Death Research - Day 350

 

This blog is not to terrify you or to make you be more fearful with regards to Death, it is rather to show you how little do we really know and how important it is to investigate all things and keep that which is best for all.

I've recently invested my time in listening to the Death Research interviews which is again to me, emphasized how we have created all sort of assumptions and opinions about Death without actually speaking with anyone that had died, someone who could share in details every moment of their death experience; you know, the real nitty gritty details and not just: "I saw the light".

 

The Death Research interviews are Fascinating from the perspective of being able to walk with a person who actually experience death, the moments of death and what is really happening to the Mind, the Physical and the being in those crucial moments.

I had this fantasy that upon death for instance, one would no longer experience Physical pain, that everything is gone, disappear and you are out of here but as with all fantasies it doesn't work like that.

I had this idea that I can trust what Science describe about death when for example the doctors says to the family of a person who died in traumatic event that the person didn't feel anything, that they lost consciousness and thus couldn't feel a thing. Unfortunately, that is not the case.

 

So why then, is it important to listen to these interviews? For myself, it is a point of motivation to actually Live and Use the time I have left to do something that is constructive, supportive and meaningful on earth, instead of reaching to my end of Life to only find out that I've missed Life while being on earth. Now, that doesn't mean that one should let go of all one's responsibility and have as much fun as possible. No, that is again not real LIFE but a distraction from the actual Gift of Life that only us, as individuals can discover for ourselves unless it is too late, and we die, without being able to come back and correct ourselves.

 

If anything, fearing Death is useless because so long as we fear what is defiantly certain, how can we honestly Live? How did we miss such a simple point of fearing something that is so definitive like the fact that we will die one day while all along, we are missing ourselves when having the physical opportunity to discover the actuality of ourselves as Life, an opportunity that will no longer exists at death. I mean, do you know anyone who didn't die? No right?! So why do we fear dying if it something that is so natural and if we appreciate life so much that we don't want to die, why isn't this appreciation is shown in a physical measurable manner?

 

If we really cared about Life, wouldn't we be busy creating a world where LIFE could be lived by all without having to face struggles, abuse and the atrocities that the majority of us are daily experiencing?

So, there is defiantly a dichotomy here - we fear Death and we do not want to die but yet, we do not appreciate Life according to our collective physical actions. So it is time to investigate these points and become clear about our starting point in terms of deciding if we appreciate and care about LIFE or we just here, till we die, spending the moments we've got left until our Life will be taken from us without any free will. I mean, we do not decide the time we die isn't?

 

So, the Death Research interview Series, describes specific events of death such as Heart Attack, Burning alive in a car accident, Drowning and soon you can find out what one IS experiencing when falling from a tall building. These interviews shocked me as it was nothing I could imagine; Investigate the points, prepare yourself to Life because you are living so why the hell we are not physically living but rather allowing our own mind to dictate us who and what we are? If you Dare to know the truth and debunk your fears - invest in this interview series.

 

Fear of Disappointing others - Day 189

This is a continuation to:

 

The Elite's delusion of stress - Part 1 - Day 45

The Elite's Delusion of Stress - Part 2 - Day 46

The Decision of TIME - Day 67

And:

Copy Paste Character - the Way for Success? - Day 183

Copy Paste Character - The Education System - Day 184

Is it possible to Cheat yourself? Day 185

It is time to STOP Existing as a Human Machine - Day 186

The End of Times - Day 187

Facing the Evil within - the KEY to LIFE - Day 188

 

For the purpose of context, suggest reading these posts above prior to reading the post below, if you haven’t already. Here I will be walking the 'I don't have TIME' Character - Fear Dimension - Practical support with Self Forgiveness and Self Commitments.

 

The List below consists of the Fears which are the foundation of the 'I don't have Time' Character.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fear Dimension:

* Fear that I'll disappoint other people if I won't take more tasks on myself

* Fear that I would be defined as unworthy because I'm not using my time to it's utmost potential.

* Fear that I won't get things done and would regret it when consequences would emerged so basically, fear of the consequences.

* Fear that I would be seen as not good enough, replaceable, inadequate

* Fear of being exposed as self dishonest because I know, that if I put my self interest desires aside, I'm able to walk my tasks in absolute perfection.

* Fear of Missing out the Positive as Entertainment

 

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* Fear that I'll disappoint other people if I won't take more tasks on myself

 

Self Forgiveness:

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to base my starting point of everything that I do on external elements, in separation of myself, and within that, making the decision of what I would do according to what is best for my self interest within the want/need/desire to be validated and appreciated by others; instead of establishing Equal and One starting point, of and as SELF wherein, I directly see what needs to be done within the principle of that which is best for all and in that, I assess whether I have the required skills to walk the task to its utmost potential that would result in the best outcome, otherwise, if I see it practical, I would perfect my skills to be able to walk the tasks in its full potential to result in the best for all outcome.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to SEE, realize and understand that I've programmed myself to respect, worthy and value myself ONLY through the eyes of others within what I do and so, I've developed a personality of someone that is taking responsibilities and walking multiple tasks at once, to increase the chances that others would appreciate and validate me for being responsible and effective person. In that I Forgive myself that I have  NOT accepted, allowed and gave myself the permission to Stand, as Who I AM, Here, as Life and within that, walking the tasks/assignments that needs to be done as who I am as a physical living being but rather attempted to define myself according to what I do, through the eyes of others.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to - from a very young age, in my childhood years, to always seek and look for tasks that I can do in order to get a positive feedback from others, as a reward for my good behaviour and so, as I set forth the polarity of Good/Positive vs. Bad/Negative Feedback that I would then utilize to motivate me as the force of my existence. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to what I do, through the Positive/Negative External Feedback and would then thus, make decisions that are based on my perception of how other people would see me if I would to walk a specific task, driving myself trough and as a fear of disappointing them which would result with a negative feedback which I would utilize to define me as faulty, bad, wrong, untrustworthy and so on.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to investigate the nature of the fear that I've accepted and allowed within and as myself and instead, simply taken it for granted as if, being motivated by a prospect feedback is a normal thing to do. Within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to move and direct myself though fears, instead of allocating my own starting point, be and become the directive principle of myself and my world.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that in essence, the fear of disappointing other people, is not about other people per se, meaning - other people only reflect to me what I have accepted and allowed within myself and thus, when turning the point back to self, what is clear is that I've created expectation of being validated and appreciated by others through the things that I do within the idea that the more I do, the more I'll be valued, validated and appreciated by others. Thus, When and as I'm not getting the expected feedback, I'll experience disappointment as I associated not getting any feedback as a Negative feedback. To balance the Negative experience within me, I would load on myself more work within the hope that maybe this time, I'll get the Positive expected feedback and would thus than, could experience myself as validated, appreciated and respected.

 

So - here I revealed to myself ONE Consequences dimension of having overload tasks within my day. I've noted down and would expand on it, when and as I get to the Consequences Dimension.

 

Self Commitments:

 

I commit myself to delete and remove the Fear of disappointing others which is in essence, the Fear of not getting a positive Feedback from others and in that, not being able to experience self appreciation, validation and worth. I now see, realize and understand that the Experience of self Appreciation, Validation and Worth was based on Energy and is does not Real as I required external element to define me as such and without those elements, I couldn't value, worthy and appreciate myself as who I am. Thus, I commit myself to assist and support myself in getting Here, as Who I am, as Self Appreciation, Self Validation and Self Worth, Breath By Breath as I walk through the layers of the mind and getting back to myself as a Physical Life Force. In that, I commit myself to  always making sure, always checking and assessing Who I am as self appreciation, self validation and self worth to in that, not delude myself and create a personality of self  appreciation, self validation and self worth that is not physically measured in who I am within what I do.

 

I commit myself to Delete, Disconnect and Remove the Memory experience of being validated, appreciated and worthy in my childhood years when I did a task and received a positive feedback from my environment because I now see, realize and understand how I've programmed myself to always seek for this positive feedback as an experience of myself as worthy, validated and appreciated by others so that I could define myself as such. In that, I see, realize and understand how I have separated myself from who I am through defining myself according to a polarized feedback that I'm receiving from my external environment and how through this feedback, created personalities as energy experience that I then utilized as a motivator/catalyst in every thing that I do.

 

I commit myself to STOP creating ideas about myself within what I do and to in that, assist and support myself in getting to know WHO I AM, Here, as a Physical being walking this earth without Energy defining who I am as what I do.

 

I commit myself to assist and supporting others in Showing and Explaining the Design of fearing disappointing other beings as a replica of how self had created expectation within and as the mind in which Self would move, direct and motivate self according to the projected expectation of the polarized feedback self would receive from the external environment and how, through accepting and allowing the Design of Fear as one's directive Principle, self cannot and wouldn't be as effective as self can be as who self is within what self do.

The Importance of Physical Communication - Day 148

How much time are we spending talking with other beings in our environment, in our mind, without actually communicating with them?

How many times are we assume we know what the other being is going through, what the other being would answer if we ask the being a question?

How many times we become totally frustrated and angry at another being because we assume the being did something without taking us into consideration?

How many times we perform an entire conversation with another being in our mind, playing out all the possibilities within ourselves with the being, inside our mind, so when we actually communicate with the being, we forget to walk a time line with the being because as far as we concern, the conversation was already done (in our mind) and the being is full aware of our string of thoughts.

It is clear to me now, how and why I fucked so many relationships in my life by not communicating with the being, accumulate resentment towards the being through my assumption that I know what the being has done, through the assumption that the being didn't take me into consideration and thus, the being is not supporting me in anyway whatsoever.

For example: a week ago, I was talking with a friend and I made them aware of the situation that I'm in. I didn't tell them: "Hey, would you like to come and see me, I would like to be in your company right now, enjoy ourselves together". I was expecting the other being to see that I would like to meet them without me having to directly communicate it with the being.

The day after, this being called me and told me about their day before, who they met, how was the experience and so on. Within me, I started to be angry and frustrated because I assumed that where this being were was some place close to where I've been and the being should have come to see me. I was angry at this being for giving more value to what they have decided to be and whom they have decided to be with, and not for a moment considered where I am within my process and accordingly, came to see me.

When I saw the anger, resentment and frustration coming up, I stopped, turned the point back to myself and saw what I was accepting and allowing. What I've seen was that I was the one who didn't communicate the point of wanting to hang out together with the other being, I didn't let them be aware of where I am within my process and what would assist and support me in that moment. And so, I let it go.

On our next discussion, this point came up when the being shared another story about their experience the day I expected them to see me and yet, they had other plans which they had attendant to. This time, I was here, breathing, hearing what the being is sharing with me. I then told this being the process I've walked through regarding this point of me being frustrated about them and how I assisted and supported myself to turn the point back to myself and see what I've accepted and allowed myself to participate with and the important of physical communication rather than Mind communication.

The funny thing was that I was not aware of a little single point - the place they were attending to was not even close to where I was as my initially trigger point of: I can't believe they have been so close to where I live and didn't come and see me. It was only me, making the assumption that I know where the being was and from that initial assumption, I created a scenario in my mind of not being considerate.

The point is - we cannot expect others to know what we are going through without communicating about it. we cannot expect others to do something for us if we didn't directly asked them to; obviously, the next dimension one must look at regarding expectation is that nothing should move within and as oneself if the other being would not comply to that which we ask them to. What ever their answer may be, we stand, clear, stable. If any movement, backchat, reaction comes up - it is not about anyone but self and self must take the responsibility to turn the point back to self and investigate how and why self has separated self from self through accessing one's mind.

Related articles

• Day 102: Playing the Somebody Done Me Wrong Song

Investigating Sexual Expression - Self Forgiveness - Part 2 - Day 122

This is a continuation to:

Sexual Expression – Overview  Day 112

Investigating Sexual Expression - Self Forgiveness Part 1 - Day 113

Investigating Sexual Expression - Self Commitments - Part 1 - Day 114

 

Investigating Sexual Expression - Part 2 - Day 121

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the language that I speak and the associations/definitions/connotation that I have attached to words were all embedded within me through the fear definitions of those who have come before me and accordingly, the emotions and feeling that they have attached to specific words, resonated and imprinted into me. Therefor, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that the embedded language that I've carried within and as myself, from those who have come before me, where the foundation of my existence of fear and through this foundation, all my memories that I've stored and used to create my own characters where the continuation of those who have come before me and essentially, who and what I have become as a total separated force that I've defined myself as, was nothing but memories that formed my characters without me ever realizing that all those memories and character were based on the fears of those who have come before me, which I have automatically accepted as me, and I would automatically pass on to my children and make sure that our AT-Most-Fear will ever remain with no actual change generation after generation.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define/attached/associated/connected a positive energetic charge to the words: Romance, Making love and Love and accordingly, every time I spoke/heard the words my human physical body has expanded in the belly towards the heart area and sense of breathing from the inside from my body has emerged as well as a smile was  spread on my face;

 

In this - I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to ignore the physical changes within and as my body when hearing/speaking the words Romance, Making Love and Love because as far as I concern, those words are positive and the feeling that I'm experiencing in my body is valid and acceptable and therefor, there is nothing I should pay attention to. Within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to raise a red flag to any physical changes that I'm experiencing when and as I'm not in fact the directive principle of the change/movement and there is something separated from me that is moving/changing me wherein I'm giving it full permission because it feels nice, warm and cosy within and as myself as my human physical body.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define a being as negative when and as one has taking the responsibility to question and challenge every single movement/change that emerge within and as one's human physical body because I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to investigate the driving force of the change/movement as I've not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the extent to which I've separated myself from myself as my human physical body and in this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge those who have taken their responsibility to become the driving force as the directive principle of themselves and their LIVES because I simply didn't understand what they are doing and normally, I judge that which I don't understand. Through this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to limit, compromise and sabotage myself through judging that which I don't understand because if I allow myself to understand and realize why and how am I require to take the responsibility and investigate each and every thought/movement/change within and as myself, I would change myself and through this change, I would have to give up the Positive feelings that I'm experiencing within and as myself and I don't want to do that because it feels good, cosy and warm within and as my human physical body.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be brainwash by those who have come before me wherein Making Love, Romance and Love is acceptable, valuable and validated while Sex and Fuck isn't and through this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to confuse the physical expressional act of 2 human being enjoying the physical act/expression with a different definition that I've attached to the words, in separation of me, not accepting and allowing myself to ever consider, WHO I am within and as the physical expression of 2 human being touching and exploring each other.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see how from a very young age I've been programming myself to seek for LOVE and Romance in separation of me, through the various kind and types of media that I was exposed to and therefor, I've accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself as my human physical body, believing that something out there can fulfil and complete me, never considering and realizing that it was ALWAYS here, as me, that fulfil and complete me in equality and oneness to myself as myself as the physical living expression that I am, in every moment of every breath.

 

Love is the greatest fear we ever invented which makes sure we never change the systems and ways that create fear and is the best protection fear can ever have to ensure its continuous existence. Bernard Poolman

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see how I have created FEAR to exists within and as myself to the extent of which FEAR has become my driving force, my directive principle, that which will determine each and every single decision that I would ever make and in this, I've created LOVE as the opposite to my FEARS so that for a moment, I would be able to ignore and deny my fears that I'm experiencing within and as myself and through LOVE and Romance, I am able to Hide being my reality of Fear and never do anything to question, investigate and challenge my blind belief in my fears because apparently, there is someone else that fear exactly like me and within the principle of 2 and more in my name, here I am, I can validate my fears and never in fact change my existence and our existence as a whole.

 

 

More Self Forgiveness statements to come...

Judgment isn't Fun - Day 38

Life Review - Expecting Appreciation from Others

            Life Review - Expecting Appreciation from Others

This blog is a continuation of yesterday blog where I would take the point of Responsibility within the relationship with Self judgement and Time. It is NOT fair - Day 37

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge every moment that I'm not walking my responsibilities as wrong/bad/negative and I haven't realized that my upmost responsibility is towards myself in making sure that I'm 'Here', in breath, as a physical Living expression without being influenced by my mind and within that, I forgive myself that I've separated myself from my responsibilities because I've created a personality entity towards it and I've used my responsibilities to maintain worth, validation and acceptance by others and abdicated the REAL responsibility of assisting and supporting me to become a physical living expression and direct everything that I do within the starting point of Who I am as a breath by breath Decision to walk as the principle that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my relationships with beings in my world because I have given more value to my responsibilities than to physically enjoyable the connection with  other beings as well as, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to experience my self as righteous because I care more about my responsibilities in comparison to what they do with their time and thus, I deliberately won't allow myself to enjoy my time with them because than, I'm apparently, not standing as an example to them which within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to use and abuse my responsibilities through attempting to gain the experience of being self righteous by comparing that which I do to that which others are doing.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that standing as an example is within What I do in separation of myself, instead of standing as an example of Who I am within a breath by breath decision to walk and move myself according to that which is best for all.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to deliberately not enjoy myself with other beings in my world because I'm trying to make them experience guilt for them not taking the responsibility that I think they should take and within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to stand as an example to support the beings in my world because I've tried to diminish them within the belief that if they experience guilt, they will move themselves faster. 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to - when I'm in a moment of social gathering with beings that I define as more than me, to pretend that I must stop the entertainment and get back to my responsibilities so that those people could appreciate me and see that I am a devoted being, within that hope that maybe they will judge themselves through my words/acts and thus, I won't be the only being who judge myself but they will do the same onto themselves.

SO - after writing those 2 blogs, it is clear that Who I am isn't define by what I do. Everything that I've done thus far was from the starting point of self interest within the hope of getting appreciation from others through what I do. Within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that I require others to appreciate what I do to be able to define myself as worthy and I haven't consider that worthiness is a breath by breath expression that I am Equal to and One as if only I allow and accept worthiness as ME.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that I'm able to maintain and gain self worth through what I do and I haven't consider who I am within what I do which show the extent of separation that I've accepted and allowed myself to exist as.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to what I do and thus, been frustrated that I don't have enough time to do all that I see as beneficial to do because I have limited myself within the perception of Time without considering that there is so much that one can do in every breath but because I've defined myself according to time within the frame of what I do, I've missed a breath, missed myself within the breath and missed the physical LIFE that is here, awaiting for me to realize myself as who I am.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be hard on myself and haven't allowed myself to enjoy myself with myself and with other beings in my world because my mind was running haywire, thinking of what I should do, what I haven't done yet, what needs to be done, "it's not fair" and so on.

I commit myself to enjoy myself breath by breath by breath as who I am within everything that I do.

I commit myself stop being hard on myself and allow me to BREATHE myself out of my mind and into the physical.

I commit myself to worthy myself as Who I am and stop defining myself and others according to what we do.

I commit myself to enjoy my time with other beings in my world as breath by breath hereness, and I direct myself to when I'm with people as well as when I'm alone, to shut the mind out and physically direct and move myself Here.

I commit myself to walk my responsibilities as equal to and one as who I am and reassess everything that I do, to allocate my starting point and change it if required.

I commit myself to stop limiting myself to the perception of Time.

I commit myself to STOP riding on the back of others within the attempt of getting validation of worth from others.

I commit myself to delete all the personalities that I've created throughout my life that served my self interest and to reconstruct myself according to WHO I am, breath by breath, same tomorrow, now and yesterday.