs, was to be defined as MORE because I couldn't see myself as worthy as Me, here, as who I am but rather, I've defined myself according to other's eyes views and unless they saw me as more, I couldn’t worthy or respect myself.

 

So now, when slowing down, I see that I must face the consequences and keep on doing what I usually do however, the starting point must be changed and within that, I must be patient and humble with myself, letting go of all the loose hands of the desires I've accepted and allowed within and as myself and walk, as who I am, within what I do, one breath at a time, one step at a time and be OK with the fact that not everything will be done in time within the realization that there is so much one can do in every breath.

 

The reason why I'm writing about this point today is because I experienced a massive frustration in the past few days because I wasn't satisfied with my application in general and specifically, with my participation in the Desteni Forum where my Support wasn't as effective as I can support because I've only scanned through the posts without actually reading the posts and paying attention to the details along with missing a day where I wasn't on the forum at all which created the consequences of spending extra time on the day after, to be able to catch up with everyone's processes. I wasn't satisfied from the support I was sharing as I've seen the cracks slowly but surely coming into the surface and how within that, I'm compromising other people’s processes which is to me, not acceptable living application.

 

So, how to go about and change my application to be and to stand as effective as possible within each and every breath, with the time frame I have in every day, with my current projects and task that I'm participating with and within it all, how to make sure I'm not compromising and sabotaging myself, my human physical body and the people that I'm working and interacting with.

 

What was fascinating in the last 2 days was seeing myself trying, in my mind, to find a new short cut, how to round a few corners so that I could change my application meaning - how can I have more time to do what I do and physically invest the time/space required to do it all. And as I realized there is no way to make it work, I became frustrated, angry, irritated and - missed many many breaths which within that obviously, couldn't be effective lol - how can one be effective when one is spending time in one's mind, trying to figure out how to be effective.

 

When I talked with a friend that has walked the same point I've been walking and now, re-walking, she referred me to my own blogs from day 45, 46 and 67.

 

So - let me walk this again, in greater specificity and to stop the time loop for once and for all as I see, realize and understand that accepting this within and as myself, in unacceptable as it is compromising all of our processes as a whole.

 

Thus, let's look at the Character dimension of "I don't have Time".

I've written down for myself, the character dimensions as Fear, Thoughts, Imagination, Back chat, reactions and physical behaviour which I will slowly but surely publish, once I walk the correction through Self Forgiveness and self Commitments. After I'm done, I will walk the Consequences Dimension as the Self Forgiveness and Self Commitment that encompass the entire Character as I gain more perspective and realization of my own accepted and allowed 'I don’t have Time' Character.

Inadequacy, failure and self judgement - part 1 - Day 30

Art by Andrew Gable

Ok, so there where 4 points that I wanted to look at and walk the self forgiveness today and I couldn't see clearly neither of them. I started writing about one point and I stopped. Than I tried to write about another point but I saw that I'm forcing myself into realization that is based on knowledge and information and not truly seeing the point for myself which was also a point of self judgement because I did write, I did applied myself but I followed my mind telling me that I'm not good enough and my realizations are not real. So I decided to follow my mind and stop the writing. However, than overwhelmingness emerge and I access emotions of self judgment, inadequacy and failure for not being able to walk through points because according to the idea that I've created in my mind, I should be more than capable to walk through any point that I would like to take on but what I've missed was that I am able to walk through the point, if I give myself the permission to see through the points instead of following my mind that tells me that I can't.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to access emotion of inadequacy and failure through comparing myself to an idea of what I should be and whom should I be when writing my Self Forgiveness because the idea of me didn't meet with the physical reality.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to miss a breath through allowing myself to judge myself as inadequate and failure and within that perpetuate the power that I allowed my mind to direct, control and enslave me instead of not accepting and allowing myself to follow my mind telling me that I'm a failure and become the directive principle within self trust.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be hard on myself instead of embracing me and giving me the time and space within self patience to walk my process of getting myself back here by stepping out of my mind.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to an idea of me that I've created through comparison to other being in my world who I see as more effective than me instead of realizing that I'm walking my own process that has nothing to do with anyone else and comparing myself to others won't make the process any more easier and thus, it's unpractical and irrelevant and in fact, a form of self abuse and I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to utilize self judgement as evaluation for myself so instead of supporting myself I've diminished myself.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to access overwhelming when a few points to investigate and walk through are here and instead of walking one point at a time with self trust and self commitment, I gave in to my mind that told me that I'm a failure for not being able to walk through the points effectively.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to approach the points within the starting point of fixing the problem and thus, tried to superimpose the correction without practically walking each point at a time line and within that, became stiff and hard on myself instead of STOPPING and see what is the real point that is playing out and simply be gentle with myself and walk through it one step at a time, one breath at a time.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed an idea of me to be my directive principle and thus, I haven't realize that I'm trying to define myself according to how I present myself instead of practically assist and support myself with walking in humbleness and gentleness in every moment of every breath.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to think that if I write about a point then I'm done and when time pass by and I realized that the point is still here as another layer/dimension that I've not seen before, than I'm a failure and inadequate because I fall on the same pattern instead of simply take the point deeper in my application and allow myself to see that which I've missed before and simply walk the practical living application in breath

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become angry and frustrated when not seeing a point in its totality but I've failed to see that I didn't absolutely allow myself to see the point and gave myself the permission to see the point and within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself within the belief that I'm not seeing the point even if I want to see the point because within wanting to see the point, there is a energetic desire and it is not absolute permission to actually see the point and I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that wanting to see the point isn't to give myself the permission and the allowance to see the point because within want, there is a hidden agenda of wanting to define myself as more than.

I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to see that I'm comparing my process to other people processes within the starting point of wanting to be the "best in class" - to be the person that everyone are looking up to  and within that, sabotaged and compromised myself through having the starting point being based on others instead of having the starting point based on me, based on assisting and supporting me.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to trust BREATH and through that trust make a commitment and a decision to remain in breath but instead, gave myself excuses and justification for why I have to walk a process to get myself to breath even though the obvious is here - I'm breathing HERE and I trust my breathing here and all I've got to do is breathe!

Art by Andrew Gable

So, I commit myself TO be gentle with myself, be humble with myself and respect and worthy myself in every moment of every breath and within that, not accepting and allowing myself to suck into emotions and feelings and thus, I commit myself to BREATHE and to realize that if I miss a breath, I stand up and return to breath.

I commit myself to walk points according to a timeline and not allowing myself to access overwhelmingness because it is a self manipulation in a form of excuses and justification for why I cannot simply breathe and bring myself back to myself.

I commit myself to stop all judgement because I realize it is not serving me or anyone else. I commit myself to instead evaluate myself in every moment and question myself, my acceptance and allowances and direct each and every moment in absolute self trust as Breath, point by point by point.

I commit myself to stop comparing my process to other being processes as I realize that I'm walking my own process that has nothing to do with other people. I realize that walking process isn't a competition and that the final step will be when everyone have walked their processes.

I commit myself to stop competition, comparison and jealousy and walk myself in breath.

I commit myself to stop defining myself according to other people.

I commit myself to myself.