The Importance of Physical Communication - Day 148

How much time are we spending talking with other beings in our environment, in our mind, without actually communicating with them?

How many times are we assume we know what the other being is going through, what the other being would answer if we ask the being a question?

How many times we become totally frustrated and angry at another being because we assume the being did something without taking us into consideration?

How many times we perform an entire conversation with another being in our mind, playing out all the possibilities within ourselves with the being, inside our mind, so when we actually communicate with the being, we forget to walk a time line with the being because as far as we concern, the conversation was already done (in our mind) and the being is full aware of our string of thoughts.

It is clear to me now, how and why I fucked so many relationships in my life by not communicating with the being, accumulate resentment towards the being through my assumption that I know what the being has done, through the assumption that the being didn't take me into consideration and thus, the being is not supporting me in anyway whatsoever.

For example: a week ago, I was talking with a friend and I made them aware of the situation that I'm in. I didn't tell them: "Hey, would you like to come and see me, I would like to be in your company right now, enjoy ourselves together". I was expecting the other being to see that I would like to meet them without me having to directly communicate it with the being.

The day after, this being called me and told me about their day before, who they met, how was the experience and so on. Within me, I started to be angry and frustrated because I assumed that where this being were was some place close to where I've been and the being should have come to see me. I was angry at this being for giving more value to what they have decided to be and whom they have decided to be with, and not for a moment considered where I am within my process and accordingly, came to see me.

When I saw the anger, resentment and frustration coming up, I stopped, turned the point back to myself and saw what I was accepting and allowing. What I've seen was that I was the one who didn't communicate the point of wanting to hang out together with the other being, I didn't let them be aware of where I am within my process and what would assist and support me in that moment. And so, I let it go.

On our next discussion, this point came up when the being shared another story about their experience the day I expected them to see me and yet, they had other plans which they had attendant to. This time, I was here, breathing, hearing what the being is sharing with me. I then told this being the process I've walked through regarding this point of me being frustrated about them and how I assisted and supported myself to turn the point back to myself and see what I've accepted and allowed myself to participate with and the important of physical communication rather than Mind communication.

The funny thing was that I was not aware of a little single point - the place they were attending to was not even close to where I was as my initially trigger point of: I can't believe they have been so close to where I live and didn't come and see me. It was only me, making the assumption that I know where the being was and from that initial assumption, I created a scenario in my mind of not being considerate.

The point is - we cannot expect others to know what we are going through without communicating about it. we cannot expect others to do something for us if we didn't directly asked them to; obviously, the next dimension one must look at regarding expectation is that nothing should move within and as oneself if the other being would not comply to that which we ask them to. What ever their answer may be, we stand, clear, stable. If any movement, backchat, reaction comes up - it is not about anyone but self and self must take the responsibility to turn the point back to self and investigate how and why self has separated self from self through accessing one's mind.

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I have to Say Something - Day 44

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to desire speaking when I'm in the presence of another human being and thus, I would look at my information and memory data base in my mind, for something relevant to say or talk about and instead of stopping and simply be HERE, breathing and being comfortable within myself in the presence of another and check Who I am at the moment and how I can assist and support myself with clearing myself and remaining here, I force myself to speak, to avoid the uncomfortably that I experience with silence when I'm in the presence of another.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself force myself to speak when I'm in the presence of another human being because I feel uncomfortable with silence and I haven't realized that the uncomfortably that I'm experiencing with regards to silence is because I have never been silent within myself and my human physical body, Here, within and as the breath and I have no idea how to move and direct myself within silence because as long as I live, there was always a movement, back chatting, inner conversation in my mind where silence and hereness was never part of the equation.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to be and become comfortable within myself and my human physical body because I have defined comfortableness through my mind, as experience that I can only have through having conversation either with myself in my mind or with other human beings and I haven't ever consider that the experience of being comfortable is based on energy participation instead of an physical expression.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear being judged as a boring person to hang out with when I'm remaining silent and not speaking much and thus, I forced myself to speak and be communicative and I haven't realized that in that moment, I'm being directed by my mind and that self judgment is my directive principle which raise the question: Who is than the being that speaks/communicate because obviously, it wasn't a decision that I have made to move and direct myself when I followed blindly after my mind and forced myself to speak.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have refused to see that I have never really been comfortable with myself within and as the breath because I've defined/judged/associated/connected/attached comfortableness and energy and thus, to be able to feel comfortable, I had either speak with myself or with another human being to generate energy.

I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to consider Physical Comfortableness with myself and my body when I'm with other beings because I've defined myself according to how others perceive me and thus, if I get positive feedback, I feel comfortable and when the negative feedback arrives, I would feel uncomfortable and yet, I have failed to realize that Who I Am as comfortableness isn't define by anyone but it is a physical expression that is equal to and one as Who I am.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to question/consider why is it that I require to go to my information/memory data in my mind to be able to communicate instead of simply breathe and speak what ever is Here with no previous preparations and within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to limited my expression to that which is in my information/memory data base in separation of me and haven't allowed myself to align to all that is here.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to relay and be dependent on my information/memory data base to be able to communicate and within that to limit and restrain myself to my mind instead of becoming a physical expression within my living application.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to desire speaking and communicate with people in my environment just for the sake of speaking because I've defined myself according to the feedback that I'm getting within the communication process and thus, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to search for a point to communicate about with the beings in my environment because I require the energy boost from them which I can get through their feedback and I have refused to see that who I am within the desire to speak is an energy addict that require a dose the energy drug to sustain myself and my personalities.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as an energy vampire to suck energy from the attention that I'm getting from other beings and thus, I experience myself as "I have to say something" because otherwise I won't be noticeable which is an important element for my personality survival.

I commit myself to stop looking and searching for conversation topics when I'm in the presence of other human beings and simply be Here, breath by breath.

I commit myself to stand in comfortability when and as I'm in the presence of other human beings because I realize that Who I am is not dependent of where and with whom I am

I commit myself to establish comfortablity within myself that is not defined according to thoughts, emotions, feelings
I commit myself to stop my inner conversation, back chat, thoughts that gave me the wrong impression of comfortableness and to stand as a physical expression of comfortableness that can be measured in every breath.

I commit myself to stop the energy consumption of my human physical body through the desire of feeling comfortable because I realize that comfortableness as a physical expression doesn't require any movement of energy but actually vice versa - physical expression of and as comfortableness is when there is no movement of energy and self is 'Here', breathing, equal to and one as the human physical body and all that exists.

I commit myself to stop following my mind in the attempt to find a point to speak about in my information/memory data base because I realize that when I'm following my mind, the directive principle is fear and self judgement which indicate that I'm not present, aware and attentive and essentially, not breathing.

I commit myself to stop existing as energy and become a living physical expression.
I commit myself to stop the habit of getting energy through the attention that I'm getting when I'm speaking and thus I stop the experienced of "I must say something" to draw attention and getting energy.

I commit myself to stop the dependency on the information/memory data base in my mind and simply be Here, present, attentive, aware and breath.

I commit myself to stop the vampire energy sucking to sustain the personalities that I've created and become a physical living being by walking breath by breath.