How I created my Meditation Experience - Day 237

This is a continuation to:

Is Meditation the Key to Enlightenment?

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge meditation within a negative emotional charge, not seeing, realizing and understanding that I've actually judged myself for the things that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate in my past, the things that I now see, realize and understand that had only benefited me within my own self interest delusional mind and through judging Meditation I distracted myself from facing the Practical correction because, so long as I judge, I still allowing my mind to be the directive principle instead of utilizing the Principle: Investigate all points and keep that which is best for all. Within that context, Breathing exercise as a self support tool can and should be utilized within a clear and directive starting point in assisting and supporting oneself to Bring oneself back to one's own physical body, where one could, in breath, assess, check and investigate oneself until eventually, Breathing becomes one's Directive Principle in any given moment.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to associate and connect Breathing with Meditation and since I've Judged meditation as wrong, I sabotaged and compromised myself in not gifting myself the opportunity to assist and support myself in any given moment, to simply Breathe, Be here, within and as my human physical body in alignment to the Movement that Life is.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to spiritualize Breathing and within that create an Experiences that would be aligned with the Spiritual Programs that I've created within and as myself. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear having Spiritual Experiences as it indicate that I accepted and allowed my mind to take over the moment. In this, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to realize that it is useless to try and suppress that which exists within and as me and rather, if a Spiritual experience emerge from within and as me, it is cool, because then, I'm able to assist and support myself to release myself from the entity that I've created within and as myself through going to the draw board to investigate what I've not seen and sorted out within and as myself and accordingly, take self responsibility and correct the point within and as myself.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define myself as inadequate when and as a Spiritual Experience emerge from within and as me, as if I have done something terribly wrong, not seeing, realizing and understanding that I should simply see it as it is, another window of opportunity to sort out that which was already existent within and as me. In this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that if I react to the Spiritual Program that I've inserted and program myself, I create another experience, another entity and thus, only prolong my process instead of Quantified my process in walking through each and every point that reveal itself here, stand in stability and in self trust that I have all that I require for, to assist and support me to step out of mind experience and step into the Physical reality as an Expression of myself.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT realize that I've judged the Spiritual Experience that I had created within and as myself, because I've defined myself as More than a spiritual person, utilizing the Knowledge and information that I have, to justify for myself, why I am MORE than another. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want, need and desire to define myself as MORE than a spiritual person and within that suppress that which I've program myself to exists as, while I was myself a spiritual person, not seeing, realizing and understanding that the Program still exists within and as me, till I, as the directive principle, take the responsibility and release myself from the systems and programs that I've inserted and stored within and as myself with practical Self Forgiveness Process, in taking self responsibility for my own acceptance and allowances and change myself, immediately, within and as Breath. 

 

I commit myself to assist and support myself in practicing my Breathing application as a directive principle through which I expand my application to align with the movement that Life exists within and as till in every step, in every moment, I am Here, in and as Breath.

 

I commit myself to assist and support myself to - when and as a Spiritual Experience is emerging from within and as me, to Stop, to Breathe and to see where I'm not aligned and clear within and as myself and in that, to investigate the source/core/origin of the Experience and accordingly, to take Self Responsibility and, correct my physical living application and change.

 

I commit myself to STOP the internal and external friction and conflict within and as myself, within the context of Spirituality as I now see, realize and understand that I have a process to walk, in writing, regarding my self definition and relationship with Spirituality as points opened up within this blog that I must take responsibility for and direct and accordingly correct within and as myself.

Is Meditation the Key to Enlightenment?

Recently I've been Practicing Breathing more consistently and specifically before and during setting my body to a rest. I found an interesting point - how my tendency or shall I say, my Automated tendency is to Spiritualize such moments. Let me explain.

 

I came to Desteni from a spiritual background where I used to meditate often to "Connect" with my guides and my spiritual Masters  through the belief that Meditation is the key to MY Enlightenment. Breathing and Meditating became a momentary escape from myself and the noises that went on in my mind. However, when I realized that none of my beliefs are in any way practical and aligned with the Principle of that which is best for all, I stopped meditating however, I haven't sorted out yet my relationship with meditation as I've created it within and as myself through a process of Self Forgiveness.

 

Commonsensically, if one would look within and as oneself, one would see clearly that one's starting point within meditation or any Spiritual practice for that matter is based on one's self interest. For myself, my Self interest was to be prepared for 2012 Ascension day where I would transcend and go up to another dimension while the abuse, suffering, pain, war, etc. would continue on earth within the Self-Justification that these people need to learn their lesson and I shouldn't concern myself with them as it is part of the greater plan.

 

What I haven't realized about Meditation back then is that Meditation as a tool is not applicable since Life, Reality, is in Motion, it is always in a Movement and what worth does Meditation has if once one get up from one's comfortable cushion, one steps back to one's mind as backchat, internal conversations, reactions, emotions and feelings without even being aware of all of these.

 

What I also haven't realized back then is that Mediation from a starting point of MY own Enlightenment while abuse, suffering, war, crime, starvation, etc. is still allowed in this world, isn't acceptable within and as the principle of Equality and oneness and no matter how one would justify it for oneself, it is all that it is, a justification that one would use to not take responsibility for this world as a whole as one had protected one's ass, sitting on a cushion with the sufficient funds that would allow one to take a momentary break from this reality and sit to meditate.

 

The last point I haven't realized back then was that if the Guides and the Spiritual Masters were so Enlighten then why didn't they come with a clear, direct and applicable solution for humanity as a whole? Why their messages are always within the same context, to elevate one's Ego through utilizing good and positive words while the world is nothing but Positive?

 

Ok, so recently, and specifically after listening to the Atlanteans interviews:

The Atlanteans Guide to Physical Intimacy (Part 1) - Part 59

The Atlanteans Guide to Physical Intimacy (Part 2) - Part 60

I have started to be more diligent and specific before I set myself to sleep where I focus on Breathing, on my awareness to my physical body, clearing myself from the past day through looking at all the points that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate with as reactions, back chats, internal conversations, emotions and feelings, in separation of me. And accordingly, aligning myself, apply Self Forgiveness and give myself correction/instructions in how I would assist and support myself to correct my living application from Mind Participation to Physical Consideration.

 

Unlike meditation, my starting point wasn't to reach a certain point of Enlightenment, that would make me feel special and more than within and as myself. My starting point is very clear - I see, realize and understand that so long as I had accepted and allowed myself to participate throughout the day, within my mind, I accepted and allowed myself to accumulate and generate Energy that my mind would use to recharge the Mind systems that would functions in the background and decide for me who I am in every moment. And so, once that is done, my body can fully Rest.  (Here, I suggest to study the Quantum Mind - Self Awareness)

 

In the first night, I've noticed that I still accepting and allowing myself to spiritualize these moments of simply Breathing, being here, practicing and expanding my awareness as Experiences started to kicks in within and as myself like for instance, I felt that my head was on the pillow while the rest of the body is floating - obviously that is not so as I was here, physically, on the bed and nothing floated. So I stopped, I breathed, I didn't accept and allow myself to follow this experience because I know that this experience is based on Energy, Energy is programmable and I was the one who programmed this Experience a few years back when practicing Meditation. Another example was when I set down on my bed, still breathing and I felt as if I'm stepping out of my body, just for a tiny moment. I then stopped, Breathe because I realized that I'm in my body, equal and one and that the feeling of stepping out of the body is an Experience that I've programmed within and as myself, within and as the Desire to be MORE than who I really am.

 

It is very easy to fall into such experiences because it feels nice, it feels like we are More than who we really are but the fact of the matter is, that we are not. All that it is, in an Energetic Experience that do not have any practical foundation in becoming an Effective Human beings in this world that would direct, move themselves within each and every breath, through and as ONE principle - what is best for all Lives.

 

So, in my next blog to come, I will walk the Self Forgiveness Process to assist and support myself to delete the Spiritual association/connection that I've assigned to Breathing so that I could Breathe, as WHO I am HERE, within and as THIS physical reality as I see, realize and understand that so long as I accept and allow myself to exists within and as Mind Systems that had absolute control over me, through the Energy that I generate within any thought, reaction, emotions, feelings, etc. I would not Stand within and as Absolute physical Equality and Oneness and unless that is done, I won't see the Physical Reality Directly, within all the Particles that forms the Relationships that Life Consists of and Exists as and therefor, won't be able to stand in absolute self trust and stability in directing every thing that require to manifest a world that is best for all, in practical equal and one manner.

The End of Times - Day 187

 

This is a continuation to:

 

The Elite's delusion of stress - Part 1 - Day 45

The Elite's Delusion of Stress - Part 2 - Day 46

The Decision of TIME - Day 67

 

And:

 

This is a continuation to:

Copy Paste Character - the Way for Success? - Day 183

Copy Paste Character - The Education System - Day 184

Is it possible to Cheat yourself? Day 185

It is time to STOP Existing as a Human Machine - Day 186

 

In the last 2 days, while walking the Copy Paste character, I came to realize that my application within the tasks that I do is not Absolute from the perspective of investing the time each task require to be done to its utmost potential, breath by breath. That is because I've accepted and allowed way to much task than what a person can handle in a time frame of 24 hours a day. The starting point when taking these tasks upon myself, as I've mentioned in my previous blogs, was to be defined as MORE because I couldn't see myself as worthy as Me, here, as who I am but rather, I've defined myself according to other's eyes views and unless they saw me as more, I couldn’t worthy or respect myself.

 

So now, when slowing down, I see that I must face the consequences and keep on doing what I usually do however, the starting point must be changed and within that, I must be patient and humble with myself, letting go of all the loose hands of the desires I've accepted and allowed within and as myself and walk, as who I am, within what I do, one breath at a time, one step at a time and be OK with the fact that not everything will be done in time within the realization that there is so much one can do in every breath.

 

The reason why I'm writing about this point today is because I experienced a massive frustration in the past few days because I wasn't satisfied with my application in general and specifically, with my participation in the Desteni Forum where my Support wasn't as effective as I can support because I've only scanned through the posts without actually reading the posts and paying attention to the details along with missing a day where I wasn't on the forum at all which created the consequences of spending extra time on the day after, to be able to catch up with everyone's processes. I wasn't satisfied from the support I was sharing as I've seen the cracks slowly but surely coming into the surface and how within that, I'm compromising other people’s processes which is to me, not acceptable living application.

 

So, how to go about and change my application to be and to stand as effective as possible within each and every breath, with the time frame I have in every day, with my current projects and task that I'm participating with and within it all, how to make sure I'm not compromising and sabotaging myself, my human physical body and the people that I'm working and interacting with.

 

What was fascinating in the last 2 days was seeing myself trying, in my mind, to find a new short cut, how to round a few corners so that I could change my application meaning - how can I have more time to do what I do and physically invest the time/space required to do it all. And as I realized there is no way to make it work, I became frustrated, angry, irritated and - missed many many breaths which within that obviously, couldn't be effective lol - how can one be effective when one is spending time in one's mind, trying to figure out how to be effective.

 

When I talked with a friend that has walked the same point I've been walking and now, re-walking, she referred me to my own blogs from day 45, 46 and 67.

 

So - let me walk this again, in greater specificity and to stop the time loop for once and for all as I see, realize and understand that accepting this within and as myself, in unacceptable as it is compromising all of our processes as a whole.

 

Thus, let's look at the Character dimension of "I don't have Time".

I've written down for myself, the character dimensions as Fear, Thoughts, Imagination, Back chat, reactions and physical behaviour which I will slowly but surely publish, once I walk the correction through Self Forgiveness and self Commitments. After I'm done, I will walk the Consequences Dimension as the Self Forgiveness and Self Commitment that encompass the entire Character as I gain more perspective and realization of my own accepted and allowed 'I don’t have Time' Character.

Walking Breath by Breath - Part 2 - Day 161

This is a continuation to:

Walking Breath by Breath - Part 1 - Day 160

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to place my trust in my mind, in my memories, in my beliefs, in my opinions, in my morality structure and in this, completely gave away my power to walk breath by breath, finding out whether it is possible to live a fulfilment life that is best for all without using the mind as the memory structure that I became to be and exists as. And in this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear stopping my mind and finding out for myself whether or not, one requires memories as knowledge and information to sustain a substantial Life and through not giving myself to permission to test this point for myself, I've accepted and allowed my own limitation, my own anaesthesia within and as the imprisonment that I've set for myself - the very same jail that I've accepted and allowed to direct myself and this world, without ever questioning its authenticity, its nature, its foundations.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to make the definitive decision to accept and allow myself to walk breath by breath and within this, to essentially give up before I even started my process of stepping out of my mind, so that I could see for myself who I am when the mind stops.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to look and seek for a quick fix to stop my mind because I've believed that I would be some magical human being that is able to do the impossible and within that starting point, I've separated myself from really be self honest with myself and walk the time/space path, breath by breath, to see for myself, who I am when the mind stops, without having any idea or perceptions about it, with no desires attach to the common sense practical application of really looking and investigating myself and my relationship with myself, when the mind is not longer my accepted and allowed directive principle.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to walk breath by breath, stopping each and every single thought that comes up because the thoughts gave me the security that I came to believe to be necessary to sustain my life and thus survive. In this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to ever question the nature of the thoughts, where thoughts comes from, why do I have these thoughts, what trigger the thoughts; and within NOT accepting and allowing myself to question my relationship with the thoughts, I've accepted and allowed myself to live in automation and thus, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to place value and trust in my thoughts as if the thoughts are GOD and I must listen, obey and follow the thoughts, not seeing, realizing and understanding the religion of SELF that I've blindly establish within and as myself.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to desire others to tell me what is that I'm experiencing and in that, basically giving up on myself, within realizing my capability and ability to see for myself, in self honesty, the point that I'm facing. In that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge myself when and as I do not clearly see the entire point that I'm facing, without giving myself a moment, to breathe, to become the point so absolutely, in equality, and through the physical equality and oneness, giving me the permission to see myself, to see the picture, to see who I am, in breath. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want to see the point in its entirety from a starting point of a desire, as knowledge and information, because I've defined this seeing as MORE, as something that is special instead of establishing equal and one starting point with myself - to assist and support myself to simply see, as this is what is here, as my living presentation that is determine my decisions, my expression the who I am in every moment and through this seeing, taking responsibility and change myself, breath by breath. 

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must understand the point in all its dimensions to release myself form the ties of my mind and I haven't seen ,realized and understood, that in that moment, when I accepted and allowed the belief that in order to change, I must understand, I've sabotage myself in not giving myself the permission to simply BREATHE and stand HERE and release the energy holder that I've used to further separate myself.

 

I commit myself to TEST for myself Life where the mind as the memory structure that I've accumulated throughout my life, as the directive principle that I've accepted and allowed to direct and decide for me, STOPS, so that I could see for myself Who I am when the mind stops, Who I am as the directive principle in every moment of every breath. And so, through testing the point for myself and utilizing the tools to assist and support myself with stopping my mind such as self forgiveness, breathing, self honesty and self corrective application, I Stop, check, assess and evaluate for myself, who I am without a mind and through this, I would see, for myself as a point of cross reference without having to base any belief on other people's experiences.

 

I commit myself to STOP looking for a quick fix, for a miracle path that will end my negative experiences as I see, realize and understand that this desire in itself is based on a polarity charge that I would accumulate slowly but surely until the energy would eventually discharge itself, and so, I would use another source of energy to recharge the experience until again, the energy would discharged and the cycle continue. I now see, realize and understand that within walking breath by breath, one do not require any energy to move self but it is self that is here, moving and directing self and within this common self realization - I commit myself to assist and support myself in any given moment, to move myself as breath, discharge the energy when and as it comes up, for as long as it takes, for as many times that it takes because I see, realize and understand that when walking breath by breath and stopping the endless journey of finding energy to charge myself with, stopping my existence as energy and start living within and as the physical.

 

I commit myself to assist and support myself with educating myself regarding the Quantum Mind in understanding the organic machine that I've accepted and allowed myself to be and become. In this, I commit myself to Question myself, to challenge my beliefs, ideas, perceptions, judgements etc. through seeing the relationships that I've formed with these mind components so that I could finally get to know myself, what trigger my personalities/characters that I've accepted and allowed myself to become equal to; what makes me decide what I normally decide; and through getting to know myself, as the entire programming of myself, change is possible as I stand as self movement, as breath, as the one who decide.

My Life as a Character - Overview - Day 79

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to REALize that I'm the creator of instantaneously characters which all of them has ONE purpose, to keep me in character.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create myself as a dimensional character that create more dimensional characters that creates more characters for one single purpose - to create more character and within that, I've enslaved myself for eternity, always creating characters separated from me, not Realizing the power of my creation that is bigger from me as the creator because I created character to create character while all along, I was the character that created character. So who am i? a character?

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to understand creation because I forgot that I've created myself as a character that created the character that forgot that I'm a character. Isn't it a nice stupidity loop?

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself, as the creator of all the character to remind myself  that I'm the creator of the characters that I've created in separation of me and because I haven't created a character to remind myself that I've created me as a character, I doomed myself for eternity.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see my responsibility as the creator wherein I've created all the relationships to support me as a character to not see the power I have as the creator that can create LIFE because I created an agreement with all the characters to support me to remain in character and have thus, enslaved us all, looping between all the characters moment by moment, breath by breath until we remember creation and create ourselves as Life .

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that I'm the characters/personalities because I forgot that I've created these characters/personalities and I haven't considered that as the powerful creator of an eternal enslavement, I can delete the characters and freely choose, in self honesty, to step out of character and clear up the mess that I've created in character.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that I've accepted and gave permission to other characters to resists change and to thus, do what they can to sabotage and limit my own self change because that is how I made sure that I won't change. Within that, I see, realize and understand how I've created resistance, how I gave power to resistance because I created resistance to protect me from an actual change.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create a character that fear stepping out of character because I know that I created characters that will attack and hurt my character because I fuck up with their characters. Thus, I realize that the conflicts, attacks and harms are all characters that I've created and I commit myself to stand in the face of what may come, prepared, in self trust, Here. And I realize that within that statement, I've created a character and thus I stop.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to look at the thought, realize that the thought was a character, to then find out that it was a character that realized that the thought was a character because I have now created a memory of the "realization" which I now let go, return to my human physical body and in an instantaneously moment, I create another character as a thought comes up and the cycle looping itself. So I keep reminding myself that I've created myself as character and I stop, and I realized that I created the character that reminds me that I've created a character until I step out of all the characters and no longer require character to remind myself that I'm a character.

I commit myself to support myself in seeing, releasing, deleting and clearing the mess that I've created in characters

I commit myself to keep reminding myself to step out of character when and as I see myself accessing a character and within that, I let go self judgement when I see that I'm still a character because I realized that self judgement is another character that I've created.

I commit myself to remind myself that I've created a character the remind myself that I'm a character to assist and support myself with stepping out of all my characters until I'm no longer creating a character of stepping out of character.

I commit myself to clear up the mess that I've created as characters and stand in the face of each and every character, forgive myself as the character and let it go.

I commit myself to show that character is being created instantaneously when a thought comes up, a memory has now been created as an experience that the memory has created as it created me. And within that, we are eternally fucked until we step out of character by cleaning that mess that we have created in character. 

 

I have to Say Something - Day 44

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to desire speaking when I'm in the presence of another human being and thus, I would look at my information and memory data base in my mind, for something relevant to say or talk about and instead of stopping and simply be HERE, breathing and being comfortable within myself in the presence of another and check Who I am at the moment and how I can assist and support myself with clearing myself and remaining here, I force myself to speak, to avoid the uncomfortably that I experience with silence when I'm in the presence of another.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself force myself to speak when I'm in the presence of another human being because I feel uncomfortable with silence and I haven't realized that the uncomfortably that I'm experiencing with regards to silence is because I have never been silent within myself and my human physical body, Here, within and as the breath and I have no idea how to move and direct myself within silence because as long as I live, there was always a movement, back chatting, inner conversation in my mind where silence and hereness was never part of the equation.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to be and become comfortable within myself and my human physical body because I have defined comfortableness through my mind, as experience that I can only have through having conversation either with myself in my mind or with other human beings and I haven't ever consider that the experience of being comfortable is based on energy participation instead of an physical expression.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear being judged as a boring person to hang out with when I'm remaining silent and not speaking much and thus, I forced myself to speak and be communicative and I haven't realized that in that moment, I'm being directed by my mind and that self judgment is my directive principle which raise the question: Who is than the being that speaks/communicate because obviously, it wasn't a decision that I have made to move and direct myself when I followed blindly after my mind and forced myself to speak.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have refused to see that I have never really been comfortable with myself within and as the breath because I've defined/judged/associated/connected/attached comfortableness and energy and thus, to be able to feel comfortable, I had either speak with myself or with another human being to generate energy.

I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to consider Physical Comfortableness with myself and my body when I'm with other beings because I've defined myself according to how others perceive me and thus, if I get positive feedback, I feel comfortable and when the negative feedback arrives, I would feel uncomfortable and yet, I have failed to realize that Who I Am as comfortableness isn't define by anyone but it is a physical expression that is equal to and one as Who I am.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to question/consider why is it that I require to go to my information/memory data in my mind to be able to communicate instead of simply breathe and speak what ever is Here with no previous preparations and within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to limited my expression to that which is in my information/memory data base in separation of me and haven't allowed myself to align to all that is here.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to relay and be dependent on my information/memory data base to be able to communicate and within that to limit and restrain myself to my mind instead of becoming a physical expression within my living application.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to desire speaking and communicate with people in my environment just for the sake of speaking because I've defined myself according to the feedback that I'm getting within the communication process and thus, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to search for a point to communicate about with the beings in my environment because I require the energy boost from them which I can get through their feedback and I have refused to see that who I am within the desire to speak is an energy addict that require a dose the energy drug to sustain myself and my personalities.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as an energy vampire to suck energy from the attention that I'm getting from other beings and thus, I experience myself as "I have to say something" because otherwise I won't be noticeable which is an important element for my personality survival.

I commit myself to stop looking and searching for conversation topics when I'm in the presence of other human beings and simply be Here, breath by breath.

I commit myself to stand in comfortability when and as I'm in the presence of other human beings because I realize that Who I am is not dependent of where and with whom I am

I commit myself to establish comfortablity within myself that is not defined according to thoughts, emotions, feelings
I commit myself to stop my inner conversation, back chat, thoughts that gave me the wrong impression of comfortableness and to stand as a physical expression of comfortableness that can be measured in every breath.

I commit myself to stop the energy consumption of my human physical body through the desire of feeling comfortable because I realize that comfortableness as a physical expression doesn't require any movement of energy but actually vice versa - physical expression of and as comfortableness is when there is no movement of energy and self is 'Here', breathing, equal to and one as the human physical body and all that exists.

I commit myself to stop following my mind in the attempt to find a point to speak about in my information/memory data base because I realize that when I'm following my mind, the directive principle is fear and self judgement which indicate that I'm not present, aware and attentive and essentially, not breathing.

I commit myself to stop existing as energy and become a living physical expression.
I commit myself to stop the habit of getting energy through the attention that I'm getting when I'm speaking and thus I stop the experienced of "I must say something" to draw attention and getting energy.

I commit myself to stop the dependency on the information/memory data base in my mind and simply be Here, present, attentive, aware and breath.

I commit myself to stop the vampire energy sucking to sustain the personalities that I've created and become a physical living being by walking breath by breath.