Nov 3, 2015 | By: A Woman

Is it too late? Day 527

Sometimes in my life, I find myself in a point of self-blame, regrets and self-judgements for the mistakes that I've done. By mistakes I mean - saying or doing things I should not have said/do, that caused a friction and sabotaged a particular relationship. Or things I haven't said or done, that I should have said or do to potentially prevent negative consequences from manifesting.

But what is the point of going into self-blame, regrets and self-judgements if we do not learn or make any effort to truly change? I've been looking at this question lately and here is what I have found:

We normally reflect back on our lives when negative consequences are showing themselves in our reality - this is where the self-blame, regrets and self-judgements experience start, along with the energy that it carry around the whole body.
It feels 'Icky' and uncomfortable and this can go on and on, so long as we still accepting the self-blame, regrets and self-judgements as valid and allowing the experience to continue inside of ourselves, without giving ourselves supportive direction. With accepting and allowing the energetic experience, we are essentially punishing ourselves for the mistakes that we have made and at the same time, we do not learn from our mistakes. Thus, we are continuing this vicious cycle that we never step out from.

The Irony is that in self-honesty, regret makes us feel good about ourselves - it gives us the idea that we are taking responsibility for the mistakes. It is like almost a belief that because we are able to feel regret, we must be good because  bad people wouldn't give a damn and never take responsibility. Though, by accepting and allowing regret, we don't take self-responsibility for the mistakes like for instance:
1. Mapping out the event
2. Investigating the time lines
3. Slowing down to see the reactions that we accepted and allowed inside of ourselves
4. Practically learning to be able to correct our application when the next window of opportunity arrive.

Another point to looks at in self-honesty - when we judge and blame ourselves, we unconsciously believe that we are good people. We stand as our own judge, we put ourselves in trial, we are judged by the judge who is ourselves and we get punished. Once the punishment has been served, we could then be at peace with ourselves - we are forgiven by god in a way. Only the good people are forgiven by god.

Alright so by now it is becoming clear that feeling regret and blaming/judging ourselves is useless and counterproductive. Feeling regret, judging and blaming ourselves, doesn't bring us closer to the real root cause of the problem that we are facing. For the most part, as I just explained, it only makes us feel better about ourselves and that's as far as it actually goes. I mean, if it would take us to a point of correction, if it would motivate us to make real time change then sure, it can be valid. But as long we continue the vicious cycle of making mistake -> regret/blame/judgment -> feeling good about ourselves -> making another mistake, it will reach a point of being 'too late'.

So now what?
When or as you realize you made a mistake, or when the consequences have manifested, and the regret/blame/judgement start to come up and take over your mind -> STOP for a moment, TAKE a breath and FORGIVE yourself. Forgiveness would be the KEY, the foundation from which you are able to move yourself towards the a solution, towards a change. What do I mean by that? Well, why won't you find out for yourself? Here is a link to a self-development FREE course where you are able to learn about self-forgiveness and how to effectively apply forgiveness in your reality - DIP Lite.

Meanwhile, you can also leave a message at the comment section to continue this discussion.


Anonymous said...

This is cool support! I've seen this for myself - using regret/self-blame as punishment may relieve some pressure/stress for a moment, but it does not create solutions or stop habits or harmful patterns of behavior. You are on point - self-forgiveness is the key to actual self-change. Thanks for sharing this!

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