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"Be Impeccable With Your Word. Speak with
integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against
yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction
of truth and love."
Don Miguel Ruiz
How many
of you experienced a moment when you overheard people talking about you? How
did it make you feel? What did you do about it? How did this moment changed
your relationship with these people once you knew the truth of what they think
about you? Where you able to overcome that moment and trust these people again?
Here is my story:
I
remember that day when my innocence flew out of the window. It was when I
overheard my best friend talking shit about me with her father and it broke my
heart. It wasn't even serious stuff, she didn't say anything nasty about me
meaning, it wasn't what she said, it was the way that she said and what was the
undercurrent of how she said it if that make sense.
I did not
know from where it all came from and with being so overwhelmed, I went home and
haven't spoken with her for months. Not until our parents intervene and
"forced" the relationship back and I just agreed because I wanted to
please everyone. Though, inside myself, I knew, I cannot trust this person and
I've been secretly waiting for the day our path would split apart without
having to hurt her, the family and other friends that were involved.
For years
later, I went away from anyone who I perceived to betray my trust. If they used
something that I said against me; if they went behind my back and caused
frictions between me and other people; if they kept on going to other people to
talk about me instead of coming to me; If any of that happened, I had no
interest in continue developing my relationship with them.
Later,
when I started my personal development process , I realized that these
'gossiping' moments are coming from the mind of people and it doesn't define
who they really are underneath the layers of the mind. Same way, it doesn't
define me. Yet, the experience of being betrayed kept on coming up inside of me
which showed I haven't reached a point of self-forgiveness and self-honesty.
I
continued working with these points and as I was walking through the layers of
my mind, I found a protection mechanism I've programmed myself back in
childhood: to protect myself from people that may hurt me or break my trust.
Obviously, this again showed I haven't reached a point of self-forgiveness nor
self-honesty. And so, self-introspection continued.
Will
continue in my next blog.
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