Aug 13, 2012 | By: A Woman

Investigating Sexual Expression - Self Forgiveness - Part 2 - Day 122

This is a continuation to:

Sexual Expression – Overview  Day 112

Investigating Sexual Expression - Self Forgiveness Part 1 - Day 113

Investigating Sexual Expression - Self Commitments - Part 1 - Day 114

 

Investigating Sexual Expression - Part 2 - Day 121

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the language that I speak and the associations/definitions/connotation that I have attached to words were all embedded within me through the fear definitions of those who have come before me and accordingly, the emotions and feeling that they have attached to specific words, resonated and imprinted into me. Therefor, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that the embedded language that I've carried within and as myself, from those who have come before me, where the foundation of my existence of fear and through this foundation, all my memories that I've stored and used to create my own characters where the continuation of those who have come before me and essentially, who and what I have become as a total separated force that I've defined myself as, was nothing but memories that formed my characters without me ever realizing that all those memories and character were based on the fears of those who have come before me, which I have automatically accepted as me, and I would automatically pass on to my children and make sure that our AT-Most-Fear will ever remain with no actual change generation after generation.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define/attached/associated/connected a positive energetic charge to the words: Romance, Making love and Love and accordingly, every time I spoke/heard the words my human physical body has expanded in the belly towards the heart area and sense of breathing from the inside from my body has emerged as well as a smile was  spread on my face;

 

In this - I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to ignore the physical changes within and as my body when hearing/speaking the words Romance, Making Love and Love because as far as I concern, those words are positive and the feeling that I'm experiencing in my body is valid and acceptable and therefor, there is nothing I should pay attention to. Within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to raise a red flag to any physical changes that I'm experiencing when and as I'm not in fact the directive principle of the change/movement and there is something separated from me that is moving/changing me wherein I'm giving it full permission because it feels nice, warm and cosy within and as myself as my human physical body.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define a being as negative when and as one has taking the responsibility to question and challenge every single movement/change that emerge within and as one's human physical body because I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to investigate the driving force of the change/movement as I've not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the extent to which I've separated myself from myself as my human physical body and in this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge those who have taken their responsibility to become the driving force as the directive principle of themselves and their LIVES because I simply didn't understand what they are doing and normally, I judge that which I don't understand. Through this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to limit, compromise and sabotage myself through judging that which I don't understand because if I allow myself to understand and realize why and how am I require to take the responsibility and investigate each and every thought/movement/change within and as myself, I would change myself and through this change, I would have to give up the Positive feelings that I'm experiencing within and as myself and I don't want to do that because it feels good, cosy and warm within and as my human physical body.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be brainwash by those who have come before me wherein Making Love, Romance and Love is acceptable, valuable and validated while Sex and Fuck isn't and through this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to confuse the physical expressional act of 2 human being enjoying the physical act/expression with a different definition that I've attached to the words, in separation of me, not accepting and allowing myself to ever consider, WHO I am within and as the physical expression of 2 human being touching and exploring each other.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see how from a very young age I've been programming myself to seek for LOVE and Romance in separation of me, through the various kind and types of media that I was exposed to and therefor, I've accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself as my human physical body, believing that something out there can fulfil and complete me, never considering and realizing that it was ALWAYS here, as me, that fulfil and complete me in equality and oneness to myself as myself as the physical living expression that I am, in every moment of every breath.

 

Love is the greatest fear we ever invented which makes sure we never change the systems and ways that create fear and is the best protection fear can ever have to ensure its continuous existence. Bernard Poolman

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see how I have created FEAR to exists within and as myself to the extent of which FEAR has become my driving force, my directive principle, that which will determine each and every single decision that I would ever make and in this, I've created LOVE as the opposite to my FEARS so that for a moment, I would be able to ignore and deny my fears that I'm experiencing within and as myself and through LOVE and Romance, I am able to Hide being my reality of Fear and never do anything to question, investigate and challenge my blind belief in my fears because apparently, there is someone else that fear exactly like me and within the principle of 2 and more in my name, here I am, I can validate my fears and never in fact change my existence and our existence as a whole.

 

 

More Self Forgiveness statements to come...

2 comments:

Nina said...

Dear Maya,

Please do not blame yourself for being a woman, seing things the way a woman sees things and not thinking the way men are thinking and trying to force us to think.

It is totally normal and natural that a woman can not separate her physical expression from emotional love. I think women should stand for their right to love and being loved and not allow men to degenerate us into some sort of usable and replaceable sex objects or sex slaves for their convenience.

It is a difficult fight we have to fight, but I think it is the one worth fighting.

kellyposey said...

Cool Maya!

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