"Be Impeccable With Your Word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love."
Don Miguel Ruiz
How many of you experienced a moment when you overheard people talking about you? How did it make you feel? What did you do about it? How did this moment changed your relationship with these people once you knew the truth of what they think about you? Where you able to overcome that moment and trust these people again? Here is my story:
I remember that day when my innocence flew out of the window. It was when I overheard my best friend talking shit about me with her father and it broke my heart. It wasn't even serious stuff, she didn't say anything nasty about me meaning, it wasn't what she said, it was the way that she said and what was the undercurrent of how she said it if that make sense.
I did not know from where it all came from and with being so overwhelmed, I went home and haven't spoken with her for months. Not until our parents intervene and "forced" the relationship back and I just agreed because I wanted to please everyone. Though, inside myself, I knew, I cannot trust this person and I've been secretly waiting for the day our path would split apart without having to hurt her, the family and other friends that were involved.
For years later, I went away from anyone who I perceived to betray my trust. If they used something that I said against me; if they went behind my back and caused frictions between me and other people; if they kept on going to other people to talk about me instead of coming to me; If any of that happened, I had no interest in continue developing my relationship with them.
Later, when I started my personal development process , I realized that these 'gossiping' moments are coming from the mind of people and it doesn't define who they really are underneath the layers of the mind. Same way, it doesn't define me. Yet, the experience of being betrayed kept on coming up inside of me which showed I haven't reached a point of self-forgiveness and self-honesty.
I continued working with these points and as I was walking through the layers of my mind, I found a protection mechanism I've programmed myself back in childhood: to protect myself from people that may hurt me or break my trust. Obviously, this again showed I haven't reached a point of self-forgiveness nor self-honesty. And so, self-introspection continued.
Will continue in my next blog.