Emotional Attachment and Physical connection (Part 2) - Day 461

In my previous blog, I started to investigate the difference between Emotional attachment and Physical Connection as I saw a reaction within myself towards one of the dogs that was sick. Thus, for context, please read through the previous blog as this series also show a practical example for how to assist and support oneself in investigating points within oneself through a process of writing.

(Emotional Attachment and Physical connection (Part 1) - Day 460)

 

 

 

 

 

I ended off with looking at 2 dimensions that might explain my reaction towards Gracie being sick:

1. Gracie's Nature is extremely similar to my dog that I left behind when I moved to the farm. I was extremely attached to my dog, Yalda, and it took me months to release the emotional connection that I formed within myself however, the characteristics that Yalda has, are very similar to Gracie's so forming a relationship connection with Gracie was very natural.
2. How Gracie in particular and the pack in general stand as stable point in my life whereas, they are always here when I wake up, they are always here when I go to sleep, they are always here when I come home... And within that, I never feel alone. 

 

However, within myself, I "knew" that it was not THE dimension that I was working with in relation to Gracie because when I looked again at these points above, and checked within myself, I realized that it cannot be it because I have already walked these points and tested myself in the physical reality.

For context - For 2 whole years, I didn't allow myself to see Yalda, my dog, when I went to visit my home town; I felt that if I would, I would confuse both her and I due to the nature of our relationship that we had before I gave her a way, where we were both extremely dependent on each other's presence. I wanted to make sure that none of us would experience the traumatic experience of separating from each other again, and I considered that as long as I carry the emotional attachment within me, she would pick it up and access the experience herself because, from the feedback that I received from her adopting family, she was quite depressed when in the first few weeks after I gave her away.

 

Once I was stable within myself in relation to my relationship with Yalda and I  ensured that I walked through all the dimensions, I tested my application in the physical reality. I dared myself after 2 years to go and assess who I am in relation to Yalda when/as I see her in the physical reality - I went to visit Yalda in one of my home trips - it was an absolute pleasure seeing and playing with her again. I found that the emotional attachment was no longer there, it was pure expression of both Yalda and I enjoying each other and when it was time to leave again, nothing inside me moved. Obviously, here one must understand that in no way it means that I no longer care about Yalda - all it means is that the relationship with Yalda is not emotional relationship but rather a physical connection that we share with each other. I obviously went to test myself for the second time when I visit my home town 6 months after and again, when we met each other, it was enjoyable as if time didn't play a rule in our physical relationship that still very much existent.

 

Thus, for me it means that the first dimension that I was looking at in the context of Gracie and Yalda is not THE point - my relationship with Gracie has nothing to do with Yalda per say.

 

The other dimension where the pack is standing as a stability point in my life - again, it is not THE dimension that I am working with here because I left them so many times and I was stable within myself and thus, I came to the conclusion that feeling of "I'm never alone" is a mind trick that I used to suppress the real issue that I haven't seen yet. (This, I will expand on my next blog)

 

So, I set down again and continued investigating the reaction within myself. I was asking myself - what do animals give me that I am not yet accepting and allowing to give to myself? Meaning, what is the specific emotional attachment that I form with some animals as a way to fulfil something inside me that I feel lacking of.

 

The primary point that I'm looking at is the relationship or the difference, to be more specific, between emotional attachment and intimate physical connection with another being, say a human or an animal.

The point with Yalda shows very clearly that by removing the emotional attachment, a physical connection is emerging and if anything the relationship is much more real so from that perspective, I have decided to investigate my relationship to each and every being I have form an emotional attachment to, find what is the specific point that I perceived them to give me which I am not giving to myself and accordingly, I could transform the emotional relationship to a physical connection that stand the end of times.

 

By now, it is obvious to me that I have not yet got deep enough into this point within myself as these points keep on coming up recently which you can also read in the blog: "Over Sensitive".

 

Will continue sharing - stay tuned.

My Relationship with my Dog - Self Forgiveness - Day 254

 

Continuing with investigating my Relationship with Yalda, the dog I used to have before I moved to the Farm.

This is a continuation to my Previous blog: My Relationship with My Dog Continue - Day 253 where I shared the Time Line of my Relationship with Yalda after walking the previous write-ups: My Dog as my Comfort Zone - Day 251 and Pets as a reflection of Self Intimacy - Day 252 which was also a direct continuation to the Series:  'How to Cope with the Death of a Pet'.

 

I would also suggest to listen to the Interviews: Pets and Owners Relationship Review to have a better understanding of the relationship connection between Human Beings and Dogs.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to in Self Honesty look at my starting point of having a dog and within that, ignored and further suppressed the Emotions I had accepted and allowed myself to experience within and as me. In this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that my decision of having a dog was a reaction to the emotions and feelings I experienced inside myself, which means that it was a matter of time until my Physical reality would knock on my door and force me to face the things I was so busy suppressing and ignoring, which in this, I only prolong my process within a time-loop that I could have prevented if I would have taken the responsibility to investigate, explore and sort out that which I've suppressed within and as me.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to suppressed, ignore and deny the Negative experience that I've created within and as myself through having a dog and develop a relationship with her so that I won't have to 'Feel' alone. Within this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to Investigate the Nature of the Negative Experiences of and as Aloneness within the Self Realization that in common sense, one is never alone within and as this physical reality and it is only through One's Mind-Interpretation of Aloneness, within and as Emotional Negative Charge that one had Separated oneself from all that is here, into and as an Isolated Version of oneself, within and as One's mind.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to Accept myself as Who I am and thus, I had Believed that I required External Forces to Validate me and so, through the Presence of a Dog, I could Respect, Accept and Care for myself, not seeing, realizing and understanding that Who I am as an Expression of Respect, Acceptance and Care is not dependent on anything or anyone but myself, as a decision that I make within and as myself. Thus, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to Learn by the Example I've set forth for myself, of who and what I am, when and as I was in the presence of my Dog - An expression of myself, of who I am under all the Layers of the Mind, Without any protection mechanism, absolute vulnerability and Self Intimacy and thus, When and as I remove these layers of the mind and accept myself as Who I am as Life, I will Find myself - that which I was always looking for but couldn't find because I've separated myself to the extent of which I couldn't even grasp that - that which I was always looking for, was myself.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that What I miss with regards to my Dog's presence is Who I have been as an expression of myself, as how I've experienced myself when I was with her, when I didn't have to become a specific character to align myself with my environment and I could have been simply Me, as an Expression of myself, without worrying about being judged, mocked, harmed or Compromised. In this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realized that I've CONditioned myself to my environment and gave Value to what other may say or think about me instead of accepting and allowing myself to simply be the expression of myself, as who I am in every given moment.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that what I have perceived and projected as Intimacy with my Dog, was in fact a level of intimacy that I've had with myself which was lost when I gave away my Dog. In that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to React to my Dog not being with me any longer instead of investigating my relationship with her - who I am within the relationship, How did I experienced myself, Why and How have I separated myself within my relationship with my dog and according to what I've seen through self investigation, I change, correct and align myself within the Principle of Investigate all points and keep that which is good.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to Give myself Unconditional Love, Respect and Worth and have accepted and allowed myself to instead project these components onto my Dog, believing that she gave me Love, Respect and Worth and thus reacted when I believed that I no longer have it instead of realizing that I can stand in alignment to Self Love, Self Respect and Self Worth, as an Expression of myself, in any given moment.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to seek for Love, Respect and Worth from my external reality, in separation of myself, not Seeing, realizing and understanding that I've separated myself from such expressions, within the belief that only someone else, in separation of myself, can give me Love, Respect and Worth. In this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to Desire being Loved, Respected and Cared for while Expecting to find someone or something that would give  me the Love, the Respect and Worth instead of me First Establish Self Love, Self Respect and Self Worth that is not Defined by anything or anyone; that is Not Conditioned to having a partner or a pet, but simply an expression of myself that would be measured by the Decisions that I make in every breath. Thus, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to Project Love, Respect and Worth onto another and in doing so, never considered to Develop and Establish Self Love, Self Respect and Self Worth, as Who I am, as an Expression of myself that can be proven and validated by the Decisions that I make within what I will accept and allow to myself and what I will not.

 

I Commit myself to Show that Attaching and Associating Energetic Charge to our Pets and/or Partners, either Positive or Negative, indicates a point within and as ourselves that we haven't yet sorted out, through which, we suppress, ignore and deny our responsibility in sorting ourselves out by Projecting these Energy Experiences with onto our pets and/or Partners.

 

I Commit myself to Let Go of the Energetic Mind Components that I've associated, defined and attached to my relationship to my Dog and accordingly, keep on investigating the things she was busy showing me about myself, that I wasn't willing to see and take responsibility for.

 

I Commit myself to Develop, Establish and Stand as an Expression of Self Love, Self Respect and Self Worth that would be Measurable within the Decisions that I make within that which I accept and allow myself and that which I won't.

 

I Commit myself to - When and as I see myself accessing Inner Emotional Turmoil regarding my dog, to first make the decision to Stop, to take a Breath and See in self honesty what is the Nature of the Reaction and Who I am within this reaction. In this, I commit myself to assist and support myself to see where, how and why I have separated myself from the Physical through/by Energy acceptance and allowances and accordingly, I take Self Responsibility, Apply Self Forgiveness with Specific Practical Commitment which within that, I transform my application from Mind to a Physical Living.

 

I Commit myself to - When and as I see myself projecting Experiences on other beings in my world and my environment, to turn the point back to myself and to investigate where, why and how I've separated myself from such experiences, where, why and how I've defined myself as Lacking in relation to such Experiences.

 

 

My Relationship with My Dog Continue - Day 253

 

Continuing with investigating my Relationship with Yalda, the dog I used to have before I moved to the Farm.

This is a continuation to my Previous blog: My Dog as my Comfort Zone - Day 251 and Pets as a reflection of Self Intimacy - Day 252 which was also a direct continuation to the Series:  'How to Cope with the Death of a Pet'.

 

I would also suggest to listen to the Interviews: Pets and Owners Relationship Review to have a better understanding of the relationship connection between Human Beings and Dogs

 

So I got Yalda at a time where I felt extremely alone. Even though I was surrounded by Friends and huge Social network, inside myself, I felt very much alone. Only now, after walking Process for quite some time, I can pinpoint the reason and purpose why I deliberately created this aloneness inside myself and how it was a defense mechanism that I utilized to protect me from getting hurt again. I will share this point in another blog though.

 

With Yalda, the Aloneness wasn't as extensive anymore because there was always someone who loved me; Someone who would unconditionally make me laugh; be there when I cry; play with me; comes to walks with me; Someone who would never judge me or look down at me; someone who will always be happy when they see me and someone who would be extremely sad when I'm gone; This relationship made feel Loved, desirable, cared for - all the components that I was looking for from a partner however, it was constant, no Dramas, no roller-coaster, no getting hurt. And so, I was ok with not having a partnership with a male because I got everything I wanted from her.

 

At some point, I went to India for 3 months and I heard that my dog was extremely sad and unhappy. I was devastated and felt guilty. Then a few days after, I've been told that her favourite toy was missing and I couldn't bear the thought of her not having the ball she likes so much. So I arranged a friend to go to the pet store, buy this toy and go to my house to give Yalda the toy. I also knew that Yalda will be happy to see him because he was part of Yalda's Life. But, after a while, I couldn't take it anymore, and I decided to go back home, earlier than expected because I missed my dog to much. Obviously, it wasn't the real reason. The reason was that I felt so alone in India, I was extremely sick for about a month which activated and perpetuated lots of emotions and feelings within myself and also, the relationship I started to develop fell apart.

 

When I got back, a friend of mine came to pick me up from the airport and brought Yalda with her. When I saw Yalda in the airport, I couldn't help it and started crying from happiness, it's like my other half was finally coming to completion after 3 months apart. Yalda was absolutely happy to see me, didn't stop jumping all over me, and all the people around was in awe from this sight - me and Yalda and our special connection.

 

So, you see, Yalda became my Life, my Escape place where I could feel Safe, complete and whole, where I could suppress the depression and the aloneness I felt inside myself without having to sort myself out.

 

When I made the decision to move to the farm, I knew that I had to give her away. I knew that the day would come and I will have to let her go. I wished that my family will take her so that when I come to visit, I could be with her but they couldn't have her and I had to find a solution for her. I found an amazing family to raise her, with 2 young kids and a mother that works from home.

 

The first time they came to see her, not yet take her, I crashed. I couldn't stop crying. Yalda felt it and decided to not come out and see them. I had to really push myself to breathe and ask her to go out to see them.

I tried to keep her as much as I could until the very last moment of having to move out of the apartment and fly to the farm.

After 2 weeks the day had come and it was unbearable. It was a day where I literally couldn't stop crying, and even now, as I write, tears fill my eyes because it was a very sad moment for me. It was like giving away a part of me, my child. She didn't want to go which made it even harder for me. I knew that I couldn't see her again because if I would, she may think that I came to pick her up again.

 

It wasn't that obvious to me until I went to see her after a few days. I wanted to make sure that the family treats her alright and that she is comfortable. When I went up, while being in the elevator, I could hear her barking, she smelled me, she knew I was coming. She started scratching the doors and when she saw me, it was like at the Airport moment. But this time, I couldn't take her home with me again. The new Owner told me that the moment I push the ring bottom, Yalda knew it was me and become over energetic. Which was hard for me to hear because I couldn't understand how am I doing this to her and to myself. But I did understand, I understood that Yalda did her Part, she supported me greatly and it is now time for her to support other people and for me to go and support myself and other people, in a new environment.

 

I haven't seen her since. I mean, I do see picture of her when the owner upload pictures to her FaceBook account. But I never met her physically again.

I was twice in Israel since I moved to the Farm. In neither of the times I went to see her. The reason was - it was time for me to not only think about myself and to place myself in her shoes before making any decision. Meaning, I used to leave her couple of times when I went for a few months abroad. Every time that I left, she was sad, and every time that I came back she was again happy. She had to adjust to the new family and I didn't want to create expectation within her, that I'm coming to take her home, which then, she would have to re-adjust again to the new family. I had to push myself to not fall into my own self interest and not go see her while I was in Israel. There were moments where I drove by her house, to see if maybe, the owners is walking down the street with her and I could have a snap pick of my 'child' but I didn't allow myself to actually arrange a visit despite of the owners calling me saying I must visit.

 

Every now and then I hear stories about her from the new owners. Which makes me feel extreme longing for her expression, like, the experience the owner has with her, with Yalda's expression is what I miss and would like to experience myself.

 

So lot's of work to be done because despite of the Physical let go of her, I didn't let her go from within me. It's one thing to miss her expression but it is another thing to cry every time I think about her. So, I will start investigating this point for myself and share when I'm ready to share. So stay tuned.

 

My Last Picture with Yalda:

 

 

 

 

 

Pets as a reflection of Self Intimacy - Day 252

This is a continuation to my Previous blog: My Dog as my Comfort Zone - Day 251 which was also a direct continuation to the Series:  'How to Cope with the Death of a Pet'.

 

I would also suggest to listen to the Interviews: Pets and Owners Relationship Review to have a better understanding of the relationship connection between Human Beings and Dogs.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to Express myself and allow myself to approach new human beings without fear of rejections and judgement and I could only do it when there is an animal presence to support me to feel comfortable and safe within and as myself.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I've projected my Strength and my expression onto my Dog, as if she was the reason why I was able to express myself and approach human being and getting to know them and within this, haven't realized that my dog was standing as a reflection of me, of who and what I am and she was simply showing me the component that I have within and as me which I am able to stand as who I am, regardless of her presence.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to utilize my dog as a source of power and confident to approach human being and getting to know them and I haven't allowed myself to explore who I am within approaching human beings and develop effective communication with them with or without her presence.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to use my dog to avoid certain people within the excuse that my dog needs me because I felt uncomfortable to be directive in my expression and communication and simply walk away when I saw that the human beings are abusive in nature and there is no way I can assist and support them from where they are within their processes. Within this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize how I have limited and compromised myself when I was not directive within and as myself as I allowed the morality codes to decide for me how I behave and act instead of seeing self honestly, in the moment, what would be the best approach to direct each and every point and go for it within absolute self trust, without having to use excuses and justification to present myself as nice to others, to not hurt their feelings. In this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see how I have manipulated myself to believe that I don't want to hurt people feelings instead of seeing the core of the fear which is the fear of being judged, mocked and defined as unpleasant. In this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed the fear of conflict and friction with other human beings to be my directive principle instead of walking according to a principle that would bring about the best for all outcome in every moment of breath, regardless the others onions, judgement, definition of me.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear that people would judge my expression and define me as aggressive when and as I am being directive within my communication and thus, I utilized my dog as an excuse to avoid conversation with people that activated specific emotions and feelings within and as myself instead of first, turn the point back to myself and investigate what was the nature/source/core of such feelings and emotions and sort myself out so that I could direct the moment effectively regardless their judgement and definitions towards me. 

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear being and becoming intimate with other human beings and therefor, when and as moments of intimacy emerged where I could transcend the fears and become vulnerable in in allowing others to get know me and vice versa, I immediately went towards my dog, diverting my attention towards her and expressed intimacy with her and kept distance from the beings that I could have been intimate in communication with.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear Intimacy with human beings and therefor, developed intimacy with Animals because they cannot hurt me, manipulate me and leave me when things get a little bit uncomfortable and tough. In this, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself to NOT attach any emotional value to Intimacy and simply stand as an expression of intimacy within and as me and thus, I avoided Intimacy with human beings and projected it onto animals so that I won't have to face my issues and could remain in fear, very much suppressed without ever sorting myself out.

 

I commit myself to investigate my Fears of Intimacy and to assist and support me in becoming an expression of intimacy within and as myself. In this, I Commit myself to discover my own relationship with intimacy and to sort out what ever issues I may find within and as myself.

 

I commit myself to allow myself to get to know people for who they are for real, to approach human beings with no previous judgement, opinions and ideas about them and within that, allow them to also get to know me which through that relationship, I commit myself to expand, grow and empower myself with the assistance and support of others as a reflection and mirroring of me.

 

I commit myself to allow myself to stand vulnerable with other human beings and to let go of all the protection mechanisms that I've created within and as my mind as I now see, realize and understand that what I was missing was Self Trust in moving and directing myself, in any given moment and therefor, utilize Mind Personalities to define and tell me who I am in any given moment.

 

I commit myself to assist and support myself to develop absolute self trust within and as myself and in this, to develop absolute self intimacy with myself because I realized that unless I sort out my own self intimacy issues, I won't be able to develop intimacy in self honesty with others and if I won't be able to develop intimacy with others, I won't be able to develop intimacy with all livings beings in existential level, in equality and oneness.

Intimacy in Practical Application - Part 2 - Day 155

This is a continuation to:

Developing Intimate sexual communication with Self - Day 151

Intimacy in Words - Part 1 - Day 152

Intimacy in Words - Part 2 - Day 153

Intimacy in Practical Application - Part 1 - Day 154

 

I commit myself to SHOW why and how we have never developed and established an effective communication with ourselves as well as each other as we have always been separated ourselves from ourselves and existence as a whole through continually and consistently Fearing each others and what we would discover about ourselves when and as we give ourselves the permission to really get to know ourselves as our mind because we know that once our communication with ourselves would be in place, we would force ourselves to change as we discover our self dishonesties and could no longer live with ourselves; and we know that for one to change, one must give up that which one had defined oneself as which we believe to be hard/tough and unrewarded as we no longer be motivated and encouraged by our society bur rather, each step, each moment, each breath would be our own self movement, our own self will, our own self responsibility in self honesty which is by itself - the hardest thing one can ever transform oneself into - Self honest living human being that direct and move oneself and one's world according to that which is best for all and therefor, we have decided to suppress our communication with ourselves so that we won't ever get to this point of becoming responsible for our own self creation. The question would now be - will we dare to change despite what we have defined ourselves as, despite our fear to change? Would we dare to develop and establish an effective communication with all the parts of ourselves? Would we dare to LIVE as a physical expression as LIFE that is best for all?

 

I commit myself to SHOW that within this current world system, no one is in fact teaching, educating and showing how one can stand in absolute self honest expression within oneself and in this, having communication with oneself and therefor each other that is based on a support structure that would create and manifest a world that is best for all.

 

I commit myself to SHOW that an effective communication with each other must start with developing an effective communication with oneself so that self can first get to know self and all its parts and accordingly, align self to that which is best for all through which one would stand as an example and show to others how to stand, walk, direct and move self into having a direct communication with oneself that is based on self honesty living consideration for all that is here in oneness and equality and so - we would create a world that is based on Equality through utilizing communication to investigate and explore our natural physical requirement as well as our relationship between our mind and the physical to sustain a fulfilment life, a life that consider everything and everyone and a life where we respect and support our neighbours as ourselves, equal and one.

 

I commit myself to SHOW that parents has no clue in how to support their children to be and become an effective human beings in this world and through being ineffective parent, the parents are directly responsible for this mass that is manifested in this world as they have not communicated with themselves, investigating how and why they have accepted and allowed themselves to be and become a self interest creature that sucks the Life from EARTH in maintaining their own desire for an experience with no consideration at all for others but themselves. And thus, through parents not taking the responsibility to establish an effective communication with themselves, they create their children in a separated cocoon where the child would become the parent and teach their children the same as their parents had taught them and so - we create a world where abuse and suffering is only getting worst as the generations are becoming more and more stuck within their mind = allowing others to experience that which they would never accept and allow themselves to experience and the cycle of abuse continues and the suffering is growing until it would be too late.. And what then? Isn't it better if we stop manifesting consequences which we cannot correct? Isn't it better to develop an intimate communication with oneself, getting to know self and self's relationship to the mind and in this, assist and support oneself to transform oneself to a living physical human  being that consider everything and everyone in Oneness and Equality? I'm one vote for self honesty self communication- visit the Desteni I Process website and start today your process of self transformation.

Intimacy in Practical Application - Part 1 - Day 154

This is a continuation to:

Developing Intimate sexual communication with Self - Day 151

Intimacy in Words - Part 1 - Day 152

Intimacy in Words - Part 2 - Day 153

 

I commit myself to assist and support myself in developing and establishing an effective communication with myself where, I slowly but surely walking out of my mind, allowing myself to become absolutely honest with myself and leaving no suppressed system behind and in this, I commit myself to effectively walk my Agreement Course to assist and support myself in establishing this commitment that I've set forth to myself as I see, realize and understand that the Agreement course is the stepping stone in establishing an effective relationship with self, which from that, one is able to establish an effective relationship with others.

Thus, when and as I face resistance to walk through my lessons and assignments, I stop, let go of this resistance as I see, realize and understand that the existence of the resistance is due to a fear of change and as I commit myself to change who I have become, I push through the resistance and walk myself through the lessons as the assignments and in that, giving myself the permission to change.

 

I commit myself to develop and establish an effective communication regarding sex and sexuality with myself. In this, to explore and investigate my human physical body so that when sex is here, I will not accept and allow any form of self abuse that may harm my body.

 

In this, I commit myself to accept and allow myself to walk in alignment with my prospect partner regarding sex and sexuality and within this, share, explore and investigate together the physical support required to our bodies because I see, realize and understand the extent of separation we have accepted and allowed from and as our human physical body and the consequences therefore wherein, within accepting and allowing walking in misalignment to/as our human physical body, we accept and allow the abuse of the body that we have given to walk with in this one life time.

 

I commit myself to form, establish and develop communication with my prospect partner wherein, we would investigate together and commit within an agreement regarding to how we would walk this life, what we would accept and allow and what we would not, how are we going to assist and support ourselves within our processes and how we would utilize the physical support within and as sex. I see realize and understand that without having a stable foundation to an agreement, abuse, sabotage and compromise will be allowed which is a point I will not tolerate, accept and allow to exists within me and my world.

 

I commit myself to Stop my reactions towards people in my world as I see, realize and understand that having reaction indicate a point within myself that is not aligned and must be looked at, investigated and sorted out. In this, I commit myself to take the responsibility, when and as I see myself accessing these reactions, to Stop, Breathe and bring myself back here and to in this, stop my participation in my mind, to change my living application that I've allowed to manifest in that moment and to immediately change myself, here, without any form of excuse like: "oh, I will write it down later, I will look at this point later, I can't do it write now", as I see, realize and understand that any form of excuses to not change myself in a quantum time moment is accepting and allowing my own opinions to enslave and control me and in that, sabotage myself and my relationships with others. I realize that all it takes is a self honest decision to STOP, Transform and Change and it is ME who Decide to either remain enslaved or to change.

 

I commit myself to write down my expectations from my prospect partner to see how can I align/transform/change my expectation to what is here as best for all principle within what I would accept and allow and what I would not from myself as well as my partner and in doing so, to investigate in self honesty my opinions, beliefs, ideas and essentially my starting point within these expectation and to make sure there is no previous pattern and/or fears that is guiding and leading these expectation with no common sense foundation in alignment to/as what is best for all. In this, I commit myself to communicate with my partner and establishing the basic foundation for our agreement.

Intimacy in Words - Part 2 - Day 153

 

This is a continuation to:

Developing Intimate sexual communication with Self - Day 151

Intimacy in Words - Part 1 - Day 152

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT realize that within an effective agreement/relationship with a partner, communication between the partners must be constructive, supportive and effective and that if one accept and allow any back chat and reactions towards their partner, the entire relationship/agreement is being compromised, abused and sabotaged.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to only communicate with my partner regarding sex when it makes me look better, cooler and exotic and doing that from the starting point of the desire to be more desirable and attractive to him so that he would not consider leaving me for another woman and in this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to consider that if I require to seduce my partner by using specific words in a specific tonality, the foundation of  our relationship/agreement is cracked and must be revised within the starting point of whether or not there is a possibility to develop and establish an effective relationship/agreement that is based on a support structure that would result in with our self empowerment and growth to stand, be and become the utmost effective human beings in this world that would walk in every moment of breath within and as the principle of that which is best for all.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to develop and establish an effective and intimate communication with my partner because I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I've been trying to hide and run away from facing myself in any given moment by walking into a relationship/agreement that wouldn't support me in any way, to expose and reveal myself as what I've become which through seeing myself as who I am now, I could take self responsibility into changing and transforming myself into an effective human being in this world with the assistance and support of myself in particular and my partner as an additional support.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to blame my partner and react in anger when and as he had done something that I didn't liked/approved and in that, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to realize that unless my partner and I would write an agreement of what we would accept and allow within ourselves, each other and this world as  whole, we would react, spite, and resent each other as our communication from the get go wasn't effective, supported and agreed upon, when and as our expectation from each other wouldn't meet and/or stand in alignment to the physical reality.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed having expectation from my partner and when those expectation didn't meet the physical reality as my partner didn't stand according to my expectations, I've reacted in anger, frustration and resentment without seeing, realizing and understanding that there is no way my partner can stand according to my expectations if we haven't communicated about it and looked at the starting point to see if the point is practical and supportive for both of us and through that, coming together within an agreement whether or not we would walk this point or simply let it go as that is what's best for all.

 

 

 

 

Intimacy in Words - Part 1 - Day 152

This is a continuation to:

Developing Intimate sexual communication with Self - Day 151

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that I'm able to communicate unconditionally with my partner before I have even investigated, developed and establish an a effective communication with myself within and as self integrity and self honesty.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to get to know myself within and as my own sexual expression and within that, have believed that my partner would know how to satisfied me without even realizing that how can ever someone else satisfied me if I never have been able to satisfied myself to the extent of which I'm equal to and one as my human physical body, slowly but surely exploring myself and accordingly, able to communicate with my self with regards to what my human physical body required as a support structure and so, communicate with my partner as to what would support me the most within and as our connectedness regarding our human physical bodies.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have experience shame to speak and communicate about my sexuality with my partner, not ever considering that if I cannot communicate with my partner regarding my physical body support within and as sex, what is the nature of our relationship? And what is it in essence we are busy doing to ourselves and each other if the support structure is not yet standing in alignment to who we are?; what is our foundation for the relationship if it is not based on self honesty communication within and as myself first, and accordingly, move and direct myself within the relationship through communication that is based on effective support as to where we are in our processes and how we could both assist and support ourselves and each other.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to experience shame for wanting to explore and investigate who I am within and as sex; What is sex to me and Why is my physical human body require sex and so, I have judged these common sense basic necessity to get to know myself in all my relationships to myself as I've defined it as wrong/bad/immoral through what I've picked up by our society in its relationship to sex and sexuality.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that my communication with my partner is effective only when we shared with each other for example, how do we experience ourselves, our days etc. and through my definition of a good and effective communication, I've neglected to consider our sexual communication as I've defined that communication to only be a physical expression that result with pleasure and I haven't consider the actual communication where we share and show each others how to support each other within and as our sexual expression and within that, how to assist and support each other to transform our mind sex expression to a physical unconditional expression.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define Intimacy in association to the physical act of sex only and haven't realized the Living Word as - Into Me I see, becoming comfortable with and as myself, getting to know the ins and outs of myself within all my relationships that I've split myself into and as and to within that, get all the parts of me together. Within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that when and as I communicate with a being about sex and sexuality, I'm invading an intimate secretive aspect that I must filter myself and be careful with the words I speak.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself define Intimacy within a sexual context and I haven't accepted and allowed myself to be and become intimate with myself nor with other beings in my world and my environment as I've placed opinions about Intimacy that trapped me in my own seclusion of my mind, fearing my own shadow, not allowing anything or anyone to invade my secretive self. In this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT see, realize and understand the consequence of my acceptance and allowances of fearing intimacy to the extent of not being able to even establish a communication with myself and obviously others.

 

To be continued..

Developing Intimate sexual communication with Self - Day 151

 

 

Through educated myself regarding Sex and Sexuality with the support of listening to the 'What is Sex' series interviews as well as investigating for quiet awhile, in writing, my relationship to sex and sexuality, it is clear to me that the common problem within sex and sexuality today is lack of education that result with lack of communication in general and with one's partner in particular.

 

For myself, I've always felt embarrassed to discuss the point of sex - either with my partner nor my parents. With my girlfriends, it was more comfortable but more from the perspective of bragging about it so that I could be define by them as more than who they are and as a cool person.

 

And while writing the blog series - The Importance of Physical Communication - Day 148 I've realized how important it is to develop and establish an effective communication with human beings in our world as a whole and our partners in particular as they are the ones who are walking with and as us, every step of the way, throughout our processes.

 

As I was mentioning, I always felt ashamed to communicate my likes and dislikes with my partners. I felt that if I shared what I didn't like, they would see me as unfit sex partner and if I do share what I liked, they would judge me for my preferences and so, the entire sexual experience and our expression would be compromised. Only what I haven't realized was that by not communicating about my likes and dislikes, I was in fact compromising our relationship as well as sabotaging my human physical body to stand in alignment to what I perceived they would like me to express in the context of sex.

 

Another point that I've realized through walking the Agreements - Re-Defining Relationships course is that I have never had an intimate communication with myself regarding all aspects of my life, including sexuality and within that, there is no actual possible way to develop an intimate communication with a partner when the basic of my communication with myself was not effectively walked, investigated, explored and established.

 

It is obvious to me now, that lack of intimate relationship with self is a divertive of our social definitions of ourselves that is based on morality structure that was slowly but surly prompt into and as our minds by those who have come before us, generation after generation. The true History of Sex, Sexuality and masturbation is walked in details in the introduction to the 'What is Sex' Series as well as 'Shocking Secret of Masturbation' Series where it was explained how sex, sexuality and masturbation was first introduced to human civilization, why and how sex, sexuality and masturbation had evolved to how we define and see it nowadays without our current environment structure. In this, one can see for oneself, why and how sex, sexuality and masturbation were deliberately kept in secret inside our mind, what was the purpose/reasons for the above to remain secretive, shameful and private and therefor, what is the consequences of the sex/sexuality/masturbation evolution within and as our life and humanity as a whole.

 

The following blog entries would be with regards to communication within and as oneself as well as with one's partner, the reason why we have never established intimate communication with ourselves nor with our partners, the consequences of lack of communication, and of course - a practical solution to transform and change our relationship with ourselves and therefor, with our partner, to an intimate and communicated relationship that would support both parties to evolved and change themselves as a physical living human being as oppose to who we currently are - an organic robot that function on automated pilot in every moment of breath. 

 

Also, please watch the blog I’ve recorded yesterday – Journey To Life Review:

I am the most important person to my self - Journey To Life Review